My Heart is Breaking (Sending DD across the country alone for the first time)
I cannot stop crying and I am surprised at just how hard this is for me.
I just sent my 15 year old daughter off to New York on an airplane for the first time by herself. I am a mess. This hurts so bad, it really took me by surprise.
I had some feelings of anxiety about it, normal worries (What if she sits next to a creep? What if she feels scared and no one is there to comfort her?) but I just can't believe how powerless and scared I feel.
She's been away to camp before, but never where she was further than an hour away, driving. She's been to this camp several times before, but I have always been with her. She's never flown alone. She's never been away from home for 2 weeks before, only 6 days. I trust the people she's going to be with (they are my colleagues) and know she'll have a blast. It's just the getting there and getting back home that concerns me so. I am not used to feeling so powerless and scared.
She's 15. When I was her age I was already supporting myself and living as an adult. She's very mature, it's not that I don't trust her, it's just so hard to know that I won't be there to comfort her, to make sure all is well. Is this what your child growing up feels like?
I feel so helpless and raw. This is so new to me.
Does anyone have anything to share, support or a similar experience?
Aww! I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I'm not a parent, so I can't really identify with you, but I know it's gotta be hard!
Just keep trying to remember that she will be in good hands, and that younguns fly alone all the time and it goes great, and they usually have a blast!
So I hope your nerves and reservations will calm down over the next little while. I'm sure everything will go just fine :-) You take care!
Soulbliss, I've never had this type of stress, but just knowing you a little from your posts here, I have the feeling you raised a smart young woman with a lot of common sense and confident enough to trust her intuition.
Unfortunately food is a big equalizer for me when I'm stressed. And when faced with stress and no 'medicine' I feel raw and find it even more difficult to deal ... So stay strong, you will hear from her very soon. She's a lucky girl to have such nice plans for the summer... Stay strong...
~Caroline~
i moved to colorado and my son 16 tried it but didn't like it so i sent him back to his dad and we have always been to gether so it was very hard but i know he will be alright and you will be alright i just know it hang in there girl
Soulbliss, I've never had this type of stress, but just knowing you a little from your posts here, I have the feeling you raised a smart young woman with a lot of common sense and confident enough to trust her intuition.
Ditto. This was exactly what I wanted to write - well said Caroline!
She is fortunate to have a parent and mom who trusts her and cares so much about her.
Last edited by beautifulone; 07-20-2008 at 01:00 AM.
Having raised two teenage daughters, I can identify exactly with what you are saying! There really is nothing I can say to make it any better. You know all the answers in your head. You wrote them all down. Your heart isn't qite believing it yet.
She is mature and can handle herself in the world...That is what you want. It is what you worked so hard for. You did a good job mom!
But now it is hitting you in the face. She is mature and can handle herself in the world. You don't have a baby anymore. In many ways she no longer needs you. That is alot to let go of all at once. You deserve every tear of moarning!
This may be the end of one part of your relationship...but it is the beginning of the more adult relationship you will be building with this young lady over the next few years.
She still needs you and always will. Just in different ways now!
My daughter, also age 15, flew by herself last summer. I was a wreck! She spent the summer with my cousin and a friend her age. She actually had to sit by two guys but fortunately they didn't try anything.
All went well. My cousin met her at the airport and I was a cell call away. The airline was very good with keeping up with her. They stayed with her until my cousin met her at the gate.
Either way it goes, you won't rest easy until your "baby" is home with you. Just know she's going to have a blast and will be home before you know it.
Mother to you!
Last edited by SunshineCA; 07-20-2008 at 02:01 AM.
I spent most of my pre teen and teen years referred to only as an "unaccompanied minor" due to how often I flew alone. I flew back and forth between mom and dad so much that by the time I was 13 I didn't need an agent to escort me. I always felt so mature hustling between gates (and it didn't matter if I had a 2 hour wait- I always had to hustle!). This is a GREAT exercise in independence for your daughter. She may not have to make any connections, but it's a really cool feeling to know that you can handle getting from point A to point B and stop and get a magazine or some gum along the way. You mentioned that you were on your own at her age. Well, this is a great opportunity for her to learn some fairly innocent "grown-up stuff" while still being your "baby"
OK ~ these are normal feelings....very normal....unless you are taking it to another level and then some on your own.
I will bet you even money she is taking this way better than you. If she knew how you were feeling she would probably be...WTHeck! Mom
I never slept well until my kids got home from wherever they were...out on a date or away on a sports trip across country....that's the way it is. It does get easier...I promise!
Take a deep breath...eat a carrot....and stop...ok, TRY to stop worrying about stuff that might happen!....that way if something, God forbid, did happen you will be ready and in control to handle the situation.
You know you are in my prayers...now, go take care of the big guy
Last edited by EZMONEY; 07-20-2008 at 10:50 AM.
Reason: spelling of course
My nephew started flying from WI to NY when he was 10 to spend the summers with us -- I wasn't a mom back then so it didn't bother me too much -- but having two boys now -- I definitley understand how nerve racking it can be!
You are raising a young woman with confidence, intelligence and a good head on her shoulders -- I know this because you wouldn't have let her go alone if you didn't think she could handle it
She is probably having an amazing time -- what a great life experience -- you are a wonderful mom for allowing her this in her life!!
My kids (8 and 5) left Friday to spend a week with my sister 3 1/2 hours away -- I'm taking baby steps
I have a 15 year old daughter. She hasn't flown alone, but has gone on a school trip out of state. Having her fly alone would be different. Having cell phone access to her when traveling is great although we used it very little. Texting is much less intrusive than calling - let her call you.
It's only in retrospect that I realize how hard a trip I took after high school must have been on my parents. My first flight away from home was to Panama (the country) to stay for two weeks with a host family. No telephone access - they didn't know what family I was staying with. Before cell phones! Never thought to send a postcard home to say I was fine. However, when my parents needed to reach me to tell me that my ride home from Miami to the west side of the state had reneged and I had a connecting flight waiting for me, they did manage to reach me. That had to be really difficult for them. I was oblivious because I was having a blast!
Once you talk to her and know she has arrived safely and is with your colleagues, you'll feel much better.
I will keep you in my prayers! I have had to do the same thing with both of my sons. It really is HARD! You raise them to be strong, independent, level-headed, amazing children and then - almost out of nowhere - they go do independent and amazing things.
Sometimes it is difficult to reap what we sow. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier as they get older, but - it doesn't.
Believe me, I can sympathize with you. I have 2 daughters, 18 & 20. My 20 year old left Ct to live in NYC when she was 19. She goes to FIT in Manhattan, and since they didn't have enough dorm room, we had to get her an apartment. I thoughtI was going to worry myself to death the first couple of months. I know it's hard to let them do things that they haven't experienced yet, but they do become very mature and self sufficient when they have to. She sounds like a girl with a good head on her shoulders, I'm sure she'll do just fine. The next time around will be much easier for you. I hope these posts have lifted your spirits a bit.
My daughter flew when she was sixteen to Maine from Ohio to visit her grandfather. She went alone even tho she was terrified of flying. I felt so bad for her but she went and got back fine so try not to worry! Its hard, I know
My Heart is Breaking (Sending DD across the country alone for the first time)
Just know she's going to have a blast and will be home before you know it. 
