Mother-In-Law Stories
 

So my friend is having some serious mother-in-law issues. I've heard that this is a common thing. Is it true? Do you all have any crazy MIL stories you are willing to share?

Her situation is, her husband's mom refuses to cut the cord from him. She lives with them, and all she does is talk on the phone, and watch TV. She doesn't pay ANY bills. Nice life huh? Anyway, they are trying to work through it, but I know I've heard some funny/sad/scary/WOW stories about MIL's before, but I'd just like to know what your all's experience is in this department.

p.s. the MIL HATES my dear friend. I say it's a jealousy thing. But who knows, my only MIL experience was from my last marriage and she lived 500+ miles away from us and only visited once a year if that. It was GREAT! ;)

My MIL is like this! She HATES me and has from the day I met hubby. To hear her tell it everything bad that happens in the world is because of me LOL she hates me with a passion...but he had always lived with her before we met, she did absolutely everything for him, helped him make all his decisions, etc. and she still wants it to be that way.

We have nearly split up many times because of drama she started between the two of us. Now I feel like I won because I packed up and moved me and my kids 8 hours away and he was faced with a decision...he quickly packed up and followed us and we are now living away from her. I am much happier, she can no longer meddle in the middle of our relationship and I have absolutely no contact with her.

Of course, she is blaming me for "taking him away" from her, etc. and hates me even more...so Thanksgiving is gonna be fun with her this year :lol:

My advice to your friend is to stand up for what she wants out of the relationship and let her hubby know. if she needs him to lean on her more and less on mommy then he needs to do so or they will never be happy. Tell her not to let the momma get in the middle of their relationship...I had to learn to decipher when he was saying something because he thought it and when his mama had been in his ear and pumped him full of BS.

If he really loves her then she will win out over mom in the end. He has to learn to let go some...and honestly the mom may never like her. My MIL never gave me a chance, doesn't really know at all, and I am sure will always hate me with a passion regardless. I have just accepted that's how it is. today he has a relationship with me and a relationship with her and we don't mix it. that has kept us happier and her more miserable, but she will always be miserable anyway because she can't tell him what to do and baby him anymore.

I'm lucky, I have a pretty good MIL. She gets a little annoying when it comes to my son, but nothing too bad. If my in-laws lived closer, I'd probably be much more annoyed with them.

My friend, however, had an evil MIL. My friend used to have a chandelier with faulty wiring, so whenever she cleaned it, she'd end up getting little shocks. For Christmas one year, her MIL (knowing full well about the shocking problem) gave her polish for her chandelier!

Chandelier polish? Seriously? How RUDE!
Purplefirefly- That's crazy how territorial these women become. There should be a bus that comes by and picks up the crazy "can't let go" mothers and let their sons live their lives! Maybe I should tell her to consider moving! Was she living with you all at the time?

I love my MIL!! She is so sweet and she really welcomed me into the family with open arms, even so far as goading DH not to "mess it up" with me! haha!

She comes to visit and beings homemade meals, we go shopping together... She is really completely adorable. I am so lucky!!

The only thing that bugs me is that she tends to give VERY little notice that she is coming to visit. It is usually a phone call that says "I'm in the city, I'll be there in 15 minutes!" DH and I let the housework slack a bit and the frenzy to clean before she shows up is killer!!

HAHA

Unfortunately, DH could share some stories about HIS mil! (My mother!) She HATES him and goes so far as to still try to hook me up with younger men that she happens to meet!!

Well my MIL wrote the book about the nasty MIL ! LOL ! Seriously , after 38 years you would think she would stop trying to break Dh & I up but she still gets her little digs in ! Fortunately we don't live in the same town as her but she has a very LONG reach ! LOL !

My MIL was a real sly old so-and-so! She would always give my husband advice on what he should or shouldn't do and then if it went askew would laugh and put on her "Oh, I'm only a country girl" thing - meaning that she was a bit silly so what did he expect! But her interference was continual as was my OH continually asking her advice. We had sat and made plans about how we were going to decorate our sitting room and I had particularly said to him "Now we have decided so there is no need for you to ask your mother as that is what we want. okay?" to which he agreed. The next night he came home and said "Mum doesn't think that will look right so we will do it like this - " and proceeded to give his mothers input. It may sound petty but when that happens ALL the time it can be a real bugbare!
He went off with another woman (HOORAY!!!) and she was still the same with her so at least it wasn't just me.
I just hope that I am not a nuisance to my son-in-law. He always says that he appreciates my visits as his mum vary rarely goes to see them and they have only about 2hrs drive whereas it takes me nearly a whole day with a coach, plane and then car drive and having a bad back as well.

About my MIL..Hmm, now that is an interesting story..

She had hubs when she was 14, and he was basically raised by his grandma. Somewhere along the line, after having 4 other children young..she started doing drugs. And I'm talking hardcore drugs too. She lost custody of her kids, and they went into the foster care system. They were all separated too..which is really sad. After some time in foster care..the family in Phx got them out and took them all in. Hubs stopped speaking to his mom after that. When we were planning our wedding..he was unsure if he wanted to invite her or not. But since he was deployed, he had his sister do their guest list, and she was added. She did come to the wedding..but the whole thing was really weird. He barely spoke to her..he was weirdly polite. That was the last time he saw her until 2009. He went to Tucson for a funeral, and stayed with his aunt. His mom was there of course..and they barely spoke. He told me that it didn't feel like she was his mom, but more like a very distant relative. However..ever since then, they talk on the phone every now & then. After many failed attempts, she's clean now. She's been clean for a year & a half. She wants to see him again, but he's unsure..

So basically..I don't have a relantionship with her, because he doesn't. The only time I ever spoke to her was 6 yrs ago at our wedding! I dunno..it's his decision on what he wants to do. I'll just be here to support him.

Ugh.

My husband suffers from depression. During one of his suicidal bouts he lamented to his parents. MIL's brilliant solution was to write me a letter telling me it was my fault, that I was a horrible mother and house keeper. She went very Dr. Phil on me and told me how I should be raising the children instead of how I am. I had lost a baby about a year prior and she wrote that she probably shouldn't say it but she was relieved we'd lost baby number 3 because we couldn't handle the two we had. :(

I don't know about the mothering part. I think I'm a pretty darn good one. ;) But as for house keeping...I'm anal retentive! My friends know me to be the one they can always count on to have a clean house. They don't believe me when I tell them it's a wreck!

It's been three years since that letter and I have yet to forgive her.

From what I've gathered from my friend, it's as though the mother compares herself to my friend with EVERYTHING. Kind of like "Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you" That old song. Yikes!

Eliana-I'm so sorry you've experienced that! I have a feeling my future MIL isn't going to be as pleasant as my last one. Her and my fiance' are very close as well, and he's never settled down, never had kids (Except the one I have on the way) so I have a feeling i'm in for a bumpy ride too!

Promise I'll be able to vent to you guys if I ever need to!

:hug: What an insensitive jerk!


My MIL story is . . . well. . . I don't really have one. SO's parents live in another country, and in 7 years we have not visited them, nor have they visited us. He speaks with them over the phone and Skype, but I'm exempt from that since none of us speak the other's language. I'm still not sure if they approve of me, love me, hate me, or are indifferent! :dizzy:

Now, ex MIL's boy where do you want me to start. XH1's mom shared her opinion that I was bringing him down, preventing him from getting a good education, and that she thought I was white trash. Okay, never had Christmas with her again.

XH2's mom is my dd's grandmother, so it's very strained, but pretty much the same. She didn't approve of me being with her baby, since I had a "past" and he was younger than me. She wasn't very vocal about it, more passive aggressive and sneaky. That's okay, never have Christmas with her anymore either.

I have a very low tolerance for people who openly dislike me, and have no desire to spend time with them. :devil:

My husband and I can tolerate our in-laws better than our own parents. I think it's a case of "different crazy" seemling less crazy somehow.

My mom is aggressive. She's loud and opinionated and mostly hates everything.

Hubby's mom is far more passive-aggressive, and it took me years to figure out that she had a way of wounding with sweetness. And if there is any unpleasantness, she has a way of forgetting that it ever happened (in fact, swearing that it did not happen).

My hubby likes my mom, because "you always know where you stand," and I always liked the peacefullness of his mom. The more contact we have with our in-laws though, the more we experience the "be careful what you wish for."

I'm only starting to understand how destructive my MIL's "sweetness" can be. You can't discuss anything seriously with her, because unpleasant topics just don't exist. It feels like being trapped in a 50's sitcom.

Unfortunately I never really got to know my MIL she passed right after we were married. This is my second marriage and while number 1 wasn't perfect I didn't hate her, still don't. None of us are perfect or will ever be like our mothers but I don't talk about MILs because I AM one and my DIL is definitely not perfect but she is married to my son and for that reason alone we make it work. Plus I have three grandchildren that I want to be a part of their lives.

Hmmm. I hear that a lot too. It sucks... I don't know how they deal with it. I don't really have a MIL yet, but I love my boyfriends mom. I think of her as one of my best friends. She's really funny and awesome and knows what it's like to be 20, but she's just strict enough to where we know how to stay in line lol. I love her to death! I dunno, I think I really lucked out though.

I had the same issues with my hubby & MIL before we moved. They would make decisions together and i was always the last one to know about things that would affect my finances and my life. I remember telling him once that he should have married her instead of me because he consulted her like his wife.

He even went out with her one day and bought a motorcycle. I had no clue he was even thinking about a motorcycle until he drove home on it. When I acted shocked he shrugged his shoulders and said his mama had been shopping around to find him a good deal. i was so mad because we couldn't afford it at that time but his mama told him he could afford it so he bought it without event talking to me.

It doesn't happen now that we live 8 hours away. He is talking to me and making plans with me instead of her and she doesn't like that very much...but oh well, she is not his wife, I am. These are decisions we have to make together, without her.

My MIL tried to report me as deceased so she could try to get SSA funds due to my husband who passed away in 1999. So yeah, she sucks and I no longer have any contact with her or her daughters.

Wow! That's insane. Do you all ever wonder if the men if your lives are worth the pain and misery these women put us through? What about if the mother lives with the son? How does that work? I've heard there can only be one alpha female in a household.

Those are some really sucky stories! And situations that I would NOT handle well.

With that being said, I have a slightly different perspective. I am the single mom of one amazing, brilliant, devestatingly handsome and hilarious little boy and nothing makes me quite as sad or uncomfortable or...let's just say it, jealous and bitter, as the thought of raising him and nurturing him and devoting the large majority of my life to HIM...only to have some other woman come sweep him off his feet and out of my house one day. I know, I know, that's a long way down the road...and of course I will be happy for my son as long as he is happy. I want him to find love...but I'm just being honest. From a moms perspective, it's rather sad. I can imagine that a lot of dads feel the same way about their daughters. There is just a different dynamic between a child and an opposite gender parent...in a lot of ways, it's the relationship that provides the foundation for future interactions with the opposite sex.

There's nothing I enjoy more than folding his underwear, making him a snack or watching cartoons with him. Or hearing him laugh, helping him read, teaching him how to tie his shoes. And I love when he hugs me and kisses me and tells me he wants to marry me (yes, yes, he does this)...is it bad that I don't want that to end?

This is my MIL's perspective, but she never let it go. DH is an only child.

I have two boys myself. I think about it sometimes. But honestly, I've seen bad MIL on both sides, both my mom and his mom. I have lots and lots of examples on how NOT to behave toward a DIL.

When I think about my boys being under another woman's "care", I then remind myself that they are capable of caring for themselves and SHOULD be. I have taught them to be independent so I hope I don't feel like someone has taken my place when I get to be a MIL.

I don't know...something to ponder, huh? ;)

Eliana and thicknpretty: you guys are so wise! But tell me, when do we realize that we (as moms) need to let go?

I think that is a fantastic perspective.

My own MIL is pretty harmless. I wonder if she had a bad MIL experience because she is great about staying out of our affairs. Sure, she says stuff that gets on my nerves, but I think she probably feels like she did her job raising him and he can take care of the rest :)

mine is a nice person on the surface- but underneath it very manipulative. i'm glad my hubby can see through it- unfortunately some of his siblings still fall for her crap.
some of the things she has pulled with us. planning a family vacation, waiting for us to get to our destination then pulling my hubby aside to tell him he's going to have to pay for it all because she has no money.
insisting on taking me out to dinner for my birthday, then telling me the place i picked was too expensive, then not even paying for my dinner at the cheap place i went to.
cleaning out her daughters savings account when she was a minor and was working two jobs and saving up all her money. repeatedly needing money from her kids and basically making them feel guilty because she had to clothe and feed them. umm... all parents have to do that and she had a lot of kids, she could have stopped after two, three, four...
we finally had to cut her off completely when it comes to money- but she still finds ways to use and abuse us. coming over for a visit- then pulling out her laptop to surf the internet on our network and then leaving... sucking us into her drama.
the worst part for me is- of all the rude things she's done and said- if i were to ever say anything about any of it- she would go to every member of the family and tell them how i did her wrong and what a bad person i am and how she's been victimized.
once she was two hours late coming to get me- and then told me "well i'm on time for important things"

I felt this way the first time my oldest son fell in love with a girl in his early 20's. She was a lovely girl, but I felt that jealousy and panic, that she would take him away and it would be the end of the special relationship that he and I share. But then I realized that, if he were to marry her, it would be my attitude that would drive him away. So I worked to shift my attitude; she wasn't taking my son away, he was bringing a daughter to me. The daughter that I didn't have. So I started imagining shopping trips, helping her with her new (theoretical) baby, and all the fun stuff that would come with having an adult daughter.

Then they broke up. And I cried every time I saw her for a year after that, LOL. So it didn't work out so well in this situation, but hey--if I want to keep my relationship with my boys, I had better well consider my (potential) daughters-in-law as daughters, not as the usurper who stole my son and is my comptetitor.

Besides, what's the alternative? Having my sons live with me till they are old men?

No complaints from me. :^:

None from me either lol


I am lucky, I have a great MIL...no complaints there!

I feel bad for those of you with bad MILs. Life is difficult enough, isn't it?

Mine is awesome. I love her to pieces, and wish she lived closer (she's in CA, we're DE). She never interferes in our parenting, or our lives, really, she comes and enjoys doing everything with the kids -- bathing our youngest, walking the oldest to the bus stop, making their meals, playing board games or whatever they want all day long. She also enjoys cooking for us, letting me take naps :), shoes, and going shopping and for pedicures with me. We have such a good time when she's here and the entire family looks forward to her visits.

maybe this is very inappropriate but my MIL passed away suddenly the beginning of this past summer and while I thought she died way too young & should have not given up on life, my life is different now and I feel a little relieved. I know its horrible but the tension & pressure is off between she & I now that she is no longer here-havent said this to anyone at all. Very very domineering(sp?) woman to deal with over the yrs & since I married her only son who walks on water....
I know I shouldnt feel this way but there is some degree of relief now...

oh poor ladies! I know how you feel! MY Mother in law from the very day we got married told me" oh you know my son doesn't usually go for a girl like you, he like extremely thin french girls" (they are from France). And mind you back then I was a gorgeous size 4 with full breasts and hips not at all chubby. She is a small little thing with a flat chest so I think she thinks that is what is the most beautiful.
Anyway she got sick and moved in with us and promptly made my life a living ****. She claims to be depressed and cries suicide anytime that she want DH attention or just to get him mad at me saying that I cause her emotional destress because I don't do things the way she wants or "the way they should be done". She tells us how to live our lives and unfortunetly my husband falls for everyone owes me ****.
My father in law is awesome and he left her when they were in their early thirties cuz he says she was like that even back then. she remarried and was left again. and FIL still pays her money every month because she has convinced DH that he promised to take care of her and he owes her. FIL doesn't want to upset DH so he does it.
once I was taking a shower and she came banging on the door to tell me to hurry up cuz she needed to be somewhere and it was the last straw and I let her have it. That was 4 years ago and I patched things up (she has never apologized for a damn mean thing she has ever said, her reasoning is she is 60 and why should she lower herself down to my level? SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO MY FACE!) and this year she made a big scene by telling my husband she will use a neighbors bathroom. 4YEARS LATER! give me a break. He was pissed of course.
2 years ago we gave birth to our daughter and she became brain damaged due to a nurse;s medical negligence. She has a lot of physical issues and that was when I gained alot of this weight because we didn't have time to cook or anything, she rarely slept and we were just making it day to day. well I gained weight and my husband got sick as his response to stress is to not eat and his immune went down. It took some time to get him healthy and of course his mom tells me " I will never forgive you for not taking care of him properly. All you do is research and take care of your daughter. You are responsible to make sure he takes his vitamins and cooking proper meals" I couldn't believe it.
Needless to say I hate that manipulative person. I act civilly even though I wish I could tell her off. My husband loves his mother of course and I don't want to put him a bad position. But man life is a ***** sometimes!

futuresize6 You don't need to feel sorry at all for you feelings. They are natural. My own grandmother was a horrible MIL and my Aunt felt so much relief when she passed away( she lived with them until she died) that she became an emotional wreck trying to come to terms with this sense of relief and guilt and just finally being free, I hope you can let is go soon and enjoy this freedom to just be you without anyone meddling and putting you down.

@SUN-thanks...none of my friends have been in this position so no one can relate. my story is long regarding dealing w my late MIL & obviously somewhat typical as I can read amongst this group-which makes me feel better. I have one son who is 13-I hope my future DIL doesnt feel this way about me someday. My hubby is still mourning understandably we go for long walks where he talks about how he feels which is great for him-and I feel like I dodged a firing squad w her death-honestly. didn't hate her at all just yrs of resentment that prob would never be resolved anyway....

@Sun-does she still live with you all? I'm so sorry you are going through that. What is she sick from may I ask?

i also think it's perfectly normal that you felt a sense of relief when she passed futuresize6. i know we will feel that way. i guess i'm lucky that my hubby understands and sees her for what she is. he has a low B.S. tolerance and just doesn't put up with it. We go for the smile and nod technique with her then sigh in relief when she leaves.

OMG poor ladies that have the horrible, horrible MILs!!! :hug: :hug:

we were 'lucky' - I suggested we move 400 miles away from DH's family ... they continue to have drama with each other (5 other siblings live pretty close to one another!) and we are blissfully family-drama free :D

For the short time we lived near them, MIL was pretty good to me..the biggest bad thing she did though, was try to sneak some fruit juice to our first son, he was maybe 4 months old at the time and was only breastfed..she always expressed concern that "isn't he hungry?? all he gets is milk from you?" She had her children in the '50's, when I guess you weren't supposed to breast feed, you bottle fed, and then you forced cereal into them as quick as possible so 'they would sleep through the night'.

I have 2 sons...I want them to fall in love, with nice girls :D and I hope I don't have to deal with not approving of their choices...

my MIL actually treats me better than her own son, though that's not saying much. We just don't talk to her anymore, my sil keeps us filled in. His ex step father who was awesome said he never understood her..she can only love one of her kids at a time...the other has to be the bad one...

OK worst thing she ever did....took my two kids and niece camping. Niece is clearly the fave cause sil is the fave...my daughter and niece got into a hormonal sensitive 12 year old girl spat and MIL was going to hit my daughter...my 14 year old son grabbed her arm and said no and didn't allow her to hit her...for his standing up for his sister..she bought daughter home took niece to her house and left my son at the campground which I didn't know until the next morning!! When I found these things out my first thought was he walked the two to three miles to his friends house which he had told daughter he was going to do, but when I called friends mom said he wasnt there...I was panic strikken...I called my mil and told her I now understood how people could claim temproray insanity, if she had been standing in front of me at that moment she would have had to go to the hospital. Turned out my son had come in after friends parents went to bed and she didnt know he was there, her other son told her my son came in the middle of the night after my call and she woke my son up imediately up and made him call me.

that so sounds like my daughter's fiance's mom...scary...

My grandmother (dad's mom) and my mom stayed best friends long after my parents divorce and were till the day she passed. Dad remarried and the new wife treated me and my brother badly....my sweet grandmother was definitely NOT a good mil to her...