Okay........what is the "going rate" (for lack of a better word) these days for a wedding gift. Our good friends' daughter is getting married. We have to travel to the wedding, stay the weekend at the hotel where it is being held. I am certain it is around $100.00 per plate and my husband, myself and one son is going. Is it expected to give $300.00 or more for a gift????
We are also invited to the Sunday Brunch the morning after the wedding.

This is going to end up being an expensive weekend. Let's just hope that I can buy a dress at least one size smaller by the time the wedding comes. I have 5 weeks to go.
Suzy

The "per plate" cost should have nothing to do with your gift.

A gift is just that ... a GIFT. Freely given, with value not being the primary factor.

That said, I believe that there are certain life events that "deserve" a little bit more. Graduation, marriage, and new babies ... to me those three things deserve a bit of a splurge.

YMMV.

.

I loathe the whole "cover your plate" mentatlity of wedding gift-giving but at least it's regional and is considered insane and rude in the region where I currently live (yay!). It's not a shower, it's not a fundraiser, it's a WEDDING. If people are blowing their budgets counting on making the money back from guests, the should scale back.

Just pick something foofy from the registry.

I'd say what you can afford.

I do not believe in the whole "pay for your plate" either... Give what you can afford!! I think $100 is sufficient... It should be your presence at the weekend that is valued and treasured more...

If you had a daughter who was getting married, what would you think would be reasonable for your good friends to give as a gift? How good of friends are these?

If your budget allows and this is a girl you've known since she was a little girl, I think $150 or more might be a reasonable gift. Are they registered? Or do you prefer to give cash? If they are good friends but not your best friends or you've only known them for a short while, I'd think $50-$150 would be reasonable.

The gift should really be based on your friendship and relationship as well as what you can afford and is reasonable.

An example is we received over $100 for our wedding from decent friends. My husband had been friends with the guy of the couple for for 10 years or so. We were shocked they would give us that much money for our wedding and it made us a bit uncomfortable (luckily, they got married a year later). Now if it was someone who was my mom's best friend and older people who had been there since I was a little girl, it wouldn't have surprised me.

I HATE the "per plate" idea of wedding gifts too but unfortunately that is how people think in this end of the country. She is a good friend and we do want to give appropriately however we have to stay in a hotel and eat some meals out and it is going to be difficult. I will look and see where she is registered. I am from the old school,when my sons get married, I would just rather my friends be there than care what their gift was.

Honestly, I never heard of the 'per plate' idea and I've been to a lot of weddings and involved in the planning for a few of them, including my own. I was happy to have people come to my wedding and we actually had an inexpensive wedding because we wanted to not break our budget and didn't expect to recoup costs through gifts (although we did actually receive more in gifts than we paid for the wedding). If someone told me that it costs them a certain amount to have me at the wedding and that is what they want me to give as a gift, then I'd say to them have a nice wedding

I have never heard of the per-plate thing, either, and I just got married 2 weeks ago.

$100 was the average gift amount. We were a little surprised since we had registries set up at a couple of popular places, but I think it's easier for people to cut a check. We recieved everything from $20 bills to $100. It didn't add up to any significant amount (we only had 75 guests), but it was really nice to have fun money for the honeymoon. But that wasn't the point.

We noticed that the average amount given in money was $100, while the average amount spent on gifts was around $50. I don't know what the discrepency is there, but we thought it was interesting. Also, in the end, we found that cash was much easier on all fronts. It was easier for people to just write a check and put it in an envelope, while we are still figuring out where half the registry gifts are and it is actually easier in terms of thank-you notes and our own organization. NOT that we're complaining. People had to travel a long way and spend money on a hotel and our main point was to be able to spend time with everyone, which we were able to do and had a blast.

It really has nothing to do with the amount. It's the simple gesture of giving a gift and saying best wishes for your life together. Really.

And my favorite gift so far that I smile everytime I use it is a $15 pink cutting board. For what it's worth...

A gift is supposed to be a gift... not a "required". Technically, you don't have to give anything... because the party is thrown by the bride & groom to celebrate their new life together, not because they want you to go shopping for them.

That being said, most people give something. I don't believe you need to "cover your plate". Give from your heart. If it's $100, if it's $300... whatever you feel is right. If you find something on the registry that you'd like to give... if you find something not on the registry that you'd like to give... if you don't find anything & you'd rather give them money! Doesn't matter. It's the feeling behind the gift that's going to matter. Just make sure to include a nice note with warm feelings about the wedding and how it makes you feel. (I'm a sucker for sincere notes.)

Enjoy the wedding, enjoy the reception, enjoy the brunch!

I think it should be taken into consideration that you're having to travel a distance, stay in a hotel, etc etc.

Also, it depends on what you can afford and what you're comfortable spending. Everyone here has given some really good advice.

I'd ignore the 'per plate' price.

You give what you can afford. Short and to the point.

In His Hands

TACKLENURSE

Maybe my family is weird but whenever there's a wedding everyone just gives money. It's usually the per plate rule. So if you bring a date and it's 100 a head then you'd give 200....

I think that's a Jersey thing. I have some friends from there and whenever a wedding has come up there's always a big discussion on the acceptable amount to be given with no mention of registries or gifts, just $$$.