[oneoftwelve]

If y'all have a minute. . . .
I'd love some feedback.

My Mom and I are consistently discussing (sometimes arguing, sometimes not) about the changes I've made. Basically, it came out last night that she approves of my walking/consistent exercise plan, but the fact that I count calories/measure my portions she sees as nothing but unhealthy obsession. My dad is very sweet, but he basically told me I'm being self-absorbed, that all I talk about is nutrition (not true!), and that he also thinks I'm obsessed.
Mom is also the only person in our house who is technically overweight, so she feels that I have no room to talk and that any desire to be thinner is merely selfish/vain/anorexic.
How is the desire to get in the best shape of your life selfish? How is measuring portions and being self-controlled obsessive? I want to honor my parents, but I have no idea how to balance the decisions I've made with what they're saying.
Thanks!

[srmb60]

Not just in your family but in the general public, there seems to be an "understanding gap" between the notion of weight loss and the pursuit of optimal health.
How many of us have heard "Stop dieting, you're thin enough" or "Why do you run, you're already thin".
There is a difference between shrinking to smaller and becoming stronger, faster, able to work all day without flagging.
And trust me ... you can talk yourself blue in the face and they still won't hear you.
Gently, calmly ... you'll have to prove your mettle When they see that your life is full ... lots of energy, glowing good health, internal happiness, balance, they'll know that you've made wise decisions.

If all of this is making you wonder if you are obsessing, talk it out here and at home. You're very fortunate that your parents love and care for you. You don't have to disregard them. Their observations are very important. Consider them another tool ... like your reflection in the mirror, the scale, your tape measure ...

[LLH2010]

Weight loss and building your fitness level require you to be a little selfish sometimes. You have to carve out time for workouts and think about what you are going to eat, find nutrition info, etc., but it doesn't require you to be any more selfish than anyone else is. And it is hard for people to understand when they do not have the same desires as you sometimes. Maybe your mom needs to hear that is isn't just about how you look, it's about how you feel and your health also, and that requires you to exercise and watch what you eat.

[DoraUK]

In a way I get both of your points of view. (yours and your parents)

You have set yourself a very reasonable 10 pounds to lose, and you want this to be done as effectively and quickly as possible. So it makes sense to attack both ways, with what goes in and what goes out.

I'm not sure how much you are eating, but when I started I went straight down to 1200 calories. Which meant that I was losing weight quite quickly initially. But then the weight loss has started to slow down a bit - mostly due to I have stopped going to the gym since I moved house a few weeks ago.

I wished looking back on it I had allowed myself to eat a bit more and put more effort into exercise and lost that way. Even though I had gained a bit of weight over college, I still had a fantastic metabolism. So many Domino's boxes in my trash you wouldn't believe, and I was just out of shape - never overweight! I'm a bit worried that in some ways I have ruined my relationship with food. I think that's what maybe your parents are concerned about.

BUT on the other hand, my relationship with food has never been better! I know how to cook healthy, tasty, filling things. It has been such a good education.

I hope this isn't stressing you out too much. Just think only a few more weeks and you might have reached goal!

Best of luck xx

[Dianne042425]

Again, I can see both sides. But I think it is lack of understanding on friends and families parts...

When trying to break ANY addiction or bad habit, you have to in a sense "obsess" over it. Changing your diet and exercise lifestyle is extremely hard and takes a lot of FOCUS, determination, and hard WORK. When athletes train, they obsess about their training and diet. They have a goal in mind and need to focus in order to get there. People who quit smoking cigarettes have to become "obsessed" in order to fight the addiction and stay focused. Alcoholics and drug addicts have to obsess about staying away from these toxins; supportive people know not to have it around them. People just tend to think of weightloss as a vanity affair when you dont have much to lose and your healthy right NOW isnt in danger. But I do believe the intentions of friends and families when they make comments about obsessing are good and caring. They want to make sure you arent developing an eating disorder, bodydysmorphia, etc.

I sometimes feel obsessed but I tell myself I NEED to make this change NOW so that I can learn to be healthy and STAY healthy. In the beginning I feel it will be sort of an "obsession" but once you learn and adapt the lifestyle, it becomes your daily grind and doesnt seem so much as an obsession to you, family, and friends.

Many times people don't like hearing about dieting all the time becuase they themselves know they need/could stand to get healthier and need to change THEIR way of eating; having someone constantly talking about their changes theyve made just reminds these people of what they want/should be doing.

Understand your parents feelings are coming from a caring place. Try not to get defensive and come to 3fc when you feel you need to obsess or talk about something regarding this healthy lifestyle you have decided to go after

[oneoftwelve]

Thanks so much for all the replies!
DoraUK, I'm trying to eat around 1500-1800 calories a day. On the days I exercise, I burn about 300 calories (approximately), so I'm basically taking in 1200-1500.
To help my mom not worry, I have to stop measuring things right now, which is fine because at school I wasn't planning on wandering around the cafeteria with my measuring cups in tow. I need to just be able to eyeball things and know when to stop. My mom believes you cannot gain weight on "healthy" food; my experiences have told me differently. But I'm still going to log what I eat, even if I can't control precisely how much.
Again, thanks for the encouragement!