I really want to start talking to somebody, but I have no idea how to go about it. This sounds terrible, but I have so many "issues" that I think I need to work through. I'm still dealing with some major feelings about my mother's alcoholism, and how it's affected me. Food issues, obviously (binges, binge/restricting, comfort eating, etc). Major self esteem issues. Being completely unable to stick up for my own well-being in any situation. I just got married, and my fear of confrontation and need to please is really getting in the way of me being able to effectively communicate with my husband. I need to figure that out quick before I turn into a total doormat. And I think many of these issues stem from growing up with an addict. Fear of rejection, desperately needing affirmation, feeling like I'm walking on eggshells so I don't upset anybody, etc. I'd like to think I'm a fairly stable and well-adjusted person, but I do have some issues, and I do want to work on them.

But here are some of my questions...

- Is there a difference between a counselor, therapist, psychologist, etc? Which one should I be looking for?

- Tips on selecting one of the above? Do I just go to a couple sessions and see if it works? Are there any resources or websites that list reviews and what their specialties are and such?

- I have so many "issues" that I honestly wouldn't even know where to start. I'm afraid I'd sit down in the office and not even know how to start talking about my stuff. Do they do some kind of ice breakers or ask questions to lead into discussions?

- This one is kind of silly, but...As soon as I start talking about my feelings, I tend to...well, start crying uncontrollably. And it's not a <sniffle><talk><sniffle><talk>. This is ugly, red-faced, leaking from every hole in my face, kinda crying. Once I kind of cry the edge off, I can discuss things intelligently, but I'd be absolutely mortified to break down like that in front of a stranger. But they've gotta be used to people crying, right?

Anyways, no need to answer all my questions or anything, but I'd love to get some advice on finding somebody to talk to and what to expect for the first few sessions and such.

Here are what answers/suggestions I have to your questions. I've been to therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists, but I went through my college's student health, so I didn't have to find them on my own (or worry about whether they were legit).

~I believe that a psychologist is a Ph.D, and therapists and counselors have something equivalent to a bachelor's + masters or therapist/clinical certification. I'm not 100% sure but that's what I've been told. Only psychiatrists can prescribe medicine. I was referred to a psychiatrist for antidepressants by the psychologist that I saw, so for a period I was seeing two doctors. I would assume that psychologists charge more than therapists, who charge more than counselors.

~I would google American Psychology Association to find a certified psychologist in your area. I would also google a national therapist or counselor association to find the same information. I don't have much advice on choosing someone, but when you go in for an appointment, if you feel uncomfortable for any reason, look for a new doctor/therapist/counselor. The fit has to be right. My first psychologist was really unhelpful, so I ended up switching to someone else and she was much more helpful.

~When I went, they asked why I had decided to come in. For me, it was always a "straw that broke the camel's back" situation so I had something concrete to talk about right away. It sounds like you do as well, and I think they will start off explaining who they are and asking why you're there and what you can expect to get out of the sessions.

~They are definitely used to people crying. I can guarantee there will be a box of tissues and probably some small toy/gadget for you to play with if you get nervous about opening up.

In general, I found that my sessions went much better, and I got much more out of it, when I was honest. The first few times I went in, I wasn't 100% honest about why I was there, so it led to a lot of awkward moments and me trying to dance around the truth (because I was embarrassed). Once I was honest, I got a lot more out of it and eventually didn't feel the need to go anymore. They will tell you about the confidentiality requirements, but for some reason it's hard to let go and tell a stranger your deepest secrets without fearing that they will laugh at you as soon as you leave and tell everyone they know.

Good luck

i believe a therapist is a term that can technically refer to a counselor, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. a psychiatrist is the one who prescribes medications, and as for now you'll probably just need a counselor or a psychologist. i think a counselor has a master's degree at most while a psychologist has a ph.d, and i personally would go to a counselor first. if your case is really that bad the counselor would be able to recommend a psychologist or maybe a psychiatrist for you.

also, have you considered support groups? it may be a less intimidating environment for some people than the one-on-one approach.

i actually have the same problem. i have issues that go way back that still affect me to this day, and although i have a "tough" appearance on the surface i'd always cry if i think about them. which is why i don't think about them, let alone bother to talk about them.

good luck in your search. you're not alone.

Personally Kiddo, my first recommendation would be for you and your husband to find a good Christ centered church with young adults where you can share through church, activities and Bible studies....then see where He leads you

As always, my prayers

I'm not real sure what the difference of a therapist and a counselor are. I've always thought the 2 were interchangeable terms.

I think psychologists are for diagnosing specific disorders, but if you need someone just for talking things out a counselor should work fine. Also, psychologists cost a lot more money than counselors do.

A psychiatrist is generally for dispensing medicine and they usually work with the psychologist for what ever disorder is being treated.

I have been to several counselors in my adult life. I've had a hard time trying to find one that fits and meshes with my personality. I suggest you start by calling them and having a small interview over the phone, you could tell them what you need them for. Some specialize in specific things while some are more generalized.

I have had to deal with my family members alcoholism as well. I'm a member of a specific program that has helped me so much more than counseling to deal with my family's alcoholism. If you would like to know more about what I've done to deal with it please PM me. I would be glad to share with it you.

I wish you luck in deciding what you're going to do.

I'm currently in a clinical counseling program. The majority of counselors have Master's Degrees while all psychologists have PhDs or PsyDs. Master's Degrees take about 3 years and PhDs can take anywhere from 5-7 years depending on the clinician's chosen time line. Both counselors and psychologists are qualified to diagnosis and treat individuals. There is essentially no difference except in training. Psychologists (especially PhD's) focus on a clinical model of treatment while counselors and many PsyDs (which are also psychologists, just didn't do a dissertation) focus on client centered treatment.

The most important thing is to find someone who you are comfortable talking to and trust. I agree with hpnodat calling and asking about a therapists methods and views is a good idea.

To find someone, I would just google for therapists, psychologists, counselors (whatever key word) in your area. Most agencies have websites where you can see the services that are offered and what type of therapists work there and their views and specifics areas of expertise.

There's a lot of good information in the responses you've gotten already, and so I'd kind of just like to add some moral support.

Don't worry about not knowing where to start. Whichever counselor/therapist you see will ask you questions, or you can't just start anywhere. It doesn't matter, and walking in with many different things you'd like to address with someone is nothing they haven't seen before. It's ok not to have a single specific issue you want to talk about, and even if you did - over time you'd end up exploring a lot more than just that one issue anyway.

Don't worry about crying, either. I've seen a therapist twice in the past for 6 months each time, and I swear I cried nearly every session. Sobbed during the first sessions, actually. They keep kleenex nearby.

I really applaud you for seeking out someone to talk to, as I know it can be difficult to do. I came from a family who thought the idea of therapy was self-indulgent, that depression was something a person should just be able to pull themself out of. I remember being terrified to speak to a counselor in college, and didn't want my family to know about it. Then I married into a family where EVREYONE sees a therapist, and that considers going to therapy as typical as going to the dry cleaners once/week. My sister-in-law is actually a social worker who does counseling at a private non-profit social services organization, and it's truly not atypical to spend a holiday meal with her and the rest of the family talking about who has taken which anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, etc. They actually seem to think I'm a bit odd for NOT seeing a therpaist regularly.

Lastly, if you do see someone and it just doesn't feel comfortable or right to you, or if you don't think you're getting as much out of the session as you want to, don't hesitate to look for a different therapist. Your therapy sessions should be all about you getting what you need, and if they're not working for you then you should absolutely find someone different. My SIL-the-counselor has had many "break-ups" with her therapists, even after years of regular sessions, as has my husband. You have to find what works best for YOU.

Good luck

i don't really know what advice to give except, try to understand that you'll be working in baby steps. 1 issue at a time, in small pieces. just like with dieting, we want it all to be fixed in a month, but it will likely take a long time. hugs to you, i spent lots of time in therapy as a child. i'm sure you'll feel better just having someone to talk to. if you feel that the person doesn't mess well with your personality or something, then it would be a good idea to see someone else. good luck

You've already got lots of good advice.

I would suggest seeing someone on your own first, maybe find someone who works with couples as well, then down the line think about couples therapy. Sometimes dealing with your own issues for a while can make it easier to deal with couples issues. And it might help you to discover which would be more effective for your situation.

Word of mouth can be a good way to find a therapist. Hospitals will give referrals. If you specify an issue you particularly want to deal with (family alcoholism, eating disorder, depression, just to name a couple), that can help lead you to someone who may have more of a focus in those areas.

I personally think the effectiveness of therapy depends on the person getting the therapy, how open he/she may be to it and to work on it, and the skill and experience of the therapist. Don't be afraid to bring up with a therapist if you do feel it's not going the way you want or expect.

Good luck with everything!!! I'm wishing the best for you.

Look into a marriage and family therapist (MFT) They are great for individual counseling, and can also do marriage counseling (to truly be helpful, your husband will most likely need to attend a few sessions with you at some point)

Don't worry about crying, it's normal. They will start off by asking general ice breaker/basic questions, and will go from there. Don't be ashamed of telling them anything, or being embarrassed- trust me, there is nothing that you can say that will shock them, and since they are a stranger of sorts, you dont have to worry about what they could be thinking. They are also legally obligated to protect anything you share.

This website has a lot of information. http://www.aamft.org/iMIS15/AAMFT/ including FAQs and a therapist locater.

^^^Also, I don't know if the laws are different in the U.S. or Canada, but in Canada, a therapist is also obligated to report to the authorities if you indicate intent on harming someone else or yourself, so just be aware that sometimes not everything is totally confidential. If this is the case, then your therapist should let you know this at the beginning. I am studying social work and learning how to counsel people, and we are taught to make clients aware of that fact at the beginning of the first session. Generally, the therapist will keep everything confidential unless there is a possibility of someone being harmed. But, like I said, laws may be different where you are, but I just wanted to make you aware of that possibility if you weren't before.

im not a doctor but i understand what it feels like to wanna please your partner, but the truth is this u wanna be happy along with your partner.. so i suggest u understand that if u have one small disagreement with your husband doesn't mean that u are gonna get divorced. its okay to disagree sometime and i think that it is actually healthy sometime.. u wanna show that life is not just about him and things matter to u as well.. so what ever it may be address it,, nicely...

I'm still pretty new in counselling, so I don't have a bunch of experience with it but figured I'd try and give you a little input since we seem to have similar kinda feelings.

I also grew up with a single mum, she wasn't alcoholic but had mental health problems which progressed very quickly after a while. It translated to me finding my own food, getting my school uniform cleaned and so on, as well as the lack of support and a parent figure.
I compulsively hid my home life from everyone and was never spoken to about it. It was just "I'm fine" and broad smiles to assure people it was okay and they didn't need to worry about me. I felt, and still feel overwhelming guilt about people being concerned about me, I think they have enough on their plate.

When I went, I felt like my issues were all over the place, so many different things going on, but actually I'm realizing they all came from the same place.
Not to say it will be the same for everyone, but I think talking about it with someone who will understand and be there for just you, can help you see everything more clearly. It is very different to just going over stuff trying to work it out in your head.

I'm sure you will find counselling or whichever route you take helpful, I'm really of the opinion counselling can help anyone, it's just not healthy to bottle things up.

Good luck with it

First of all send you a big hug!

Second: There is a good reason that therapists have boxes of Kleenex in their offices.

Third: When I read that you need help dealing with your mom's alcoholism I wondered if you've ever considered attending an Al-Anon meeting? It is not therapy, nor is it meant to take the place of therapy, but it has brought a lot of hope and healing to people who have suffered due to someone else's alcoholism. I think in the old, old days it was mostly the long-suffering wives but now it's more like spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, daughter, son, auntie, grandma, neighbor, bff, etc. There are good people there & it is anonymous and free! If you're interested http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/about.html

Fourth: You are courageous for reaching out!

Another hug

I don't know the difference, but I do see a counselor for my eating disorder issues. I can tell you that we do talk about many other things, too, but like someone said, it's all baby steps - one session at a time. And a therapist worth his/her salt will be kind and compassionate when you cry. I remember sobbing hysterically on my very first day with a new therapist and she was very kind. You also don't have to stay with the first therapist you meet. If you don't click, go to another one. No sense in staying with a therapist you don't connect with.

And I understand completely about you feeling like a "doormat". My boyfriend and I just argued about it this weekend and I'm feeling sad about it because I've been trying for so long to "stand up for myself in simple things". It takes a long time, but eventually, you and I will get there!

Many hugs to you!