She is not married has only been with the guy a year and a half does not have her own place is only 21 and dropped out of college(at first she said she planned on going back to college but now that she is pregnant I doubt she will find the time to go back)
A college degree isn't a representation of someone's worth. It helps in securing a job, so in that regard I can understand if you are concerned for your cousin because she doesn't have a degree. But it sounds more like you are disgusted by it than anything else.
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Originally Posted by j0lamo01
I don't understand why girls can't stand up to to their boyfriends. I mean do you think it is ever the girl who is like "oh yeah I want you to c**** in me" you know???? its the guy who wants to do it. But it is the girls fault for letting them.
It seems like there's a lot of assumptions and judgments in this statement that I'm not even going to get into. All I'll say is that pregnancy can happen even in the most careful of situations.
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Originally Posted by j0lamo01
Anyways she said she was off the pill because she was switching pills and she didn't know that she had to wait until taking the new one a full cycle. Whatever its just gross.
I don't even know how to respond to this
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Originally Posted by j0lamo01
I am not a prude I am quite promiscuous actually but that crosses the line for me.
Your cousin had sex. It sounds like you are having sex as well. You are both doing the same activity, but she received an unintended result. How in the wowrld does that cross the line for you?
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Originally Posted by j0lamo01
Even if she and her boyfriend did WANT a child it is wrong and selfish to WANT a child when you cannot properly provide for your child! so even if they did WANT a child we shouldn't all just do things we WANT now should we?
She also does not have health insurance and she cannot qualify for free insurance at the moment so if you WANT a child shouldn't you be sure that you have proper care for you and the child? it makes me very upset.
It doesn't sound like this was a planned pregnancy. And now that she's pregnant she shouldn't have to push away feelings of happiness and joy for her baby because it's not the exact right circumstance. Every baby should come into the world feeling wanted, by someone.
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Originally Posted by j0lamo01
What should I say to my cousin should I just continue to ignore that this is happening or should I say congrats to her?
You should congratulate her. And I really, really hope the rest of your family isn't as spiteful and judgmental as you are. It sounds like she needs a lot of love and support right now. Not her family ignoring one of the most important things that is about to happen to her.
I recently had a situation in my family where there was a pregnancy that, frankly, I felt shouldn't have happened for a lot of reasons. You can call that judgmental if you want, but there could be a TON of circumstances that make the OP feel like this is a really bad, selfish idea (there was a lot more to my situation than met the eye, and there might be to hers). The problem isn't in feeling like bad choices are being made, it's in REACTING like you feel that way. So what did I do?
I acknowledged that at this point, that baby was coming, so there's no use lamenting what might have been.
I got myself into therapy to try to understand and work through the very strong emotions I had on the topic, and took steps to repair my relationships with the parents.
I made a conscious effort to remember that the baby had NO choice in being born, in any way, and didn't deserve to not be celebrated because of poor choices by his/her parents. And I also recognized that because of certain shortcomings in his/her parents, that child might need other adult influences more than ever, and that I could provide those influences if I was willing.
At a certain point, I sucked it up, said congratulations, and started buying gifts for the precious kiddo.
I love the KID, born in September, more than anything, even if I disagree with the decisions that resulted in his/her arrival. I hope you can work through your issues with this to do the same.
Well, here is the thing, and I mean this in the nicest way so you can move on. It isn't about YOU. Your opinions are yours and you are entitled to have them and feel your feelings. Ultimately, however, the baby is coming and it doesn't impact on YOUR life. You won't be providing for it, you won't be caring for it, it won't cost you a dime (except that society will be paying for it because she will probably go on some sort of public assistance like plenty others in her position) and, it isn't your life or your concern.
You don't have to be lovey dovey this is great over the top supportive...you don't even have to be supportive....but you don't have to be in her face about your feelings either, nor do you have to ignore the fact.
Bet you didn't think everyone would react that way huh? I personally think you should re-evaluate your thinking on the matter. Remember that this is HER life, not yours. She is your cousin, and I feel strongly that you love her dearly. Sometimes our loved ones make mistakes (I do not feel the child is a mistake) or make decisions we do not approve of. Our job as family is to LOVE one another and SUPPORT one another. Be there for her! That baby is a precious GIFT, and although babies are very stressful, they bring more joy to our lives than anything. Pure, precious, innocence. I wish the best for your cousin, and for you. Also, because you say you are quite promiscuous-please be safe with your own body.
I don't think your issue is your concern for her or the baby's well being.
I think you need to grasp that a baby is a blessing, regardless of whether she was planned or not. Stop holding people to YOUR own standards. If you feel things should be done the way you mentioned, YOU do it. & be proud of the way you have done it.
Last edited by MissGuided; 12-31-2011 at 04:37 PM.
You're allowed to feel like your cousin was irresponsible - but remember that those are YOUR feelings, YOUR reactions, and you're not in charge of her life and have absolutely no right to have a say in it. Working through your feelings, getting past them and getting to a place where you can support this child with love and affection is the very best thing you can do.
My husband was the product of an unplanned pregnancy among teen parents, and thanks to the reaction of family members he grew up feeling unwanted and lost. He still struggles with those feelings in his 30s, and I, as his wife, struggle daily to make him feel safe, secure, worthy and loved.
Your cousin's pregnancy will become a baby, and that baby will become a person who will be shaped by the environment around him or her - an environment he/she has no control over. The circumstances surrounding this child's conception and birth may not seem ideal to you, but you have an opportunity to help shape this child's life in a positive way. Do what you can to make this child feel wanted and loved.
I did take your alls advice and I asked her how her baby is doing today
Actually to all of you who said I should keep my mouth shut and keep all of the judgmental thoughts to myself, I never asked you all IF I should tell her how I was really feeling inside because I never intended to tell her how I really feel. I asked if I should either congratulate her or ignore it. I never said anything about telling her my opinion.
I do feel that maybe if more people did tell their true opinion maybe young girls would be less likely to get pregnant. Maybe if we didn't reward these choices then girls would be less likely to make a mistake like this. And yes it was a mistake what she did maybe the child is not a "mistake" but she definitely made a mistake getting pregnant and I get upset when people reward those who get pregnant out of wedlock or unprepared with a baby shower because I think that is like encouraging it. But not giving a baby shower is not-supportive. If she does have a baby shower from the family(she already had one from people she works with) then I don't know if I will attend it or not.
*Also I did not say it was all the guy's fault. I said the guy is the one who wants to do that to a girl and who tries to do that action so of course the guy is to blame as well. So it is both of their faults. I am sorry if you felt I was saying that the guy has no responsibility because I definitely do not think that.
You stated that you are promiscuous, that puts you in danger of getting pregnant, also and even worse you are in danger of getting an STD and spreading it.
I do get tested for STDS and I do use condoms the only way I could get pregnant or get an STD is if I was raped without a condom or if the condom somehow broke, and that could happen to anyone. Thanks to all of you who are concerned
You stated that you are promiscuous, that puts you in danger of getting pregnant, also and even worse you are in danger of getting an STD and spreading it.
This.
No matter how careful you are, it can still happen. You ought to take a close look at yourself before coming down so hard on your cousin (even if it is your thoughts only and you never speak about them to her). You may even end up preggers without a boyfriend, but I bet your cousin would support you more than you are supporting her.
lolllll you do know condoms arent 100 percent right . shes 21 not a teenager. it sounds like youre really jealous of the attention shes getting. maybe you were hopeing you'd get to be the one to have a baby first or maybe you wanted the attention being put on her put on you for another reason. it sounds like the marsha marsha marsha syndrome lol if you think the only way to get pregnant is if they arent using protection or letting the guy c*m you are mistaken. it only takes one lil guy you know :P shes a grown woman having this baby and youre acting like shes some 14 year old and everyones like yey a 14 year old is pregnant, but shes 21 and in a commited relationship. its not your place to judge. even though you say you werent asking whether or not to tell her how you feel, you dont have to say it for ppl to know how you are thinking. its like the elephant in the room. people can sense your negativity and it creates a bad enviroment for a baby to come into.
@Kara in my last post(second to last) about a guy wanting to do that I was replying to those who said that I said in my original post that it was all the girl's fault. Of course I do not know what went on but either both wanted to do it and both allowed each other or one wanted to do it and the other allowed them. I do think it is usually the guy who wants to do that but that is just my opinion and experience. As I said before I think girls should stand up to their boyfriends and say it is not OK to do that. I have never been on the PILL because I have not let anyone *** in me and I think that more girls should be that way to avoid pregnancy.
Actually to all of you who said I should keep my mouth shut and keep all of the judgmental thoughts to myself, I never asked you all IF I should tell her how I was really feeling inside because I never intended to tell her how I really feel. I asked if I should either congratulate her or ignore it. I never said anything about telling her my opinion.
Sometimes not speaking your opinion at all tells a person exactly what they need to know.
Also, do you ever think about the consequences of you being promiscuous? The results of the condom breaking? Or do you feel justified because you haven't yet had an std or ended up pregnant?
Would your college degree vouch for 'making a mistake'?
