[TooManyDimples]

How about going in at the beginning and lighting all the candles? That's another way to include her, but not make her a bridesmaid.

[sacal96]

Originally Posted by alaskanlaughter

i agree, it's your wedding and your husband's wedding...you two can decide who and what you want in your own special day...unless someone else is footing the bill for it, do what you want...relatives who make a big drama out of things like that aren't people you really want to interact with anyhow....and like someone else said, they're not on speaking terms now anyhow so it wouldn't have mattered

when DH and i married, we did it at home with just our closest friends around and didnt' tell anyone else ahead of time...got a marriage commissioner and it was just us, our sons, and our BIL , his wife and their 3 children....alot of our friends were surprised and (probably) offended that they weren't included/invited but we didn't really choose to get into conversations about all that and the issue never progressed to full-out drama

Yeah I don't really like to hang out with her to much because she is such a drama queen... but I'm just so afraid shes going to blow it up into some huge thing and get his entire side of the family involved and then I'll never hear the end of it whether we're speaking or not.. lol.
And its my parents that are getting pretty much everything.. traditionally all the groome's parents pay for is the rehearsal dinner.. haha. So I understand that its his wedding too... and they should get some sort of input.. I just don't know what to do about her! haha!

And thats really sweet!! And I'm sure they all just respected your wishes for a super intimate wedding!

[sacal96]

Originally Posted by TooManyDimples

How about going in at the beginning and lighting all the candles? That's another way to include her, but not make her a bridesmaid.

I thought about that too! But isn't that usually the ushers who do that? IDK? haha!

[MariaMaria]

Your marriage is bigger than your wedding.

I think you need to have her in the wedding party. She's close family and she had you in hers.

[sacal96]

its not like they're super close.. they don't really talk at all.. and they definitely don't contact each other.. They only talk when we go up to his parents house..

And I was just a fill in.. the only person she knew who could afford a dress and can tolerate her.. lol

[chickybird]

I wouldn't ask her to be a MOH. Maybe a bridesmaid, but make it clear she needs to buy her own dress. I get it that she's family, but you need to make sure that you and your guy have a relaxing, happy day. That day is not about her. Just pick the person you wanted to pick anyway and tell the sister that you promised your friend years ago she could be your MOH. Good luck! I'm sure whatever you decide will be perfect for your wedding and family!

[sacal96]

Thanks chickybird! I have a feeling whichever way I chose they'll be drama.. thats just how she is.. So I guess I just need to pick my poison! haha!



Ok one more question! haha sorry!! I know I sounds like a scrooge.. But I'm really not!! But what is the best way to tell his mom that 2 of the guests she put on the list she gave me will by no means be invited to my wedding...
its a loooong drawn out story but lets just say she is a terrible person and I don't want her a part of our lives at all...

Gah I sounds so mean don't I... :/// Sorry!

[chickybird]

Unless she's paying for the wedding, it's you and your fiance's call. If pressed, just say that you don't feel comfortable with those people there.It's a day for you and your fiance--Have fun!

[sacal96]

Originally Posted by chickybird

Unless she's paying for the wedding, it's you and your fiance's call. If pressed, just say that you don't feel comfortable with those people there.It's a day for you and your fiance--Have fun!

yeah she isn't paying for anything... But I know she's going to raise heck about it... But he definitely doesn't like this person either.. We already tried to tell her once that she wouldn't be invited at all.. and she said that "it wouldn't be right to not invite her she's coming". So he told me he isn't getting in the middle of it and I just dropped it since we still have a long time until then and I'm hoping this person is out of his family's life by then hahaha! But I don't want to be confronted by her if we're all in the same room and not know what to say :/

But yeah this person would definitely ruin my entire day.. So I'm not having anything to do with her lol.

[Lovely]

A) Bridesmaid issue: You are under no obligation to have anyone in your wedding (or at your wedding) that you do not want. You're the one throwing the party, you get to decide (nicely!). You don't necessarily have to have this woman in the wedding party, but it might be kind to give her a small role during the ceremony, as suggested. True, there might be a little drama regardless... but you can minimize it by being thoughtful, kind, and then sticking by your decision.

B) Guests: You are the one footing the bill, and therefore are the one who gets to decide who is invited. No ifs, ands or buts about it. You do not want these people at the wedding. Do not invite them. If your future MIL brings it up, a simple "I'm afraid that won't be possible" is enough. HOWEVER, your future husband MUST stick with you on this issue. He must say the same thing. Going limp about the issue IS getting in the middle of it. Staying out of it is saying "I'm afraid that won't be possible." And then politely, but firmly sticking to your decision.

Best of luck! No matter what, it's a day to celebrate your union. You'll have a great time!

[Sunshine87]

If you are going to have a wedding party it is only proper etiquette to ask your future in-laws to be in the wedding. I am a wedding coordinator so I get a front row seat to a lot awkward situations. If she is your fiance's step-sister you are not obliged to ask her unless they are close. If it is in fact his blood-related sister (which it sounds like they are) then you are. There is a real sense of tension leading up to the wedding when they family is not asked to be in the party (especially when it is a smaller family). Larger families can just have one person in the party as a representative but with a small family it is obvious that they are not wanted. She does not have to be involved in the planning or anything. Just get her measurements and see her at the rehearsal. Good luck with your planning!