Eliana -- I just wanted to say I hope you can get the support you need in real life, too. Sounds like you've been going through an awful lot (ECT only used for severe depression!)

Time to make the choices to be the best YOU.

I just wanted to let you know that, from what I've seen of you on this website, I really respect you as a person and you will be in my thoughts. Your children will not hate you for getting them out of an unstable and potentially unsafe environment. My mother has been divorced twice, the first time from my dad, who was abusive, and the second time from a man who was constantly threatening to commit suicide if she left him. As a child of divorce, I can see that it was much better for me and my siblings to be living with a stable, single parent than to be living with both my parents. My relationship with my dad is actually a lot better now that I don't live with him or see him that often, and I certainly don't hate my mother for divorcing him. You have your reasons for wanting this divorce, and even if they can't see it now, seeing you not being so miserable and not being around somebody who is constantly depressed and threatening suicide will be better for them in the long run.

Nothing, but nothing compares to being able to breathe after ending a truly poisonous relationship. There's only so long you can orbit the black hole of another person's misery before you either get sucked into it and crushed or reach escape velocity.

I'm deeply sorry that you're enduring so much right now, but the crushing pressure will end. I don't know you well, but I know that's inevitably true.

You are a monumentally strong person to bear up under so much.

As a person that has experienced working in mental health profression as a counselor for over 7 years andgetting a degree in psychology- that Suicidal thoughts do not equal homocidial thoughts. You all can splice the facts any which way you want, but association is simply not the same thing. It truly does the mental health community a huge injustice to make these claims. It's really simply pretty sad. I'm not declaring that a person who is suicidal is stable, nor thinking rationally but one does not equal the other. Perhaps in theory the neuroscience idea is possible, just because the wrong thoughts come from the same place doesnt mean they will be of the same effect.
I find it amusing many in this community make claims and then they hide behind language terms like "could or maybe"

How about a better way of putting would be.

Your husband is experiencing a deep amount of pain.
It would be a great idea to be sure that you keep your kids and you safe by asking him if he has been experiencing any negative thoughts like hurting others. Maybe you could find a person/therapist/psychologist to address any of your concerns with them.

I do think it's important that we be here to support Eliana, as the OP, and be careful not to stray too far from that.

Twinmomma, we need to use words like "could" or "maybe" and in other ways not make black and white assertions that don't hold up. I don't think anyone did assert that suicidical and homocidal ideations are the same, but this isn't the place to debate it further.

Now, let's move back to support for Eliana!