Relationships - the far away kind...
 

Hey folks,
Well, what can I say. I'm in love. He's fantastic as well (I know I'm biased, but still!)
There's just one issue, and that's that he's on one side of the Atlantic while I'm stuck on this side. He's moving here, which is great, but if anyone else has been in an LDR (long distance relationship) you may understand a little better.

It's like....being single, but not. I can do what I like...but I would like to be with him. Sure, I can go out...but I'm not single. And the only contact we have is Chat, when timezones and commitments allow.

This represents a sort of outlet for me, I guess. I'm also going to channel some of frustrations into working out really really hard!

Please PM if you're in a similar situation, and want to vent, so's we don't bore other people!

Thank you, Becca xxx

Very similar to being married to a long distance truck driver! I am single when I please and part of a couple when I please. The hard part is sharing the pants when he gets home and wants a turn to be boss!

I have been in a LDR for over a year, doing the coast to coast thing. It's all one day at a time and learning how to entertain oneself. When we finally do settle it will be hard to give up some of my independence for sure. Vent away!

I live in the US and dated someone in England so I completely get where you're coming from! We dated for over a year and a half that way. If you ever want to talk I'm here! :)

I know what you're going through! I just got in a relationship with a great guy. We didn't see each other much except for on Christmas, but we used to talk EVERYDAY on myspace and message each other back and forth when we could. We finally got together in February.

He's in the navy and was deployed onto a boat in South Korea and he'll be traveling around that area and Australia until next year. Hasn't had access to a computer.

Haven't talked to him since. It's been 2 months, next month will be 3. The only thing I get to do is read the messages he used to send me, and the only thing he has to remember me by is a bracelet I made him that he put on his dog tags. It sucks, and when I tell my friends about my situation they usually feel a lot better about not being able to talk to their lovers on a daily basis. It's like "Well, it could be worse. Atleast I'm not bucket!" XD

I have a lot of trust in my boy, and he has a lot of trust in me. We said what we wanted to say before he was deployed so I know we'll stay faithful and I know that our feelings for each other won't dissipate. We'll see each other next year, and that's what I'm looking forward to the most.

It does feel like I'm single sometimes. We've never kissed, I can't flirt with him, I don't have anyone to hug, I don't have his kind words when I do something stupid or I'm in tears about something. It sucks. -shrug- But oh well. I knew what I was getting into when I entered the relationship.

I highly reccomend e-mails if your time zones are different. That way you can get a lot out, like how your day was and whatever you usually talk about, and all your feelings towards him, and he can do the same vice versa. PLUS you'll have something to read later on when he's not available to chat, as a nice reminder that you're in a great relationship. ;]

Hang in there. If you want to talk about it, you can message me! I hope that maybe my challenging LDR situation will make your LDR situation feel a lot better. XD

I have been in a long distance relationship for more than 7 years now and there are times when it really sucks. We do at least have the good fortune of being in the same time-zone, and we are both pretty independent types who were alone for a number of years before we got together.
We talk at least once daily on the phone and see each other on average every 3-4 weeks.
Still, when one or the other is having a tough time with things, it is awful being apart.

I used to have a long distance relationship, with me in Germany and him in Scotland where I moved after a year and am now married to him. It must seem ridiculously close to you but to us, it was an issue, despite daily phone calls and monthly visits. You are single most of the time and go everywhere alone.

Looking back, it was quite romantic actually. THe time we did have together was always a holiday. We made it nice for each other, etc. I would not have wanted to have missed that, actually... :-)

lol that's exactly how I feel! It's hard to going from being solely in charge to sharing responsibility. I joke a lot and say I'm a single mom with financial backing....my husband is gone a lot (he inspects ships and it takes him all over the world) before this he was in the Marines while I was in college. LDR's are hard to adjust to & it's even harder adjusting to them when they are closer but it's not impossible :)

I know exactly how you feel. 3 years ago, I dated this guy from India in college. He turned out to be a real jerk, with a fiance back home, but through him I made a lot of cool friends, and one of his friends back home somehow became my email buddy.

Well, me and this guy got closer and closer and eventually he became my best friend. We sent emails back and forth whenever we needed a shoulder for something going on in our lives, when we were happy, when we were sad, etc. I can't even tell you the THOUSANDS of hours we spent happily chatting away on our webcams together. I'd never met anyone I meshed with so well, in humor, personality, thoughts, etc. However, we both knew it was just going to be friendship because of the distance thing (who the HECK knew when we'd actually get to meet one day?) and stayed just best friends for the first two years.

About a year and a half ago, after not getting to talk very much because the both of us were in a committed relationship to another for a few months during the same time... it's like something clicked and broke. We became 100% wrapped up in each other... but when I moved and we couldn't talk for a few months... it was torture. When I finally settled in my new place, I found out about international calling cards and it was all down hill from there. We spend about 3 to 4 hours a day on the phone together (since October) and we've finally given up the ghost of wanting and trying to see other people. It's just pointless.

And, finally, I've been saving up.... and I'm going to India for a month in December. :carrot:

I'm beyond nervous.... scared even.... especially because of my body... though I can't honestly say he hasn't seen most of it via webcam :o (ahem)..... I'm still just very freaked out. I care about him so much. But, as he's put it.... when we met and first started talking on webcam I was at my absolute heaviest (near 260) and he thought I was attractive even then. I've lost 30lbs since then, and I'm still losing. He always teases me and says that I get better every year.... so he considers me a "sound investment." hehe

Still.... the thought of December gives me alternating feelings of euphoria and I'm-about-to-pass-out anxiety feelings.

I've been in plenty of relationships... real ones, fake ones, friends with benefits ones, one night stands........ yet this one seems like 100% more real than any of them all rolled up together. I don't understand it.

All I know is that it feels like the other side of my heart is 7,500 miles away... and I'll be damned if I don't go try and figure it out. :love: Not to mention it'll be a pretty sweet vacation I've been looking forward to for a long time.... and I'll get to see a bunch of my college buddies again!!! :D

Hi there!
My DH and I spent so much time apart, that I considered us to be in a LDR. Either he was away on training for months at time, or I was away on training. Or he was away on job assignment, or I was. We calculate that we have spent approximately 70% of our time apart! Now we are both in the same home, in the same town, for the past year. So it CAN work, even if there are times that I half-wish he was back out on the road...does this make me a bad person...:o
Kira

No it doesn't make you a bad person :) Sometimes I feel that way about my DH too. Esp when he gets upset about me doing one of his "jobs".....heaven forbid I fix a leaky faucet, replace an o ring on a toilet or any other misc thing that breaks at home while he is home *sigh*

It's hard to describe but sometimes it feels as if you are living a double life. One as part as a couple and one functioning all by yourself. Blah :dizzy:

LDR are so hard sometimes, but trust me, as the other ladies here have pointed out they are so worth it at the same time :). I met my Beloved in college, and he lives in the North of the country, while I live in the South. Granted, it's not as far away as some people (Ladies who have navy/soilder/cross-atlantic men, I commend you :D) but since college ended and we moved back to our respective homes, its so hard to get the time to see each other.

MSN messenger is a godsend. We talk for hours. We text, we talk on the phone. I'm actually on my way up North tonight to see him (a 6/7hr drive awaits me :)) but he's worth the effort. As long as I live, he's always worth the effort.

No matter what the distance beckki, I'm so glad you've found someone. Once you're in love and have that amazing person, the distance doesn't seem that bad. A heart can always travel further even if your physical body can't :)

Cherish it while you can! I was in a LDR for about 1.5 years, and it was great. He was a great complement to my life. Then, we decided to move to live together, and it turned out we didn't really mesh very well in person (although we lived together for over a year). Oi.

No one has mentioned Skype! Free free free!

Cheers to that.... :hat:

I had a LDR with my husband before he moved here to be with me. It was **** for me, all I wanted to do was hug and kiss him and do things with him, and I thought about him all day long pretty much... so for me it was either someone was moving or we just had to end things! Cuz I could NOT have a LDR for any longer! For me, dating someone means actually seeing them so I was just so depressed that I couldn't see the man I loved!

But now he is here and it's perfect <3 Amanda... good luck on your trip!! Nerves galore but it will totally be worth it! When I first saw my husband in the airport we both just barely talked and didn't touch or anything lol! But after 1 day we warmed up. It's weird because we had talked SO much.. like all night long after work, but then as soon as we saw each other it was like seeing a stranger! I am excited for you, you get a whole month!! We got 1 week the first time we met in person. :)

Awww... thank you Jane! :hug:

I'm definitely nervous.... but we're both feeling the exact same way. After 2 years of great friendship, then a year of THIS..... good God, I feel like I'm about to SCREAM if I can't hug him or kiss him or hold his hand! And he says that more than I do... ;)

It's just been such a wonderful relationship and journey with him... the fear isn't enough to hold me back from taking a chance with him. :)

It's so nice to know that it worked out for other people out there.... I take it you and your husband met online or something similar? :)

Yep, we weren't even looking for each other but we found each other online, he was actually in a relationship when we met. We were friends online for about a year and eventually he was single and I was single and it started getting more serious!

I feel like meeting someone online, or on the phone, or something similar is actually a really good way to meet! We weren't blinded by looks but instead only had words and got to find out so much about each other before we even met in person. I knewhim way better than anyone I had dated offline.

Anyway, it IS exciting and it is exciting for me to hear others in a similar situation as we were. You will love it I'm sure!!

Yeah, totally! It was just about the same way for us, other than the fact that it wasn't just him that we in a relationship... but both of us with different people throughout the years. We talked to each other about those people.. laughed and supported and (in my case) cried... etc.

And you know what... I'm starting to agree about the whole online/phone thing being almost a better way in some ways. I think in our culture today too much is based on sexuality and physicality to allow us to get to know people (and I'm TOTALLY guilty of allowing all my relationships to turn out that way as well), truly for who they are inside, first. We all know the days of "courting" are over.... and in a way, this kind of did the same thing. Allowed thoughts, and feelings, to be shared before other things came in the way. Just random thoughts of mine though... :)

I've been in two long distance relationships. One of them lasted a year and I really had no issue with it being long distance (and actually liked it that way), he wanted to progress so we split.

Then I swore I'd never be in another long distance relationship again. A long time friend of mine had recently moved back to be with his family but we kept in touch and talked regularly, then talked daily... then hours every day and then well we started a relationship with him visiting me every few weeks. We both hated the distance and after 3 months, we made plans for me to move. Then in less than 2 months after that, I moved. Then a little over a year after I moved, we got married.

Me too! It's good to know that it can actually work for some of us! :) Gives me hope..... :) I had a little crying jag the other day cos I missed him so much and he didn't pick up his phone (passed out after work) when I was having an especially emotional moment (lots of stuff going on in the family right now) and then we had a big talk later that day.... and I cried a bit about the 7000 miles between us. He calmed me down (as usual) and then sent me this email the next day while I was at work.....

"On a more serious note, thank you for being in my life. You know we were talkin about the distance of 7000 miles that we have between us, but you know what, I don’t care. I don’t give a damn about distance as long as you reside in my heart and in my soul. I am blessed to have you in my life Sunshine..."

Seriously.

How could I ever doubt a guy that loves me like that? 7000 miles or not?? :cloud9:

I have never seen a long distance relationship work although I am sure there ARE some that do but I have never seen any.

And I think some people like the idea of being in a relationship but not if they are together every day.

My best friend is a prison guard and he says he sees it every day where someone in the prison is in a relationship with someone on the outside and it may last 5, 10 years but when the person in prison gets out it doesn't work out.

I myself would not be in a LDR because what is the point? Isn't the point of even BEING in a relationship is to have someone right there with you?

And what would could keep two people apart? Job? Home? School?

If two people want to be together they will find a way!

My mother lived in Japan and didn't speak much English and my father was a farm boy living in Illinois and neither had money or family support in fact both of there familes DISOWNED them for marrying outside of their race and they STILL found a way to be together!

I wish I had a dollar for all the people I've known (I was in the military) who had LDR for years and when they finally got together in didn't last a year.

I know there are exceptions to the rule and no doubt people will post after me telling me how THEIR LDR worked I am speaking on the whole.

I want my sweetie right next to me and if they were on the otherside of the world I would get there if I had to hitchhike!

I have never seen a long distance relationship work although I am sure there ARE some that do but I have never seen any.

And I think some people just like the idea of being in a relationship but not if they have to be together every day.

My best friend is a prison guard and he says he sees it every day where someone in the prison is in a relationship with someone on the outside and it may last 5, 10 years but when the person in prison gets out it doesn't work out.

I myself would not be in a LDR because what is the point? Isn't the point of even BEING in a relationship is to have someone right there with you?

And what would could keep two people apart? Job? Home? School?

If two people want to be together they will find a way!

My mother lived in Japan and didn't speak much English and my father was a farm boy living in Illinois and neither had money or family support in fact both of there families DISOWNED them for marrying outside of their race and they STILL found a way to be together!

I wish I had a dollar for all the people I've known (I was in the military) who had LDR for years and when they finally got together in didn't last a year.

I know there are exceptions to the rule and no doubt people will post after me telling me how THEIR LDR worked I am speaking on the whole.

I want my sweetie right next to me and if they were on the other side of the world I would get there if I had to hitchhike!

Well I posted before you talking about my husband and myself :) The point of a LDR is that there is someone who doesn't live where you live but you really think you could be compatible.

My husband and I knew eachother for years, worked in the same office, etc. He moved away but we were still friends but because of other personal reasons, neither of us had interest in being in a relationship with anybody. In time though and as we became closer friends, both of us changed our minds. There was a lot of trepidation and some anxiety about one of us uprooting, about living together, etc. I already said but after 3 months, we made plans to have one of us move (me).

Of course I love my husband more each day and we've been married for almost 3 years.

I also talked about a previous relationship I had in which I liked the distance. I liked someone who wasn't there all the time but who I could talk to on the phone frequently and go visit/hang out with every few weeks, go on trips with and spend the holidays with. I probably would've gone on for much longer but he wanted something different which is ok.

I've had another LDR, as well, a couple of years ago. Me and an online friend of mine had an LDR years and years back, but then went our own seperate ways and stayed friends. When I hit a bad spot two years ago, he was in the process of a divorce and wanted a roommate. I really needed an escape from my life at that point, so I went along with it and succumbed to his pressure to become his girlfriend once I got there, though deep down inside I knew I wasn't feeling it with him (in fact, he annoyed the CRAP outta me!). It lasted about five months before he broke up with me because I wasn't able to give myself over emotionally and physically the way he wanted me to, and to be frank I just couldnt' help it. I didn't feel it for him.

But... with this guy.... it's like the complete opposite. The connection, bond, whatever... is strong I've never experienced its like, not even in my numerous and various types of other real life relationships over the years.

So why not? What do I have to lose?

Isn't there some kind of saying out there along the lines of "Don't regret what you've done, just regret what you didn't?"

I kind of look at my LDR as something along those lines. As wonderful as we are together, as friends and whatnot these past few years.... and as much as we've come to truly love and care for each other..... it just wouldn't be right to not give it a chance. I mean.... how many relationships do people have that they AREN'T even in LDR's and they don't work out. So what's the difference? If you love and care about someone, down the street or the other side of the world..... why shouldn't you give it a chance and see where it goes.

Better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all.... :)

Sunshine - I do have a great guy, and I know it. I couldn't ask for better or different! :cloud9:

Absolutely, positively cherished. :)

Oh god, those are the WORST nights to get through, seriously!

Me and mine have had several good ones over the past 6 months that resulted in that "reality check" talk, tears on both sides (and THAT'S saying something for a guy from a macho culture to do!), etc.... and of course, realizing that literally 90% of it is stemming from our frustration of wanting to be together, in person. *sigh* Each time it's happened, I've felt like my whole world was knocked for a loop during the hours (or days) that it took to recover and get over it completely. Like.... literally, it felt like everything was upside down, someone had removed my intestines, and I break into tears at any given moment including at work. And he always feels the same way. :(

For some reason... when we're fighting... it's like the world will never be right again unless we figure it out. Seriously. In all the many relationships I've ever had.... never felt anything near that!

One thing we've noticed though... each time this happens... for some odd reason... we're closer than ever. We kinda look at it as a learning process. Each obstacle we hurtle, the stronger our bond is.... each thing we get over... the more we understand and love about each other. Granted, there are a few things that we've come to impasse' over, but I figure that everything comes with time. In fact... there's so few of those, I figure I should probably count my blessings.

Sunshine..... one day at a time chica, one day at a time! When will you guys be seeing each other next?

Sunshine - You bring back a lot of memories for me. When my husband and I were talking at the very beginning of our relationship and hadn't seen eachother other than friends, I was very tentative. I probably hadn't seen him in nearly a year and there definitely wasn't any attraction between us at that point. I knew how I felt on the phone towards him but I wasn't sure if once I saw him again if I'd feel like he was just a friend or if I'd truly feel more for him. Once I saw him I knew though that I cared/loved him as soon as I saw him.

Ooohhh... I'm so excited for you Sunshine!!! :D

Are you definitely going to go then? You HAVE to keep us posted about what happens....! I'm so rooting for you! :cheer2: Can't wait to hear what happens. :)

And I feel you on the plane ticket thing... I'm going to be buying mine by this time next month, or Aug 1st at the latest... and my god, they're already about $1400. I keep on checking and praying they don't go up anymore! Yeesh...