((((Dorian)))) I second Joss's questions. What's going on, chica? Can you do a CSI on your eating behaviors? What were your triggers? New or unusual developments in your life? Any clues?

Dottie ~ Isn't it eye-opening to realize all the things we take for granted in every day life? Things like having electricity and free, unrestricted access to fresh produce and perishabiles. I remember last year when we got hammered with a late summer ring of storms, we were feeling the same thing. Makes you more grateful, right?

Jossfit ~ Sounds like you have a good strategy for dealing with the comments. It's your thing -- you are Healthy lifestyle Helen and everyone else can love you or leave you, no? And I totally didn't want you to feel like you had to justify yourself... I suppose I just want you to realize how far you've come.

Turbo ~ I start the job on Tuesday, July 17th. Hurray!!!

Krampus ~ Awww, expat 4th of July! Good memories. I, too, celebrated near an army base back in the day.

crazygurl ~ *job details below* I tend to get the same way whenever anyone comments on my weight, either way. Either they tell me I look smaller and I think it's OK to eat, or they tell me I look bigger, which stresses me out... and makes me want to eat.


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It was still kind of sad coming in to work this morning. Boss is being all chipper and noble. Tears at my heart just a little bit. I think I focused too much on the positive (YAY - Have a job before boss's daughter, my Oldest Friend, comes home from Italy and won't have to deal with the awkwardness of working in the house while she's here) but I don't think I realized how difficult the leaving was going to be.

My last day at this job is Friday, July 13... (Friday the 13 cracks, anyone?) and I start the new job on Tuesday, July 17. Was planning on taking Monday the 16th to hang out with the Oldest Friend since she's just back in the States. We've known each other since early elementary school and I hope we'll always be friends, but I can't help but feel like we have a bit of a competitive relationship going on... I feel like most friends do, but lately it's gotten worse. She's an academic and has never really had too much interest in marriage/moving on in life, so I feel like she's accomplished her goals. I have always wanted to be married, so I feel like I'm still working toward that... so I'm still a work in progress. I'm happy that the career thing has picked up, though. This does give me a bit more confidence.

The new job title is "Associate Recruiter/Researcher" for an Executive Health Search firm. We place executives in biotech, health, capital equipment sales and management positions. I'm completely new to the field, so it's going to be a learning experience, but I've done a bit of research on my own, so I feel like I have a decent feel for what goes on in the day to day routine. It's kind of high-octane high-energy type work, since it's largely commission based. I'm planning on being good at it, but it's going to take a heck of a lot of effort. The days of being "bored" at work are over, since really, the more time I spend being bored, the less money I make.

I'm still kind of moping about and saw some stress eating this morning (two packs of fruit snacks) but am posting in here to keep myself accountable.

Going to the mall to return some clothes (out of the whole bunch I bought before the retreat, I only ended up keeping one shirt, one tank top, and a pair of sandals... go figure )

Today, I commit to:
ONLY HEALTHY EATING (Salad for lunch, then cut off!!!)
Going to yoga this evening!

Yes, this time is tough, but eating will NOT make it easier!!!

I'm having a pity party for a second, but also had a small NSV...

I was white knucking it for a while there. I did a lot of cardio today and was pretty hungry but mostly just feeling sorry for myself. I am having one of those days where I'm stomping my foot like a spoiled child saying "But I don't WANNA be "good" and eat healthy! I want the piles of red velvet cupcakes, brownies, brauts, burgers, potato salad, chips, pasta salad, cookies and all the rest of the goodies everyone else on the PLANET is eating right in front of me!"

It didn't get much better at home, and after dinner I found myself really craving something sweet. Gum did not help, nor did either of several different flavors of crystal light and I was really starting to get the stare down from some of those old familiar binge urges.

So... I did the best I could; I cooked up about 4 egg whites and sweetened them up with cinnamon and truvia, and after I ate those I gave myself a facial with my new Philosophy products I picked up today.

By the time I was done, I had weathered the storm... I think I'm safe for the rest of the night and only added about 65 calories to my day.

Yay!!! Jossfit !!!!

That is a TOTAL victory, full stop.
And you're welcome for the s'mores craving, btw... :evil: but it looks like you have found the secret stash of willpower dust and sprinkled it liberally in this thread.



~~~
As for my goals, I got one out of two...
MADE it to yoga class (win!)
but did not do so well with the ONLY healthy eating... caved in and had some cake batter (ewww) fat free cool whip (double eww) and ramen noodles (come on, now...). I could have done better, but it could have been so.much.worse.

Took myself on a window shopping spree and am about to go for a quick walk to clear my head.

We can do this, ladies!!!

Remember what you want MOST!!!!

FOLKS! It's july and you guys have already posted so much already. LOL.

TURBO! OMG! You did it. So awesome. Someday I am gonna do a half and it's gonna be so awesome. hihi.

Alexis: Congrats on the job! That is awesome. Though I can see how it's a mixed feeling for you at the moment, I think it will be better once oyu have left the old place and started new. It's always hard to look at your coworkers and what they are doing and knowing it's gonna roll on without you there. I always feel a bit confronted with the fact that in the end - it only barely matters that you are there. Anybody could be there really. LOL. But then, you are not living your life for 'the job' or 'being important' but for doing stuff YOU like, and you only have one life to live. So that matters!
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So, I have the time to be here more again this month. And to focus on weightloss. Which is good. I am making it a priority again for a bit. At the end of this month I turn 27, and it;s also exactly one year ago since I made these lifestyle changes from absolutely couch potato to cycling and running-fan hoping to do a half ironman someday. Hihi.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers was thursday and it was so AWESOME! Then I had some political thing that went absolutely amazing. The coolest thing was that like 30 people came to me to tell me I looked really nice in the dress I had on. It was just a summertype dress but it stood out I guess. And since I dropped the weight I am way more confident. Eventually it started to feel like one big joke, people that barely know me coming up to me to tell me I looked good. It was WEIRD. Weird. Weird. LOL.

So, here's to July girls! The month where I am kickstaring graduation, the month where I drop some more weight and the month where I celebrate one year of on-again-off-again healthy lifestyle choices. No perfection, and atleast 4 months of bad eating in those 12, but never as bad as before. And never again will I reach the overweight-bmi. So yay.

Hi Everyone!

Going the wrong way on the scale...about to leave for a 7-8 hour car ride home...then time to seriously focus on weightless. Being gone about half the month and poor choices didn't help. I am going on a week long booze ban and will be counting every bite, lick and taste.

Philana congrats on a fun concert and rocking that dress!

Alexis Yay on the job, sounds challenging and exciting.

Joss I'd say you did really really well -only 65 calories...great job!

Whew, what a morning already! I did a regular gym workout (lifting weights) and then hit my weekly CrossFit class. With the holiday, not many people showed up, but it was perfect to me. We did a warm up run and then 4 rounds of 20x push press, 20 box jumps, 20 pull-ups and a 400 m run. Adding what I had ALREADY done in my own time, I did about 100 pullups today alone!
After that (Oh, I finished in 28:30) we did 10 sets of 25 reps on different ab exercises, stretched and called it a day. I'm going to be feeling that later!

I don't know if I'll go out and celebrate the 4th today... just a lot of BBQs and stuff I would rather not be tempted by, especially after those workouts. In addition to that, today is my fiance and I's 2 year anniversary of our first date (and we've been inseparable ever since so we call this our anniversary) and the fact that I can't be with the one person I want to be with is a bit rough. Between the workouts and the pity party, there is a huge risk of treating myself a bit too much and ending up making some really bad choices today.

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Crazygurl - You know what, as long as you do get back on track, that's all that matters! I'm glad you had a fun vacation, and we all know that with a bit of effort spent refocusing on your goals you can undo any damage you did. It seems like you did a pretty good job of having fun without REALLY overdoing it. I'm going to do my best to do the same when I'm in Vegas this month! I used to be really bad about just doing a complete 180 and gorging myself, but I am going to be out of town for 6 days and I could do A LOT of damage in that amount of time if I don't lay down some ground rules and keep things in check. Thanks for being an inspiration!

Philana - It can definitely be hard keeping OP when you are away from home... being in that situation is what led me to find 3FC... I was away from home for work for 3 months and just having such a hard time and was starting to have binge episodes! Ugh!
So what are the goals for July to celebrate your one-year healthy anniversary?

Alexis - Thank you for the support and encouragement! You ladies can definitely understand how little moments like that can be a huge victory. I can't see myself trying to explain the gravity of that to my BFFs or Fiance and actually having them get it or give a crap (as much as they love and support me) so having you guys to share it with is so amazing.
I'm proud of you for making it to yoga! It's so easy to skip a workout, especially if you haven't had the best day diet-wise. I am learning from you and from everyone else that things can be done in moderation, and not have to be so "black and white" or "all or nothing". A small overage of calories is not "perfect", but it's a million times better for my mind and body than a tiny slip and a huge binge/missed workout. I mean, DUH, right?! Most people get that... it's just taken me a long time to learn and I'm still working on it.

Alexis : that is never cool to have this kind of tension with a friend :S But maybe being out of her dad's place would help make all of this easier... Your new job looks awesome, with a lot of fun challenges ahead of you And at least, you got one of your daily goals right!! Before than none!!

JossFit : You girl did what you had to do to control that binge! That is awesome and a huge victory And for 65 calories, even more awesome! If you don't really want to go out for the 4th of July, why don't just you treat yourself at home with little special something you enjoy instead of going out where you'll feel weird trying not to indulge too much?

Philana : Aren't you in for a half marathon at some point this fall, if I can remember? getting compliments from random people is so nice. I mean, I know with that at for ourselves in the first place but let's be honest, there is nothing wrong with other people seeing our progress too

crazygurl : you seems to be super motivated to get back on track, and that's the key!! yay girl!

***

Hi Feathers! I'm back in the right direction this morning with a WOOSH from yesterday (140 to 137.6 lbs this morning) I drank my life, pooped and ate around 1800 calories yesterday, with a 4k run. The legs are still feeling heavy a bit but they'll get better.

I am dedicated of being back on track and going back under 135 lbs at least. I'm going home in 2 weeks and I don't want to feel bloaty and everything!!

Happy 4th of July to all of you Americans! ;-)

Alexistrophic -congrats on the yoga!! cake batter tastes good but then it gives me a tummy ache haha. I used (ok thats a lie, I still do) to love fat free cool whip.
Jossfit - Some days I just have those days where I can't "fool" myself and I just want the real thing - that's great that you stayed strong! Thank you thank you so much for your response to my last post, it really encouraged me. Your Crossfit workout sounds awesome and there are so many holidays out there that hey even if you miss out on the 4th of july bbqs, theres plenty more bbqs and events to go to! I think its good to be choosy when to go to those types of events!
Philana! I'm sure you looked awesome in that dress!
Turbomammoth-pooing days are the best! the most I even "lost" was 1.5 lbs I think after pooing and i was so excited haha.
Classic Featherweight problem? The "you lost too much"
A couple days ago my parents saw me for the first time in months - the last time was a chilly spring where I was wearing big sweat clothes. They kept on describing how bad I looked yadda yadda because of the weight I lost and not to pay attention to my doctor - to only work out once a week. My father has extreme high blood sugar (which I had too) and hates going to the doctor because he is at great risk of diabetes and I know its because of all the restaurant food he eats, so its like…ugh whatever I took their advice with a grain of salt. Ironically, when I first lost weight at 19 and gained some back (not much of a difference at that size and now) I got the same "I'm telling you this because I'm your mother, you need to get pretty again" speech but for the opposite reason.
Sorta classic pushy Asian parents - bad if you gain, bad if you lose, but I also think its because if I lose weight when I am not living with them anymore they just assume I am forgetting to take care of myself, when I am for once doing just the opposite. They both would call me and say that they wanted me to "stay fat" (my unhappy, binging weight). I understand why (the drastic change and them overworrying or whatever) but it doesn't make me feel better no matter how much I rationalize it. Everyones been saying just tell em ur healthy but im the baby in the family and they just sorta ignore what I'm saying.
I cried a little, and skipped working out today. I'm glad that I am making healthy habits for ME though, and not anyone else, because if I did this for them, I would have felt worse. Its so funny…I'm prob around the size of the women that they would praise for having nice figures and now I am all wrong. I feel like if I take days off from working out on days that I feel worn out, I go back to working out with a lot more rigor - I hope that I am right? I just feel eh off right now. GOnna get some coffee, do some walking and shopping. Oh and I'm getting some therapy soon, just cause life in general has been stressful. Pretty excited about that. I hope that I feel better and this won't result in the binging I did when i was a teen =(
This is me in the red btw, from a couple days ago. Around 110 here I'm quite comfy where I am, the last 2 vanity lbs (hopefully from the thigh area, but not that big of a deal) arent that serious to me cause im at mygoal size basically and thought i had to be at 108 to get there. I like my arms and torso...i felt so embarassed about them whem my parents saw me tho

Ugh, I friggin ate too much today. Lets hope it serves as a metabolic boost huh? Wedding countdown: 17 days...

Update - my fam wants me to take another physical to prove that I am OK. Whatever, I'll do it, i hope that it gets them to leave me alone. GAH

pixelllate You are gorgeous!

Ok I've gotta catch up here. Just popping in to say hi! I had a great time away with my friends and I drank a lot.. ah man I was so hilariously drunk. I ate a fair bit of cake and pizza too but at the same time I don't think I went over by too much. I had cake for breakfast one morning (it was just sitting there, taunting me.. damn you chocolate biscuit cake!) when I was probably (definitely) still drunk. When I got back I was 150 (148.8 the day I left) and now I'm at 147.4 which is my lowest weight so far. Feeling pretty damn good about that. As long as I don't use it as an excuse to eat an entire cake I'll be fine haha.. it was really nice anyway and I hardly ever drink so it was fun.

Be back soon for personals! Hope you're all doing great.

Hi Ladies,
Not much time for personals - have to stay focused at work. I totally binged yesterday. I was good up until 4pm when we went to our neighbor's pool. THey pulled out some beers and I was like, why not that sounds perfect. Then back to their house - homemade mac & cheese, yummy salads that I'm sure we're healthy, kabobs, brownies and likely the biggest culprit - most of a bottle of wine (yes, all me). Up to 134.7 this AM and a little bit hungover. Nice way to remind me of my binge. ouch. Back on track today and hoping to shed those extra 2 lbs by the weekend.

Hope you're all doing well!

pixellate : Oh do we hate it when people think they know what's better for us in the weight loss district! I have to admit that at some point, I was lying to people : I was telling a collegue who was really concerned about my weight that I had stop trying to lose some while I was still dieting, and as soon as I said that, she stopped bugging me with the ''you need to stop losing weight''. You look gorgeous, by the way!

JossFit : I think it was something in the water, because I ate like ALL DAY LONG yesterday! Argh!!!

LeilaJey : Glad you had a great time away! Right on on the 147.4!!! The cake + drinking maybe got you some kind of metabolic boost, go figure! It's awesome anyway!

DottieMea : Almost a whole bottle of wine and you're just a little hangover? Last time it happened to me, I was with a friend and we went to bed at 9AM to wake up fully dressed the next morning at 8AM with cereals scattered on the floor LOL You seemed to have a nice time though, don't punish yourself too much about the food!

Dorian : Where are you, girl? We miss you!

***

I worked from home yesterday and OMG, I ate like all day. I was seeing the food everywhere in the house and was always looking in the fridge for something. Nevertheless, I was down to 136.6 pounds this morning. Go figure. I'll take it. I'm feeling better and better with the un-bloaty tummy. Plus I'm on the last days of TOM, so it might helped.

I'm going camping with the boyfriend this weekend, and obviously, there will be junk food around. I know we are having hot dogs tomorrow night, but at least saturday night we are having steack and potato. I don't really mind much though, I've been doing good all week and we are going hiking on saturday. Can't wait!

Did everyone in the whole world get their period in the past week?!

As expected I overdid it at BBQ yesterday. My roommate baked the most incredible cake that looks like an American flag on the inside. I feel like crap, mainly from smoking too many cigarettes over the course of the day. Why am I still doing this?! Was up to 129.2 today. I didn't drink too much though - 2 beers over the course of the day. We were out BBQing for nine hours in a park and then went to a different park on a big hill to watch 10 different fireworks displays in the distance all at once + some epic heat lightning.

My boyfriend got REALLY DRUNK, like liability-drunk, then apologized about how drunk he was for an hour or two before bed. For f's sake if you're gonna feel bad about it, don't get that drunk!

Back to regularly scheduled programming for one day. Then I have friends coming in from out of town for the weekend and a PIG ROAST on Saturday. I CANNOT WAIT to have a weekend with NO PLANS next week!

TurboMammoth Have fun camping! Where are you going to be? You should camp in the Adirondacks sometime :P

DottieMae I think the whole USA has a food hangover after yesterday. Hang in there - good luck at work! I know I'll need it.

LeilaJey Your weekend away sounds like a really nice time! Awesome job on the lowest weight yet. That's really exciting.

JossFit 17 days is a good long while to make sure things smooth out. You've been busting your a$$ with workouts so hopefully the "metabolic boost" thing rings true. Glad you evaded an all out binge the other day - I totally understand the "why do I have to watch what I eat" thing and I don't even really watch what I eat...

pixellate You are living my dream minus the parents thing (mine think I'm "skinny" now and are all proud, sometimes being adopted is nice). I sincerely hope they get off your case and your therapist will be a good one who actually helps with all the stress!

crazygurl61 A booze ban will absolutely make a big difference. Have a good (and long) trip home!

philana So glad you enjoyed the Peppers, what was their setlist like? I wish Dave Navarro were still around wearing a skirt, hehehe. Praise from strangers is really nice - congrats on a year of health!

Dorian5 Come baaaaaaaaaaaack

Pixellate - I'm so sorry you have to deal with the added stress of your family's reaction to your current size. I can't really imagine what that would be like, but I'm sure it's frustrating beyond belief! Good for you for getting some outside help by talking to a therapist. Sometimes just having that sounding board can be incredibly stress-relieving.

Leila - You had cake and pizza AND hit your lowest weight yet?! Um, WINNING! I'm super excited for you! That right there is the danger zone for me. The "well I lost a bunch of weight... so..." kind of mentality. Good on you for being aware of it. Keep on keepin on woman!

Dottie - Ugh, hangovers are the worst... especially wine hangovers! I hope you feel better as the day goes on. It sounds like you had a good time though!

Turbo - It was just one of those days I think. I actually did really well resisting those same snacky urges up until about 6pm. I really kicked my own *** with my workouts earlier in the day, and was extra hungry all day. After dinner when I was STILL hungry I did exactly what I shouldn't have and decided to have just one more small healthy snack... but it was sweet. Damn sweets! I had a chocolate brownie Quest Protein bar, which should have been no biggie, but it tasted so good and I was so hungry that I just kept on snacking and it got progressively "dirtier"... Snickers Ice Cream bar, carrot cake, Ruffles Cheddar and sour cream chips, cereal... Blech.

I'm so in the mood for camping right now... that sounds like a blast! Have a S'more for me! tee hee hee

Krampus - Yeah, in all honesty I probably NEEDED a higher carb/higher calorie day... I just wish it hadn't been that naughty. Your day sounds like it was a lot of fun though! I was supposed to go out and meet up with some friends for a huge fireworks show, but then we had these horrendous thunderstorms! Perfect timing huh? I'll blame the storms for my dietary indiscretions... If I hadn't been at home I wouldn't have eaten that first snack! haha

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So yeah... ate more than I would have liked to yesterday, but as per usual, as long as I am back on plan today it won't effect me. I actually look pretty awesome from all the extra carbs; It pulls all the water out from under my skin and into my muscles, so I just look super lean. I'm curious to see what the scale says when I weigh in on Saturday, but I'm trying to prepare myself not going to get upset if I am up from last week. After all, I look great and my clothes fit great so the weight on the scale is irrelevant. As a weight lifting, CrossFit doing, ***-kicking kinda chick I KNOW that muscle is denser than fat, and that at 117 or 118 or whatever weight I'll be, I look much better than if I had less muscle and weighed less.

Still... nobody really likes to see that number go up.

Another positive is that I think I really am over my former binge eating issues. Yes, I ate a lot yesterday... but it was a CONSCIOUS choice to do so. I define a binge the way it is clinically defined; seemingly unable to control eating, eating in response to a trigger, etc. I haven't had a real binge like that in a long long time. I have overeaten, sure, but it's always me choosing to eat a lot and there is no desperate out of control "I will eat pancake mix out of the box" kind of thing. (LOL not that I have ever done that, but some people do talk about eating baking mixes and such... I always just went out and bought binge foods). Any overeating has been more along the lines of just eating too much at celebrations or something like that. You know, what normal people do... haha

Anyway, I'm just sort of thinking "out loud" here... Hope everyone has a good day and recovers from their food and booze hangovers!