Could not find any appropriate slow death jokes. But how about Embarassing death jokes?
had a link but upon closer reading was not appropriate either...does this mean we cant joke about death? or souldn't?

How about some totally politically incorrect Polish jokes? I can tell them since I'm married to one;)

you know why Polish names end in ski? Because they couldn't spell toboggan!

And,yes, our last name ends in ski......

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her - as real men will.

Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20... on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his pro position for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully and said....

"Clean my house."

Women are not stupid.....

:lol:

That's my kind of woman !

I'd go for it but my house is such a mess, I'd go for any deal at all.

Is it OK if I go to bed early tonight? I was awake from 3 AM onwards and got up at 4 and it's been a long, busy day. I know I need more than 5 hours sleep.

Try not to hit 500 tonight, OK?

Gary, puhleeeeeze , we are not that desperate .

Its to quiet at home, here and elsewhere. I'm going to bed and will listen to the rain falling. We are expecting 50mm in the next 24 hours.

"A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked." ~ Bernard Meltzer ~

Raining
 

It's raining here also. Tropical storm Danny is approaching up the coast. President Obama is in town for the funeral of Senator Kennedy.

Good for our plants. Not so good for a brisk walk.

Don't be such a wimp, Bill. Get out there and walk. It's good for you. You're not made of sugar ya know.

I'm sick....

somebody bring me some chicken soup...

now!!!!

Soup. Now.
 

e-mailing CHICKEN SOUP


RIGHT NOW

Hope you feel better.

telepathically sending you chicken soup. :getwell:

and prayers for Angie for patience and serenity - with a sick guy in the house she needs it - they are worse than kids

Here ya go EZ, feel better soon!!!

http://scienceblogs.com/neurotopia/c...%20soup(1).jpg

One time when I was a hospital patient , the person who brought me my chicken soup for lunch described it as " a chicken walked through it wearing rubber boots ".

thanks for the soup...I need more

Gary ,I think you need Tortilla Soup and a Corona . Get well !!

Gary, I think you need to quit whining like a big 'ol baby.:bb:

You think he has the Mexican flu? Tortilla soup might indeed work better in that case

Soup ?
 

Well, he does live close to the border.

He's borderline for sure!

Gary-hope you get to feeling better fast!

Hi to everyone else:wave: Not much going on here....but that's just fine with me!

hi everyone i cannot believe we are to September. and i have no idea what is going on here right now and i do not think i am going to go back read the whole thread so i am just going to jump in right here. and i don't care who doesn't like it.:devil:

Well, actually we are not in September yet. Let's not rush things.

No joke. I don't need to get older any faster than is necessary.

dutchgirl is into September.

They're fast over there.

i never said we were in september yet i just said the we are to september --at the front door so to speak.

bill--thankyou for the support. i think i might need it for awhile since i have been mia and kinda weak.

I'm down with that!

I know I don't have swine flu 'cause I eat turkey bacon.

Yes I do.

:D You are killin' me RUTH!....funny girl....

Thank-you, I am feeling better but still have a day or two to go...if my guys that had/have it and I are the same "sick."

JUMP-JUMP!

If I Could Turn Back Time....as Cher sang..

Why I believe you are right about that BILL....I read it in a magazine I found in my dad's closet when I was about 13....;)

I know I don't have swine flu 'cause I eat turkey bacon.

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT?
:turkey:


Why I believe you are right about that BILL....I read it in a magazine I found in my dad's closet when I was about 13....;)[/QUOTE]

:D

That darn turkey and smiley twosome is so offensive! Or is it just me?

Cold as a witch's *** here this morning. It's definitely September.

I am still mired in construction chaos. The "mudder" finally showed at five last night. He is working two jobs. My contractor is fuming but I feel sorry for the kid and had to hold back from offering to make him supper. He'll be back at the same time today and I may hand him a sandwich - maybe with a glass of wine as he's Portuguese. Around here all "mudders" are Portuguese for some reason.

YEP I think its the motion that is slightly off!

September chill in the air here too today! And, yesterday and the day before....We've had such a nice cool summer:D

Now, have to figure out what to do for DH's 51st birthday on Thursday...any ideas? Has to be cheap, because we're tapped out right now!

perfect back to school weather. it is the first day of school here and the weather just seems to know.

51st birthday ideas,

bowling, picnic, coupons for him to redeem (chores,lovin';) etc). You can google web sites that have premade ones to just print and cut out. Go to walmart photo studio and get a new photo done, should be under $10. That is a start. Hope it helps.

RONNI I am not much help on men's birthdays. My favorite gift, every year before menopause, from Angie, didn't take long....sometimes it was over before the candles cooled ;)

My kids always get me a T-shirt of the sport in season of my teams....which they know is what I want and will wear!

Mostly I want my family to be with me and of course either make one of my favorite meals or go to my favorite cheap-o Mexican restaurant...where I always will pay....unless they can beat me to it....which they seem to do more often...sneaky kids....

of course my :p son in law :p never has any money.....

:rofl:

Yeah, here too, but what do we do for the other 23 hours and 50 minutes?;)

Julia has some good ideas! Thanks!

Exactly how long does it take for candles to cool? And is that when they are blown out or pinched out?

This is The Learning Channel sometimes.