...When you go out on a dinner with DH and his friend and his friend's wife/GF who is so damn attractive, who has the skinniest legs which you'd never imagine having yourself, wearing the most flattering low cut blouse, the most expensive accesories...and you are overweight, fully clothed in dark colors and little or no makeup!?!
I face this situation sometimes and will be facing one soon and end up feeling bad about my body at the end of the day...I feel very uncomfortable being there and just realise how un-attractive my body is...Although I do not say anything out loud, I do feel very jealous and I experience these negative body image thoughts for days after that! It may be just the physical issue or it may also be because I am a lot younger than DH an his friends etc.
Even when you lose weight, there are always going to be women who are more beautiful, who have better skin, who have fabulous hair, who have perfect make up, gorgeous tans, chic clothes, sparkling white even teeth, dripping with gems, have a bigger house, go on better vacations, drive fancier cars, send their kids to the best schools/colleges...
Can't be jealous of everyone for everything. This woman you are jealous about, I'm sure she has insecurities too. I bet she looks at you and thinks you have a nice nose or wishes she had your skin or your shiny hair or your happy laugh or your wit, wishes she had your job, your manager, your education, your purse, etc etc.
I am angry, resentful, jealous and I usually make biting remarks about her in the car on the way home.
But I'm working on it ... and you are too. It's coming. It really is. I'm working at improving 'me' first, my clothing, I bought some make-up, I play with my hair ...
That use to happen to me many years ago right after I started gaining weight and was no longer just a little heavy. Once I became what is called obese, That would happen a lot. But then one day I realized, that one day, even if I lost the weight and regained some resemblance of my "girlish" figure, all of it would fade and give in to age and time. Whatever is left is what's important. The person I am inside. After that, I never looked at anyone else the same again. I stopped thinking about how others looked. I have many "skinny" or non-overweight friends that can wear all the cute fashions in the small sizes. But what I hear the most when I'm out when them or from others when my DH and I are out, it what a beautiful smile I have. How caring and encouraging I am. How easy I am to talk to. Those are the things that people with think of when the looks are gone and that's what I want people to remember about me when I'm gone. That's how I look at people now.
So, don't worry about how someone else looks or what they might think of how you look. The last reply to your message was correct in that everyone has their own insecurities. You might be surprised of what she thinks of you !
I don't have any solutions or anything... but I wanted to chime in and let you know that you are not the only one that feels this way. Pretty much no matter how I look or who I'm with I feel awkward and out of place and like everything I say is wrong.
No answers, just support. It's hard putting yourself out there, but if you do it enough eventually you sort of forget about those things and just try to enjoy the company you're with. She may be a "skinny *****", but maybe she's funny or nice?
I have felt like that in the past, especially meeting a colleagues wife or anyone's significant other. Put on the make up, do your hair, put on the clothes that make you feel sexy. Sexiness is a state of mind, not always a body shape. The way you carry yourself speaks volumes more than what size you happen to be--think confidence! Your DH must see that quality in you or he would't be with you. You may also be surprised to find out that even though you think she is drop-dead gorgeous, your hubby may not.
I'm like Susan though, I'd probably be sniping her all the way home ...of course if she had a great personality and were a pleasure to have around, it would be a different story. It's all in your own attitude.
Do your hair, put on some makeup and find a couple nice outfits that fit well and are flattering. (they do exist...though are a rare find!)
Personality is what helps when we aren't stick thin. Having confidence in your appearance brings out your personality and that is what is true beauty!
I see women that are way bigger than me, who dress in flattering clothing that have their hair, makeup and nails done and they look great and I get jealous of THEM!! I wish I could be that awesome!
Their personalities just shine when they are smiling and look confident. That is what makes them look good.
When a woman is confident and has that "I look good and don't give a darn about what you think." attitude, people get wowed.
I've never felt "jealous", just envious. Sometimes such a situation would spark another wish to diet and try to lose weight yet again. I wanted to look like that. I didn't hate her for it, no thoughts against her would enter my mind. Just thoughts of how I could end up looking like that.
My dear, you are 145 lbs.? *You* would be the skinny "b*tch" that I'd be making snide comments about on the way home!
And I mean that in the most complimenting way.
As the other ladies said - it's all in your head. Stop with the jealousy, start with the "damn i look good" attitude, put some effort into what you wear, your hair, your makeup and walk in the door with your chin up.
Chances are that no one is thinking bad thoughts about you or your look, except you. Don't let insecurity get in your way of being sexy and having a great time!
I agree with the others, but also...remember your posture! Good for your shape, and for making that other girl jealous of your outward confidence. Being sexy is almost all in how you carry yourself!
I just wanted to share a sister in law moment. My SIL has a PERFECT body. She is a size 2 but has actual boobs - not too big, not too small (guessing a C?). She always dresses with style and looks awesome. I am so jealous of her body.
Turns out all these years I've been married to her brother (15+) she has been jealous of my skin and my cleavage (DD before kids, now unmentionable)
She would trade her body for my skin. I would trade my skin for her body.
What goes through your mind when....
...of course if she had a great personality and were a pleasure to have around, it would be a different story. It's all in your own attitude.
