Oh Charleene, How sad for all of you to lose a young one. Was this child in one of your granddaughter's class at school or a long time family friend? Her death will effect all of you. I am praying that God will give you all the strength and know how you need to get through this sad time. We went to all the graves in the past couple of days and my two younger children were so sweet. The 4 y/o kissed his great grandmothers tomb stone. I think he was just so overwhelmed with emotions that he didn't understand that that just seemed like the right thing to do and my 7 y/o talked about so many things that she remembered about my father. My father died on her 3rd BD so I really didn't think she remembered him too much, but I'm telling you she had so many memories she shared. It made me feel so good. We did have a good weekend despite it raining some every day! We went to "Shrek 2" the kids loved it. I thought it was ok, but not nearly as good as the first. We cooked on the campfire a lot and just kind of hung out. Yesterday it acually did 6 little showers throughout the day, but we stayed out during all of them and continued to cook from 9am until 5pm. MMMMMM I ate way too much, but it was all so good.

Take care and remember you and yours are in my prayers,
Kristi

My deepest apologies for writing Charleene, It's been such a week and my mind is gone. You have given me such encouragment and then I call you by another name. I'm so sorry. My mother had a slight stroke on either Sun or Mon and we were unable to get her to go to the Dr. until yesterday. I didn't write about it sooner, because I just suspected that was what had happened. The CT she had yesterday confirmed it. Combine this with the guilt I feel over the type of relationship I have with my mother I'm barely remembering my own name. Once again , please except my apology. I'm a real dope!

Sincerely,
Kristi

Kristi....I'm so sorry about your mother. Don't worry at all about calling me by another name. I like Charleene better, anyway. ;) That's one thing you can stop being concerned about.

Please, stop feeling guilty about your relationship with your mother. That's not what caused the stroke. It is something that just happened. Of course, we always go back in our mind & wish things were different. But, Kristi, I believe things WOULD be different if it was up to you. But, you weren't the one that got to make those decisions. Just do what you need to do for your mother, now, as I know you will. Wishing things could have been different is a natural thing. I feel for you....because I'm there, too.

Visiting my mother is getting harder all the time. She's pretty sick, right now, & it's hard to see her suffer. I hurt for the person I wish she had been...but, the truth is...if she "came back to herself"...she would "come back to herself"...& that's not a very good mother. I know I did all I could to be a good daughter. I don't mean it bragging...I just didn't want any regrets. I do what I can for her...as always. But, that's all I can do. I had to make peace with that.

It's the same with you. Be there for her. Do what you can do. I sincerely hope this will bring the two of you closer. But, if it doesn't...remember, it's not your fault. You are a great daughter, & a great mother. Don't forget that. I feel for your mother missing out on so much. I'll be praying for her...not just her health...but, her change in attitude.

Get some rest, my friend. Post when you can.http://img61.photobucket.com/albums/...Charlotte2.gif

Thanks so much for being here. My mother's illness has taken another turn of events. She tried to do to much (sightseeing and gambling) on Fri and ended up falling out of the car etc. so we were told not to leave her alone at all for 7 days. I spent the night with her on Fri and lined up everyone through yesterday for her care. She returned to the Dr yesterday and we were told she's exagerating her stumbling and what not, because she's enjoying the attention! The Dr said that all the tests she ran mom should not be having nearly the trouble we are describing. My brother became angry with the Dr and insisted mom see someone else. So, my mom's sister is taking her to a neurologist today. I hate to say it Charlotte ( such a beautiful name), but I saw some of what the Dr described while staying with mom, but because of our relationship of course I blamed it on how I feel about her. I'll let you know what the Dr says today. Thanks for your prayers and for being here for me to talk to.

Kristi

Hi Kristi,
Good to hear from you. Thanks for keeping me informed...been concerned, & I AM here for you. Please, remember that.
I think it would be good to get a neurologist's opinion, as you all are doing. That should tell the facts. There's very little that my neurologist can't find out about me. I know that when my mother had a small stroke last year, she was weaker on one side. Got to where she would fall. Finally was falling so much, we had to put her in the nursing home. I hope, in a way that your mom's just wanting attention...for her sake as well as all of you. Too, you will then know how to handle things...maybe. Still won't be easy, I'm sure. I know what you mean...mother always wanted attention, even after getting Alziemer's...& would do whatever she had to to get it.
I hope you're taking care of yourself through all of this. Those little ones of yours need a healthy mother. :)
Let me know more when you can.....you're in my prayers.

Thanks for the butterflies!! I just love "flutterbies". The neurologist never broached the subject of "faking" but he did do a wonderful job of explaining the CT skan. He pointed out black areas that were dead, but continued on to point out grey that was surrounding all of it and let us all know that the grey was sign of rejuvenation allready. That if she's willing to work hard she can probably recover 100% or at least close to it. Charlotte, the devil has been so avtive in me ever since this has happened. Remembering so many past wrongs she's done me giving me excuses why this is not my responsibility. I'm telling you all the thoughts and feelings had actually caused like a buzzing inside my head!!! After spending time helping at her home yesterday and then coming home and feeding my family etc... it hit me I have to get out of here. It quit raining and I headed for the biketrail. I walked and ran praying the whole time. Asking to be less selfesh to remember life isn't about me etc... A mile away from home the skies just opened up again. I was soaked to the skin in seconds. I ran for home praying and then crying and ended up laughing arms open wide thanking God for all that I have. I'm telling you God reached down and baptized me once again. I felt cleansed of completely washed clean of old hates. My mother is now in my home all day and has a friend to care for her evenings. I have way more on my plate, but my shoulders feel lighter than ever. I know the devil will needle me, but I will never forget my "cleansing" from above and it will get me through those times. I showered when I got home and actually slept from 9:30pm until 6am. No worries no tossing. He's brought me to it and He WILL lead me through it.
Thank you so much for being here. Please fill me in on how your life is going. How are you grandbabies after losing their friend? How's your house coming? ETC...

Sincerely,
Kristi

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Hi Kristi,
It's so good to hear of the blessing the Lord gave you! I've been praying so hard for you. I just pictured what you posted...riding your bike in the rain...& thanking the Lord! What a beautiful vision you gave me! You know, He promised He wouldn't allow more to be put on us than we can bare! Sometimes, I feel I'm getting pretty close to that point...but, He knows us!
I know it can't be easy with your mother staying with you, but the Lord will bless you for it & you'll always know you did all you could to help her. Hopefully it's not for long. I hope she appreciates what you're doing. I certainly hope so.
I understand the feelings you had. Don't know if it was for the same reasons...but, when my mother first got Alziemer's, I was almost in a rage. I knew that any opportunity for her to be a real mother was gone. That she had wasted all that time not caring & we could have had a good time together. I had to do a lot of praying. I knew it would be up to me & my younger sister to care for her...so, I did a lot of praying. I didn't get the blessing you got...but, I WAS able to forgive her. I can't stand to see her suffer, & I DO cry for her. Like I said earlier....I think I cry for the person she should have been. How are your children coping with their grandmother being in the house?

As for me...granddaughters are doing better. Their friend was a beautiful young, christian girl, who was an inspiration to all.

The house...the trusses are now up on the garage & half the house. In the process of putting the wood up to stabilize & shingle, later. It's been in the 90's all week...I've really felt sorry for DH & others.

My mother has been very sick. She developed shingles...dr gave her antibiotics & she had a reaction from it. Got a rash from head to toe. She looked so bad....was incoherant & had large "mittens" on so she couldn't scratch herself. Dr says shes improving.....I'm not sure, though.

Well, it's a work day. Gotta go get a few things done. Post when you can. Remember...I'm your friend,
God Bless You,
Charlotte
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