Thanks so much!! I needed that

I think that is totally understandable, as long as you don't expect anyone else to know the difference.

I'm doing WW, and my husband is guilty of these: "Are you allowed to eat that?" or "If we go to RESTAURANT, will you be able to eat anything there?"

I know he's just concerned about me, and he really doesn't understand WW, but it gets really annoying. Especially when he keeps asking after the third time I told him that I'm "allowed" to eat whatever I want.

Violet you are right I stand corrected! I remember now when I lived in CA many years ago it was a lot different than living here in Virginia.

The pressure to look young and beautiful was tremendous as I remember it.

Very much like Palm Beach FL when I lived there too.

It's a lot different here where I live. Here in Virginia you can be missing half your teeth and still be considered attractive!

Oh my gosh, that is funny. It's so true, too. I can imagine Palm Beach would be the same. Anywhere there is a wealthy majority along the warmer coastal regions is probably going to be merciless.

I feel there is more pressure to look fit in the greater New York City area than there was when I was living in Upstate NY (northwest of Syracuse, to be precise).

If you're on the Upper East Side, you're constantly seeing thin blondes on their way to jog in the park.

Downtown, in Soho, it's a fashion parade most days of the week. Around Union Square, there are about a dozen yoga & Pilates studios.

In midtown on weekends, it's a wash. It's all tourists & many of them tend to be heavier than natives.

Of course, the city is an ideal habitat for walkers. Everyone walks everywhere. It's an expensive & troublesome burden to own a car within the city limits. (Even living where I do, just outside them, the urban density is such that I had to break down & pay for an off-street parking space -- and I felt like to get it without sitting on a waiting list for a couple years.)

There are others pluses which can ease your way to fitness here. We have access to excellent stores like Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Mrs. Green's. (I would have given a great deal to have a Trader Joe's in Syracuse -- even though Wegman's is an excellent store.)

If I want to eat in a macrobiotic restaurant, or a raw foods restaurant, or a vegan restaurant, or a place that only serves fish cooked simply, I can do it without too much trouble & get there fairly quickly & can find a place for nearly any budget. I never need to deal with chain restaurants & their questionable options.

There are gyms everywhere & a lot of biking lanes being opened up & many, many places to run. (Also, something amazing -- they remove the snowfalls from midtown & certain other neighborhoods with bulldozers & dump trucks. Really. So the streets & sidewalks are absolutely clear very quickly after major snowfalls, when my own neighborhood in lower Westchester is still foundering in piles of snow & icey little footpaths.)

I get this too, mostly friends commenting on what I'm eating and it really pisses me off. I don't know anyone who is even close to as fit as I am and in my opinion they should mind their own business.

Saef, I like the positive turn this has taken after having vented. We ought to be looking for opportunities to become fit and healthy and all those mean people can go bite themselves. We have Trader Joe's out here, too, I love it. I go just about every other day. We have other whole foods stores, as well, and lots of vegan and vegetarian choices. We have exercise weather all year, hiking, which I love, walking at the harbor. I can see that you have lost over 100 lbs., Saef, that's wonderful, do you have any secrets you can share. How long did it take you?

Violet, yes, I think we've got to be thankful for the advantages that we have when we live in a major urban area that includes a health-conscious culture in its population. If you're on these boards any length of time & reading posts put up by women who live in rural areas, far from these great food stores (wishing for a Trader Joe's seems common), with no alternatives to choosing among chain restaurants for a night out, and dying to try yoga or pilates but having to figure it out in their living rooms with a book or a video, then you know that we are privileged. The pressure's intense but we have the resources.

My efforts at losing weight began in January 2007, so it's been a slow but steady progress for me. I don't have any secrets -- I have nothing to tell you that you can't read elsewhere on this board. Basically, several things:

1) This is SOOO important: I started cooking & preparing my own food & planning a lot of meals ahead of time. No last-minute decisions, no "hungry & there's nothing here," & no quick bad meals anymore. I had some cooking skills a few years back, but there was so much I didn't know. I hadn't been taught this stuff growing up. My mother wasn't very fond of cooking. On the domestic skills front, that wasn't her forte. Give her a house to clean, and it would be spotless in seconds. But give her a meal to come up with, and she'd turn to Hamburger Helper or a can of mushroom soup dumped over something. Cooking is definitely a class issue, I've found. I was the first person in her family to go to college & also the first person in her family to eat sushi, arugula, quinoa, etc. I had to teach myself about food & cooking & learn all those upper-middle-class shopping & cooking habits & attitudes about healthy food & food from other cultures & etc.

2) Related to # 1, I started eating "cleanly." For me, that means staying away from "white" foods (pasta, flour, rice, sometimes potatoes) & processed foods, and also, avoiding sugar. It's the old "shopping the outer aisles of the grocery store" lifestyle. There are things I just don't eat anymore. Ever. There are things I just eat once a year, in a very small portion.

3) Exercising. (Sometimes I think this should be No. 1, but I know the food part is very important.) I had to get serious about it. I started walking & could barely go 20 minutes without feeling out of breath & with my knees bugging me. I pushed myself to do more. In fact, pushed myself too far, too early -- I had foot problems because I tried running & speed walking at a very high weight, without easing into an exercise program. But my weight loss efforts didn't really step up until I made moving around mandatory.

4) Some major attitude adjustments. I had to make some deals with myself.

The first one was, I would never let myself go hungry. If I wanted to eat, I would always eat -- but it had to be something good for me. I had to trust myself that I would take care of myself, that I would provide.

The next one was that I was allowed to screw up. I did not have to be perfect. I could fail at one snack or one meal, or one whole day, and it would be okay. I would accept whatever the scale showed me, as long as it was a little bit less than the last weigh-in. Losing .3 pounds was okay; losing 5 pounds was better. But either was going to be all right. I didn't put myself on a timetable or schedule. I just let it happen, as it would, learning & readjusting as the weeks went by.

And the last one was, saying that I was doing this for my health, not to become "hot." So if the weight loss stopped at 20 pounds, and my blood pressure, blood sugar & etc., was healthy there, then I'd stop there. When I felt better, when my doctor said I was doing well, then I'd be where I needed to be. I had no pair of skinny jeans to fit into, no size I was trying to get to. No magic number. Just this guiding idea of being healthy & doing it right this time, as kindly & gently & steadily as I could possibly do it.

Hope this helps. I do not have it all figured out, but this time, it has worked much better than in the past.

Oh, good. I'm doing most of those things, except I have a magic number and a deadline to meet. And I emotionally go to pieces if I get on the scale and see my weight flexing, even due to water retention, because, logically, how do you get fat on homemade veggie soup? Well, Saef, I'm so happy for you. Do keep posting. I've come across other inspirational posts by you and I regard you as my guru now . Thanks for sharing your pointers.

I get what I think are people staring at me and what I think people are ignoring me bc of my weight. Half of it is probably me being insecure and paranoid but the other half (ok maybe not half) I do think some people look at me. I def. am treated differently now than when I was small pre pregnancy and when I was pregnant. Its an awful feeling just to be discriminated against for your size, but its reality for a lot of us. With all the overweight and obese people in the world they still make it very difficult to even be comfortable in this not fat friendly world. I thankfully can fit into chairs but it kills me to see sometimes bigger people trying to get into an arm chair at even a place like the Drs office and having no where to sit.