Pinkrunner, you beautiful person. I don't even know you but you made me feel 105% better. Thank you.

I definitely don't always feel this way! I have days when I look in the mirror and hot damn I look good, nothing can bring me down. I think you're right, days like this just come with the territory of being a woman.

Just wanted to step in and say hi to you girls! Hoping to be part of this group!

Heya Ladies, it been awhile since I have logged on. I had a super busy week looking/buying a new car, then vacation, then readjusting back to normal. So about 3 weeks of not eating great most days, my food choices haven't been wonderful, but I have been keeping my portions in control (not overeating). Which has kept me at 137. I weighed in at 137.8, 3 weeks ago, and last week I was 137.6. Hoping for 137.0 or 136.9 this week at weigh in (Friday). I have been keeping up with the gym, and this week out of the past three have been the best eating choices wise.

I'm glad to be back, I really need the accountability.

Dorian5 - HUGE HUGS TO YOU. I definitely understand that feeling. Something about the autumn/fall I think brings out the "hold me, tell me I'm beautiful, love me" response in a powerful way. Since you're obviously a very attractive girl it is hard to "ask" people for reinforcement of that without sounding silly, but I know how it is. I almost lost my sh!t the other day when I was having lunch with my (male, who I may or may not be intimate with) friend and he started talking about how beautiful some girl he met over the weekend was - 100% irrational and unjustified on my part but for some reason it just made me feel like chopped liver. I get hit on a lot too but that doesn't make me feel good - it just makes me feel vulnerable and exposed in an unpleasant way.

I did however get the flight attendant job!!!!! Not sure when I start. I guess I'm not "too ugly and fat" for that! I feel extra motivated to drop these extra pounds I'm lugging around (about 136 still) so I will look good in the Richard Tyler Delta uniform dress...

Krampus, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you and that we are basically the same person. <3 (is that narcissistic? I'm on the other side of the spectrum than I was earlier if so, haha) Yes, getting hit on makes me feel awful too, like I'm a cut of beef or something, blech. I didn't think anyone else felt like that, I'm relieved to find someone else that relates.

I am SO excited for your new job!! I always thought being a flight attendant would be wonderful! You're going to be a super hot flight attendant -- you'll be a member of the mile high club in no time. (If you're not already, that flight from Japan was a long one... )

^_^ going to join in as well. I need a place to "vent".

I remember most of you girls from the 20-someting forum, including krampus.
I know what you mean about being "hit-on". Most of the times it bothers me, because I seem to attract the "old" and "short-skinny" grp of guys. I am fairly tall and when a guy who is smaller than me try to flirt with me I get sooooo disgusted; I feel like a girlzilla.

I am having one of the "fat" days. I ate probably around 1700 calorie yesterday due to extreme hunger, and I puffed up like a cow. So today, I m only drinking my protein shake and eating fruit..because tomorrow I have dinner plan with the family.

I wonder if 12x girls just naturally don't eat much...

OH my! I decided to sign on today and start posting again and I cannot tell you how crazy it is that you girls are literally taking the thoughts out of my mind and typing them in this forum.

Dorian and Krampus EVERYTHING you said is what I feel. I used to work at a desk job with all middle aged men. I literally got SO grossed out by their perverted comments and sexual stares that I became so rude and mean to them. I felt "violated". But like Dorian said, for some reason, on the other hand, I need constant validation. Its frustrating. WHy do other people hold so much value that THEY can validate who we are and how we feel. SHouldnt we be able to do that? Its a constant battle with me.

I dont want my first post back on here to be one of dismay or negativity but I do need to vent for a bit. I finally got out of that mind numbing dead end job and got into the Sonography program that Ive been working so hard to get into. I feel happy and very content. My frustration lies in the fact that I have SO much anxiety. Not because of the school work (and its A LOT), not because I am living away from home and not because my boyfriend and I are on a break. Like I said, I feel very happy and content. But I am so anxious all the time because of my weight and having the constant inner battles with myself. I have been on the verge of multiple anxiety attacks. Its a battle I constantly have. I want to just be able to go to dinner and indulge and have a real full pasta and bread meal with wine and ENJOY it. NOt have anxiety about how many calories im consuming. Then the other side of me fights it. You are unhappy with your body and you'll just be miserable after. Then I fight again saying the anxiety just isnt worth it. Its a never ending cycle and its preventing me to fully enjoy my year here in Gainesville. Something I swore to myself I'd never do if I got the "second chance" at college; since I never had a real college experience.

I just dont know what to do. I wish I was one of those people who could eat sensibly, be satisfied and work out regularly. I just simply cant. And the yo yoing is just causing me to gain back pure fat. SO how do you ladies do it!? By the end of every day, I just want to sit down to a nice SOLID meal (not a dinky 300 calorie meal) and relax and not worry about the calories. But if I do that, it will bring my calories to MAINTENANCE every day! I really want to get to goal but the anxiety is so much. BUt on the other hand, my anxiety is really bad when Im not dieting because im not happy with my body. iyaiyaiyaiya! Whats a girl to do!

For example, today, came home to make dinner and ended up bingeing. Granted, my calories are still around 1500. But i didnt get to enjoy it, i have a pounding headache and all because of the stress of it. Argh!

Sorry for that LONG vent. Im back on here regularly now that I have settled into school. I havent been reading all of the posts. Just the last few. So ladies, tell me about your lives and how everything is going!!! Its been so long!

Dianne I COMPLETELY understand what you mean, gah! I'm not counting calories, just trying to be "sensible," but if I eat a "full" meal and feel full afterward I feel panicky. I'm bigger than I want to be but I can't stop myself from ordering dessert half the time when I go out, and just...ugh. So much love though...I hope whatever happens = you feeling better. What if you ate at maintenance but added in more running or a Zumba class or something?

Ivonnely I TOTALLY KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT SHORT GUYS! Hahaha. I am not a 120s girl any more but when I was, it was a crazy struggle to stay below 128. I feel awful about having regained 10+ lbs!

Dorian5 I think we would get along really well IRL. I used to like getting hit on when I was still sort of insecure about whether guys would like me, but now that I'm a bit older and have options it's just gross and I feel like a beefsteak on legs, like you said. I have super cold feet about the flight attendant job - never done mile high club, well, not all the way anyway, but I have a lifetime to change that! Thanks for the vote of confidence!

...sigh, I ate way too much at the frickin Outback Steakhouse tonight. My meal was fine (sweet glazed pork tenderloin with green beans/garlic mashed potatoes) but then there was bread and a bloomin' onion and I split a "sample" size dessert with my mom...

OMGah im so sorry Krampus. I completely forgot to tell you congrats on your flight attendant job!!

Its nearly IMPOSSIBLE to go to Outback and do well. THat bread is just too good to pass up. I feel for ya when it comes to that place girl!

How pathetic. I wrote my last post tonight after a binge. Kept my cals at 1500. Then just got more panicky and stressed and went to publix and bought 100 calorie box of yogurt covered pretzels, 100 calories cheese and crackers and saltenes. Carb crave anyone? Well needless to say, I had 4 100 calorie pack of each box and about 10 saltenes. A whopping 1000 calories in 20 minutes. Awesome. WTF is wrong with me?! I feel like im doing worse and binging more the more i feel restricted throughout the week. ugh.

Maybe Ill take your advice Krampus and aim for maintenance of HEALTHY food and try to exercise more.

Good morning feathers! Feeling a little better this morning, even though my weight is up from last week's weigh in. I clocked in at 123.2lbs, last week was 122.8lbs. Not really much of a difference.

I would have been down this morning except that I baked some (ridiculously delicious) lime ricotta cookies and couldn't help but to taste test them the whole time. I also made count chocula treats -- all this crap was for tailgating, but I don't know why. My boyfriend hates sweets and his current (gay) room mate and old (gay) room mate are going with us, and I think they will probably be watching what they eat (what I SHOULD be doing.) So I will be eating them all anyway, lol. Ohhh well.

Also got a case of pumpkin beer -- delicious stuff. And 4 bottles of Bailey's since we'll be getting coffee before the game. I'm excited about the food and the drinking, but not so much about the scale afterward.

* * *

Ivonnely - Sounds like you've got your diet all balanced out, I figure maintenance is a lot like that, with ebb and flow of food choices. Heavy one day, light the next, middle of the road... I don't think I could eat at maintenance calories every single day. The girlzilla comment made me giggle. Hope dinner with the family is awesome today!

Dianne042425 - Today is a NEW day! Just brush yourself off from the binges and start over. I agree with Krampus -- maintenance, healthy food, and an exercise that you ENJOY that doesn't feel like torture. It might work out better for you! I'm like that with carbs too, I just love 'em. I hate hearing about the anxiety you're feeling, and I hope you find peace with your food/weigh/body soon.

Krampus - Those bloomin' onions are so, so delicious and cannot be avoided, as well as the bread. I once made the mistake of looking up the calories in a Chocolate Thunder from Down Under AFTER killing the whole thing. I agree, we would definitely get along IRL -- maybe your flight attendant job will bring you to NC sometime?? We could get drinks and food and lament about how many calories we consumed.

Keep on keeping on!

I haven't logged on for ages been to busy with the start of the uni year. Been going out a lot and drinking way too much but kept my eating under control for the most part.

Feeling really good recently because my house mate said that they're going to have to take me to town so I can buy myself some jeans that fit me because mine keep falling down >.<

Krampus: I remember you looking very skinny and fabulous even at 130+ I used to tell myself "shes shorter than me, and so skinny at 130, i will definitely be like that when i get to 130," btw, didn't happen I still don't have a waist, still have HUGE arms and flappy stomach (((

Dorian: I really hope i got it down, but yesterday was a TORTURE. I had about 600 calorie of food and i felt like dying. I was walking home after class and every ramen shop is calling my name. It was the hardest thing for me to NOT to walk in

I've been having ice-cream craving for about a full week. I kept wanting to squeeze it in my day, but i have this voice inside of my head telling me "if u didn't eat that ice-cream, you wont gain weight!" even though I can fit it in my daily calorie intake, i still couldn't do it >.< i think my body is developing a forbidden-fruit like symptom where you want what you cant have >.<

I know if you don't eat much for a whle, and then suddenly eat more, your body wont adjust well and will temporary gain, and i just cant sabotage myself, even though i do realize I am killing my metabolism..

Hi new people! Welcome! It's been a little slow around here, so it's great to have you.

Reporting for duty!

I had good dinner with family outside last night. I ate moderately and stopped myself after a while, it was hard to say no to rice since I am the biggest rice lover. I am going low-carb and hiprotein so I can't mess with it >.<

I was looking to a gain today morning but surprisingly no gain! I was at 123. I am a bit confused, not sure if it's just a lucky break or what, I wonder if I can actually squeeze dinner into my rotation. I always try to skip a complete meal after 5pm because I go to bed at 10pm, and don't want food in my stomach while I sleep.

Hey guys!
Well, I don't find out if I got my job until October 20.... so everyone, keep your fingers crossed because it's what I've wanted to do since I was a kid! I had to do various psychological/physical tests this past week, and now I'm finally back home.
Krampus! Congrats!! That is awesome! I'm sure you won't have any problems with the new job, plus you get to fly a whole bunch of places. Awesome!
Ivonnely, way to go! Sounds like you're learning your cues for when to stop eating. I wish I could get the hang of that with junk food... :P
TheManekiNeko, pants falling off, while socially embarrassing, sounds great in terms of weight loss! Nice going!
Dorian I was laughing when I read about Count Chocula treats. I love those Halloween cereals, although I try really hard not to go crazy on the Frankenberry hahaha
Dianne, I know all about the crazy binge stuff. I'll do completely fine all day, and then at night I'll hit the ice cream or candy jar and go nuts. I wish I was better about that, but... hey, a little at a time, right?