At my heaviest, I was 212 pounds. I got so severely depressed that I didn't want anyone to look at me. Perhaps the worst feeling was when I would avoid looking in mirrors or reflective surfaces or avoid photographs with my family because I would get a disgusting hatred feeling in my stomach when I did. I wanted to punish myself for being so fat and ugly. I hate everything about my body and my face. I have a big nose, a 5'1 height at now 189 pounds and eyes that pop out.

Sometimes I think I would do anything to be someone else. I hate everything about the way I look. I always do good on diets but then fall off after about a month. All of my weight is in my midsection and my face/arms. I have decided that it's time to get really serious and set some big goals for myself.


Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to feel better and more comfortable with my body while dieting until I lose more weight? I attend college and 90% of the girls there are thin and they have such soft facial features and I look like a goliath.

~Rikku

Get thee to the College counseling center! It's free and can do WONDERFUL things for you. My college counselor helped me with many things and I still remember them some 20+ years later.
Seriously, you need to do some "self work" that will only help in your quest to get healthy.
Best of luck, it's an interesting journey too!

Don't focus on what other people look like. Just work on being the best that YOU can be. Believe me you are more aware of what you think you look like then what other people think you look like. And when you're around people and feeling crappy, just fake it. A big smile goes a long way. Do it long enough and you really will become happy and more fun to be around. Looks are not everything, not even close. And you should never want to trade places with anybody else. Who knows what terrible things are lurking on the INSIDE of other people. You've gotta find a diet that you can do forever, not just for a few weeks. Hang in there.

My approach to beauty is that it's not so much about what you're given, it's what you do with what you have.

This may be a more superficial fix, but I found that fashion really helped my self-esteem. When I was at my highest weight, I really put a great deal of effort into my wardrobe (which I had to update anyway, going from college to a real job). Any woman can look gorgeous and glamorous with properly fitting and flattering clothes. If you have cable, there's a show on BBC America, "What Not to Wear." The ladies on this show seem very harsh, but the advice they give is usually spot-on. Some of their suggestions I had learned on my own through hours in the dressing room, like what lengths certain pieces should be, where they should cinch in and where they should drape. Every body is different and there are different rules to best accentuate each individual figure. Hair and moderate make-up play a small part as well.

When I went out, I was always complimented on being well-put together. Through my clothes, I was able to project part of my personality. When people looked at me they saw "ME" and not just the chubby girl.

Some may call it excessive vanity, but I just call it taking pride in your own appearance. There may be some people who can ignore what people might think, but try as I might, I'm just not that strong. There's the old saying, "the clothes make the man," and I definitely see some truth in that statement.

Anyway, I don't know if this approach will help or not. I sincerely wish you the best; please don't get discouraged.

One or two tiny, but important suggestions: Do "special" things for YOU. Little things like make-up, a new hairstyle, manicure/pedicure - those things always help me feel better about myself. Taking care of me helps me appreciate me. (LOL... Does that make sense?) Also, congratulate yourself on any weight loss, be it one pound or 10 or 50. Treat yourself with a new purse or a new watch or a day at the park with NOTHING to bother you. (I.E. no homework to do, etc.) I do my own mani's & pedi's, so when I congratulate myself, it often includes a professional mani/pedi - so I can just sit back & relax while someone else does the work for me!

When you learn to take good care of yourself, you'll find that you love & appreciate yourself more. Always remember: YOU ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS ANYBODY ELSE AND YOU DESERVE THE BEST THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER.

Aww thank you everybody. I want to put a photo of me on my avatar and see how you guys think I should cut my hair. I don't like my hair up because I am very self concious of my face. But, just long straight hair is so boring. Too. Any suggestions on how to get a good cut that flatters a rounder face?

Also, thank you for the clothing tips. It's really hard because I am very short and have a hard time finding clothes that fit the heavier parts of my body without dragging or haning off of my hands. My BMI is 35 because I am only 5'1!

Hi Rikku I felt the same way and also thought about exchanging bodies with a person for a day, just to see how it would feel to be slim. I thought I was ugly because I wasn't thin. Somewhere along the line, I got sick of feeling like the "fat" girl and committed myself to losing weight. I had my ups and downs at the start but managed to pull through. Now I'm 181lbs and my face has finally lost half of its chubbiness. People compliment me much more now, and some people envy me because I'm looking better and taking much more care of myself...just like everyone here said.

Oh and you ARE pretty! Just imagine how you will look like at the end of losing all that weight . And YES, I agree with everyone else...do things for you! It's time live LIFE! You may not think this, but people do notice your character and your changes in weight. You should smile when going to class and make people wonder...

Hmm, for the hair...I would think a medium cut (slightly above the shoulder) would be nice for you . Be different, go WILD! Maybe get it cut in layers so you can flick it out...just a suggestion!

Have fun and don't let your weight pull you down! If many of us can pull through, you can too!

Hmm I think I went out of context, but I hope some of my blabbering helps

I wish I could help, but I can't. I'm 5'3 and over 200 lbs. It's repulsive. It just is.

Turn your shame into anger and use it to lose the weight. That's all I know to do.

Starting a regular exercise program at a gym gave me a new appreciation for my body. I used to feel like you do, that I wanted to trade with someone else. Now I wouldn't even if I could. My body is far from perfect, but it is mine, and I like it.

I hear how you feel, even though I have lost almost 25 lbs I am still hate looking at myself in pictures, the mirrors are ok, (not sure why) but pictures still bug the crap out of me.

I had to take my progress shots and even though there is a change I am still disgusted with what I see.

I am going to take that and go the gym and really push it today. I want the sweat to run like rivers today!

I have good days and bad days on my own self esteem issues.

I definitely say, go to a counselor. I need to go to one myself, it's easy to put off, I know. I went to one before and it did help.

There are some good books out there, too, workbooks you can read through, that work on things like self-esteem and self-acceptance. The one I've worked through some of the exercises in (my dad recommended it to me) is called The Feel Good Handbook, by David Burns. Helped my dad too, after his divorce.

I also found the book Wake Up, I'm Fat! by Camryn Manheim to be a really great read. Mmm. I might find it and read it again.

When I was in my mid-20s, I had a friend who was just gorgeous. All the guys were attracted to her. She was like 5'10" and BIG. Some was muscle, but she was easily 50 pounds overweight. But she really did have a pretty face (it was true!), a great hair style, nice clothes, and most importantly, she had a positive self-image that was just reflected in this upbeat, outgoing personality. I swear that's what attracted people. And while I was embarrassed to go swimming with my friends, she had no problems whatsoever, she said she knew her body wasn't perfect and she really should eat less, but it was her body and she loved it. She was also involved in karate, which she credited some of her positive self-image too. I was always soooo envious of her, she seemed so gosh darn happy and at peace with herself.

I always used to feel not worth it because I was big and also because that was the way some people in my life made me feel, but it's NOT true! I stopped looking in the mirror everytime I reached up to 230 (and that's how I ballooned to 273!) But once I stepped on the scale for the first time in years I realized I had to do something about it and that's the only way I'd feel better physcially and mentally. I'm still overweight but I look in the mirror all the time now. I feel a lot better about my body and my self-esteem has boosted very much! I used to want to be in someone else's body because I disliked mine so much but now I love having mine!! I'm excited to see what I will look like at goal. So loosing the weight has helped soooooo much.

I also agree that it seems worth while to check out the school's counsler. Good luck on your journey and I hope to see you posting more.

Hi guys. wow. just had to write b/c I am depressed too and pretty much the exact size 215 5'2 - I AM miserable & hate to even look at myself anymore.

I was just inspired by the message: its just disgusting, and change your depression into anger and do something about it.

I just want to thank everyone for being so supportive. I have lost about 10 pounds since this post *yay* and am pretty confident that I can go all the way with this. I think the first 30 pounds are so hard because its hard to see results right away. But now I am in a size 14 and I used to be in a 20. That to me is so amazing. No one has really said they notice anything, but I do. I think maybe its because they see me all the time.

Anyway, thanks again!

I promise they will notice!! And it's so important that you see the difference, because hey! It's you that you're doing this for.

No one besides my parents has commented on my loss yet either. I dohave a bevy of friends from home who haven't seen me in forever. I'm kinda avoiding seeing them until I've lost more; I want them to be blown away!