Hey ladies. I'm starting to think I might have a mental illness with losing weight.
Like I told you all, I have made the decision to stop dieting and just live a healthy lifestyle and still allow myself to indulge and just hope the weight comes off over time.
But its so annoying. Today they had peanut butter cup ice cream cake at work for two coworkers birthdays. I wasn’t going to eat it. I even ate popcorn and string cheese before so I wouldn’t be tempted. I don’t like to go off too bad with food when I know I will be drinking that night. But then I was like, wait , I am trying to just live now and enjoy life and not worry about every damn thing I put in my mouth. So I had a small piece. But of course even a small piece is HORRIBLE.
Im frustrated because I want to be able to have that little slice without freaking out, getting anxiety or worrying. What is wrong with me!?!? Its so frustrating. I know im not going to gain weight from it but I just freak out and get such anxiety. Its like I cant just let go and live. I KNOW HOW to live healthy. I know that allowing myself that little indulgence isnt a bad thing at all! But I still get the anxiety from it.
Anywhoo, it brought my cals up to 1975, fat at 65, carbs at 150, sugars at 63and protein at 127! I know it could be worse and I wont gain with those stats, but it still freaks me out. What is wrong with me!?
I really just need to learn to be content NOW with my lifestyle. Its so hard for me. At service the other day at church it really hit home. He was talking about how we always want more. Then when we get it, we want more and more and more. We are never satisified and wont be until we learn to be content with now and what we have NOW. It made me really think about my dieting. I am a very healthy girl (knock on wood) . I have a lot to be thankful for so i have no reason to not be happy now! But I still get anxiety when I let myself indulge. I guess secretly I am hoping I can still lose with these little indulges but I know in reality i cant..
I think when your trying to lose weight, it's normal to feel that guilt that comes along w/ even eating a small peice of something thats "bad". I don't think there is anything wrong w/ you for feeling that way. Next time try congratulating yourself for just eating the small peice... tell yourself you did good because you didn't go crazy and have 2 peices. Sometimes when you limit yourself completley it may make you crave things even more and ultimatley you will binge or go overboard later.
You know, there's no perfect answer. We're genetically inclined to want to hoard as many calories as possible...and now that has sort of seeped into our every day lives, we want the newest gadgets, the newest shoes, the best cars..
I struggle constantly. We all struggle. There's this quote I love..and the end of it is relevant to your dilema...
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.
First of all, Dianne, you're already at a healthy, attractive weight. Even when you were ten pounds heavier, you were fine. You're athletic. Today, you ate a normal amount for your weight. The only thing wrong with this picture is that you feel like crap about it. Don't. You weren't on plan, but so what?
Sometimes I question why I want to lose weight. The reasons are partly practical -- I have a lot of clothes one size smaller. Partly vain -- I think I would look better with smaller waist and thighs. But they're also partly self-loathing, partly deluded. I want to think I have the potential to look like January Jones and that's just not true at any weight with my height and build -- or my race, or my skin and hair color. Absurd example, but you know what I mean.
If you know what size you want to be and you want to get there, be completely rational about it and stop thinking about it in terms of guilt. Try this: I think about my food in terms of pounds. "Would I rather lose 1/7 of a pound or eat this 500 calorie cake?" For me, the answer is pretty clear: I take the incremental weight loss... except for really, really good cake. No need to feel guilty either way.
ETA: I just ate dinner and I'm full and therefore very no-nonsense right now. My hungry self would have completely different things to say.
Last edited by lackadaisy; 03-03-2011 at 07:19 PM.
I experience that too Dianne, though I don't track macronutrient ratios and go mainly by calories only. It's really difficult to return to "normal" attitudes toward food when one has been in diet mode for a while. I can't eat anything without thinking about how many calories it has and it makes me upset or nervous when I have no clue about calorie counts in food.
This probably isn't helpful/what you want to hear, but lackadaisy has a really good point - you are a healthy weight, I've seen pictures and you look great, and you have your good health and fitness. By all logic it should be okay to stay the same for a while or to lose super slowly. But I know none of this is logical - if it were, I would have stuck to plan day in day out and been at goal a month ago. Sigh.
I love how there are so many supportive people here. Thank you for each of your replies. Heres the thing. I know I am healthy in every aspect (well maybe not mentally ), but I also know that I have weight to lose. It is not in my head. Yes, right now I look ok and I am not cosnidered unhealthy or even overweight. But for my body to look normal and at its natural size, I believe I still need to lose weight; so its hard to just accept this weight. I have a smaller frame like many of us. Where none of my friends have ever fit in the super small sizes (and are shorter than me and skinny), I used to be a size 00! Not saying thats where i want to be, but I just know that a size 4 on my body isnt where I am supposed to be. I want to look my best since I am putting in so much work..
I have really decided to just stop dieting and obsessing. I feel better and look less bloated when I eat healthy; and I am SATISIFIED with the healthy food. Its the constent "oh no ive run out of calories for the day I cant have anything else", or the having to pass up moms spaghetti, and things like that, that cause me to feel deprived and unhappy. So now, I am taking the approach as if I am in maintenance but with a little more cautious slant to it. I am hoping this plan allows for the weight to come off but just at a lot slower pace. I am not weighing myself anymore. Even if it took 6 months for the last 10 pds to come off, I am totally okay with that; becuase I no longer am dieting; just living.
Lackadaisy I really appreciate your tough love. Thats just what I need! I guess I need to relax a little on myself. I just have such a fear of going back to the way I used to be. But in reality, I know I cant. I have a new lifestyle that I plan on living with forever.
Krampus You are absolutely correct. It is SO hard to go back to seeing food normally after dieting for so long. I think thats part of my struggle. If only I could just view food as food and not the calories, macronutrients etc. I appreciate the nice comment on my pictures.
I really think its my own vision of myself coupled with the horrible comments I have received in my life that keep me wanting to diet and stressing me out if I dont get to goal. I just want to feel comfortable in my skin so when I think of the "fat ex girlfriend" comment or the "fat knees" comment, I can just smile and know that its simply not true!
Its a constant battle for all of us! Unless you are one of the few lucky people who were taught the right attitude on food from an early age, everyone goes through the battles with diet. Its so great to have this place to come too. Thanks everyone!
Last edited by Dianne042425; 03-04-2011 at 09:36 AM.
OK, this is where you share more about yourself than you really wanted. I have an addictive personality. I was a drug addict, then an alcoholic. I am currently a recovering addict on the above. When I was sixteen I began to purge. I have been doing this for 36 years. Not a good thing. The only thing that got me to stop and keep in mind this was for me is that I stopped counting everything. I started on the HMR program through hackley health management and joined the at home program where I work with a health educator. I am not totally free but damn close. I've lost 20/lbs. and I feel good about myself because I am making better choices and when I don't I get back on the horse the next day. Your compulsion with food is a problem, seek help before it gets out of control. People were aware of my other problems but not aware of this one. Good luck and keep in touch, I have years of wisdom and NOT.
Dianne, I'm just going to jump on the "you're awesome" bandwagon and encourage you to maybe transition the dieting preoccupation back into a fitness ideal but with functional goals rather than aesthetic ones. I was only ever able to dedicate myself to long-term, sustained exercise by making defined, specific fitness goals. For example, yes, I wanted to lose the 20-odd pounds I had put on over the years and get back to my "I feel good here" clothes size(s). But that's not very specific and doesn't involve a straightforward fitness and diet regime. It just tells me what my aesthetic problem is, not what my health goals are. So every time I tried to work out with any level of dedication, I didn't see the scale move immediately, got frustrated, and quit being consistent after just a few weeks. How to fix this? Get SPECIFIC fitness goals. Want to run a marathon? There you go, train for it. Want to lift a certain size weight? Build up to it. Want to do some crazy yoga move? Improve your flexibility. The health and weight will happen simultaneously with the fitness, but the fitness won't usually happen unless you want to do it for its own sake. Also, the diet won't necessarily happen unless you're doing it for health and not for deprivation and ONLY weight loss.
Dorothy I'm sorry to hear you struggled with those obstacles but that's awesome that you lost 20 pounds!! And the RIGHT way! I have relaxed a bit on the dieting and obsession. It feels so good.
Kat I am taking your advice! Instead of setting a calorie range I have to stay at every single day and all these rules of no drinking, no eating out etc. , I have come up with two goals for every week! I have decided to have 3 days I stay at 1100 calories and second goal is to run 5 days a week. The other 4 days I will just intuitively eat and hopefully it will all even out or create a loss Thank you for your advice!
Is this an illness?
), but I also know that I have weight to lose. It is not in my head. Yes, right now I look ok and I am not cosnidered unhealthy or even overweight. But for my body to look normal and at its natural size, I believe I still need to lose weight; so its hard to just accept this weight. I have a smaller frame like many of us. Where none of my friends have ever fit in the super small sizes (and are shorter than me and skinny), I used to be a size 00! Not saying thats where i want to be, but I just know that a size 4 on my body isnt where I am supposed to be. I want to look my best since I am putting in so much work..
Thank you for your advice!
