If i'm on the wrong board then just ignore this..Here's some of my story...
It seems like i always have some kind of problem. Right now my mind is so jambed i don't know where to begin. I know i need help..I sometimes wonder these last couple of days if i'm going to have a breakdown....All i wanted for mothers day was the money to go to the doc to see if he could help me. But i guess i got ignored....I feel like i have dealt with depression or ? on and off since my teenage years.....Long story short....3 weeks ago we found out my son matthew 15, has a AVM on his brain.... He will have to have brain surgery...Tomarrow we go and get the results of all the tests that he has had done..Then we will know how and when surgery is to be done....I am so scared...I talk alot about it, and still everything stays in my head... around in circles it seems...Sometimes i feel if i'm going to lose it...But of course i can't do that...Staying strong and sane is getting to me big time..But i have to get through this....For about a week now i have been drinking a couple of beers at night...It helps but, I can't do that all day, that wouldn't help at all. I am going crazy here....The worry, Stress, Depression, Anxiety...Some, All the above...I don't know....We have Prayers...Support....Friends.....It feels as if i've fell in over my head...Am i being self centered on this...Should i ignore how i feel and go on the best i can or what... Thank you all for listening
Candy

Don't ignore these feelings and don't think that you are being self-centered! Even in the best of circumstances we can get depressed or down or whatever you want to call it. You especially deserve to be down with all the stress you have on you right now. PLEASE make a doctor's appointment ASAP! Let them know that you're looking into medication or other treatment to help you through this trying time. They should be able to get you in quick. Better yet, make an appointment with a psychiatrist. He/she can more adequately evaluate you and make the best recommendation, medication, or counseling or both. If others want to call that being self-centered then so be it. Right now you must get yourself to be the best you can to be there for your son. Treating yourself will ultimately help your family.

My life is great yet I'm on medication for depression. I don't have near the stress you do but for some reason, I'm depressed. I tried several different medications until I found the right dose and med that works somewhat for me. Please don't give up until you get what you need and deserve. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk.

Candy
Personally I would take care of my son's needs first and do the best you can to stay strong for him. It must be terribly difficult.

Prayer will work.....beer or alcohol will not make anything better.

After he is taken care of and things settle down.then I think you should take care of your needs.

This seems to be a good place to "talk" to people who have dealt with depression so keep posting!

Dear Candy,

I am so sorry to hear about your son's illness. I am a nurse and have seen how difficult it is for people to deal with the illness of a loved one. It is especially hard when it is your child who is facing a health crisis.

You are NOT self-centered!!! Personally, I believe that you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself.

You sound as if you've suffered a long time with depression. Facing a traumatic situation can certainly make those feelings even more difficult to deal with. PLEASE seek professional help! A sad thing about being depressed is the feeling that you can't ever feel better. You CAN feel better, you deserve to feel better!!!!

Also, you may be able to find a support group for parents of children who are ill. Many hospitals have support groups----ask for a social worker who should be able to provide information on any support services/groups that are available.

Please PM me if you need someone to "talk" to or if there is anything I can help you with.

Candy I'm so sorry to hear about your son My neice had to have brain surgery too, for fluid that backed up and drained around her brain (she is a dwarf) they thought they were going to put a shunt in her head but didn't have to (so far). We thought this was only happening to us when we learned that alot of people go thru this and its a common procedure. Is there any sort of support group you can go to or talk to regarding your son's illness? I'm so glad your able to open up to us here. Your right drinking won't help for long but we certainly can understand.

No your not being self centered, by no means. Wish I could help you more Hugs and kisses.

Leenie

I'm sorry, that's just so horrible. I'll give you a little advice that helped me with a very ill friend once...

I guess my suggestion would be instead of the beer take a walk or just make time to do something with your son. I don't know what kind of condition he's in but maybe he can walk with you or you guys could go for a drive or, I don't know, somehow share a mutual interest that isn't related to his illness.

You'd be surprised at how much good healthy distraction can do. It would make both of you feel more human to actualy stop worrying about death and live life even for half an hour a day. Just make the rule that you don't talk about bad stuff for that time and enjoy yourself! ... and enjoy him! It'll be hard at first but it realy helped me and my friend get past the bad parts. Laughter is the best medicine, and if nothing else this experience should teach you both to squeeze every drop out of life.

Hey Candy,

It's been a couple of days since you posted and I hope you are feeling some relief. I agree with the folks who said to help yourself! It is not selfish to take care of yourself. Those are old habits / patterns creeping in. You deserve to be healthy, just like your son. Alcohol is a depressant - it will only make you more depressed. Please make an appointment to see a psychiatrist and let us know how you are doing. Meanwhile, have you considered therapy? It helps have someone you can talk to - including us of course! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks everyone for the support, advice, pm's and just listening!!!!
I figured out why it's been a little rougher these last few days....TOM showed this morning i always have a rough time through it...I have fibroids...so the whole week is flooding and bad cramping...I always get very emotional this TOM...Seems like my whole month is some kind of pain...Fibroiads, spastic colon, esophageal spasms. I had my gallbladder taken out in Janurary...which that is much better...March i had a nissen fundoplication surgery w/Hiatal hernia repair...(Thats where they take part of your stomach and wrap it around your esophagus..). I know i'm still healing from that...I am hopeing when TOM lightens up i will feel much better....I bought some St. John's Wort yesterday....I haven't taken any yet....Do you think it will help?....I know i should go to a doctor, but i don't think my family wants me to....It seems when i mention money and Dr. to my husband i just get ignored.....My oldest son tells me he don't want me to get on (That Stuff)....All my past tests and surgery's i paid for myself w/our Ins. I still owe deductibles though...Right now i don't have a job and there's no use in going to get one right now....I did feel better when i was working....I guess because i was helping myself and i didn't have to depend on anyone else for money...I know one day i will have to have a partial histerectomy (sp?) Should have had it done already, I guess. I've been suffering with these fibroids for 4 years now..I need to have a pap and an exam to see if there worse....Well enough about me.. Sorry just needed to VENT!!!!


We went for matthew's (my son) results. We seen all the tests...Surgery is the only 100% fix...We didn't like radiation at all, and it would take 2 to 3 years before we would know if it worked. If this AVM bleeds it would cause a stroke and/or death....There are risks with the surgery of course...but the dr. was very understanding with our questions and said this is the way he would go if it was his child.....Matthew's dad and stepmother was there with us...I thought they needed to hear everything since they been wanting a second option.(sp?) I really could have had something to calm me after that was over!!!...Anyway the stepmom got her way. We left with all the tests...I really wanted to turn around and go back half way home....But instead My family (not dad or stepmom) stopped and had dinner and talked it over....Matthew told us he liked the dr. and he wanted him to do the surgery...That's what we wanted too...I called them when we got home...They said they would get him to call me back. I heard back yesterday....If they can get it all set up it will be June 5th.....I could have this done Tue. while we were there if i hadn't have listened to the Stepmom...
Well that's whats going on so far....
Thanks again,
Candy

Candy.thanks for keeping us posted!

Hope you feel better when TOM is over too!

Take Care!

TOM is an UGLY time for me and anyone within a 100 mile radius (sometimes). That probably has some to do with your mood along with all the family stuff going on. St. John's Wort may work. It didn't work for me, but my depression is clinical and can't be medicated with herbs. This isn't the case for everyone. I hope you find some healthy relief soon.

Keeping you and yours in my prayers,

I will pray for you and your family Candy.

Please keep us updated, remember there is always someone here for you to talk to.

You have to be very careful with herbs,
they have side effects too, they are still drugs.

They can interfere with other meds, and surgery, and procedures!

Just remember that even though they are natural doesnt make them
not drugs.

God Bless