General chatter Because life isn't just about dieting. Play games, jokes, or share what's new in your life!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 11-18-2008, 02:23 PM   #1  
Mentally ready
Thread Starter
 
Beautiful Ace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 1,273

S/C/G: 314/266/165

Height: 5'8

Default I'm in a joke type mood, how 'bout you?

Lobster Story
In a small fishing village, a Newfoundlander was walking Up the wharf carrying two at-least-three-pound live lobsters, one in each hand.

It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: "Well me Laddie I got you this time - with two live lobsters three weeks after the season Closed!"

The Newfie says, "No - My Son you are wrong! These are two trained lobsters that I caught two weeks before the season ended."

The Fisheries Officer says, " Trained like how?"

"Well my son, each day I takes these two from my house down to the wharf and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke, or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!"

"Likely story", the Fisheries Officer says! "Lets take them on down the wharf and see if it`s true."

So, the Newfie goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.

The Newfie sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another! After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the Newfie, "How about whistling?"

The Newfie says " What For?"

The Fisheries Officer says, " To call in the Lobsters"

The Newfie says, " What Lobsters?"
Beautiful Ace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 02:27 PM   #2  
Senior Member
 
raw23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 920

S/C/G: 204/187/140

Height: 5'8

Default

haha!!!!
raw23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 02:28 PM   #3  
I wanna be a loser, too
 
cbmare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Bay Area California
Posts: 3,540

Height: vertically challenged

Default

tee hee hee
cbmare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 02:39 PM   #4  
Mentally ready
Thread Starter
 
Beautiful Ace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 1,273

S/C/G: 314/266/165

Height: 5'8

Default

Post your fav jokes
Beautiful Ace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 03:10 PM   #5  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Ontario's West Coast
Posts: 13,969

S/C/G: 165/147/128

Height: 5'3"

Default

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."

Taken aback the string walks out into the street. A few minutes later he tries again. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I tolfd ya, we don't serve strings here."

So the string goes back outside. Then he gets an idea. He winds himself up. Makes a triple loop for a head and pulls some threads out for hair. Disengages some strands for arms and legs. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you that string?"

And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
srmb60 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 03:21 PM   #6  
Mentally ready
Thread Starter
 
Beautiful Ace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 1,273

S/C/G: 314/266/165

Height: 5'8

Default

Hahahahaha, that's cute!
Beautiful Ace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 03:28 PM   #7  
Senior Member
 
luvja's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,434

Height: 5'9"

Default

Ha ha, I love Newfies
luvja is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 04:02 PM   #8  
Mentally ready
Thread Starter
 
Beautiful Ace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 1,273

S/C/G: 314/266/165

Height: 5'8

Default

Gary wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?"

Gary says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains."

"What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector.

"Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Gary, "and I'd use the manual lever over there."

"What if that had been struck by lightning?"

"Then," Gary continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box."

"What if the phone was engaged?"

"Well in that case," persevered Gary, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there."

"What if that was vandalized?"

"Oh well, then I'd run into town and get my uncle Bill."

This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"

"Because he's never seen a train crash."
Beautiful Ace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 04:12 PM   #9  
I wanna be a loser, too
 
cbmare's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Bay Area California
Posts: 3,540

Height: vertically challenged

Default

augh! tee hee
cbmare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 09:47 PM   #10  
Mentally ready
Thread Starter
 
Beautiful Ace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 1,273

S/C/G: 314/266/165

Height: 5'8

Default

A man walks into a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but underwear made of saran wrap. The psychiatrist looks at him, and says "Well, I can clearly see your nuts".
Beautiful Ace is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-18-2008, 10:56 PM   #11  
=D
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Posts: 2,071

Default

SusanB - I loved the frayed knot joke!! Hahaha very cute.
mazza is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:06 AM.


We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.
Copyright 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.