You're going to need one a
banana bunker.
Hilarious FAQ:
Q: I don't really like bananas. Will this work with apples?
A: No.
Q: Since the Banana Bunker can be mistaken as something else, does it come packaged describing it's intended use?
A: The plastic casing of the Banana Bunker has the words "Banana Bunker" written on it.
Q: Would this help to improve the size of my banana?
A: No. The Banana Bunker can only help you protect what you already have.
Q: Can it be used for sexual pleasure?
A: You could probably use a fax machine for sexual pleasure if you put your mind to it, so we don't doubt that you could do it with the Banana Bunker. We don't recommend it, though.
Q: can this banana bunker prevent nasty banana diseases from being transmitted?
A: The only real protection from nasty banana diseases is to abstain from contact with bananas.
Q: Is lubrication recommended for really large bananas?
A: If you have to lubricate your banana to get it into the Banana Bunker, you're probably going to have a tough time eating it without it getting away from you. The Banana Bunker is quite accommodating, and we recommend that you just stick to bananas that fit in your bunker (which is most all bananas).
Q: Is there a smaller size for those of us without larger bananas?
A: No, but if your tiny banana is getting banged around in the Banana Bunker, you might try stuffing it with something soft to minimize the movement.
Q: How hard is it, on a scale of 1, where it is as soft as grass, to 10, to, let's say, titanium?
A: We would give the Banana Bunker a 6; harder than flaccid but softer than blue steel.
Q: what if my bananas are claustrophobic?
A: Eat them and get new bananas.
Q: Should I see a doctor if my banana remains for more than 4 hours in the Banana Bunker?
A: No. This is perfectly normal and desirable. If you leave it in the Banana Bunker for more than 4 weeks, however, you should see your garbageman.
Q: Will the banana bunker protect my banana from hungry, thieving chimps? I hate those greedy monkeys!
A: It's not 100% foolproof (and really, what protection is?), but it should definitely confuse them!
Q: Wow, the Banana Bunker ranks somewhere between great inventions like the mechanical clock and modern plumbing. Is it true that the estates of DaVinci and Edison are fighting over the patent?
A: Hey now, only Vat19 staff is allowed to be sarcastic.
Q: Does the Banana Bunker ever go soft?
A: No, just the bananas inside of it.
Q: can you throw it at someone?
A: I don't know, can you?
Q: can it handle a very big banana?
A: Yes. We've yet to meet a banana the Banana Bunker couldn't accommodate.
Q: Is your banana bunker safe in warm, wet places?
A: Yes. The Banana Bunker is made of clear, sturdy, waterproof plastic.
Q: DOES THE BANANA BUNKER COME WITH ACCESSORIES--LIKE A BATTERY CHARGER OR A BLUE TOOTH EAR PIECE?
A: No. In order to offer you this rock-bottom price, the Banana Bunker is sold without accessories.
Q: Have you tried cucumbers in the banana bunker?
A: Nope, it isn't called Cucumber Bunker.
Q: Hi can this be dipped in coffee together with the banana? thanks? - Hanslo
A: Why are you dipping a banana in coffee!? You should not dip the Banana Bunker in coffee. Nor should you want to.
Q: hi is there a protector to protect this protector which protects my massive banana? thanks
A: Nope, the Banana Bunker Bunker hasn't been invented yet.
Q: If my Banana Bunker breaks in use, do I need to worry about little bananas running around?
A: We're glad you're thinking about safe banana protection. Bananas don't have seeds, so even if the Banana Bunker breaks and the banana peel breaks open, more bananas won't sprout up. For more bananas to grow, you'd have to plant part of an existing banana tree. It's unlikely that you could "accidentally" go through the effort of planting a banana tree, so you should be safe.
Q: Is the Banana Bunker ribbed for her pleasure?
A: The Banana Bunker is ribbed for your banana's pleasure.
Q: At what age is it appropriate to use the Banana Bunker?
A: The Banana Bunker is appropriate for people of all ages who enjoy smush-free bananas.
Q: Can you use the banana bunker to make Banana Cream Pie?
A: Wow. You can use the Banana Bunker to store and protect the banana that you will use to make the banana cream pie.
Q: I've seen a similar product called BananaGuard. Which is more functional?
A: The Banana Bunker is way more functional! The Banana Bunker is open at both ends (unlike the Banana Guard), so that even the longest bananas can be accommodated. Furthermore, the Banana Bunker is "ribbed" for flexibility. This allows the protective bunker to conform to the unique curve of every banana. The loser Banana Guard cannot bend, which means that if your banana doesn't fit its set shape, you're out of luck.
Q: Bananas are a trisomy which means they have three sets of chromosomes. How many chromosomes does the Banana Bunker have?
A: Hmmm, we read that bananas are actually triploids because they have 3 entire sets of chromosomes. A trisomy would mean that there is an extra chromosome on one set. Anywho, Banana Bunkers don't have chromosomes.
Q: Will the banana bunker protect a banana split?
A: Nope, just the banana.
Q: Will the Banana Bunker fit the musa acuminata species aka dwarf bananas, which are native to the SouthEast Asia region?
A: Sure, you could put a dwarf banana in the Banana Bunker. Whatever floats your banana boat.
Q: I am interested in purchasing your product, however I am quite sensitive. Have you heard of anyone being injured whilst using the Banana Bunker?
A: Not yet and we hope we never do.
Q: If I kill someone with the banana bunker will i be arrested?
A: Maybe, but you could always plead innocent by reason of having gone bananas.
Q: for all of us with small bananas, could my friends and i fit 3 or 4 bananas in at the same time?
A: The Banana Bunker is a single banana home.
Q: Will the Banana Bunker prevent my Banana From turning Mushy and Brown?
A: The Banana Bunker protects a banana from bruising and squishing. It cannot prevent the natural process of old fruit getting gross.
Q: Do you sell any banana hammocks to store my banana bunker in?
A: Vat19 does not sell banana hammocks!
Q: Can the banana bunker keep a banana safe if it fell into a wood mulcher?
A: No way. Keep your banana away from wood mulchers. I repeat, keep your banana away from wood mulchers.
Q: Is it possible to eat a banana while it's in the banana bunker?
A: This banana container protects a banana from bruising, peeling, and eating!
Q: i think the banana bunker can't handle my banana, my banana is too huge
A: Doubtful.
Q: What I find disturbing is on the Bannana Bunker page, it said For people who like romance! Why are you insulting the Bannana Bunker's sacred awesomeness?
A: 1. We aren't insulting the Banana Bunker. Banana Bunkers are sexy. 2. Have you ever heard the song "Hollaback Girl" by Gwen Stefani?
Q: Do you ever think that that Banana Bunkers will ever be sold in rest room vending machines?
A: Probably not.
Q: My girlfriend got mad because i bought her a banana bunker. Any suggestions?
A: Next time, just go with flowers!
