Yes! Wish I had thought to say it that way. :)

ya know, it's actually really fascinating to see the wide range of responses here. i myself was under the impression of the married, engaged, or living together (or otherwise serious long term relationship) was always in effect unless you received an invitation addressed to Mr. John Smith and Guest. i myself have always attended weddings alone nor have i ever heard of the couple getting married footing the hotel or travel bills for their guests for a destination wedding.
from my perspective, in this situation, the email wasn't really necessary, but so be it. the friend is being a bit of a brat to not come because some guy she just started dating isn't invited. i think she could legitimately decline the invitation due to financial hardship, which people do all the time, and politely, for destination weddings like this. but bringing the guy into the picture is just downright petty. and even worse if that's the real reason she won't go.
but judging from the responses here, i think that different rules of etiquette clearly apply for different parts of the country or different social groups.

I can't believe how snippy some people are being about this. If I'm not mistaken, you stated very clearly that you and your friend were being very respectful of each other's feelings and circumstances, but that there was still a lingering disappointment that it doesn't appear it will work out. I don't see a problem with that. I was unable to attend my BFF's wedding in Vegas a few years ago for financial reasons (and very short notice - I wasn't told until a month before it all went down, and didn't have time to save up money to fly from NC to NV and get a hotel room), and my friend was fine with it. Her cousin stood in as Maid of Honor since I couldn't be there, and everything was fine. I have never failed to attend an event because I couldn't get a date, because I refuse to accept the idea that I am only validated by having a man attached to me when I'm seen in public. I haven't had a date to any major function in my life, and I would be horrified to have missed out on all the cool parties and weddings and proms and receptions I wouldn't have been to if I gave a s*** about whether or not I was alone. My feeling is that when I go alone, I can leave with whoever I want ;)

I seriously do not understand people who stay home from things because they don't have a date. I have friends like that and it frustrates me to no end.

One criticism, if I may: I think it would have been more personal if that email had been a phone call. However, I don't know you and your friend, and there are some friendships that are just more email-oriented than phone-call oriented. I have friends like that, too. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that if you're okay with things, and she's ok with things, and you two are still friends when all is said and done, then count it a stalemate, retain your friend, and get back to focusing on the happy days ahead of you as you embark on married life. Congratulations on your engagement/marriage, BTW. :hug:

Just to clarify my earlier comments... I do indeed go to weddings alone and in fact have travelled all over the world by myself including to countries where I had no lodgings booked in advance and could not speak the language. :)

It is the bride's wedding... her "right" to make the rules. However, if someone DOES feel that they do not want to attend alone -- in particular where it is a destination wedding and involves a lot of expense and time commitment -- I also feel she has every right to graciously (which sounds like she was) decline to come. :) Personally I declined going to a friend's wedding because it would have involved taking my entire weekend (or driving all night), spending $$$ for gas, hotel and ferry fees -- a HUGE expense -- to go to someone's wedding. Now had it been my best friend... I would have been there. But I think it is very reasonable for someone not to want to go alone if she would rather not, not to mention the expense would have been split two ways if accompanied.

I think that's very brave to go all over the world to unfamiliar countries - I'm very impressed :)

good grief Diva, how much were you going to spend on the wedding? The amount my husband and I spent on our wedding *might* have covered 2 weeks overseas, but not a month and never a downpayment on a house. How much do American weddings cost?

Thanks,. Rosie... I have had some adventures, all right! Probably the craziest one was when I went to Paris alone without a hotel booked in advance (and I don't speak French). I thought if I arrived on a Monday morning it would not be that crowded and I could manage. LOL it turned out to be Bastille Day... everybody in France was in Paris! :) But I survived.

Oops getting off topic though so will stop at this. :)

I'm having a small destination wedding myself! I don't know, personally we are keeping ours to more family than friends, but we've sort of had the mindset that if the person is important enough to put on our very small list, we'll be as flexible as possible for their comfort levels -- date, travel friend, etc. They are going through so much to be there for our day, it's the least we can do. Like my best friend lives all the way in Sweden now and her hubby can't make it -- she is coming alone but if she had wanted to bring her sister or something, I wouldn't think twice about saying yes. I'm just so psyched that she's making such a huge trip for us! But we intentionally kept the list shorter to leave a little wiggle room.

I'm sorry it didn't work out though, I hope there isn't much lingering bad juju over it. :(

gretchen - American weddings can vary greatly in cost. I've been to weddings that cost $1000 or less and I've been to weddings that cost $30,000 or more. Either way, the end result is the same, someone getting married. My wedding with everything cost around $2000. Professional photographer, flowers, tux/wedding dress, hair/nails, food/drinks were really the big ticket items. Not that I was counting on it but I ended up getting about $3000 in cash from relatives as gifts.

My wedding:

My dress: $50 on the clearance rack at the BonTon
Flowers: Free - off my mom's lilac bushes
Hair: Free - hot rollers at home
Husband's clothes: He wore jeans and a T-shirt...which is what I would have worn, but my mom made me wear a dress.
Music: Paid church organist $20
Food: Pizza/wings and soda - about $50
Reception music: Free - mom's radio
Reception hall: Free - mom's backyard
Photog: Free - my mom..although this is the one area I wish I'd have spent some money for

Honeymoon:

Destination: Canada (across the St. Lawrence)
Hotel: $80 at a fabulous bed and breakfast
Dinner: $20 at same B&B
Travel: $20 ferry boat fee

And...we're just as married as people that spend thousands. This weekend....seven years...and I'm not the least bit itchy ;)

I would not consider it as a problem to keep transient boyfriends out.If you want an intimate wedding with a tiny number of select guests, it`s understandable that you would not want a guy there who you barely know and may never meet again.

I agree about the way it`s been put across. Just her name on the invitation should have given the message or prompted her to call. If I was here and wanted to go I would ask whether any of the people I know are going, and then I would phone these people, explain to them that I`ll be travelling w/a partner and join them if they allow me to do so. But I suppose that`s her decision!

Don`t let that ruin your day!
Stella

If I were your friend, I would not go, either.

I wouldn't travel only to be by myself :(

I don't care if she's not the "only" single one; it's just not the same traveling, alone.

If your wedding were local, I can see inviting singles only. As it is, even if my entire family were invited to a destination wedding, it would have to be someone VERY important for me to be able to justify the cost of our going.

My husband and I had '& Guest' on invitations that were going to people out of state. Because they were traveling to get to our wedding, we thought it would be nice to let them bring a guest. We were lucky though, half of them paired up with other people also invited to our wedding!

I can definitely understand not wanting people you haven't met at your wedding, you're standing in front of them all and saying some very personal things. On the other hand, I knew I was going to marry my husband within a few weeks of meeting him and 5 years later we're happily married. Maybe your friend had that with her guy, maybe she doesn't. I understand her not wanting to travel alone. I guess I'm wondering if her not coming is more about not wanting to travel alone, or being upset that you don't want to invite her guy.

It's your wedding so you get to make the rules. However, you have to understand if some people choose not to participate because of those rules you make.

If you want everyone to come, then invite everyone. If you want only a select few to come, then that's what you will get. :)

I think it was the snide "Oh well, her loss" comments that totally screamed "bridezilla" on this one.

I too, would not go.

I've traveled alone every three months, internationally, for the last six years from Eastern and Western Europe to Alaska. And with that "Oh well, her loss" attitude there's still no way I would attend.

I can appreciate the principle of an intimate wedding, but I think your approach and execution is selfish at best...