[savanahfloc]

I am one of the younger members of this site so I thought maybe I could ask for some helpful advice. I have a bunch of guy friends and I love them all to pieces. They feel comfortable around me more than their girlfriends. So they like to make jokes with me around. Here's the problem, they really like to make jokes about anorexics and overwieght people. They especially like jokes about fat women. I do not appreciate this one bit and I have voiced that....A LOT! They make jokes like fat people are some how less intellegent or less human. They don't seem to get the fact that it really makes me mad and really hurts me. I have told them it does and I have told them it does because I used to be very much over wieght. They apologize at the time but then later on do it again. What should I do? I don't want to give them up as friends cuz I love them

[KforKitty]

I can sympathise as many people tell 'blonde' jokes in my presence and I am a blonde - although unlike the stereotype I'm not dizzy and certainly not unintelligent. People stereotype all the time, its wrong, but rarely meant to be hurtful to individuals. I would simply keep reminding your friends that you are uncomfortable with such comments. They may get the message, eventually.

Kitty

[SunshineRunner]

Honestly....I'd walk away from them for a period of time. And when one of them asked why I wasn't hanging out with them anymore, I'd let them know how much they had hurt your feelings. If they are such good friends...they will come back to you and apologize and actually show that they mean it by not making these jokes anymore.

[Beach Patrol]

That's not so hard for me... cause me (yes I'm fat) & my (fat) friends make jokes about fat people all the time. Usually ourselves. I guess it just makes a difference in how you view/perceive things. But if it hurts you, then they - AS YOUR GOOD FRIENDS - should stop it. And if they don't/won't? ....Uh... well... Try smack'n'um upside the head once or twice.

[Scarlett]

Is this just when it's you, no other girls and a group of guys?

I have a similar situation...I have a group of guy friends and they really just consider me one of the guys...sorta...I mean they will talk about ANYTHING in frount of me...the gory details (though probably exaggerated) of the girl they hooked up with the night before, or how they like sex etc...then one of them may jokingly apologize to me afterwards...I won't join in the conversation but I may laugh a little and be a little embarrassed.

If it is one of these type situations and it bothers you that much I would just say "I don't appreciate that" whenever they make an offensive comment and change the subject until they stop it.

I don't know that much about your situation, ie are they really joking or saying it in a very nasty tone...I think alot of times the delivery more than what is actually said deems how offensive it is.

If they are seriously joking I think it's just a case of guys using guy talk...they joke about all politically incorrect topics..just interject when they use it and they'll eventually stop.

[Sunrose]

I aree with you, Catherine. Also, after consulting my husband on the topic, he agrees as well. It's guy talk, it's how they are with each other, and they consider you "one of the guys". But keep voicing your opinion and maybe it will get them to think about what they are doing.

[jenguin]

You could try saying "Well, I guess that's my cue to leave" and go somewhere else whenever they start making these jokes. That might be what it takes for it to sink in. I doubt they are trying to be intentionally hurtful but that may be part of the reason they don't really seem to "get it" when you tell them to stop.