[wannabeskinnylady]

*sigh* I have been feeling like a total cow lately. My clothes fit the same, I am just so hyper-aware of all the weight I still want to lose. I hopped on the scale and it showed an increase. There are many factors that contributed to it (water retention is a huge factor.) but it doesn't seem to matter. I am obsessing and I don't want to eat again. I was doing this for part of last year. I would go weeks without eating. I wasn't consciously trying to, I somehow used to just get repulsed by the thought of food.

I am a really attractive girl, and I understand this on some level, but not in my core. I feel ugly and fat and am so self conscious about it, I don't want to go out right now. I find myself walking with my head down and harshly critizing (sp?) myself everytime I walk by a reflective surface. In so many areas of my life, I am content. But this is just an ugly part of myself that I am having a hard time controlling. It is ironic, I only feel in control when I feel like I am thin. If I don't feel thin, I feel out of control and useless. This isn't dictated by anything other than my moods.



I am in therapy for it already. I guess I just needed to vent here because it has been particularly horrible the past few days.

[friendlykat4u]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time.

You've already taken steps to improve your life, and you should feel good about that. It is true what people say about us being our harshest critics. Give yourself some credit for how far you've gotten. Think of the positives and when you hear that little voice in your head saying negative stuff, shut it right up!

Several years ago I had some issues with food as well, and it was all emotionally related. Like you, I was trying to avoid food all together. I would go a whole day with a few crackers on my stomach and my goal was to have an entire day with no food. Which, thankfully I never did. I'm a very faithful person and I prayed a lot for me to get better. I eventually got out of that destructive situation and now it scares me to think that it was that close to becoming a very serious issue. I lost a lot of weight from it, about 100 lbs, but gained it all back unfortunately . I know that weight loss was all wrong and would never want to be in that position again.

Hang in there, you're already working on it and that's great. Congratulate yourself for your efforts. And it may sound impossible but try positive talking. Praise yourself all the time. Look at all the positives in your life, reinforce the good. Eventually it'll start to sink in and the negative stuff will go away.

Best of luck to you!

[Misti in Seattle]

Hi! Sorry you are having such a tough time. I think we all go through times when we feel that way but they are NO fun!

Stick around this 3FC bunch and I am sure you will find support and encouragement; it is so nice to have palsies who really understand!!!