Originally Posted by Magrat:
In addition my husband has chronic pain because of his condition but the doctors won't give him pain meds because they don't want him to get addicted. They've told him he needs to "learn to live with it."

Wow, are different doctors available? I thought the medical world was moving past this mistaken belief.

[QUOTE=fitmom;4000734 I'm sending you :love: and lots of :hug: today. :)[/QUOTE]

Thank you.

Originally Posted by neurodoc:
Wow. That's remarkable. I'm not a psychiatrist nor a psychologist, but I am a physician. Your level of insight into your focus on losing weight is considerable. If you know all of that, I bet you also realize that IT'S NOT TRUE; that is, just because you get back to the flat stomach of your 19-year-old self, you won't regain the young, carefree, non-depressed self you had back then. And if you know that what you REALLY want is to break free from some of the life-stresses you have, could you work on some of those issues instead of losing another 5 or 10 pounds?

I have a number of patients who can't tolerate antidepressants for one reason or another, but have depression. There is a form of psychotherapy called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which has been shown in randomized clinical trials to be EQUALLY effective to medications when it is practiced daily for several months. Google it. If you can't afford to see a therapist because your health insurance won't cover it, you can actually do it from workbooks on your own. For example, CBT for Dummies, or this website: http://www.cognitivebehaviourtherapy...des/depression. Many other resources on this topic.

I agree with OPs that it's not wrong to want to lose "vanity pounds," and it's important to like what you see in the mirror, but that to a large degree "feeling fat" is not the same thing as "looking fat" and the cure for the former is not the same as the fix for the latter.

Good luck and best wishes to you.

I've known about CBT for years and I do try to practice its principles. When I get up feeling dread about facing another miserable day at work I try to remind myself that in this economy I'm fortunate just to have a job. And when DH lashs out because he just can't stand the pain anymore I remind myself that most of the time he's the sweetest guy in the world.

I don't think I'm focusing on my weight to avoid the other issues. I can't find another job because there are no other jobs out there (I've been diligently looking for years) and there is nothing I can do about my husband's pain.

All I can work on is myself.

Originally Posted by Munchy:
This really concerns me. I know that there are always reasons for people being a jerk (because they're in pain, because they're upset, because they are addicts, because they are frustrated, because their parents were abusive, etc.), but honestly, that means nothing.
If he's a jerk sometimes, then you can either live with it or not. My ex husband was a jerk sometimes and it was something that I just couldn't take. Your home should be your place of rest and relaxation, not a place of turmoil.

:hug:

Thanks, but don't worry; my husband is not a jerk at heart. And when he acts like one I can understand why even though it hurts. Imagine the worst pain you've ever felt in your life and then imagine feeling that pain continuously for years on end. I think you might act like a jerk sometimes too.

Originally Posted by QuilterInVA:
You are no longer 19 and can't expect to look like a 19 year old. I worry that you are on the verge of anorexia.

Huh!?

Quilter, I never said I wanted to look like I did at 19. I said one of the last times I was happy with myself was when I had a flat stomach which happened to be when I was 19. The important part is the flat stomach not the being 19.

And, anorexia? To get even close to anorexia I would have to weigh 94 pounds or less. Even if I got down to 100 pounds which isn't likely given how hard it is for me to lose weight, I would still have a bmi well within the normal range.

I'm not suggesting you ARE anorexic, AT ALL but anorexia is about a lot more than body weight, saying

Originally Posted by :
I would have to weigh 94 pounds or less.

to anorexic is simply not the case. it's about a state of mind that refuses to accept the reality of you body and perceives it as larger than it is, as well as a persistent desire to shrink further.

to paraphrase...

agian, NOT saying you are or aren't just wanted to correct eh misconception!

Magrat: I do feel your pain about your DH because the first few years of my marriage were spent nursing my very ill husband back to good health. I was 25 years old and cried myself to sleep most nights b/c I felt so helpless. He used to lash out at me due to his utter frustration (and he's genuinely a nice guy, lol). Luckily, with the proper diet and meds he was able to make a full recovery. His disease is chronic but manageable -- thank God. My heart goes out to you...you're not alone. :hug:

Hey Magrat I have to ask--what kind of exercises are you doing or have you been doing in order to lose weight? It's possible that instead of focusing on the number on the scale you can achieve the look you want through body recomposition--or weight training!

Plenty of pain meds aren't addictive, and of the ones that are, the addiction rate is very low, not to mention that it's possible to screen patients for addictive potential. There are also non-drug approaches such as TENS, acupuncture, hypnosis. Get new doctors, get in touch with pain organisations, do whatever you can, but leaving someone with such severe pain untreated for fear of addiction is intolerable. I live with chronic pain and my cousin is a pain expert who founded two international pain organisations, so I do know what I'm talking about.

Originally Posted by ann71:
Wow, are different doctors available? I thought the medical world was moving past this mistaken belief.

Unfortunately, no. The area I live in is actually experiencing a doctor shortage. Many doctors are outright refusing to accept new patients , and the ones that do accept new patients are leery of dispensing pain meds because they are so afraid of the DEA.

Originally Posted by fitmom:
Magrat: I do feel your pain about your DH because the first few years of my marriage were spent nursing my very ill husband back to good health. I was 25 years old and cried myself to sleep most nights b/c I felt so helpless. He used to lash out at me due to his utter frustration (and he's genuinely a nice guy, lol). Luckily, with the proper diet and meds he was able to make a full recovery. His disease is chronic but manageable -- thank God. My heart goes out to you...you're not alone. :hug:

Thank you for the reply and encouragement. I'm glad you found something that worked for your husband.

Originally Posted by mimi86:
Hey Magrat I have to ask--what kind of exercises are you doing or have you been doing in order to lose weight? It's possible that instead of focusing on the number on the scale you can achieve the look you want through body recomposition--or weight training!

Well, as I've mentioned before, I have a very physical job so I get exercise whether I'm trying to lose weight or not. I know some people would say that physical activity on the job doesn't count but I don't see how my body can tell the difference if I walk ten miles at work or on a treadmill. Anyway I usually rack up between 12 and 15 miles of walking on the job. I also lift a cumulative total of half a ton, do a lot of bending and reaching and climb countless stairs.If I have to use the elevator I do wall squats while I'm waiting for it. If it's not too hot I might powerwalk during my lunch break.

Before work I do fifteen minutes of stretching, followed by thirty minutes of kettlebell swings. After work I hike woods trails with my dog.

Exercise at work don't count because your body is used to do them, it's not a challenge anymore, so it count in your total calories need for the day and not as an exercise. Try brisk walking/jogging intervals ?