What lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers?

A nervous wreck.

Well, Shiver Me Timbers!!!

Now we're talking, Julia!!

That's a good one Julia. I'll have to find me a good one and share it...

Well here is one... it is funny, just wanting to prepare you all, so you don't fall of your seats in laughter.



Here it is....









Man: Doctor, me leg keeps talkin' to me.

Doc: Don't be ridiculous!

Leg: Lend us a fiver!

Man: Told ya.

Leg: Giz a tenner!

Doc: My God!

Leg: Eh

Doc, can you spare 20 quid?

Doc: I know your problem. Your leg's broke!



See, I told you it was... wait no, I am not taking credit for this corny joke.

Julia-good one!

Here's one for you all-

Theft Problem---IMPORTANT MESSAGE
>
>
> You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys
> removed by black-market organ thieves.
>
> >
> My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went
> to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that
> quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose
> thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer
> looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to
> living out my life in jeans. And then the thieves struck again.
>
> >
> My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains
> to match my new rear end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier.
> But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my
> original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long
> skirts.
>
> > Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was
> fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing
> to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting
> scary---my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could
> they do to me next?
>
> >
> When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey
> neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world---wake up and
> smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement
> body parts stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has
> something 'lifted', look again---was it lifted from you?
>
> >
> THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.
>
>
> ***WARN YOUR FRIENDS! ***
>
> >
> **P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my boobs. I was lying
> in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved
> to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I
> keep them hidden in my waistband.
>

And another-

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes

The Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle

It under the arms.



Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and

She reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.



The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the

Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws

Open the door and begins to rant about the new

Employee.



He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole

Line is backing up, putting the entire production line

Behind schedule.



The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for

Himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there

Are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're

Really beginning to pile up.



At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains

Of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush

Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.



The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece Of fabric, wraps it
around two marbles and begins to

Carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.



The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself

Together and approaches Lena .



'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,

'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you

Yesterday...'



'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

wow-we're having thunder-sleet right now-how weird is that?

Ronni, good one! I haven't heard that one!

But they must have fired her because I think she's working here now.

what is really weird ronnie is thunder snow. that is neat but odd.

I'd like to see that. I love weird weather. All it takes to freak the tourists out in WY is a cloudless snow storm.

correction i am getting thunder snow. what makes it even neater iw when you can see lightening too.

Thanks for the laughs chicks! Those were great and just what I needed.

Laughter is great. Good ones! I've just spent five straight hours working on a project for Delta Fair and am wiped.

270 more posts - not that I'm counting.