Sorry, I wasn't clear about the "mental angle" thing. I didn't mean to imply that all people carrying extra weight have mental issues either; in fact, it's probably the exact same proportion as the population as a whole.

I was referring to that thing I don't have a name for. Where you're just totally calm and chill about your whole weight-loss-plan-thingy. Maybe someone can help me! It sort of involves talking to yourself. Like when you begin really freaking out wanting to eat a whole lot of something. And then you ask your body if it's hungry and if it really wants ten doughnuts. And your body says, "Well, I'm not hungry and I don't really require doughnuts right now. But — if you really want to do it, you know what? I can handle it for you. If it will make you feel better, go ahead and eat them, I'll deal with it." That feeling of calm, that your body is your partner and cares for you, and will even suffer for you if that will make you feel better.

It's the feeling that lets you eat that whole brownie at the friends' get-together because you know you're fitting it into your plan of partnership with your body — and you know you don't have to feel guilt or worry about what they think because you're so secure in your plan and how you're caring for your body that outside negativity doesn't impact you.

Okay, I'm weird.

Amy, sorry if it sounded like I was spazzing on you. I bristle at the suggestion that either the solution or cause of weight issues is primarily psychological. I believed it for so long in my life (it's just mind over matter) and so I "knew" it was only my lack of strength and willpower that prevented me from losing the weight. Because I thought it was a psychological failing on my part, I wasted a lot of time trying to fix a problem I didn't have, and wasn't even looking for the problems I did have (because every time I even considered them, I was reminded or reminded myself that I was "only making excuses.")

Finding the bc change and carb restriction has been a miracle for me. I need to work at STICKING to my lower carb plan (ok, that part is mental), but even so the difference is miraculous. I not only don't binge anymore, bingeing hardly ever crosses my mind. For most of my life, I was either bingeing or holding back from a binge (wanting to, but forcing my self to stay on plan, no matter how miserable I felt, and boy was I miserable most of the time). I finally feel "normal," or what I've always imagined normal to feel like.

It turns out I don't need much willpower or determination when I address the physiological. Which is good, because I think in the four decades I've been struggling with my weight, I used up almost every ounce of willpower and determination I had. I just find it so hard to muster up even a fraction of the motivation and energy that I once required on a daily basis just to keep from eating everything in sight. And yet I'm still succeeding. Progress has been very slow, but very low stress. I can't say that I've ever experienced such low stress success ever in my life. I feel like I'm "on vacation" from my old way of trying to manage my weight (or more accurately, "retired"). I think that's why I sometimes have such a resistance to putting in a little more mental effort to speed up my success - I am so afraid that it would mean returning to the stress of the "rat race." I've become lazy, but it feels so good to be lazy and succeeding than it ever did to be working nonstop and yet still failing.

Oh, I did want to comment on the second episode. I know it's not restricted to fat women, but she's got a terminal case of "niceness," which is so common in overweight women (and I find so personally irritating). God forbid you express your REAL feelings.

I mean she keeps stressing that she has no interest in Denny, and can't understand why he thinks she's still in love with him - and yet she's all flirty and sweet to him - and "can't be mean to him," OF COURSE he thinks she's still into him. When she says "you broke my heart," and it's in a smiley, sweet, coy way it does NOT say "sorry dude, you had your chance," (besides what's so mean about saying that?).

Couldnt have said it better...

That dumb Danny or whatever his name is, he just wanted face time on tv.:censored::censored:

Did you hear him say that he is a personal trainer?

How many bikes does he have? In several scenes they are riding the chopper (high handlebars) and in another scene the handlebars are normal.

How long are they waiting between filming? I think someone mentioned that episode 2 was several months after episode 1.

kaplods, i totally agree with you and this is one of the reasons that i don't like ruby (along with the manipulativeness and sneakiness). i know there were other instances that made me shudder although can't pinpoint them now.

i like the show and really hope she succeeds. however, i'm not sure i like the person. i'll be curious to see how she changes.

i really like her nephew and her roommate. i didn't hate denny either however i wouldn't have seen him.

I find Ruby very likeable, but maybe because I see a lot of myself in her. I also think that she is less manipulative and less self-deluded than most people - of any weight. But manipulation, and even self-delusion is part of being human. I believe, most of us are far more manipulative and even "sneaky" than we admit to others and ourselves, but when gorgeous people are manipulative, we call them charismatic, and when less attractive people are manipulative we call them sneaky.

I feel bad that Ruby feels she has to be nice, even in situations that don't warrant it. I was also raised to believe that fat girls to have any friends at all HAD to be nicer than normal girls - the fat girl role was to be everyone's best friend, be there when anyone needed me (and understand when they didn't have time to be there for me), and never, ever bother thin friends with my "fat" problems. Thin girls were entitled to occasional nastiness, but for fat girls being a b**** was an unforgiveable sin.

Ruby is imperfect, but her friends and room mates are far from perfect, and aren't blameless either. They have contributed to her problems, and while protecting Ruby from herself isn't their job, they have played a role in keeping her fat, whether they've realized it or not. They had a stake in keeping her fat, and to be helpful to Ruby they need to learn to see that and change it. Many of us find in our relationships that some of our loved ones, at least in part, secretly want us just the way we are, because it's easier for them. As much as they say they want to help, often they engage in sabotage without realizing it because they don't understand or acknowledge their stake in keeping us fat. It's easier for them to feel good about themselves. It's easier to have us to criticise for our problems. It's easier to have us ALWAYS available to listen to their problems...

It will be interesting to see how Ruby changes, and how her friends and their relationships change as well.

I think they said at the beginning of Ep 2 that it had been three months since she started her program and she had lost 50 lbs.

I also think that they brought Denny back in "for dramatic effect".

That's what I do find frustrating some times about the show. It's the illusion in the name of reality. Ruby and her friends are like "why on earth is he calling now, after six years - what a crazy coincidence...."

Uh, no crazy coincidence - the producers called him and asked him if he wanted to be on tv. Just like the friend flying in from California to be with Ruby. What a wonderful friend to drop what she is doing and come all the way to visit Ruby and get her up in the early hours of the morning to exercise. Isn't she special and wonderful and caring, and surely it doesn't have anything to do with wanting to be on tv?

That's the part of reality shows that I have to remind myself are NOT real. The set ups are artificial, and even the emotions and reactions of the people are not unaffected by the camera. Would I get on the treadmill every day, no matter how horrible I'm feeling, if a camera crew were following me? Sadly, probably yes. I say sadly, because the attention isn't going to be permanent. Ruby is going to have to face, at some point, the cameras disappearing. The attention and interest of all these professionals and even some of her friends are also going to disappear or diminish when the cameras leave.

I mean a single woman on disability normally would never be able to afford the weight loss services she is receiving - a prepared fresh meal service, a gym membership WITH a personal trainer, a therapist and, a bariatric doctor and dietiecian, that souped up treadmill she has in her apartment...

I'm definitely not saying it can't be done without all of the advantages, but it does make it a very different story than most people in her situation would face. To a degree the viewer has to keep that in mind. Before someone thinks if Ruby could do it, why can't they or someone in their life do it as successfully and as quickly - they have to consider whether the same access to people and tools is available.

No worries! For me, it is a psych issue so I am prone to focus on that and occasionally forget to remember the very real physiological and other causes that exist.

Now, the problem in the general population's perception of "overeating is psychological" is that, as with all addictive behaviors, grand motives somehow become ascribed to it. For instance, I'd bet dollars to doughnuts (haha) that Ruby's memory issues are due to sexual abuse. Are Ruby's food issues due to sexual abuse (or whatever it turns out to be)? Her psychiatrist will probably say so. The conclusion will be that she turned to food not only to comfort herself, but to make herself fat and unattractive to the abuser.

And he'll be entirely wrong. The part of the brain that pushes us to seek comfort from heavy stresses in any way possible isn't concerned with the future or long-term effects. All it wants is to feel better NOW. It's the most ancient part of our psyche, known as the reptilian brain because it functions the way reptiles' brains do today — always in the now, the moment, always seeking food, shelter, comfort. If Ruby's problem was triggered by abuse, she was overeating to feel better right then, not making plans for the future.

I know now I didn't, and don't, overeat for grand motives. I'm didn't do it at 14 because it would make me less attractive to the leering gazes I kept getting which made me so uncomfortable. I know now that I did it at 14 because being overly stuffed put me in a calmer, non-worrying state.

Similarly, alcoholics don't overdrink so they can feel free to act like jerks while drunk. That may be a side effect, but it's not the primary motive, which is the seeking of comfort. Same for drug users. It's not so they can get effortlessly thin (and then get those wonderful meth "OMG there are spiders crawling on my face!" scratches and scabs). It's to escape whatever is stressing them horribly.

Rational-emotive therapy (a subset of cognitive psychology and behavioral therapy) teaches us that we aren't broken people with deeply troubling psychological faults and problems. It teaches us that past is past and that while dwelling on past events may evince catharsis, addressing present behaviors is the only way to move forward. And that addressing must be done from a core mindset of caring. The conscious "you" — the neocortex of the brain or ego/superego — must listen to and care for the reptilian, id part of you.

Get this. Behavioral therapy is the ONE successful form of psychological therapy. Psychoanalysis and the others rarely produce results, and when they do it's often not long lasting.

Anyway, for those for whom eating too much is due to psych issues, I think eating too much = smoking = drinking too much. It's a bad habit or addiction, which became magnified over time. It gets blown way out of proportion and made into a bigger monster than it needs to be.

And who knows? I swear I've seen research on the very, very obese (those people nearing the half-ton range) that showed the part of their brains that controls satiety was non-functioning. In other words, when they said they always felt hungry, they weren't lying.

Drat. No one's going to read this far, and I have a question. Can episode 2 be viewed at the Style website? I saw ep1 there but can't seem to find 2.

Amy, I posted the schedule on page 1 of this thread. Maybe you can catch one of the reruns.

I'd only add that showing changes in their satiety area doesn't prove, or really even imply, cause and effect. They could certainly be the result of chronic overeating for other reasons. Same things may apply to depression (and many other things). Primary changes in brain chemistry may cause depression, but depression from other reasons, or even behaviors, may also cause the changes in brain chemistry.

But in both cases, the anatomical or physiological changes are still relevant. The same treatments may work, regardless of whether the chicken or the egg came first. In any event, it sure is fascinating.

Amy girl, I read your whole post! I think something huge will come out in her therapy!

I have to give up on the show, her syrupy sweet fake nice voice gets on my nerves. She has a normal voice too, but most often she's doing this weird, high pitched, super sweet tone - like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Deep , deep thoughts here for me....??
 

Kaploids post on how fat girls must be nicer than normal, fat girl aren't entitled to nastiness, being a bi*** is an unforgiveable sin. Ouch! Boy did you just give me a lump in my throat and a stomach full of knots. This was so me. I have NEVER been able to express it?:( As I have gotten older, I have lost friends because I DID speak up for myself or tell them the TRUTH. My dh tells me I don't BS people...I live in truth...and people don't like that.

You have me thinking now that it is not that people don't like MY TRUTH??? It is because I am FAT? I even lost my best friend of 25 yrs. over this. She was the thin, perfectly dressed one is high school. The one who had the clicky friends...and then there was me...the one who drove out of her way to pick her up. The one who she lied to over and over. I was always there...smiling. Then she had a major meltdown in her life, and I told her like it was. I told her the TRUTH, because I think that is what true friends do. IShe viewed it as me betraying her, and she hasn't spoke to me in almost three yrs.

If I think back many years ago...I was the one who when out with friends..."the girls" always talked to me...as I was great for a laugh; but I was NOT the one they called the next day.

I was the fat one. Thanks for this wake-up. I knew it...I had just buried it or could not express it.