I feel the same - I'm not saying I never ever ever want children - I may want them some day... but I have decided to tell everyone I don't want them because if I give them that little bit of hope - they will cling to it like a rag doll.
I actually have been feeling the urge lately - but I think it's all biological/emotional and the realities of having a child would not be good for me or my husband. Sometimes you chose for the greater good and for some people that choice is no children.

As for the people who are trying desperately to conceive they of all people should know it's nobody's business. I guess there are rude people in all groups though.

I know loads of people who dont want to have kids or are willing to highly consider adopting if they eventually do want kids. The fact of the matter is you have no set responsibility to give birth or have a kid just because you're a human being. If you dont want children, then just ignore the people who are mindlessly advocating that everyone should up and have a baby.

When people ask me about children, I tell them that I dont want any till I'm at least in my mid to late twenties. I get asked if I'm wanting to have babies and I am married at 19.

The way I think about it is that there are millions of unwanted children in the world, I dont need to add to that number. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. That's the end of it.

It also helps that for me, living in the UK, just about every girl my age has been pregnant at some point already, or even went ahead to have and keep the baby. The government here pays out loads of money in benefits to single mothers and in most cases you can make a better living as a single mother than a Computer Engineer or Programmer. They even give you free or near free housing as well.

*sigh* Its rare to go to the grocery store here without bumping into a 16 year old girl pushing a pram or with a ginormous baby bump.

Hello! I never wanted children, not from my earliest recollection. My favorite thing to do with dolls was to put them to bed and leave them there--for months. :lol:

Although I don't have them and never will at this point, I do know from others' experience that having a baby changes your whole life--especially the life of the mother. You can pretty much put on hold any ideas you had about travel, career, job advancement, etc. Your new role in life is to take care of someone else 24/7. As for fathers, they usually seem to have a lot of trouble as well adjusting to the change to the cozy little twosome they liked so much. Many like to think the kids are mom's job, but it ain't so simple! ;)

If you don't want to hear those comments about "why aren't you," you're going to have to actively tell people you don't appreciate it. Be kind but firm, and if that doesn't work, just be firm.

Jay

Thanks so much for everyone's replies! It's great to know that I'm not alone. My husband and I also have our share of illnesses, so we do know that if the urge ever does arise, we will have to adopt. We had decided on adoption even before our health came to light...but we're not ready.
I have gotten somewhat snarky w/ my replies simply because of irritation, usually I'll ask 'well, when are you?", or hte worst was ," I'll let you know when it's your business."...
When people ask me when I'm going to start a family, "I already have a family"...there's nothing wrong with having kids, but I'm not a kid person...when I was little and played with dolls, my friends would chastise me because when I'd put 'baby' to sleep, I'd lay it down with it's face in the pillow, my friends said I'd suffocate it... that should have been an indicator..but I've waited my whole life for the maternal instinct to kick in, but it's a no go thus far. Most interactions I have with kids reaffirm that they are great for other people and even in my own life, but not as my own children...and kudos to the man who said that they knew what they were getting adopting: a baby. Great reply!!

SOme of my reasons may be selfish, some are not- but to have a kid for the wrong reasons is unfair to all involved, especially the kid..

thanks again for allthe replies! I feel so much better!

I got married last year, and we constantly get asked when we are going to start having kids. My friends are having kids, married or not, and they keep telling me we should expand our family. I don't think they understand that we don't WANT kids yet. We are perfectly happy be young and not tied down by the demands of a baby. In the future, when I am in my 30's, I will probably be ready. But right now I am happy to be selfish and get my hubby all to myself...I don't want to share yet.

Just my 2 cents:
I have 2 kids. We were married a long time before we had kids (our choice) and we both wanted them. It is NOT something to be taken lightly and anyone telling you that you should just because you are married is so very wrong. I love my kids, but they have completely changed my life. It has been a good thing and a bad thing, but I'm so glad that I have them.
However, having said that, if you don't want to devote yourself to raising them and be willing to give up a lot of your own needs and desires, you definitely shouldn't have kids.
In this day and age, it is perfectly acceptable to not have kids! I think I'd give people the "none of your business" reply!

People can be idiots. A good friend and her husband struggled with infertility, and she went through all of the fertility treatments, and had several late-term miscarriages. Even mentioning children made her burst into tears, BECAUSE so many people were badgering her and her husband about why they weren't having kids. She was a very private person and didn't feel like telling everyone the gory details.

You aren't obligated to give any answer, and for those that keep asking, you aren't even obligated to be polite.

I totally am in agreement with everyone. My DH and I are childfree and when I hear the insensitive comments from people like our lives are missing something because we are childfree, or why we don't have children, I get very firm and say, "Why do you want to know?". That usually shuts people up.

I follow that with, "Dogs are just fine with us, thank you. They never back talk, say they hate us, cry when accidentally stepped on, bumped into, etc. They will love us 100 times more than any other human on this planet and would give their lives for us. Can you say the same thing about children?"

And as far as adoption goes, it doesn't matter whether a child is born from the womb or the heart, you love them just the same. I didn't birth our dogs, but I would do anything for them and love them like no other... and a lot of times more than others. :lol:

Ignorant people SUCK!!

Maybe we all should ask those people if they want to come over and help 24/7 with the wagon full of kids they want me to have and if they're going to give me the hundreds of thousands of dollars it takes to raise them, then I'll think about it for a second. Ha, nope; I'm still happier with dogs! ;)

It's less selfish to be honest and say that having kids is not right for us than appeasing what society thinks we should do.

I would never judge anyone for having or not having kids. We all make a difference in this world no matter what our families look like!

:hug:

It's funny that just the other day my girlfriend and I were talking about this very subject. She referred to another friend and said, "Sometimes I think Cheryl is so lucky because she doesn't have kids." I agreed completely.

I am 50 and I have 2 boys in their late teens/early 20's. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my boys to death, but they have changed my life incredibley. If anyone tells you differently, don't listen. They take a lot of time and money and emotional energy. Neither of my sisters have kids and they have done so much more than I have in many other ways. I'm not jealous, I am happy with the decision we made but it was our decision.

It is a much bigger decision to make then most people realize. It has to be totally your decision because you will be the one responsible for them.

Can I get an AMEN! lol. Exactly!! Dogs are great aren't they?

I work with toddlers in a nursery...and while it's OK for a few hours here and there...I just can NOT imagine taking care of a childs needs constantly...I would be so annoyed! I am annoyed just thinking about it!

I want to have fun while I am still young...I want to travel before I get 65 years old..I want to see the world! (probably won't but atleast the option's there LOL)

Even when I was a kid, I was pretty sure I would never have kids. I liked Barbies a lot more than baby dolls. I was 35 when I met my husband, and 36 when we married, and so a lot of people were telling us we had to "hurry up" and have kids (or lose weight so we could have them - I just saw on television a 600 lb woman who had a healthy baby, so assuming I "couldn't" have kids at my weight, was presumptuous and rude too).

I've never been very maternal, and with my sister's first son, Caleb, I kind of had to pretend I wanted to hold him, when I really didn't care one way or another. I LOVE kids, but I always thought babies were kind of boring. Even my younger sisters, I didn't even enjoy playing with until they were at least sitting up by themselves. Then when my sister had her second boy, Jayden, I was fascinated with him from birth, and SO wanted a baby, but my husband and I agreed that it was still not a good idea. My mom started in with the "I told you, you would regret not having kids." (This was just a little bit before hubby and I were joking about "Otis," our mutant squid baby.

Yes, I do sometimes regret that we will not have children, but it's far better to not have children and regret it, than to have children and regret it. The "potential" children have to be weighed into the equation. Besides, we can't have everything we want. Every choice you make eliminates other choices, that's just life. My husband and I get our "kid-fix," by playing with our nephews (and can give them back when we're tired) and volunteering with our church's youth and family puppet ministries.

My response, when questioned why we don't have them, is that we aren't able to have them and my medical issues preclude us from adopting. Right then, people switch from being judgmental to sympathetic. So, even if you aren't facing these issues like we are, this response seems to work really well!
When some people still push, and ask us "don't you LIKE children?", I always reply:
"I LOVE children. I just could never eat a whole one..."
The looks I get are priceless!

Frieamaya, I love the line about 'I couldn't eat a whole one'... when ppl ask us if we want to have a baby, my husband has answered," No thank you, I hear that they are very salty.".. my mom does get irritated with us when we talk about adoption, and I refer to it as 'buying a kid'.....

A few minutes ago,we were watching my guinea pig race around the floor, under chairs and trying to eat everything... we have enough trouble keeping a 2 lb guinea pig under control when it's mischeivous. we'd do real well w/ kids...
My husband said he never liked kids much, even when he was a kid. Just noting my reactions to wailing, whining and running kids when I'm at work is enough 'proof' for me.
Who knew my little thread, my entreaty, has been so popular?

I'm not even married and my friends have bugged me about children for years. (and I'm only 23 @_@)
I think I'm too selfish for a baby. there are days that I wish I had a little baby to care for, but then I remember that little babies grow up. yikes!

Also, I was a babysitter for much of my teenage years. (almost like a live in nanny in my freshman year of high school) ... so I feel like I already raised some kids, why would I want to do it over again. at 15 I had to make sure the kids did homework, did chores, took a bath, cook them snacks and dinner and get them to bed. Wake them up and get them to the school bus. and still do my own chores and homework and get myself to the school bus. So yeah...I'm tired of kids now lol.

mostly I just tell my friends, that I'm too selfish for a kid. They stand there with their mouth open. I guess that was gonna be their next line..then I always joke..."babyfood..or lipstick...I don't ever waht to have to make that choice."