Whoa, you guys took this in a whole different direction. LOL!

If/when I date will have very little to do with my children. They are with their father every weekend and my "going out" happens ONLY when they are with their father. "Dating" for me has nothing to do with sex and if/when it does it will not happen with my children in the house...period. My children will not know about any dates until that man is the man I intend to marry. Fortunately my ex has the same view point. We've agreed on this, and at least for my own behaviors, I intend to stick by it. I am the child of a mother who had an affair...I know a thing or two about how adult relationships affect kids. So no worries! In fact...I have no intentions of ever getting married again, so truly, no worries.

Also, I'm just getting myself out there. Yeah, I'm lonely. I haven't had a partner in a very, very long time. I don't particularly enjoy doing things like kayaking by myself. It would be really nice to have a guy to do these things with. :dunno: I guess I'm feeling old, which I know some of you will laugh at. But I do. I feel like my youth is passing my by and I want to do these things now while I'm still spunky.

And...he emailed. :D He wants to go kayaking. I forgot there's that ability to contact someone through the meetup site. Hmmm...really not sure what to do here.

I disagree as well. My DH has been in two failed marriages and I am number 3 and he is stuck with me. His first cheated on him over and over and he gave her the boot. His second cheated on him and gave him the boot. He's wonderful, not perfect, but perfect for me. :D

Do you like him? If he asked you out on a straight up date would you accept? If so, go for it! If not, make sure he knows your just friends. I'd love to learn to kayak someday. :D

I vote for going. :D You obviously connected with him and enjoyed his company today, and there doesn't seem to be any harm in seeing where this goes. Maybe you'll end up dating him, or maybe he'll just be a friend you can do outdoorsy activities with... either way, it seems like this is something worth exploring!

I'm excited for you. :)

Yay!!! GO!

If you want to go, go ... don't build it up into something mammoth - it's kayaking. If you don't want to, just say no thanks.

But when you say: My children will not know about any dates until that man is the man I intend to marry. ... That's not fair to a man - he won't meet your kids until you want to marry him? Kids can adjust to people in our lives - what if you decide you want to marry him and he FINALLY meets your kids and pfft? That's a lot of pressure to place all at once, rather than letting relationships build normally. Then your kids are thinking this is MAJOR instead of letting them get to know someone as a friend first, too ... Sounds like that would be a long time off anyway, but something to think about. Sounds honorable and all that jazz, but credit the kids and the man as well with being able to build a relationship that isn't focused solely on the future.

In the meantime, just enjoy yourself and the company of others - without putting pressure on you/them. Have FUN!

Don't stress over an invitation to go kayaking.
You had a good time over lunch, this is just an opportunity to get to know him more. No commitment, just a nice time out on the river!

It's a goodtime to have a little time getting used to being a part of the outside world as an individual.

You don't have to be mom, or Mrs. anybody...You get to be YOU!!!
And btw...you're prolly pretty good at that without even knowing it ;)

As much as remarrying after a divorse may cause distress and more fears of failure than the first time I must say the opposite is really worse.

My grandmother was abandoned by my gramps for a french woman he had a liaison with. She never dared see another man and died alone and utterly bitter and miserable. No her grandkids and children weren't enough to fill the gap of a life-partner.

Imo it is awesome to date again. Most people (if not all) need the support and love of a partner. One does not need to marry again, but finding someone to live with is in my humble opinion mandatory for mental health.

It might just be my personal bad experiences with my many spinster and divorsed relatives being nervous and miserable people.

Even more heartbreaks should be in the long run better than a life following the lives of your kids and trying to fit into their gradually more independent lives.

He sounds like a cool guy, and an active one who is a find if he can cook well too! Go for it, if that's what you want. He sounds awesome, really. Finding a person that wants to enjoy the outdoors can be very hard sometimes. If you enjoy his company, why not take a chance? Kayaking sounds awesome!

Which they wouldn't be if they had a man, because men are the universal cure for nervousness & misery?

Not according to posts on this board.

Based on what I see here, married women are often in all kinds of pain. So are single women.

It's the human condition. It's not based on whether you always have a man around or not.

Geez, you guys, lighten up! A guy picking up the check at lunch and an offer to go kayaking do not equal marriage! Sometimes it's nice to feel noticed and attractive.

Eliana, if you want to go kayaking, go kayaking. Sounds like a great way to spend the afternoon. :-)

I forgot to add, Eliana: Enjoy your kayaking and also your conversation with this guy.

The less fraught it feels, the more fun it will be.

That much I know -- though I also know I'm better on giving advice on weight loss & body image than I am on how women should conduct their intimate relationships. That's outside of my consultancy practice. ;-) I inhabit a certain niche, you know.

I didn't say that. It is their opinion that they would be happier if they had someone, not my opinion imposed on their problems :)
I do believe that people are happier if they have a GOOD companion.
If the companion is bad imo it is time for a change, but not to give up on finding someone suitable all together like my grandma did.
Of course this is all just my opinion, not the universal truth tm.

I say if you think you would enjoy kayaking with him . Do It !! Some of the posters are getting on his back about being divorced. I don't recall that you said he was divorced. He might be a widower. If he is divorced, so what ? So are you. I know many couple who are happily remarried even though both had been divorced before they met. I also agree with you about bringing men home, you don't know if you will marry the men you date so why confuse the kids until you at least have a strong relationship with someone.

Geez, it's just kayaking and lunch :) I do agree with Lori Bell though in a sense that it's also important to guard your heart after recently filing for divorce :) Good luck

I say go and have fun. There is nothing wrong with meeting new friends and if he wants more and you don't, it is easy to say that you are just looking for new friends.

My husband and I started dating after he had gotten divorced (after a separation as well). It actually wasn't what either of us intended. We were friends and wanted to be friends but we realized something was there so we tried dating. We have been together for 6 years next month.