You did the right thing Nightengale Shane. As for your client, kinda reminds me of this routine from Dennis Leary's "No Cure for Cancer" on cigarettes. I'm removing the profanity because I'm not sure of the board's policy & I'd like to err on the side of caution.

I've yo-yoed (as low as 120, as high as 250) and people do notice what you eat more when you're overweight. In college, during an overweight time, I had some guy (complete stranger, didn't know him) say to me (while I was getting ice cream from a machine in the cafeteria), "you really don't need that". I ate the ice cream, upset & ate some more after that because I was still upset. Then in the typical think of the perfect come back after the fact fashion, I fantasized about dumping the ice cream on his head & saying, "thanks for saving me the calories". If I ever have time travel where I can go back & do certain things over again, that is sooo on the list & I'm in my early 40s now, so you can imagine how much that hurt to make it onto the list.

My mom thought she was being helpful with that too. Having hit an all time high of 250, I started making gradual changes (going for livable changes vs. dieting). A year later, I'd lost 25 pounds. It would have probably been more if I hand't broken my foot in a fall & been in a soft cast/out of commission exercisewise for a bit. She lectured me on health "for my own good". I pointed out the weight loss and she asked me how long it had been and she made a face like that wasn't good enough. Of course, next visit, I was down another 25 lbs & after complimenting me on the weight loss, she was urging me to the Ben & Jerry's in the fridge. Go figure!

The only one who should be commenting unsolicited on weight is a dr. Doctors have a professional obligation to inform their patients of health risks.

Wow, N-Shane. I'm absolutely appalled.

I probably would've come back with a "Who the he|| do you think you're talking to like that?" :mad: And something about inappropriate behavior and a "can you honestly look yourself in the mirror acting like that?" Oh, yeah, I would've been up one side of him and down another. IMO, his $$ is filthy and not worth your valuable time and expertise.

We are all different people in different sizes at different times in our lives. We all are dealing with our own battles. I smile at everyone and say hello as often as possible--what's the hurt? Apparently, your client is in his as$hole stage... and I hope Nicole has big feet as to lodge that shoe deep in the groin. :devil:

I wish you luck with this disgrace of a human being.... ;)

Like all of the previous posts, I give you a lot of credit for keeping your cool.Like most of us here, we didnt need to reminded that we were fat, we knew! its disgusting, how some people think that they have the right to humiliate someone that they dont even know! I have come to accept the fact that, at least for me, my so called friends and family would make comments about my weight, or the imfamous"you have such a pretty face, if only you lost some weight" . mabey she suffered something dramatic in her life that put her in her current weight situation, or mabey she just likes donuts! either way, it was certainly not any of his business, I truly believe what comes around goes around, mabey someday someone will say something mean back to him so he would know how it feels to be humiliated, oooh i know, how about" I know they say size doesn't matter, but it does to me, and you my friend, are just waaayy too small".

She used to belong to a gym and I've suggested getting a family membership so we could go together, but she isn't interested. We got her to walk with us twice last week, so that is a step. She said she might want to start running with me, but isn't interested in getting up early to do it, so it would only be on the weekends, which is something, but so far she hasn't wanted to start yet (and I offered her the use of my c25k podcasts to get her started). Like I said, she isn't terribly overweight, and she knows she should lose, she just loses will power easily, so I make sure that we eat healthy means (which she has thanked me for, so that is working).

I'm huge. I've been huge for as long as I can remember, and there hasn't been a minute in my life that I wasn't aware of it. I've heard comments made, some directly to me, most said in a stage whisper loud enough to know that they very much intended me to hear.

The funny thing is, most of their assumptions were completely wrong. I really don't care for sweets that much, nor typical "bad" food, I gained nearly every ounce on real, normal, even healthy, meal food, not desserts, snack foods, fried foods.... Until about three years ago, there had been only about 3 - 4 years in my life after the age of 5, that I didn't spend a good part, if not most of the year dieting. They were the only years that I didn't gain weight (My radical fat acceptance, "diets cause weight gain" years).

The most memorable comments were

Eating a salad and a diet coke (YEAH, who is she trying to kid, like she eats like that all the time - lots of giggling).

A doctor telling me I could lose a great deal of weight just by giving up sweets and desserts (if I ate them, probably). Even some doctors don't realize, I guess, that people can get very fat on extra helpings of meat loaf and mashed potatoes rather than donuts and skittles.

And of course, particularly lovely, while trying to get exercise by walking or bicycling guys, and occasionally women, hooting from cars, usually shouting out animal noises or names like Moose, Pig, Whale, Cow.....

I've gotten comments and advice from strangers (and overheard them telling someone else loudly how I could lose weight if I wanted, and then expound upon some diet that they had used, usually one I had already tried).

I've even had family "interventions," as well, but since I was usually already dieting the best I knew how, guess how effective that was. Even as a child, my parents didn't know better, and tried to put me on very strict diets, that left me, and usually Mom with a bald piece of chicken breast, cottage cheese, and salad with horrible fat free dressing, while everyone else had "real" food. It usually sent me off the diet I was trying, and I'd either try something MORE extreme, or give up in frustration because what I was doing wasn't effective.

Obesity is a complicated issue, and losing weight, especially permanently, is often exceedingly difficult. I think if only this were acknowledged, such rudeness would be much less common, and maybe it would be easier for people to get help earlier.

Horribly rude and ill-mannered. Someone did not raise that client to be either a lady or a gentleman. He probably forgot about the conversation 10 minutes after he initiated it and the poor donut woman had her whole day (or probably weekk) ruined. Another thing...every now and then that humiliating comment will pop into her head and make her feel bad all over again. Disgraceful.

lucky him/her they didn't say that to me...I'd took him out back and beat the snot of him/her...

One benefit to being deaf is I never heard any comments like that. :) But I'm not blind either, so I have seen the looks though. It's amazing how judgemental our society is, to the point that they feel the need to be superior over someone else, even when it's negative. :(

I think the coment was rude and uncalled for and extremely inappropriate at a business meeting! However I once received a similar comment (hence the screen name) and at the time I was only a size 10-12, it did motivate me to lose some weight but ultimately I gained it back! I think the poster who said the wake up call has to come from within was soo right! I recently "woke up" and realized I am fat! And now I am really committed to doing something about it.

That's what I was thinking also. What a condescending @$$hole!!!

I'd hold him down for you!

Rude little man. :mad:

Yes, it's rude. I bet $1 to a donut, pun not intended, the girl was only too aware of her obesity, and she'll know when the time comes to make the effort. That was me until 2 years ago, when I changed doctors from one who didn't seem overly concerned about my blood pressure to one who was. If you're still in contact with the guy, write a polite letter to him letting him know where he was out of line (I'd be for hogtying him but it's probably too late now)

I think there are times in life where we have to make decisions based on our own sense of what's right and what's wrong. Sometimes those decisions will cost us money, friends, jobs....whatever. This was one of those moments. It takes courage to do the right thing, and sometimes it's extremely difficult. I've had moments in my life where I've done the right thing, and times when I've done the wrong thing .... because I was afraid to speak up. Your client is a total dick! You don't want him as a client or his money. It's just not worth selling out to this a$$hole. Just think of the satisfaction you will get by telling him that you don't do business with people like him. Take one for the fatties, you'll never regret it!

I think it's crazy when people say stuff like that. I think if you're concerned, it's nice and all but it's really none of your business. I don't get why people tell people what they should and shouldn't eat - I think for the most part, we know it's (doughnuts) aren't good for us, so we don't need someone else to tell us that.

Side story - I was in Meijer once with my boyfriend and this older woman walked up to my boyfriend and I and looked at me. She said to me if I lost a lot of weight, I'd be really pretty and that I had a pretty face. She then looked at my boyfriend and asked him how wouldn't he like to see me skinny in my wedding dress and such (I really have no idea how or why she thought we're getting married) and his jaw just dropped. Then she went into a rant and told me about how her daughter is eating right and how she lost a lot of weight and such. I think I just said ok and we left. We got in the car and I was fine about the whole thing until about 5 mins later I just sat there and cried! My boyfriend assured me that I was beautiful and such but still - it hurts because it's like you're not telling me something I didn't know, lady!

Hehe sorry for the rambling!

Maybe it was something that needed to be said, but that wasn't a great way to say it. The woman might have really bad depression and take what your client said too far. For all he knows, she might develop an eating disorder or try and harm herself. I know many people who started having eating disorders because of comments like that towards them. Comments like that towards me in the past have made me extremely self conscience, severely depressed, and I was injuring myself for a few months afterwards.
That was just too rude. I hope she does try and get healthy!

I had No idea :shrug: that Angie's ex-husband was living in Florida...jerk ;)

What a jerk. I hate when people make assumptions. Maybe this woman has lost 40 pounds, and was having a binge day and already feeling bad about it. I'm sure that made her feel just great.

I have always hated comments like that. Unfortunately, the only way to make them understand how rude they are is to respond in kind. My standard response has become:

"You know, my problem is obvious when you look at me, no one knows you are an a**hole until you open your mouth".
That always shuts them up.

First off, the way the guy said it is what was so rude about it. Also, he could have been saying it just to be a prick...or he could have been genuinely concerned about her health.

How many times have you heard one person say to someone who is smoking, "You really shouldn't smoke, you know what you're doing to your body?" Well, obesity is killing almost as many (second biggest cause of death in the US, obesity) people as smoking is. So, would it be wrong for someone to go up to someone that's eating their 3rd double cheeseburger and say "You really shouldn't eat that, you know what you're doing to your body?"??

I personally think I would be offended, initially. But honestly, I think it's something that does need to be said to some people. Because some people just do NOT understand. It can be offensive because someone is making a comment on your body and it makes you feel self conscious. Just because it's something that most people find rude and negative doesn't make it wrong to say to someone. Because you can be genuinely concerned about someone's health when saying it.

But honestly, I don't think it's that man's place to say that to her. It's something that her parents, friends, or a counselor needs to talk to her about. I wouldn't go up to some random person that I saw smoking and give them a lecture about how they shouldn't smoke and what they're doing to their body. But I would say something to someone I'm genuinely concerned about and know personally. So, I do think your client was out of place, but he had a good point.

Close friends and family and certain professionals (doctors, psychologists, social workers, maybe even clergy) may have a legitimate reason to bring up this issue, but even then it should at least begun with questions, not comments. "Telling" a person what they should do, how they should do it, and why they should do it assumes a lot of things that might be (in fact, probably are) completely wrong. It's hurtful, disrespectful, condescending, inappropriate, and does absolutely no good whatsoever.

I think the argument that some people just don't understand, is hogwash. Especially in a circumstance such as this. There is a lot of misinformation out there, and many people do not understand proper nutrition, but with very few exceptions, fat people do know that they're fat, and they do know that eating large quantities of high calorie food does not aid in weight loss. So what did this man tell this woman that she needed to know? What new information did he provide her, what aid did he provide? Absolutely none.

Informing a fat person that they are fat, is ridiculous - they know. 90% or more have tried to lose the weight at least once, most more than a dozen times. So unless you have helpful information, it is appropriate to keep your mouth shut. If you think you do have helpful information, and really want to give it to a perfect stranger, you should at least ask if it is welcome.

"May I tell you about Jesus Christ?" is not offensive to me (some people might think so, as religion can be a taboo subject to some). But I'm an open person, and if someone asks permission to "get into" my personal business, there's a good chance I'll discuss it. I'm also not offended when someone asks me questions about my weight, weight loss or related topics like obesity, diet and exercise, when it doesn't come with judgement, prejudices, or assumptions attached (which is rare, but it has happened).

I once saw a very beautiful fat woman, much bigger than me at the time (probably my size now, when I think about it) wearing a gorgeous outfit. As many of you know, great looking clothes in plus sizes are hard to come by, I had to ask her where she shopped. In my defense, I have a tendency to speak without thinking it through, and I was in my early 20's when I was less likely to do so - I didn't just ask her where she shopped, or where she had bought the lovely dress, I had to add a little comment about how difficult it was to find flattering clothing in the larger sizes. Oops! Absolutely wrong thing to say, and the woman was clearly offended that I had even indirectly refered to her size. I still don't completely understand why that offended her (I mean, when you weigh over 300 lbs, is anyone supposed to believe you wear a size 20 or smaller). Except perhaps that her experience like that of many overweight people is that comments are so likely to be critical, that none are welcome.

I don't think weight or diet should be a taboo subject, but no one should assume that a fat person doesn't realize they're fat or is any less worthy of dignity and respect. Making comments on personal choices without permission to do so is rude, no matter what the intent.

Wow.. uhmm first off I'm proud of you of how you handled it. But yeah that was incredibly rude of him. How does he know who she is and where she's coming from? Maybe like others have said, she's lost a lot of weight already and that was her reward. Or maybe she's on a medication(s) that has caused a lot of weight gain (that's what happened to me plus having the same bad eating habits since before medication I was able to eat anything I wanted and didn't change them when I was put on these medications).. The only people that has ever said something to me about my weight has been my mother and my husband. My mom wasn't so kind and would try to guilt trip me about it until I put my foot down. My husband on the other hand was very kind about it when he talked to me about my weight. But anyways, For a complete stranger to do that, oh boy if I had been there and that had been me either I would have just exploded on him and unloaded on him what my problems and what had caused my weight gain and put him in his place or I would have just cried right then and there. If that had happened then my husband would be looking for that guy right now. But you handled it as best as you could and I think you did the right thing by what you said.

Quoted for truth!

I have one more thing to say about this.

Notice that it was a fat WOMAN that he attacked. And yes, I consider it an attack--what else could you call it?

I will bet you dollars to dimes that if it had been a big guy, he wouldn't have opened his mouth. Because a man might put his lights out for him, but women are usually "safe" for that kind of comment. Given his marital history, he probably is an abuser in many ways.

Jay