Please post whatever you find amusing!

Diet tip for the day: Don't eat ice cream out of the carton while sitting on the couch. First of all, get naked. Then take your spoon to the freezer and have a few bites. When your boobs get cold, it's time to quit.

Now THAT is awesome. I actually LOLed.

Lol!

I don't have any but that is funny!! And I bet it'd work if i did it! lol

Very nice!! I definitely needed that laugh!

These are some I found lol.

Try to cut back. Leave the cherry off your ice cream sundae.

The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. It's watching what other people eat. (SOO TRUE!)

Whenever a friend calls round, tell them you're on your way to the gym, word will get round about how fit and healthy you are.... and you may feel it necessary to prove it once in a while.

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

LOL! Those are hilarious. I found these off a site:

Never go back for seconds... get it all the first time.

There aren't any calories in food on someone else's plate.

Touching a skinny person gives them all the calories. XD

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.

A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Restaurants will always throw you out before you can eat too much.

Convince your friends into thinking how good you're looking; study and memorize your most flattering pose in a mirror and ensure when anyone sees you, you strike the pose. Problem is that you have to maintain the pose until they leave.

Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon. However, chocolate chips eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever. Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but don't eat them.

All cakes are horrendously fattening. However, the calories can be eliminated simply by inscribing "Happy Birthday, Bob" or "Good Luck, Pauline" in coloured icing. Not only is it unnecessary to decline, it's impolite.

Sausages, cheese and the like are all fattening unless impaled on frilled toothpicks. The insertion of a sharp object allows the calories to leak out the bottom.

LOL.

Lol these are amazing!!!

Store your food on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights and will run out of the food to get off of the fridge.


Dark chocolate and white chocolate cancel each other out. Therefore, if you eat them in equal quantities at all times they don't count.

Food only contains calories if it has nutritional information written on the wrapper. Unwrapped food doesn't contain any calories.

These are all so funny. And I wish some were true...