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Dealing with Overweight Friends ..
I have had an awkward feeling with a woman who I'm friends with at work. Her & I clicked from the very beginning since we both were in the same training class, had the same things in common, including being very large. We sorta caudled each other & we always stuck together & leaned on each other. We went to lunch together, ate, never really spoke about weight issues as much. Well, recently, since I've decided to start dieting & exercising, she's started treating me like I'm a traitor & it's kinda hurtin me. She's been turning her nose up at me, & she doesn't even speak to me as much. She doesn't invite me to lunch or anything anymore.
Since I never officially told her the DAY I made the decision, I'm surprised she didn't notice a difference when I began to bring my lunch instead of ordering take out with her, or going to a fast food place with her every day. Also, we used to walk to the vending machines together & she never noticed me getting bottled water; if she did, she never said anything. Well recently when I came out with it officially, she wasn't happy for me at all. She became very negative about it. Im a little hurt by it because if anyone outside of my family & loved ones supported me, I thought surely she would, but it's just not the case... I guess I just needed to vent, theres no real point to this post.. I was just curious whether or not anyone else has had any kind of problems with this .. & if so, please share how you dealt with it :( |
Well, that's too bad, but don't let her bring you down.
If you want her as a friend, keep trying to talk to her and invite her to eat with you, etc. Maybe your good habits will rub off on her. :) If not, oh well. It wasn't meant to be. Good luck to you ! |
She probablly knows she needs to get healthy as well... but isn't ready to do it. And may be slightly jealous that you have started. Hopefully she can get over it and come back around. I'd continue to be friendly towards her and see if she responds. If she doesn't and can't get over it then she may be not a great friend after all. Best of luck in your journey. There are tons of supportive people on here though, so if you can't find it w/her you have all of us! :)
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People come and go and as much as it sucks for her snobbish ways, you can either flat out ask her what her problem is or let it go. Don't let her bring you down because you choose to do better for yourself. Most people get jealous when it comes to weight loss especially when the other person is too lazy to do anything about it for themselves. Chin up she may come around, or thank your losses for your toxic friend to be gone.
You're doing this for yourself, not to please other people. :) |
Thank you, ladies for your advice .. I think I will continue to be friendly towards her & hope she comes around, but if she continues to be negative to me, then I will have to confront her .. & ultimately cut her loose if I have to .. :(
It just sucks to me that when Im actually doing something worthwhile for my health, someone doesn't see it for the good that it is .. I can't believe she would be jealous of me, but if thats what it is; it really makes me uncomfy... ugh, I hate this .. but I DEFINITELY won't stop my journey because someone doesn't like it ... Im too determined to reach my goals .. |
I feel your pain. I had a good friend that I used to talk to daily. When I was in the 230s she was in the 330s. I started losing weight- at first she was super supportive actually. Then it just seems when she saw I was serious she started talking to me less and less and now doesn't talk to me at all.
I NEVER pushed my weight loss on her and when she joined a gym I was very encouraging. I think once I'd lost at least 20 lbs was when she really stopped talking to me. We have a mutual friend now and each time I speak to that friend she asks me my weight and I really feel she's doing it to report back to her or something lol. I'll never understand but there you go. It sucks but we don't live close so I don't see her to talk to her and since she won't answer her phone or respond to my messages there is nothing left for me to do. I really wish I knew what happened but I guess I'll never know. |
She probably knows she needs to do something about her weight but isn't ready to do it yet. You may be reminding her of this even though you haven't said anything to her about her weight.
Congratulations on the great start you have made in your weight loss . |
Maybe if you declined going to lunch with her because you packed your own bag and stopped ordering takeout with her she interpreted your behavior as you being distant when, in fact, it wasn't the case. I know that sometimes we don't realize how we come across, but it's a possibility.
Why don't you ask her to eat lunch with you, even if you pack something. I'm not sure if she ever brown-bags it, but it's worth a shot. It could very well just be a misinterpretation and miscommunication. The negativity is probably just a projection of her own feelings about her health and decisions. |
Yes, I've thought that maybe it was just a miscommunication, & I never assumed anything. I just want to tell her there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to be jealous of. I will reach out to her & talk to her about my concerns & see how it goes.. =/
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I hope that talk goes well for the both of you. It's sad to lose a friend over what may be miscommunication, but no matter what happens, continue with your weight loss journey and don't let her pull you down.
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I've found that overweight friends who aren't trying to lose weight at the same time you are start to get a bit jealous. You are taking the steps to lose weight and get healthy and shes just not there. Or maybe she would like to do it with you. Not sure but if she is really your friend I would mention something to her about it.
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Well just to let people know, I did speak to her this morning & I just came out & asked her if there was something wrong because she seemed distant. She said she had a lot going on, & she sorta brushed me off. Later on in the day, she sent me a random e-mail & all it said was "I dont like being Judged" .... clearly I'm missing something, I have NO idea what she's talking about. I have never judged her! I don't even know if she means about my dieting, but what else could it be? There isn't anything that stands out at all, everything was fine last week.. sigh.. Im gonna ask her straight out if she has a problem with me or feels uncomfy around me now because Im trying to lose weight..
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Well, that's telling. If you truly haven't said anything, then it's her own feelings about your weight loss and the assumption that you're judging her. I hope you both can come to an understanding.
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She is jealous simple as.
shes jealous that u have the willpower to turn your self around and lose weight. It her problem if she has a problem with it , maybe your starting to see her true colours. Its always nice to have that friend at wor but in my experience , when they turn just because what your doing doesnt suit them, it can become a very controlling and intrusive friendship. Best way is just to keep your distance also. Friends shoud support you no matter what. She its battling with her own demons and taking it out on you as she cant stand the fact your achieving somthing. Put this friendship at arms length before it get to much and upsets u more x |
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