I agree.

I have to wonder why you'd even consider a guy like this- do you feel you deserve to be treated like less than a human being? So what if he did a nice thing for you- he's done a lot of NOT nice things as well- you seem to forget that.

Don't be an easy lay that he can treat like dirt. Stop talking to him, ignore all texts, emails, calls, etc. Move on and you'll be glad you did.

I was always attracted to that bad boy image. Someone who I know was the worse thing for me, but at times felt like the best thing. There's something thrilling about doing something your not supposed to, and I think this is why so many woman stay with the wrong man. That and the maternal need in taking care of someone and trying to change them. You realize this is wrong for you and its not too late. Don't make the mistake of wasting your life with this douche, you deserve a million times better than that.

Hi everybody....I'm baaaaaaccccckkkkkk! :)

So, ALL of you, yes, ALL off you were right about that crazy guy. We ended up not talking for a while. I had a weak moment when i was going through some stressful stuff and just was in a very lonely mindset and I asked him out on a friendly date. He said yes, which was surprising, and we had a good time. I thought things were promising as he was acting nicer and offering to do more things, and, I was thinking that maybe the nice guy I had originally met had returned.

Nope. He couldn't keep up the act and eventually went off on me AGAIN. Sigh....as usual, out of the blue, he would reply to one of my texts that he was tired of me and wanted me out of his life. He would follow that up with making fun of me---saying I was fat, that he didn't want to be seen in public with me, and any other put down that he could think of that would hurt my feelings. His put-downs were so immature (he at one point made a reference that I am so big I provide shade?) that I wasn't hurt by them. He then said other things that were hurtful, so yeah, I ended up finding myself crying at my desk in one instance.

I told him the reality---that I think he was just trying to use me to find a place to stay, and when he realized I may not let him stay that easily, he went off to find someone else who would be more accommodating. Sigh.

A friend made a statement that the guy might have just been preying on me as one of those guys that does that kind of thing to overweight women. But, sadly, he is like the only guy I think, who has ever touched me like, well, he enjoyed it. Other guys I have dated have made me feel like they are grossed out by my skin. Even my ex-bf, whom I feel was the only bf who ever really loved and cared for me, sometimes acted as if he didn't enjoy my body. As a woman, we are a raised in a culture where there is this feeling that a man is always chasing after a woman, etc. So, to find myself as an overweight woman who is seemingly chasing after men that a lot of happier women wouldn't want, is kind of depressing. It is frustrating that the one guy I have dated who kissed me like he felt I was beautiful, also turned out to be a guy who could reduce me to tears out of the blue, and for no apparent reason, other than he was tired of talking to me.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching, and I realize that because I feel a little bit like people look down on me because of my background, and because of my weight, I possibly seek out men like the recent weirdo, because I think that, to a guy like him, I am a good catch. And yeah, he would say things like he thought I was this really accomplished and motivated person. I am definitely trying hard to be that, and, I am admitting to myself that I sometimes feel a more average and straightlaced and successful guy would not want someone like me. I know I have to overcome this way of thinking.

I am back to writing down my food and I am also thinking a lot more about what I am eating, and how much as I am eating, as I really have to be careful I do not overeat or eat the wrong food as it usually upsets my stomach lately,

Thank you all for putting up with me when I was being a silly gal in faux love. I am slowly getting back on the healthy eating wagon, but my goal is to do what is the right thing for my body, as I really want to be below 300lbs before my next birthday. I want to have babies, so, I want to weigh less, as I have felt how bad my body feels when I have been around the 330lbs mark.

Sending you all lots of love and big thank yous for your patience and understanding.

Look up verbal abuse and narcissistc personality disorder. Then get over him and run as fast and as far away as you can.

Read that. Really read it. Why on earth would you WANT someone like that to be into you? Don't you want better for yourself? If you think you can't do better, I'd consider counseling.

:) :hug: My best friend from college is drawn to similarly worthless men. I simply don't get it.

WELL SAID!

Haven't read the other replies, but you "lost" me at compulsive liar! While it may be really fun now, or at least have your attention now, do you really want to deal with this in the long term? It just sounds like you're signing up for a really hard time ahead, and it's probably not worth it! Maybe he can change and be amazing, but I wouldn't put any eggs in that basket while you wait.


Save your time and attention for someone who is worth it.

Rationally, I know that everything you all are saying is totally true. This guy was really weird and trippy. I don't understand why he was so nice at times, and talking about living together, and within a week he would be going off on me, and just being an overall mean person.

I have these trippy pics of him where he seems like two different people---I kidd you not. In one pic he is very sweet and kind looking and just, more youthful. In another pic, he looks really hardcore and like their is no compassion or niceness in his eyes.

I am trying to work on not missing the nice part of him. I also feel like I want to let him know of this goal I am working on accomplishing. I know I shouldn't, I just feel like he put me down soooo horribly because of it, and I would like to let him know I am doing better and have overcome what he put me down for. I am working on not feeling that way, of course, as I shouldn't have him in my life because of how mean he is, ya know? Sigh....

Uhm Honey, RUN away! Don't look back. You're worth more than that!!!!!

In a nutshell, I can explain it. We (as a culture) expect evil people to act evil all the time, but real people are far more complex (even Hitler had moments of great goodness - you can see film footage how much he loved his dog).

We want jerks to be jerks all of the time, but that's not how real people work. Even the most horrible people have redeeming qualities. Very few if any people have no good in them.

When I worked as a probation officer, I generally liked 98% of my clients. Even though some had committed absolutely heinous crimes, most were still surprisingly nice and interesting people, most of the time.

We don't really prepare people (especially women) to cut sometimes-nice people out of their lives, even if sometimes is rarely. "Toxic" doesn't mean 100% evil, 100% of the time.

We also have cultural traditions of "bad men" being transformed by "good women." It's a fairy tale, but on some level people believe the fairy tales of their childhood. "Beauty and the Beast" relationships are common, and we say things like "Deep, down I know he loves me."

In reality, we should say "He loves me in his own way, but it's a way that hurts me, so I can't have him in my life."

Instead often there's a culturally-reinforced tendency for many of us to "see the good" in people and if we find any we're supposed to ignore or suffer through the "bad."

That's not reality. A person doesn't have to be evil for them to be toxic to you. You deserve someone who makes your life better, and whose life you make better. His "goodness" is probably real, but it's not enough to compensate for the toxicity.

You don't have to hate everything about him to know he's not right for you, and to choose to cut him out of your life, because it's the right thing for you (not because he's evil, but because it's right for you not to have the drama in your life).

Very well said, wise woman. Something I need to listen to from time to time myself, regarding girl-friendship.

Million$, :hug: I have no advice, just well wishes.