**update**

so he is still in detriot... i am picking him and his son up at the airport tomorrow afternoon.

i talked to him on the phone the other night and asked him what his plans were when he got back. he rattled off a few things including "i have a friend coming into visit me for the holiday weekend."
... so i asked him who the friend was.

"she is a very important woman to me."
"oh... just a friend?"
"she is more than just a friend to me. but she'll only be here for 5 days."

....

gah! now i REALLY dont know what to do. is he expecting me to be ok with stepping back for some other woman to come in for 5 days and then just coming back in like nothing happened? because we dont have a spoken committment do i even have a right to be hurt by this?? should i even still talk to him about some structure in our relationship or should i let it go???
someone told me that if he actually liked me he wouldnt want to see this woman anyway.

:( :(

figured i'd say whats up and vent a little. back to the single fat girl drawing board.

Okay, so just my uneducation opinion --

One of two things -- he's doing what girl would do -- telling you this to see your reaction....

or you are both right where you started after your beginning conversation of "just friends".

I still say go for it -- you'll never know if you don't and regret is a horrible thing. Don't you want to settle it? Maybe this person planned a long time ago to come and visit who knows? But, unless you put your mind to it and have "the talk" -- you'll never know where you stand. He could be waiting for your to make "the move" and then he will reciprocate!!!

Ask him if the 3 of you can hang out together...see what happens then.

Yeah--what EZMONEY said! Good idea.

He had a life before he met you, and as you've noted, you don't have a commitment at this point. So... it's a tough situation, but don't jump to any conclusions.

I don't agree with the person who told you that if he liked you he wouldn't want to see this woman anyway. Life isn't like that. It could be that he's going to tell her about you. There is no way to know.

But I do like EZMONEY's idea.

Jay

Sorry to jump in, but I had a thought.

Maybe its the boy's Mom. Planned visits are a normal part of custody relationships.

karwie

Funny, I was just thinking about this last night and meant to post and ask you how things were.

The only thing that bothers me about this situation is that you are picking up his son at the airport. That's a very relationship-like thing to do, so at first blush it appears that he gets the benefits of you being a GF without any of the commitment. Thoughts?

nope. this is a woman from tahoe. we have really open communication about his son's mother who lives in NYC.

i like ezmoney's idea too.... in theory. i really am no good at going head to head with a woman over a guy. i get upset and frustrated. the way he said it to me and the tone in his voice. i have very little doubt she is coming out of a romantic thing. if i go over there and she is kissing him, calling him baby and is otherwise completely blind about me - i'd be even more of a wreck than just thinking about it!

i'm going to talk to him about it tonight.... i hope i have the guts! like, it hurts me a lot to have him sleeping and spending time like this with another woman. it would hurt me and my self respect even more if i pretend like nothings wrong at all and it doesnt bother me just to let him have his cake and eat it too, you know?

:( :(

I think you realy need to be honest with him, preferably befor this other woman shows up , I think its likely that he said he didn't want a relationship just because you said it first. So I think its up to you to tell him how you feel, He won't b/c he doesnt want to be rejected either. It's posible he's making more out of this other woman situation to see how you react if you let him think you are fine with it he will take it as a sign that you dont care. If he truely doesnt want a relationship its better to find out now befor things get even more complicated and someone gets hurt.

You could tell him that the fact you're experiencing emotions related to this "other woman" thing made you realize you'd like something more. This is a great opprtunity and, unless, he's an idiot, he's expecting you to say SOMETHING about the situation.

If I understand this correctly, you told him first that you didn't want a relationship and I bet he just followed your lead.

If it's any encouragement, my fiance and I both told each other for four years that we were too busy to date anyone and I finally- in a fit of frustration about the shallow end of the dating pool- demanded that we date each other. It still took almost a year to get him to go on a date! Neither one of us wanted to admit what we already knew. We'd wind up married and happy and isn't that a horrible fate ;)

Sweetie, don't ever lose your self-respect for any guy...if you have to, then for sure he isn't worth it! If he is sleeping with the other gal...because he just wants to be friends with you/her and whoever...fine...(although I don't believe it is fine)...and if you are still interested to see if there is a chance for both of you to be together at some point...as long as you are willing to allow him to play the field while you wait....then fine...but don't you sleep with him! If you do...he has no reason to stop "playing the field" (if he is)

Good luck to you...Gary

Sorry to be nosey, but the suspense is killing me -- how did it work out after he got back, I hope everything went your way!!!

Call me nosey, too. I'm curious!!

ditto...hoping for good news!

.... no good news to be given.

brought it up to him, talked about the woman coming in to see him, etc...

and his answer was "i adore you, i think you are phenomenal woman. but lets not kid ourselves - you're not a keeper for me. she potentially is."

......

i walked out.

You are a much better woman than I am, I would also have walked out, but not after potentially slapping him across the face for being such a user. You should be proud of yourself not only for bringing up the topic but for your composure in your exit. I'm sure it was painful for you, but better to learn now than to continue to be used ("been there, done that") Hugs to you!! I feel very bad for his son, obviously he does not consider his feelings when bringing woman around. Just think, unfortunately you have to come across a few losers to truly appreciate "Mr. Right" when he arrives.