Copied from my post in the introduction thread

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I've been loitering around here for awhile, but I'm a natural introvert that prefers to not draw attention to myself so I've always stayed pretty quiet. But at this time I could really use a community of people who are encouraging and understanding...so here goes.

I grew up as a very normal sized Asian child eating healhy homemade food (didnt have my first fast food meal until high school). I was also naturally very active so I ate when I had to and quickly ran off to play outside with my friends. Then in middle school - the kids started to get mean. So did my relatives. The rude comments about "OMG, is your mom even feeding you - you're sooo skinny" "What's wrong with your body...do you have some kind of leech in your stomach?" "Are you not eating? Are you trying to be anorexic?" I realize now that those comments were more of a reflection of their own personal insecurities. But back then, to my young 7th grade mind, it meant there must be something wrong with me. I also didn't want people to think my mom was mistreating me so I ate more to prove to them that I was fine. Around this time, I also developed my sweet tooth.

I went from low 110s to 130s in high school. Looking back now, I see that I wasn't fat even then, but my young self-esteem made me feel gi-normouse, especially among my twig-sized Asian peers.

Fast forward to 2nd year of college, I got myself together...started backing off on the sweets and exercising. Went down from 136 to 122 and felt great.

But I graduated right at the start of the economic recession...finding a job was hard and stressful. I rediscovered my sweet tooth and developed stress-eating. The weight came back. When I finally got a job...it was very sedentary compared to my college days of being forced to walk all around campus. The lbs came back and brought a lot more of its friends too. All this happened in 2009.

For the past 3 years I've been yo-yoing....going up and down between 135 and 150lbs...depending on life and circumstances. Its been very physically and mentally exhausting. Two of my close friends are getting married this year and I will be a bridesmaid for both of their weddings. I would really like to be able to enjoy myself and be there for my friends on their special days instead of being constantly self conscious and wondering if I'm "showing my fat" anywhere...or hiding from cameras.

Here's to buckling down and getting rid of this weight for good. Thank you for reading and looking forward to getting to know everyone.

ps. please ignore my ticker. I created it when I first joined. I'll have to update with my current stats later.

Nothing too exciting to report. I'm swamped at work and haven't had time to post much.
So, if you remember, my husband is on the "naughty list" with last year's Valentine's gift. I bought him a gift a few weeks ago and it is hiding in the closet now. But...I don't think he bought me anything. I'm going to pull it out in the morning before work. I know if he doesn't have anything, he will feel badly all day and probably come home with something (guilt). But really, the best present is if he gives me a card or anything in the morning...that means more than the gift to me. It means he was thinking of me. But men...well, men are not as thoughtful sometimes! LOL!

I'll fill you in tomorrow.

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Turbo...That meal sounds amazing! My grandma use to cook the same meat pie. We grew up on it and I still make it. She made hers with a creamy beef base that was heavenly...like a gravy. I can't replicate it, and she passed away before I ever cared to ask
Sorry about TOM, that sucks!

Krampus...Where did you camp? I want MORE details please I love hearing about trips.
I'd definately order the onion soup, hanger steak with blue cheese butter and intead of fries...a side salad YUMMY!

Dorian...Yay for vitamin water! It's been a life saver more than once for me. lol!

Leila...Welcome back! I've missed you! I love your sense of humour. I'm sorry to hear about the changes in your life...must be so hard.

Aidan...Way to go! I knew that woosh was coming. Hang in there...you will be able to hold it for sure.

Olecat...Good job on the workouts Every bit counts, so don't minimize your efforts!

Joss...What can I say? I know you are giving 100%. You are so strong! Heck...I've already cheated One month without alcohol? You are my hero!

Yenniechan...Welcome!

Omg. Scale read 107.5 today. NO clue! Such a weird, sudden drop. I'm probably dehydrated but... I enjoyed it by eating a ton today. Lol. I'm so bad. Carb up today will push the scale back up tomorrow.

(((((Joss, Krampus, Turbo, Bayzee, Ohlecat, Dorian, Aidanqm, Yennichan)))))

Swamped with work and life in general, but wanted to post in if only to keep accountable. Just kind of feeling the ground down blues. Nothing major... just the crush of the every day routine and not exactly being where I want to be.

Am trying to keep myself motivated, but feel like I'll have to overcome this inertia first.

Food is sane, but a little out of bounds. Bounds, schmounds. It just is.

Ugh, on the verge of wanting to eat everything in sight. I'm up a pound today. Yesterday I ate like a saint for breakfast and lunch, knowing I was going to my friends' house for dinner. For dinner I went to my friends' house, and I had the smarts to bring a bunch of cut up veggies. I DID have some of the chips and salsa, but I MOSTLY made myself munch on veggies because we didn't end up eating until about 8 p.m., which is about 3 hours after I normally eat. I ate 2 small slices of pizza, and these were VERY healthy slices, minimal cheese, thin crust, with artichokes, spinach as toppings. There were brownies, but they were the tiny fudge-cut kind (like I could have held 4 slices in my palm (and I have very tiny hands, lol). I only had 2 of them. Forced myself to stop, even though I wanted to eat tons more. Did not have wine.

And my body rewards me by being up a pound. Frustrating!

Ah, well, today I have a day of a 13 hour work day. I don't know how i can do it and keep on plan.

Also, I want to go back to counting calories but I don't know how to get around how darned time consuming it is. Already this morning, I wanted to have a BITE (yes, just one bite) of a piece of cake. I weighed it and wanted to look it up. Do you know how hard it is to find consistent information for your standard bakery cakes (that you would get in a grocery store). My Fitness Pal is great, but there's no way to indicate how many grams things are. You have to select "1 slice" or a "1/2 slice" as choices. I went to Calorie Count (which is where I used to hang out but don't any more because people there scare me with their meanness sometimes), and I was able to look it up, but only approximately.

So in theory, if you count calories, you can eat whatever you want, but you will never know for sure whether some things are being recorded exactly right and then it takes forever to look stuff up. Also, I've been hearing more and more that labels on things are not always right and argh, why does this have to be so complicated.

All this because I realized, once again, that eating typical diety food like kale and chicken breasts was making me very unhappy this week and making me want other stuff, and I was thinking, of course I can have those other things, I just have to count them. But it's not easy if it's not a thing that is obviously labeled. And then what if you only have a bite of something, not the whole thing, and how do you count that...Drives me insane. Someone here had a really simple way of doing it (Jessica maybe?) and I liked that.

Anyway, just needed to vent a bit. And to try to keep myself from just saying, "F*** it" today and eating everything in sight since I'm not going to get home until about 8:30 p.m. and will be tempted with TONS of food in the lounge all evening during conferences, plus add being tired and stressed to that.

@Jossfit - **MAJOR HUGS** Today has to be hard with you having expected to be with your hubby right now. Not exactly the same thing of course, but I had a trip I was REALLY looking forward this last year get canceled around New Year's, and I spent the first few days of when I should have been there feeling VERY sad and pouty. Hang in there!

@Turbo - oh wow! I could never keep exercising if I had cramps like that! Probably because I used to find (back in the days of my period ****) that the pain would NOT go away wtih exercise, that it would only get worse. BUt go you for getting through it and still being down in weight despite TOM!

@Krampus - AMAZING weigh-in considering your big vacation! Whoo!

@wennichen - That's about the range I've been going up and down between, 135-150 over the last few years. *sigh* Right now hovering around 144, 145. Hate it and feel huge right now.

@bayzee - I hope you got a little card!

Happy Valentine's, all!

Olehcat - Take a knee and hydrate lady... you're going to drive yourself crazy with the calorie counting stuff. It IS simple, and you're making it way more complicated than it needs to be. Yes, it's easy to count things like chicken and kale and pre-packaged things, but not so easy with cake (following your example) but it's not a huge thing if you don't know the EXACT calories in something.

Find an average cake recipe and then GUESS! Say a typical piece of chocolate cake is 400 calories. If you eat 1/4 of that, just assume you ate about 100 calories. If you're off it's not the end of the world. Do you burn the EXACT same amount of calories every single day? You do the same workouts, walk the same amount of steps, pick up your purse the same number of times, fold the same amount of laundry, park in the same space at work...? Of course not. Calorie counting is at best an educated guess so stop stressing yourself out. Aim for a RANGE of calories (say 1400-1500 as an example) and do your best to stay in that range.

You're making yourself crazy over absolutely nothing. I don't want to downplay your concerns because obviously it is a big concern for you, but take a step back and look at it objectively.

Scientists have shown us that if calories were ALL that mattered, humans would have only 7 CALORIES (yes, SEVEN) worth of wiggle room each day in order to maintain their weight. I don't even mean their caloric intake, but their expenditure as well.

Obviously there are some other factors at play. Just do your best.

Alex - I know the feeling... sometimes you just have periods where you sort of plod along with nothing really coming up to look forward to and it makes everything seem so gray and blah.

How about planning a girls night or a fun shopping trip or something just to have something to look forward to at the end of the week?

Aidan - Holy **** pass some of that whoosh my way! Thats great! I hope you enjoyed your super carb up and it pushes you through some more bad-*** workouts. I miss being able to carb up like that and then end up DROPPING weight! I'm not in the right zone for it right now... It only works when I'm already very lean.

Have fun at your rave! Happy Valentine's Day!

Bayzee - You and I are on the same page with Valentine's Day, totally. I got my husband his gift a couple of weeks ago and gave it to him early (the really badass Suunto watch) and I have a feeling I won't even get a card. I know he's busy today and will be out at the shooting range with his team until like 0300 tomorrow (night shooting) but I KNOW he has had time over the past couple of weeks to get online and order me a friggin' teddy bear or some crap. I don't pretend that holidays and birthdays don't mean anything to me... he KNOWS they do, so I'm going to be legitimately hurt if I don't get anything!

GAH, I wish I could go home and eat truffles and drink wine today.

Thanks for the support too! I am giving it 100% and if nothing else that should be enough, right? Proving that I can do this? Its helping, but damn if I don't want to SEE the results too.

Yenniechan - Hey lady, welcome to the chat! I hope you'll find us all to be supportive and fun to talk to about your goals, journey, and whatever else life throws your way. We like to talk openly about being bloated and the quality of our poops (We go on a 1-5 star system here ) and all sorts of silly things so be prepared for some weirdos!

Turbo - That really means a lot! I'm having a hard day today (besides missing my hubby and being UP again on the scale even after a 3.5 star) and I just feel like it's not doing anything positive for me!

Your dinner sounds like it was AMAZING! All of it sounds great, but banana bread cake with roasted peanut caramel sauce? Bestill my fluttering heart! How did it turn out with the suprise? Did he like it?

Yeah, marriage is certainly nothing to rush into and the fact that you guys have been living together for 3 years is pretty awesome in and of itself. You sound like you have a really solid relationship!




Well feathers, I was very frustrated this morning and rather than slack off, pout, or do something stupid (like stop at a Starbucks and eat every pastry) I channeled that into my workout. I added weight to every lift and started out my cardio with a hard run even though I hadn't planned on doing any running today. I feel mildly better.

I have a phone date with my coach this afternoon so at least he'll adjust things and get me moving in the right direction again. My prediction is that he'll take a way my sweet potato at lunch, which is like my only real joy in life, HAHAHA and probably add more cardio...

We'll see what happens.



Krampus, this made me think of you.

Happy Valentine's Day Feathers! I woke up with a slight hangover from one glass of red wine, but my BF gave me a Valentine's Day card with a tuxedo cat on it so that made it all OK, plus good WI - 123.8.

We aren't doing presents since we both dropped like $1K each on our Florida trip (it all adds up, agh!), but dinner should be fun. There is a lesbian/trans/female themed "Anti-Valentine's Day" dance party tonight that looks fun and some friends are going, but who knows what we'll end up doing. Meanwhile I have a light but nutritious lunch packed - plain 2% Fage Greek yogurt, salad (5 oz of "power greens" + mushrooms, a whole bell pepper and red onion with goat cheese and oil/red wine vinegar dressing), and 1 hard boiled egg.

I got my 12 CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH Quest bars and a sample of banana nut muffin and I am DYYYYYYYINGGGGGGG to try them - but there is so much other big eating to be done! Patience is not my strong point...

JossFit Channeling that frustration into a better-than-normal workout is SO much better than stuffing Starbucks pastries into your face (they suck anyway). I am glad your mom has started to get serious about her diet - it feels GREAT when you inspire people to learn things that will make healthy living easier for them. I hope you get to keep at least a little of your sweet potato!



olehcat Gonna have to echo what Joss said...CALM DOWN or you'll go completely insane. Calorie counting is a good means of moderating your intake but no one actually NEEDS EXACT PRECISE counts of EVERYTHING. That said good luck with your stressful day. Bodies are fickle beasts that sometimes stick us with bloat for no reason - all we can do is try to nourish them.

Alexistrophic Sending strength to you!

Aidangm CARB LOAD day sounds great. I think bodies need that every so often.

Bayzee Wait what happened with Valentine's Day last year? I got a card this morning and I hope you did too. It's NOT HARD to put a note in your calendar "go buy a card" yet for some it is. Well done on all the light weigh-ins!!!

yenniechan Welcome! I hope you stick around. The Feathers chat threads move REALLY FAST but we are very supportive and understanding and blahblah and it's a good outlet for people who are looking to lose but not for emergency/health reasons. College and graduation did a job on my weight too............

Turbo BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER award goes to you. Bad timing about TOM but hey after that scare you're probably feeling relieved. What a GREAT dinner you have planned. That comfort food sounds interesting, what is its French name? It's nice when you are content just being together and aren't constantly wondering "what's next" as a couple. I'm in the same situation, except we don't even live together and have no immediate plans to move in.

yenniechan : It is really nice meeting you I was really nice reading about your background story. We are a pretty chatty group, jump in!

Bayzee : I really hope your hubby made his way out of the naughty list...! What did you got him? I totally know how you feel about not being able to replicate a recipe from someone who passed away Sometimes you get craving for THIS thing and no matter how much you try, you never reach the same exact taste...! My mom passed away almost 3 years ago and I wish I would have her more about how she was cooking this and that when she was still with us.

Aidanqm : What a drop! Awesome!

Alexis : Sorry to hear you are feeling swamped with life, but hold on! you'll get out of this!!

ohlecat : As Joss said, calories counting is much more of estimations... Overthinking this would probably drive anybody crayyyzy Hope you will get through your day without suffering too much from ''eating everything in sight'' craving

Joss : Oh god, it is probably so frustrating for you right now Hope your phone meeting with your coach will lead to something that will help makes this day better. *hugs*

And I do agree, the dessert from last night was the biggest HIT lol. Actually, it was a CHOCOLAT roasted peanut caramel sauce : the boyfriend said it tasted like Reese and loooooved it.

krampus : Oh GOD, you are talking of quest bar, I was talking about them with the boyfriend and we wanted to order some (when he saw the flavors, he wanted some RIGHT AWAY). but for Canada, it's like 17$ for shipping! The bf knows a place where they sale tons of protein powder and stuff, he'll go and look if they have the bars there.

***

We had a great dinner last night, everything was amazing and he got me flooooowers. He's been giving me X roses for every year we've been together since the beginning of the relationship which always lead to ''what are you going to do if we stick together for like 30 years'' - Well I'll definetely dump you before it costs too much in flowers. Bwhahaha.

The bad thing was that I finished the night curled up on the couch, and than on the bed, almost crying from the cramps. It was honestly the WORST TOM EVEEEEER GOT. Cramps, back pain, nauseous.. don't know if it might be from the birth control pill I had a week ago? I was able to go through the afternoon with taking some pills to help calm the cramps, but after I got the maximum amount for a day last night, there was nothing to be done except complain and whimp LOL

It seems to be over now. But Im up to 141.2 this morning, after not pooping and barely peeing yesterday, I'm soo bloaty. *&?&*?$/* TOM!

I'm gonna hit the gym later, we might have some take out food tonight. We love having some trashy food on VD and make fun of the weird look of the people when they see a couple walking in LOL. We never really celebrated VD because our anniversary being on the 13th. And plus it is my cat's birthday today, which make VD totally overrated for us :P

OK....so hubby is still on the naughty list! lol! I gave him present this moning, and I got nothing; No card, no gift, no nothing!
He said, "I have to pick my gift up after work." Translation, "Oh $Hit, I forgot to get something!" lol! So all day I got these "sweet" texts to try to make up for it. I told him not to get me anything, it's too late and ruins the whole thing. I'd rather go buy myself something

So of course at work, flowers and whatever else is getting delivered to people and I keep getting asked what I got...NICE!

Ok..I'm over it. He does a lot of sweet things for me on regular days, but I guess our expectations are higher on Valentine's...RIGHT? lol!

Diet wise...My calories and macros changed this week and I am expecting a stall. I'm not eating in much of a deficit and my carbs increased. My trainer doesn't want me losing that fast for fear of losing muscle (which I don't have a lot of and can't afford to lose). It's a holiday weekend this weekend, so it's good timing. lol!

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Joss....I agree, little gestures make the whole thing. It's not the gift or amount of money, it's the time and thoughtfulness that goes with it. It's the, "Hey, he took the time to think of me!" We've been together for a long time and I don't want the little gestures to slip away. Like you, they mean a lot to me and I truly believe those little things keep a marriage strong.

Krampus...Enjoy your dinner and that dance sounds hilarious! Hopefully not too many angry, single people. lol! Do those Quest bars have artificial sweetners?

Alex..hang in there. Busy times make for stressful times.

Aidan...Great weigh-in girl! That's a huge woosh!

Yenniechan...Looking forward to hearing about your progress.

Turbo...I get the worse cramps in the world with lower back pain during my TOM. Tell your doctor...and get a prescription. It works wonders. I use Robaxacet Platinum if I'm out. I always have it the house for back-up. I would not be able to get out of bed without it...my cramps are that bad! The older I get, the worse it gets.

Sorry if I missed anyone...be back later!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH I am sitting here desperately fighting with myself not to eat any of the 13 Quest bars staring at me. At under 200 calories it wouldn't make that much of a difference but I am going out to dinner in 3 hours and I won't make it to the gym today, so I don't *NEED* a Quest bar.

Bayzee They do have a little stevia/sucralose/erythritol depending on which flavor, but nothing like other protein bars that have tons of sugars or 20g of maltitol (fart city). I'm sorry your husband blanked on V-day, but at least he's trying to make up for it? Some people would react with "it doesn't matter anyhow, it's a stupid holiday" or the like. My boss says he and his wife aren't doing jack and they don't like Hallmark holidays - I wonder if she secretly wishes he'd do something!

Turbo It's cheaper to have things sent to a USA address, then mailed to Canada, than to order them online from USA to Canada. My friend in Halifax always orders things to my work and then I mail them to him! It's stupid...anyhow sorry you're feeling so gross this TOM, I'm sure that pill is the reason why. HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your cat!

Bayzee - Yeah, nothing from my hubby either... I'm pretty upset about it actually. I love being at home with my roommates having their valentines day dinner, flowers everywhere, and generally chipper moods... jerks.

Krampus - Just put them away and enjoy one tomorrow! Please let it be the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough one so that you can give me a full report!

Turbo - Whoa whoa whoa, CHOCOLATE roasted peanut caramel sauce? Devil woman!



So my coach had some good things to say about my photos and was a bit more revealing with his plans and where he wants to see my weight in the coming weeks (120 in the next few weeks so we can tweak things before I'm done). He did increase my cardio as expected (Two 30-minute sessions every day instead of one 45-minute session... which is actually easier.) and he cut my calories a bit, but nothing drastic; took away my rice cakes/tortilla and replaced them with green veggies, and some of my avocado.

BUT, I still have my sweet potato! Victory is mine! LOL

I also was contacted by the owner of a company specializing in personal training and workout clothing, and he wants me to model the gear as well as do some motivational shots for the website and the gym they are associated with. Pretty cool! He would pay me for the shoot as well as provide me with free workout clothes and pay for/arrange hair and makeup for the shoots. I told him I'm doing this program and not ready yet, but he's cool with that. Hopefully we can set something up for the week after I'm done with this... perfect!

Well, now I totally understand how stress leads to weight gain, lol! I valiantly fought last night against eating things I didn't need. I ate only half of a burrito (that was provided for us for dinner), I took a bunch of shredded lettuce to eat with salsa to fill up on, I only took a few chips (like maybe 5), I avoided the cupcakes....but after being at work for 12 hours, I caved. It's like I had no coherent, sane thoughts left to stop myself. Now, I didn't eat a whole cake or anything, but I took bites of a variety of things, including a bit of a cupcake, and those bites add up, as we know. Plus, I lost count of my calories and eh, I know I went over my goal. I think the half chipotle burrito I had was probably 400-500 calories alone (good thing I didn't eat the whole thing, which I think was at about 800!) So...today is a new day, but it's also Friday, so I'm fighting against FRIDAY PARTY TIME mode. I haven't had much wine all week, so I know I'll be fighting against YAY FRIDAY I CAN DRINK finally mode, BUT I did better last weekend than I did the weekend before, so I'm hoping that I have the strength to do even better this weekend. I have plans to run/strength train right after work today.

@Jossfit - oh my gosh, what you said was so obvious, I don't know why I didn't really think of it that way. THANK YOU! You're so right about it all being an estimation game. I guess I get thrown off when the calorie sites will give you a very specific number. Like I was given 1340 calories, if I want to lose enough weight to get down to my ideal weight and lose about 1 pound a week to get there (with maybe an extra 100 or 200 calories on exercise days). That's so specific. So I start freaking out about how to count all those calories to keep it at exactly 1340, but what I didn't realize is that my own body is its own machine and that maybe for ME personally it could be actually 1540 or 1230. Who knows, right? So you're really right in that all we can do is mostly estimate. All I know is that I DO need to cut my amounts. I always have the urge to eat a lot more than I need, especially of the not-so-good foods and drinks, and that's really what I need to focus on! Thanks for that insight! Also, congrats about the fitness clothing modeling!! That sounds like an awesome opportunity!

@krampus - hehe, one of my cats is a beautiful tuxedo cat! I love him to pieces! He's such a sweetheart. About the calories, THANK YOU - (see my notes to jossfit above)

@turbo - sounds like you guys had a great Valentine's Day! But so sorry about the cramping! I can really sympathize with that. That was my TOM every single month when I had my period (that's why I had to go on medication to get rid of it completely). Such a bummer when I'm sure you would have wanted to enjoy your evening a lot more!

@bayzee - Sounds like your training is going well! I'm sorry your guy was not on the ball this time. You're right -- it's the little gestures, the thoughtfulness that counts. WheN I was married, my husband and I never exchanged stuff for Valentine's Day, but for our birthdays we used to get to choose what we wanted the other to make for dinner. So my husband would make me a beautiful dinner for my birthday and that meant so much to me, way better than a present he could randomly pick out somewhere...

OK what is going on, I am down 1.0 pounds and I ate nearly 3,000 calories yesterday unless I am grossly overshooting. I lost the battle with the Quest bar (it was Banana Nut Muffin - GREEEEEAT and so worth it) and then BF got chocolate covered strawberries (we shared one so I guess that's negligible), heavy traffic on the way to dinner and we snacked on coconut chips.

Dinner was MARVELOUS. I said "screw salad" and we shared French Onion soup as an app, I had sea bass with roasted vegetables and fava beans and he had hanger steak frites. I don't like beans so he ate all my beans and I ate half his frites and all my fish and veggies and some of his steak too. For dessert we split a chocolate peanut butter mousse with whipped cream. Then we got home and were too full to go out, he got a new TV and wanted to play video games (I got him the game...Black Ops II), which was fine with me except I ended up having at least 1 serving (210 calories) of sea salt/turbinado sugar dark chocolate almonds. I felt almost binge-y in the "I want ALL OF THIS, it's not fair" sense, but I started to feel uncomfortable so I stopped - which put that in the "not a binge" category.

Got up and went to the gym this morning. I felt GROSS and was sure I was up 2+ pounds, but the gym scale and my home scale said otherwise. Workout was OK, lat pulldown, OHP with dumbbells and leg press with 180# in plates. Planning on cardio later - maybe an outdoor run now that it's light out past 5:30.

Three day weekend ahoy! Tomorrow is the macaroni and cheese equivalent of Wing Wars/Pizza Wars. I am going with two foodie friends, one of whom just got accepted into the Culinary Institute of America and the other is trying to diet. Will be fun and I will probably be begging for Lactaid by the time it's over! I'll leave you with a few vacation pictures.


Sunset


KLP


Me in the yellow shirt


Hemingway House cat


BF & I at dinner

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olehcat Friday night workouts are AWESOME, it's my favorite time for exercise. The gym is usually less crowded and I just feel GOOD about doing it! Hope you have a good weekend - don't beat yourself up about the cupcakes, better a few bites than eating 5 cupcakes!

JossFit Saw you dropped weight again, w00t, I am glad your coach told you some more about his goals so you know where you're headed! It would be tough for me to relinquish control of my plan to someone else without having it spelled out. Also that's AWESOME you have a modeling opportunity in the works, that sort of solidifies and reinforces your motivation I bet. TODAY will be the day I try Choc Chip Cookie Dough - I will make a special post in this thread just for you when I do <3

Bayzee : I'll have to check out this Robaxacet Platinium thing for the next TOM! I think my period get worst as I get older too... In the past, I wouldn't feel ANYTHING but now.. oh god.

Krampus : OMG OMG OMG I love the picture of the birthday cat, it looks so much like mine!! We did not give him a cake though, but tons of special treats he usually doesnt have daily lol he was so confused with getting so much treats.

I love your Florida pictures! it looks like you had a great time I would have definetely tried to steal that Hemingway kitty!

Joss : YAY for your sweet potato you got to keeeeep! That is really awesome for the modelling sport gear contract! you'll get new stuff, have cool picture of you in your best shape and get money! triple win!

olehcat : Considering all the good you had around you to tempt you, I think you did good in my opinion! Good luck fighting the friday wine craving tonight!!

***

I woke up again at 141.2 this morning, the stomach is still bulgiiing. Last night was a fail : we had agreed on eating take out junk food, but I was aiming for some McDo so I could have a salad or something. The boyfriend really wanted a local pizza place though, so I gave up and we had this bacon pizza and a poutine to share... I kept it to once piece of pizza (compared to the boyfriend who ate half of the thing and was wondering why he felt bad after...) but I over did it on the poutine. At least I had a killeeeer workout at the gym that got me exausted, but I'm a bit frustrated that I worked so hard burning all those calories to end up at some kind even days in term of calories intake/burned, or even an over in calories intake...

The good news is that I used upper dumbbells for my Chess Press (went from 8 pounds to 10 pounds.. OMG, I KNOW :P) and did my Standing Calf Raise with 2 x 12 pounds db. I also tried the seated leg press for the first time, I was feeling super glad about the 70 pounds weight I used until I read the 180# in plates of krampus :P

Oh well, I'll get there. I guess :P

Tonight we are eating a tofu/chicken pad thai and gonna try to score a workout in my living room this afternoon... the boyfriend wants to make mojito tonight, so if Im able to burn a few calories working out, it might ease up the guilt feeling

Chocolate chip cookie dough Quest bar is 25 stars out of a possible 10. It tastes EXACTLY like chocolate chip cookie dough and there are tons of chocolate chips in it.

Turbo Enjoy the mojitos and pad thai! I use the one that looks like this, they're not all the same!