It means a lot to me depending on what it is.... Like if I'm at work or school and think I really did a good job on the task at hand, if somebody doesn't tell me I did... I feel like it wasn't good enough.
I used to be, way too much. Now it's translated a bit into "respect". I want to feel respected much more than approval, although there are certain similarities, not exactly the same thing. Guess that's just a function of my career. And my mid-life, standing up for myself, speaking my mind more.
None of the categories really apply to me (or rather all of them sometimes apply). I do have people-pleasing tendencies, but I also love standing out and being the "weird one" sometimes. I think for me, what is more important than approval is attention, and while I generally prefer positive attention, a little negative attention can be fun sometimes too. I especially like surprising people (mostly positively, but again a little negativity can be a guilty pleasure).
I won't say I don't care what people think of me, but it's not super high on my list of priorities. I am very chatty, so will strike up a conversation with anyone. My husband is like this too, so we often have a lot of fun. If someone stares or makes a rude comment, we're both pretty quick with the snappy comebacks, to the point that a lot of the time it's actually fun to see their negative reaction. It's like we've broken the social "rules" by confronting rather than cowering or being embarassed or ashamed.
Being fat IS funny. It's sad and horrible too, but that's exactly what makes it so funny. Like the scene in Stranger in a Strange Land where Valentine (a human raised by Martians) first understand earth humor - that virtually all humor comes from a place of pain - and why laughter is the medicine for that pain.
Interestingly I read an article on this just recently - about how workplaces are changing and management is having to restructure how they think about their employees because of the culture of approval we've built over the last couple of generations.
Basically the gist of it is that younger employees (the article referenced GenX and younger) NEED outside validation on a regular basis in order to feel happy in their jobs. Managers who are an older generation are not used to an environment where constant kudos and back-pats are required (or even wanted) and it's causing tension in some workplaces.
I found it interesting that many of the older employees and the management (and TBH people my age) wondered why the younger employees couldn't be happy with the satisfaction of knowing they did well, or doing a good job for the sake of doing a good job. In the meanwhile many of the younger employees and new managers who were interviewed didn't understand why the "old guard" wasn't so unwilling to give even a few words of validation on a daily basis to keep morale up.
I do see it in how many of my friends are raising their kids, as well. Several of them will praise their child even when he/she is incorrect or makes a mistake - sometimes focusing so much on what a GREAT JOB they did at trying something, that they never actually correct the error or mistake. Schools are dealing with it as well ... teachers not allowed to grade in red anymore because it is too "harsh", or students being graded as correct for showing their work or explaining their POV, even if their answers are wrong.
I do see it in how many of my friends are raising their kids, as well. Several of them will praise their child even when he/she is incorrect or makes a mistake - sometimes focusing so much on what a GREAT JOB they did at trying something, that they never actually correct the error or mistake. Schools are dealing with it as well ... teachers not allowed to grade in red anymore because it is too "harsh", or students being graded as correct for showing their work or explaining their POV, even if their answers are wrong.
There is starting to be a BIG backlash against this, mainly because it fails to prepare kids for the fact that they aren't good at everything. Somewhere along the line, "Self-Esteem" got redefined...from the original "you have worth" to the untrue and somewhat harmful "you are super great at EVERYTHING you do".
My wife and I had a great conversation this weekend about how grateful we are that we were raised by parents who didn't tell us we were awesome at everything if we weren't, because it means we work hard and continually strive to improve.
There is starting to be a BIG backlash against this, mainly because it fails to prepare kids for the fact that they aren't good at everything. Somewhere along the line, "Self-Esteem" got redefined...from the original "you have worth" to the untrue and somewhat harmful "you are super great at EVERYTHING you do".
Yeah. I do think there's a middle ground, especially in a work environment. Some validation is a good thing, but too much of a good thing is not always good ... as we all know!
My folks were not big "kudos" people, either. And aside from that, this thread actually makes me think of my first photographic mentor who RARELY gave praise for a job. You were expected to do a good job by default. But when he said "that's a good image" ... it actually MEANT something and I could bask in the glow of those words for days.
.
Last edited by PhotoChick; 12-01-2008 at 12:49 PM.
I care to some extent what others think of me...my family and friends, and my bosses (my job depends on it). Other than that, I don't really care what others think.
Are you a "approval junkie?"
ditto jules1216..........
