I was told once, by a physician I work with, that if the woman in the relationship has a higher education than the man (woman has bachelor's or master's degree and man only has high school diploma) that the relationship will not work.
BUT if the man has a higher degree than the woman, things will be fine. Also if they are on the same level, thats fine too.
Not that I would ever let her influence my relationship, but I am finishing my bachelor's right now and my husband only has his high school diploma so it got me thinking.
What do you all think of her opinion?
I think there may be some truth to that. I know of one couple that it was a factor in their divorce.
'If' the couple doesn't let it affect them, then it's not a problem
That's funny. I have a masters plus 30 and my husband has a bachelors. We have been married 14 years and I make about 4,000 dollars more and work less hours ( off all summer b/c I am a teacher). We are still going strong. My guess is she has been burned in the past and attributed it to being a M.D.
I do not agree with this opinion based on my experience. I am more educated than my BF - and it does not cause any problems in our relationship. In fact, I suggested to him the other day that I was thinking about doing some more studies and he was quite enthusiastic about it. Why? Cuz I treat him like a man. I have never used my education as a tool against him. I still refer to him for advice on a lot of issues, still seek his help to solve a lot of problems.
My parents are the same way. They have been married for 33 years now and my mother is more educated than my father. The education bit has not caused any issues because like me, she treats her husband like a man.
Hogwash. I have a BA and my husband has a highschool diploma. I've earned more than him almost our entire marriage. It's never been an issue. (we've been married for 5 years) and not even something we've really thought twice about. DH is excited when he earns more than me, because he likes the thought of being able to take care of me financially, but isn't threatened by my success, my degree, or my salary. In fact, he's the one pushing me on towards more. He is working towards his degree, but his field (social services) is never going to be exceptionally financially rewarding. Instead, he works in a field that he LOVES and that he is amazing at. I would much rather marry a happy, passionate husband than an educated or rich husband. The trick is marryign someone who can celebrate your success instead of resent it- and that applies whether you're equally educated or not.
I think it depends on the guy. I have two Masters, and my husband has an MBA. I think he was a little intimidated before he got his masters and wanted to get his MBA to compensate, but he NEVER made it an issue between us and used his feelings to better himself rather than belittling me.
Now our problem is that he keeps going back to school, lol! Hopefully this will be the last one though!
Totally depends! But if it's a problem, run!! It should not be a problem.
My master's degree possibly destroyed my marriage or at least it destroyed my husband. He couldn't stand that I had a higher degree. And he had a BA! I had a higher paying job and he took great defense to it. The better I made myself, the more juvenile he became. It's like he felt there was no catching me, so he should just turn the other way. I ended up with a third child on my hands instead of a partner. And most of our arguments were about who was right.
No, it should not be a problem, and it wasn't a problem for me. But for him...yep, big problem.
In fact, we're finally ending it because he posted to an ex-girlfriend on FB that if he left me and she left her husband was there perhaps still a spark between them? She is a SAHM who did not finish her degree and when they dated she was totally and completely dependent on him. That's what he seeks. It doesn't bother me a bit to say this...she is better for him. He was not happy with me.
Just to add to what I wrote above, I do think overall intelligence needs to be equal. My dear brother, whom I adore, has an IQ of 147, in the genius range. But he did not finish high school. His wife has her BA. Not to belittle my SIL, but he is the smarter of the two. He's wise beyond his years, and always has been, but is an alcoholic slug. So she has the degree, but he is the smarter one, and it doesn't really work. They're not good for each other, but they are still together. And I love and support them both.
It will affect your marriage IF you let it. If you date a guy who is obviously all about being "the man" and doesn't want a wife that is going to earn more or be smarter THEN it WILL hurt your marriage.
I have a master's degree and my husband has a bachelors. I earn more than he does and have done so for a good number of years. It has not affected our marriage because OUR money is just that - OUR money. I once asked my husband if it bothered him that I had more education and made more than him and he was like that's ridiculous- I'm comfortable in my own skin to be fine with my wife making more and am proud that I'm married to a smart woman
BUT there is a dark side to it- if you make more than your husband and treat them like they are stupid cuz you are smarter than your husband then YES you'll have problems. If you constantly remind them they make less than you and are less educated than you then you will have problems!
It always depends but I'm 100% sure if my husband and I have problems it won't be for that reason.
My husband was a chef, I have a masters in computer science. It only worked for 38 years, and then he passed away. It's how you conduct yourself that counts. If you try to boss him around and put him down because of his "lack" of education, it won't work.
The woman in the OP who told you that was implying that men are the ones who cannot handle a woman with greater education/career prospects, when (though I do not know) I think it's more likely she wants a partner who personally emphasizes professional success the way she does.
In regard to the widening economic gaps in society, the Power Couple is cited. I've heard it said that "Lawyers don't marry secretaries any more -- lawyer marry other lawyers." (And presumably administrative assistants marry others of similar 'class'?)
All I can say is -- I am a "some college" married to an MD/PhD. We value our home life and personal relationship as separate from work commitments. But in our society, yeah, not necessarily the norm.
Where couples are like us, however, I've noticed it not fitting a gender mold. Before moving a few years ago, we were good friends with another couple very similarly matched, only the woman (MA) is much like my husband is, and her husband (HS diploma) was becoming a stay-at-home dad. They fit together much in the same way we do, and the partner who is more ambitious did not regard/judge the husband according to professional standards of her co-workers, etc.
I did start dating my husband in HS, 13 years ago. So I've wondered if we'd even meet now that, separately, I can hypothesize our circles would only intersect with increasing rarity. Whereas he worked in a pizza shop for the first year or so we dated.
I really think people will be happier if they value the private (life) over public. There will always be people for whom ambition is so important that it must be matched -- sure -- but I also think that so many more people are internalizing this and adopting it due to outside pressure.
For my own relationship, I can say that it's not about literal accomplishments like degrees, or even that vague notion of "intelligence." Insofar as intelligence does rank -- and it does, just not as high as core values -- I've always been attracted to my husband's intellectual curiosity and he says the same. We like to listen to the same podcasts, to discuss while making dinner, or read books together.
Last edited by WhitePicketFences; 02-16-2011 at 01:24 PM.
Reason: clarity re: pronoun
Well I'll say this as someone who plans to collect as many degrees as possible without getting a doctorate... (I'm joking, kind of) I think that statement is a bit ridiculous. Education doesn't mean smarter. It also doesn't mean more educated. I know a lot of self educated people.
If a woman wants a man who has a higher earning potential than herself then she makes it the issue. If a man wants more degrees than a woman, then he makes it an issue.
For myself and my husband, I suppose he technically has a higher degree than myself as he has a JD but he is most likely done with school. He has done a lot of self learning though. I've done some self learning but generally enjoy school. I don't think I have the level of commitment to stick to one field enough to get a doctorate but I like school.
I've also dated guys that had HS diplomas while I had my BS. I didn't think it was an issue. They were smart guys and we had plenty in common. Relationships didn't work out for other reasons.
If the man is insecure then it probably won't work out. I think it all depends on the couple as well but I think mostly it has to do with security in oneself.
I think it really depends on the couple. I have a Ph.D. and my husband has a masters. He sometimes wishes he'd gone on for a Ph.D. and envies my deep knowledge on a single topic. But I think it's great that he knows so much about so many things! He earns more than I do, but I don't think he'd care if I earned more.
Like others have said, I don't link degrees with intelligence. And I say this as a college professor. I know lots of very smart and very successful people who never went to college.
women having higher education than man
