I guess I am just having a week of low-self-esteem... and am wondering what any of you do to feel better about yourselves or if anyone else struggles with this. The silly thing is-- I KNOW that I'm not fat, but I have been smaller.. and it just seems that every time I look in a mirror I just see flaws- with my hair or my body or that I'm breaking out or whatever else pops into my head.
I feel silly whining about it to anyone because I'm at a healthy weight... my husband is always telling me he thinks I'm beautiful... but I'm just not feeling it. Its making me just want to quit and turn to food for comfort.. its like, "Im not happy with myself anyways- I might as well stop counting calories and working so hard." I know that's not right and I'm just being negative this week- but its just hard to keep going when I'm feeling so low.
Ive had pretty bad weather the past few days along with some other things that haven't gone my way and this feels a little like some SAD creeping back into my life... so maybe I just need to tough it out.
anyways I guess I just needed to get that out to someone who might understand and maybe get some hints from anyone else who feels the same way at times? Thanks for just letting me vent. I love all of the support on this forum and there is such a positive vibe around here- its the place I feel the safest to express these particular feelings. I am FOREVER grateful for this website and all of the people involved.
I have been struggling with this quite a lot lately. I've always had self esteem issues, but it seems like the closer I get to my goal weight the less I can blame my weight for my unhappiness which is scary and leads me to other flaws.
but its just hard to keep going when I'm feeling so low.
Ive had pretty bad weather the past few days along with some other things that haven't gone my way and this feels a little like some SAD creeping back into my life... so maybe I just need to tough it out.
I do take a multi-vitamin every morning, but it's not specifically a vitamin D supplement... I do have an SAD light that helps (maybe its all in my head- if it is, then I'll just go on believing that it's helpful)... I do honestly feel about a million times better the last few days- the sun has been out and it's been in the high 50's! Crazy how the weather has such a strong hold on me... I just wonder when people say "work on your self-esteem"... How? How do you look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you are when you aren't feeling good? Do you just continue to say it until you start to believe? I guess I'm just wondering how anyone else turns their self-image into a positive one. Some days I DO feel great about myself, but what do you do when you're feeling self-critical?
Makes perfect sense to me. I really struggle with these same issues and I have yet to find a solution. I really hope you do because this is no way to live
At the end of the day your opinion of yourself is the most important. I know exactly how it feels when your significant other says how beautiful you are but you don't feel it... it's the same as having your parents say you're special. Their opinions stop counting because they are family.
But often, even if you objectively know you're attractive/healthy/whatever, self esteem is a completely unrelated and seemingly irrational thing. It's important for you to make sure all of your needs are being met before you can get your self esteem to where it should be... Are you hungry or tired? Do you feel safe/comfortable? Do you have a good social life? Beyond things like the weather, it's easy for one or more of the above to accidentally get neglected in a persons life and their self image will suffer as a result, because the subconscious is focusing on these basics.
Small/thin females are just as susceptible to body image issues as anyone else. Just because we aren't heavy doesn't mean we wont be exceedingly self-critical, because every persons criticisms are tailored to their own body, no matter how well put-together it appears to the rest of the world.
So just make sure everything else in your life is running as smooth as possible, and I think that should optimize your self esteem as a result. But remember that it isn't wrong to criticize yourself, as long as you turn it into self improvement rather than self loathing :-)
We're the same height and about the same weight and I understand COMPLETELY. I still can't help but keep wishing I were smaller, and I understand I'm not fat but there are some days where you feel larger than usual and it kills your self-esteem. :/
It's society's views infringing on our self view and it sucks. But I realize that we can shed such feelings if we make our selves aware of it.
We can do this.
EDIT:
I just want to add that your goal weight is 125 and I, at some point, was 124 and it did NOTHING about how I saw myself. Dare I say it, I wanted to go even lower and I steadily realized that my issues were my self-esteem and not my weight.
Last edited by Please Do Not; 03-08-2012 at 10:04 AM.
Movie girl- I hope this thread gets you some answers as well!
Biplane- thank you so much for the advice! I do notice that I am much more negative when other things in my life start to get out of control-- it's a cycle, because when things feel crazy and beyond my control, I turn to obsessive eating and exercise habits- which leads to me neglecting other things- so tgat gets worse- then i want to eat less- which eventually leads to a binge... Downward spiral... I never really sat and thought about it before. But I think you are on to something, and maybe if I can change my priorities- letting my mental health come before being in the body I want, it'll be easier to get both anyways?
Please do not- I totally know what you're saying, I once was down to 120- I KNOW I was on the brink of scary skinny at that point, but seeing those scale numbers drop was addicting. Even though I was below my goal weight- I sort of felt like if I stopped losing, I was a failure. Of course- I couldn't stay that small for long and lots of food combined with family drama led to my shooting back up to 136. So- I DO get where you're coming from, it's just so hard to change that mindset of "the more weight I lose, the happier ill be." while I look back at pictures and think that 125 was right for me- I remember being that size and thinking I wanted to lose more... So confusing and I feel like a crazy person- but I am glad that you pointed that out.
Thanks so much everyone for the support. And for letting me get my thoughts out- its definitley theraputic and helpful. It truly means a lot to me!!
Just a thought...
Vitamin D acts as a hormone in the body. Deficiency can lead to depression, which encompasses distortion of thoughts and low self esteem. If a person does not get at least 15 minutes of direct noon-strength sunlight everyday, I would recommend supplementing at least 2000 IU daily and/or Cod Liver Oil.
Just to give an idea of dosages, it is common for people deficient in vitD to be prescibed supplements of 50,000 IU. It can take months at this dosage to elevate vitamin D levels to normal.
I just wonder when people say "work on your self-esteem"... How? How do you look in the mirror and tell yourself how great you are when you aren't feeling good? Do you just continue to say it until you start to believe?
Peeking in... and I wanted to speak up.
My Dad has bad self esteem all his life. Combined with his other mental health issues now that he is aging, it is rough. He's ALWAYS felt "less than" others somehow and this led him to be super critical about himself and everything. It makes it hard to love him, and it affects his relationships, his work, everything. Who wants to promote the grumpy pants guy? Who wants to hang out with a grump and be pals? It becomes one of those circle things because when people avoid him because of the grump, it reinforces his belief that he is "less than" other people.
He goes to Recovery class now and is doing a lot better. I can see his confidence growing and his self esteem improving. In class they DO teach you how to talk better to yourself inside your head.
It's fine to know you aren't supposed to talk down to yourself about yourself, but if you need extra help learning HOW to stop doing that -- seek it out. A counselor, support groups, whatever. Look around in your town and see what is available. One friend of mine who has bad esteem took a free class at the library.
I hear you. I am tiny by most people's standards and, in our thin-crazed culture, so many women think that's everything. But I have always felt very badly about my appearance. I have some flaws that are very noticeable and everyone sees them. It can totally swamp me some days until I feel ashamed to be me. I've struggled with this all my life.
Therapy has helped me a lot. I know that's not for everyone, but I thought I'd recommend a book that has been a life-changer for me. It's got a horrible, corny title, but the book rocks. It's called "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns.
The premise of the book is that our feelings are caused by our thoughts. And we think so fast that, most of the time, we're not really aware of our thoughts. But if we are thinking distorted thoughts, then our feelings will follow and we will be depressed, anxious, etc.
Basically, he teaches you how to identify distorted thoughts you might be thinking. He shows you what the distortion is and then teaches you to "reframe" the thought--talk back to the distorted thought using reasonable, logical language. When you take the time to do what he says: identify and write down your thoughts, determine how they are distorted (using the list of distortions; it's not hard) and write down reframes, you will be AMAZED at how much better you feel...immediately. Seriously. Eventually, it'll become second nature and you can do it in your head.
It's not an easy answer, but I do believe that this book can really help. It's helped me innumerable times.
I hear you. I am tiny by most people's standards and, in our thin-crazed culture, so many women think that's everything. But I have always felt very badly about my appearance. I have some flaws that are very noticeable and everyone sees them. It can totally swamp me some days until I feel ashamed to be me. I've struggled with this all my life.
Therapy has helped me a lot. I know that's not for everyone, but I thought I'd recommend a book that has been a life-changer for me. It's got a horrible, corny title, but the book rocks. It's called "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by Dr. David Burns.
The premise of the book is that our feelings are caused by our thoughts. And we think so fast that, most of the time, we're not really aware of our thoughts. But if we are thinking distorted thoughts, then our feelings will follow and we will be depressed, anxious, etc.
Basically, he teaches you how to identify distorted thoughts you might be thinking. He shows you what the distortion is and then teaches you to "reframe" the thought--talk back to the distorted thought using reasonable, logical language. When you take the time to do what he says: identify and write down your thoughts, determine how they are distorted (using the list of distortions; it's not hard) and write down reframes, you will be AMAZED at how much better you feel...immediately. Seriously. Eventually, it'll become second nature and you can do it in your head.
It's not an easy answer, but I do believe that this book can really help. It's helped me innumerable times.
I agree that our thoughts have to be rational. I think the majority of our society's thoughts on attractiveness are irrational. We put any 14year old waif on a pedastal and shun anyone over 50 with a healthy body mass index that refuses to undergo plastic surgery or plaster their face with makeup. Ironically, those are the people that are intelligent enough to know how to take care of themselves and impart wisdom.
I think our world would be in better spirits if we would be more mindful, loving, and aware.
Featherweights with self-esteem issues?
