I would really appreciate any input, advice, insight on the following situation.
It is very difficult to write this and it is rather long, so thank you, if you take the time to read it.
My dh and I have been married for 1 1/2 years. He was raised as a Catholic and is very active in Church. I, on the other hand, was NEVER brought to Church as a child. I do consider myself a Chrisitian and pray several times a day. I am not, however, an active church attendee. I did go through catechism during our engagement--- which is mandatory to be married in a Catholic Church. Once I finished Catechism, it was expected that I would become Catholic. I told my dh (fiance at the time) and the Priest that I could not do that. I felt that religion is a personal thing and I just didn't feel that it was in my heart to convert to the Catholic religion at that time, if ever. It was very difficult to be so brutally honest but I did not want to mislead anyone. Both of them "accepted" this decision and after I promised to raise future children as Catholics I was married in a Catholic Church.
During the last 1 year I have had 3 miscarriages----at 14 weeks, 6 weeks and 10 weeks. I have undergone extensive tests to determine the cause but so far there is no obvious reason.
It has been really hard to not blame myself for this. Even though I faithfully took prenatal vitamins, gave up caffeine, ate a very healthy diet and most importantly, prayed and thanked G@d each and every day for the blessing.
My dh told me, "G@d is mad at you for not going to Church". I know he didn't mean to hurt me, and that he does believe this. He really is a kind, loving husband who is trying to help guide me to what he believes.
PLEASE tell me, is this something that is taught in your "Church"? It breaks my heart to think that G@d is mad at me!
For one, I don't think God is mad at you for not being Catholic. On another thread where church attendance was mentioned, many of us believe that a Christian is a Christian is a Christian....
What my take on it is that God is testing your faith, to strengthen your faith. Perhaps you link thanking Him with becoming pregnant, kind of like If you do one than you will get the other...do you pray differently than you did before you were trying to get pregnant?
I also believe that faith is a very personal thing. If you were to join the Church, I doubt you'd be doing it for the "right" reasons...
One thing I wouldn't do is talk to a clergy person at your husband's church. The reason I say this is that he may try to "sell" you into going to that church, rather than looking at your issues non objectively...
Is this making any sense? One thing I find helps me when I need to really, really pray: either driving around and praying out loud ( weird, but works) or I'll write letters to God in a journal.
Since so many hardships are being heaved onto you, consider reading the book of Job, since he must have thought the same thing...I am in no way a perfect CHristian with unwavering faith. I question things every day...and that's how I become closer to God.... all I can advise is to pray, and to think...it really is a hard question to answer, and I hope I maybe helped a little bit. If anything, realise that we will listen to you, to help you as much as we can, and yes, we'll pray for you...
I think alot of churches tend to teach things very differently. I was brought up a christian to an extent but don't go to church and I'm not really sure what I believe but I can tell you for definite that my god isn't a vengeful god. God would never be angry for you for not going to church like that he would realise that like everyone else you have to work through your faith.
I don't think that you have to go to church to worship god, and think of all the people in the world who don't believe in god that give birth to happy and healthy babies, why would god specifically be punishing you and only you in this way. It wouldn't happen. I think his church sounds terrible I'm sorry for people who do have churches like this because I think they get people forced into the church through fear. If you decide to attend church you should do so with love for god not through fear thats what he'd want.
Sometimes unfortunate things happen to people I don't think its to do with religion or a test of faith I just think there are things that happen to us. My aunt for example was an absolute devout christian yet she died of cancer very early now I dont think god was mad with her for a minute. Maybe you do need to speak to someone about your faith but if I was you I'd go to a church elsewhere and speak to someone independent and without an agenda.
I don't think God is mad at you. I am not active in my church, I was as a child, at that time I was also taught that God forgives you for your sins. I do pray to him and I do believe in him, I don't believe I need to go to a certian building to worship him. I also don't believe I need to pay some one to worship him.
At 16 I got pregnant by my Catholic boyfriend, and I delivered my son in the Catholic Hospital, but my then boyfriend, decided he wasn't ready for the real world yet so, I had my son dedicated in the Babtist Church. When my son was about 2 his Dad came back in the picture and at age 6 my son was baptised in the Catholic Church. My agreement with his Dad was that I was not asked to convert myself, and that I would not be the one resposible for him going to his classes on Sunday mornings. and it was agreed, I did go to the baptism and I did to his confirmation, but that is because I wanted to be there for those big events. I just can not take communion because I am not of the Catholic Faith. But Niether can my son's father, because he will not confess our son as a sin.
Anyways my point is I hope for you that your husband can look past your faults as God does, my son's father and I have had gone down a very rough road together, but we except eachother for who we are not our religions.
I wish right now i could give you a million hugs, and take away your guilt and pain.
Hi sweetie,
It breaks my heart that your husband would tell you that it is basically your fault for the miscarriages, because you don't attend church.
Your husband is grieving, and in his grief he is grasping at straws as to why this is happening. I grew up Catholic, now am just Christian. God loves you , forgives you, accepts you,
even if you don't love him the way he loves you-that is ok, he will still love you. With God, he wouldn't love you anymore, if you went to church on a daily basis, and he doesn't love you any less because you dont. He would feel more loved if you went to church on Sundays as a way of worship, showing him that you love him too. But it isn't necessary.
If you really feel unsure, go talk to the priest at the church, he will reassure you that it isn't a punishment.
The miscarriages, they are for now mysteries for you i guess. And i am so very sorry that you've had to go through them. You aren't alone, many women have this problem. It is not a punishment, I promise you that!
God isn't into punishment, at the end of our lives we will have to answer for our choices, the good and the bad, then, we may be punished by going to ****. God wouldn't put you through this **** right now, he loves you, he morns for you and your babies, when you cry, it breaks his heart, you are his child, he doesn't want your heart to be crushed. He is always there for you, to listen, to forgive, to love you -no strings attatched.
If you need to talk, anytime, message me,
ok,
God Bless you,
I would really appreciate any input, advice, insight on the following situation.
It is very difficult to write this and it is rather long, so thank you, if you take the time to read it.
My dh and I have been married for 1 1/2 years. He was raised as a Catholic and is very active in Church. I, on the other hand, was NEVER brought to Church as a child. I do consider myself a Chrisitian and pray several times a day. I am not, however, an active church attendee. I did go through catechism during our engagement--- which is mandatory to be married in a Catholic Church. Once I finished Catechism, it was expected that I would become Catholic. I told my dh (fiance at the time) and the Priest that I could not do that. I felt that religion is a personal thing and I just didn't feel that it was in my heart to convert to the Catholic religion at that time, if ever. It was very difficult to be so brutally honest but I did not want to mislead anyone. Both of them "accepted" this decision and after I promised to raise future children as Catholics I was married in a Catholic Church.
During the last 1 year I have had 3 miscarriages----at 14 weeks, 6 weeks and 10 weeks. I have undergone extensive tests to determine the cause but so far there is no obvious reason.
It has been really hard to not blame myself for this. Even though I faithfully took prenatal vitamins, gave up caffeine, ate a very healthy diet and most importantly, prayed and thanked G@d each and every day for the blessing.
My dh told me, "G@d is mad at you for not going to Church". I know he didn't mean to hurt me, and that he does believe this. He really is a kind, loving husband who is trying to help guide me to what he believes.
PLEASE tell me, is this something that is taught in your "Church"? It breaks my heart to think that G@d is mad at me![/QUOTE]
Going to church and being a Christian are two different things. Jesus set up His church as a place for believers to worship, fellowship, and support. Its a place where you learn. But being a Christian is believing, trusting, obeying, and following the Lord. You can be a Christian and not go to church, but won't grow as much you could from being around other believers at church and hearing the Word taught.
I don't think God is punishing you. However, He allows us to go through pure torture for His glory. Everything you experience He can turn around and use to help others. My advice would be to seek Him, ask Him questions, get mad at Him. He can handle it.
In ISAIAH 55:8 God tells us "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord"
Apostle Paul says we see through a glass darkly.......
There will be many times when God's behavior will be incomprehensible and confusing to us.
Remember that we are born into sin, therefore we do not live the lives God intended for us.
Because we are born into sin we suffer the consequences of not only our own sin but others as well.
I know this must be a tremendously difficult journey you are taking now. I ask you NOT to worry if God is punishing you (personally I don't think so but I cannot answer for HIM) ...but I ask you to continue trusting in Him and to continually ask that HIS will be done in your life.
Learn this verse and keep it with you always:
ROMANS 8:28 ~ And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love HIM , who have been called according to HIS purpose.
As you continue to seek and love Him, the answers you are looking for will come to you in comfort one way or another.
I agree with most of all the other responses. God does not punish people by causing a miscarriage. That is caused by sin and not your sin, but sin itself. There may never be a reason why this has happened except to cause you to question and to look closer at God. If you truly believe that Christ died for your sin than you will know that God never gives us anything more than what we can handle.
Look in the bible for your answers. Seek out what God has to say to you and ask for wisdom and understanding.
Will be praying for you
Hi, I just read through your post and the responses and it breaks my heart to hear about your miscarriages and what your husband has said to you regarding their cause. I certainly don't believe that they happened because God is mad at you, and I have never run into any Christians (Catholic or Protestant) in my life that would believe that either.
I have been through two miscarriages myself (one in October, one in February) and found myself asking the same kinds of questions. While I am a fairly regular churchgoer and make every effort to live out the Christian lifestyle, I questioned myself and wondered if there was anything I was doing wrong to make these things happen. I asked several friends and even a clergyman to give me some thoughts on it, and all pretty much agreed that the miscarriages are just one of God's mysteries. One person even went as far to say that perhaps they were God's merciful way of bringing the children to heaven early when they may not have survived through the pregnancy or lived a healthy life on earth (due to genetics or how they were formed or whatever biological reason). Hearing these ideas didn't make my grieving any easier but reassured me that I had done nothing wrong.
Don't let your husband's words get to you and continue to devote yourself to prayer, listen to God, and do whatever feels right for you. Maybe the Catholic church is not where it's at for you (my DH is Catholic, but I, like you, didn't feel right about converting to Catholicism), but perhaps one day God will lead you to a loving community where you feel comfortable. Not going to church does not make you a lesser Christian by any means, but it may be helpful for you to have the fellowship of other believers and a spiritual family to lift you up during this difficult time. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
Here's something to think about from Lloyd John Ogilvie:
"There are times when God seems to be clouded, beyond our reach, mysterious and aloof....It is often in those dark times that God is most at work in our lives....When we accept that basic fact, we are ready to grow through what happens to us. God has not left us. The mist has come in for a time, and we must walk by faith. The mist will lift and we will look back on the experience, wondering why we questioned what God was doing. And we will know something else: the Lord never forsakes us. His answers will not always be what we think best, but the friendship He longs to have wilth us will be deepened. The Holy God has come to us in Christ to reveal how He uses the darkness. The Resurrection was the assurance that He always has the last word. The only way to live with freedom and joy is to accept that there are dark, cloudy days."
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Elizabeth, I am so sad for you. I was raised a Catholic but I have not gone to church in many, many years - mainly as I grew older, I began to analyze and question much of what I was taught as a child as Catholicism. After thinking about it, in reality I felt many of their "rules" contradicted what being a good Christian was all about. I do consider myself very much a Christian and I hold dear the fundamentals of my religion.
It was wrong of your husband to say that God is punishing you for not attending mass. Even if he spoke unintentionally out of grief, it was the wrong thing to say. Some priests might tell you that to guilt you into doing something (which is why I don't go to church anymore) but those who have a true devotion would tell you that God is kind and has a plan for everything. It's not always apparent why things happen but it's NEVER about punishing someone. If the punishing were true, evil people in this world who have killed and tortured others would be struck down instead of being allowed to roam freely. In 8 years of Catholic schooling, the nuns and priests would threaten us with alot of goofy stuff but I never, ever saw a book that said God would punish you. The worst of it was if you decided to live a life of a sinner, you'd burn forever which was later changed to eternal suffering at never being able to see God's face. But Jesus would never break your heart, make you cry and take your little babies from you as retribution for not following the Catholic ways to the book.
I know many devoted Catholics who had miscarriages who regularly attended church and lived good Christian lives. We tend always to blame ourselves first. I like what CRK said about God calling these children to heaven early.
Please don't give up on the faith you hold in your heart, pray as you feel fit - which is after all - simply talking to God, and don't be conned into something you don't feel is right for you and above all, be gentle with yourself.
Practice being a "mom" to those all around you - show love, kindness and compassion to those who need it in your everyday life. After all, isn't religion all about helping each other through this life before we get to the next step?
I don't believe God works in ways to hurt or punish us necessarily. I think that God does do things to get our attention. But I don't believe that you had miscarriages as a result of not going to church. I had a pastor tell me one time that it is not necessary to be in church to worship. Church is where you go for fellowship, for learning, and for worship with others, but it is not the only place you can worship. For me church is where I gather my strength, where alot of my questions are answered and where I feel completely loved by those around me. Our Lord wants us to have life and joy in abundance - he wants you to trust him and to lean on him during this time. Please know that his arms around you when you cry, and take this time to draw nearer to him.
Eph 2: 8 it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works
'Not by works' means that there is no list of criteria. There are no critical steps by which we gain God's approval. "And this is not from yourselves' means we can't do anything to gain God's approval. We can't slide up and down some imaginary grade scale. Even baptism is a public profession of faith. It's for other humans. God already knows what's in our hearts.
God loves you unconditionally. He has always loved you and He always will. There is nothing you can do that will change that.
Jeremiah 29: 11-13 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall you call upon me, and you shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And you shall seek me, and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart.
Hi Telemetry Nurse,
My advice is seek God with all of your heart and cry out to Him. He will answer you. But what if His plans for you don't include children? Will you still proclaim His majesty? Will you still love Him? I think the advice about reading Job is appropiate. It will help to put things in perspective for you.
I don't for a minute believe that He is punishing you. If our Lord did things like that I would never have been given the blessing of my son because I destroyed all of His other blessings through abortion. I will pray for you and your husband tonight. He is hurting also. Please bear with him and forgive him for his thoughtless words. I think it is just as hard for a man to lose his children as it is for a woman.
As for going to church, before God revealed Himself to me, I went to church sporadically never hearing Him call to me. Now I go weekly because He has a message for me each time. He gives me strength to bear my burdens and always lightens my load.
Cry out to God, pray and then say to Him, "your will be done."
My son died when he was two and a half and I know about the comments people made to try to expalin things or "comfort" me.........for some things there are no answers..........I also know how I searched for answers......maybe he had issues because I washed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, maybe it was because once I said "I didn't care if I ever had a son, I just wanted a little girl".......etc, etc,,,,,,,,,,it all comes back to haunt you.
Go for grief counselling if it is something you would be comfortable doing......there are some excellent support groups. Maybe your husband could attend with you.
Is G@d angry at me?
