[willow650]

I was just pondering some thoughts and thought I would post them here. I have noticed, that there are 2 main complaints/fears for over weight people. Either being ignored or being stared out. Its weird, considering the low self esteem we suffer, that in away, we think everything revolves around us. Where ever we go, we feel like everyone is staring/looking at us, when in reality, they are probably just thinking and worrying about themselves. But on the other hand, when we want attention, we think we are invisible or ignored. Oh well, maybe its just me.

[shrinkingviolet]

But people do stare and they do insinuate themselves into other people's business. I've overheard people sniggering at overweight people in restaurants, and when I gained weight very quickly during my firt pregnancy very few aquaintances and even some friends and family members held back their comments, and some of them were not polite about it at all. When you are overweight you are invisible and sticking out (consequently very vulnerable to the world) at the same time. People want the right kind of attention, respectful attention. I don't think I'm imagining the stares. I don't think others are either. I know I don't feel that the world revolves around me at all. I think very few overweight people feel that way, in fact, I think a lot of overweight people overcompensate for their false sense of inferiority.

[lizziep]

for me i feel like- i am ignored when i go to stores and need assistance mostly - but then attention i get that's negative from strangers is usually mostly rude people or teenagers.

i'm perfectly fine with my every day life- the people who know me, my relationship, etc - it's strangers that seem to give me the biggest problem.

although i must say i do understand the point to a certain extent. I mean, for me anyway, i gained the weight so that I would become invisible. Unfortunately- I kept on gaining and went to the other extreme of the end and became noticeable again for different reasons. lol.

[kaplods]

In graduate school, when I worked part time in a plus size store (amazing, but expensive - with my discount it was the first time I could afford to buy great clothes). I discovered a magazine called BBW (Big Beautiful Woman), which led me to another magazine, Radiance (a more militant "fat acceptance" magazine), which led me to the fat acceptance movement.

I don't agree with alot of the philosophy (that health for example is completely unrelated to weight), and on the other hand, it was a revolutionary concept to me that I actually deserved to be on the planet (even if I never lost a pound). Even the health philosophy isn't so radical - that dieting causes more weight gain than weight loss (I believe this is mostly true, at least when talking about the diets that restrict calories to unrealistic levels), that eating a balanced diet and being active, engaging in regular physical exercise and perhaps genetics probably had more to do with health than actual body weight. The biggest message that I received was - don't let fat prevent you from being confident or keep you from doing anything you want to do.

Now, my fat does prevent me from doing some things, but there were a lot more that I imagined or allowed it to prevent me from doing. Swimming, bicycling, hiking, horseback riding, white river rafting - the magazines showed women fatter than me (at the time) engaging in all of those things. There were even (gasp of horror) curvy and even very fat fitness and dance instructors. Yikes, a fat girl going to an exercise class, let alone leading one? Even considering the possibility, opened a whole new world of possibilities for me.

I started speaking out. Not in a political way - just voicing my opinions and concerns. When I went to job interviews, I smiled and asked if they had any concerns about my ability to do the job because of my weight. When someone snickered or insulted me "behind my back," I turned around and confronted them (at first with anger, eventually with amusement - amusement doesn't hurt me, AND seems to be more effective - people that like to abuse other people expect anger, they don't expect to be laughed at).

Fat does NOT have to affect self-esteem, confidence, or the ability to gain the appropriate level of attention from others. It does offer some people an invitation to try to belittle you, but you don't have to allow it to.