CIN, I envy you going to warm climates. I miss spring and summer. I HATE winter; hence the SADD diagnosis with the bi-polar. Thank goodness for my lightbox, but Florida would be way more fun. Then I could kiss Mickey Mouse.

Lessthan, good luck with your friendships. It's awfully hard to be chipper when you're not just so that it pleases others.

Leenie, hows MIL. I sure hope she's doing okay.

Tippy, sounds like R is a soft touch. I would have done the same thing. A hurt animal just begs to be mothered.

Cathy, howdy!!!

SweetPea, I'd go with the pizza but keep in mind I haven't lost an ounce in 6 months. So my wisdom might not be so good.

Well, back to work. I'll chat with you all tomorrow.
Marie

&
cathy

Hi ladies. Having a rough few days here. Alot of it has to do with my inability to see any changes in my weight. I went into this with the committment that I would do this right, get it done and be successful. I'm so tired of failing at this, tired of being heavy, tired of yo-yo'ing all over the place.

I've been diligent with my exercise, making sure I get at least 60 min. or more, even on days when I really didn't want to do it. I watch my calories everyday all day, which is excruciating when you're dealing with OCD already. Numbers are my thing and you can imagine what goes on in my mind all day long between timing workouts, calorie counting, clothing size, measurments and scale #'s!


It just kills me that people who only try half-a$$, always seem lose weight without really trying. Here I am busting my butt and I get nothing. I know, I'm feeling sorry for myself, what can I say? I have such high expectations for myself regarding this. I know I can do it, I've done it before & lost 80lbs. I know what it takes to succeed, so far I've done everything right. So what's the deal?

I know in my head, that it's gotta be the meds I take daily, that it really isnt me but it's so debilitating mentally. While I know it's the drugs, at the same time I turn around and get angry that I have to take them even at all. That if I didnt have to take them, I'd be losing. Again, I know that if I didn't have them I'd be even more of a mess right now and God knows what else. Then I get angry because even though I know it's not right, I blame my mom for "giving" this to me. We suffer with much of the same mental disorders, while I have a couple more than she, we are so much alike it's scary. So here I am spinning myself in a circle and feeling like I'm being rediculous for feeling and thinking this way.

I'm so sorry to unload on you guys, I just didnt have anywhere else to say it.
No one in RL truly understands what I go thru, what we all go thru dealing with the issues of the mind. DH tries to help but he just doesnt get it, usually ends up making me madder because of that fact. Poor guy.

If you've made it this far reading this, thank you. This turned out alot longer than I intended. I really needed to talk myself away from the ledge so I don't give up. I will get thru this, I know this is a bump (mountain) in the road, it just really caught me off guard and I wasn't ready. I want weight loss success more than anything. I need to be healthy for my kids, for myself.

Have a truly beautiful day ladies. I will check in with you all in a bit.

my walk is coming up in 3 days. it's only 5.6km but that's 2x as far as i have walked to date. i have to admit i am nervous. i haven't done any real exercise the last couple of days and i only have 3 days to go so i need to get my body moving. i will try to walk about 8.30 this morning as that's the time of the walk and i usually walk later in the day. not sure how i will go. i need to try harder with my healthy eating for the next few days prior to the walk too!

last night i did a speech for a competition and talked about being diagnosed with bipolar and how that dx is now up in the air. actually i looked up the DSM prior to the speech and i definitely don't have it as it specifically excludes an initial episde that is mixed state which mine was. gee you'd think the docs would know that??? anyway people thought it was 'brave' some had good things to say. one said i needed to make it more uplifting and more happy moments in the speech. i have to do it again for the area comps. it left me a little unsure. i was incredibly tired and wondered if it was worth the effort. if i was nondepressed and nontired i think i could do a good job but it's a labour when you're struggling to stay awake.

i am trying to decide whether doing talks like this is a good thing. partly for me in terms of my own health but also whether the message does any good. i have been thinking of doing a book based on my journals so it would be autobiographical. i just don't know what sort of reception i would get. it seems like people like that sort of stuff. real life horror stories ROFL

Danielle ~ unload away that's what this support group is for!!! as for the weight loss a few things occur to me:
1. if you are exercising and eating well then perhaps there are other benefits to be pleased about, like more energy, better sleep, that sort of thing. maybe you could focus on that
2. weight doesn't tell everything. your body could be getting better toned or you could lose inches off your body without weight change. i see you're doing measurements so i guess you checked that
3. meds or a slow metabolism could be part of it
4. are you eating enough? or often enough? sometimes people eat too little and the metabolism slows down
5. have you had your thyroid checked (cathy will love me for saying this)

would you like to write out your typical day - what times you eat and exercise, how much food exercise etc etc and see if any of us can help?

i do hear you on the weight. i have really struggled. i got down to 82kg from 94kg (about 26lb loss) and then just stayed and stayed there then i gave up and i need to kick start. i have half hearted attempts but got sick of it. that's why i decided to do this walk. i figured i needed a separate goal to motivate me. and i do enjoy the walking when it goes well (ie dogs behave themselves and don't stop every 5 secs)

Marie - you made me laugh on the pizza. actually i was naughty i had 2 pita breads with hummus and the chicken. no veges - well a smidge in the hummus. i have lost lots and lots of weight in the last 6 mo. if only i didn't keep putting it back on again.

lessthat - yup i hate early mornings hehe. maybe you can initiate things with your friends and give them a call, or join a new club. for me it would be dancing altho when i was at school i also did debating, sports, drama, music etc. it was fun

Hi Tippy, Cathy, Leenie, Mazarin, CIN and everyone else

Everyone !!

I'm so busy at work but I do read your posts. Sorry I can't stay and do personals.

Love you all !!!

hello all, just joining you. I am a SAHM to two pre-schoolers, one would think they would wear me thin!

Ahhh, I'm so bummed. I wrote a long post a couple hours ago and I came back to see if there was anything new (there was) and my post was gone. I have no idea what I wrote, but I remember writing out personals and the such. Bummer, bummer, bummer.

A synopsis of what I do remember. My February walking goal was 50 and at 6:00 last night I walked the final mile. So I made it. March's goal is 54 miles and the trek starts tonight. Eating - I'm stuck in the eat mode. Although just now I turned down an eclair from a co-worker, so that's something.

Hi finding!!! If you find your waist, let me know how.

Sweet Pea, I would have gone for the pizza over the pita. I love cheese pizza. and you're right about the reasons for not losing weight.

DesertDreamer, Sweet Pea is right about the meds. I was the queen of being good dieting for 2 years. I lost about 15 pounds in 2 years. Last August I cold turkeyed all my meds and was able to lose weight (8 pounds in a month). but then, I lost my motivation and have been maintaining ever since. I just know that if I was on my meds I'd be gaining not maintaining. They really do a number on one's metabolism. Good luck!!!!!

Well, back to work.
Marie

Hey yo everybody!

Sweet Pea - I think talking to people about what you've gone through is a good thing to help others understand it incase they know someone or have problems of their own, I think I'd really like to start doing that. I've thought about writing a book, too, although something more geared towards people my own age gonig through these problems. I know how much it sucks and how hard it is when you have to deal with immaturities at school and homework.

Good luck with your walking, too! ^_^

Desertdreamer - Your medications might be the problem. Have you told your doctor about this? Maybe seeing a doctor and explaining your problems with trying to lose weight might help. It's always good to let out your feelings, especially a place like this where we've had problems of our own and know what you're going through.

I think I've been blessed recently with my current combination of medications, because they've actually made me LESS hungry!! A lot of times I have to force myself to eat enough. I'm just not really hungry anymore. I'm feeling so much better recently, too. It's totally different than even just a couple weeks ago. I saw my therapist today and I felt like I hardly had anything to talk about with him.

I'm going to watch a movie with some friends tonight! Whoo hoo. Talk to you laterz

findingmywaist

i haven't been for my walk yet it started to rain and then a wave of tiredness came over me so i went and had a nap. now i'm up again and totaly demotivated. feel like bingeing. the house is a mess i need to tidy but once again not motivated. hmmm well go have another look

SweetPea, I think you and I are twins separated by countries. I totally love to nap but always wake up feeling de-motivated for the rest of the day. But, I always nap on the weekend since it seems like sucha good idea. Napping and the pizza choices - Yeah, twins...

Helllloooooo Ladies!

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your tremendous love & support yesterday. It truly meant alot to me and I know that it made a difference this morning when I woke up and decided to be kind to myself and get back on the wagon. Thank you again, I love you all.

Sweet pea, I hear what you are saying about other things to be happy about regarding losing weight. I have lost lots of inches, I feel better mentally, my skin and hair has never looked better, it's one of the reasons why I was so depressed that I always have to let that darn # be the focus of my day. Does that make sense? No matter how I try, #'s rule my life. It definitely makes losing weight extremely hard for me when I have huge, huge, huge issues dealing with numbers & counting of any kind. Having to count calories, workout minutes, etc....is excruciating for me. I wish I didnt have to think about any of it in order to lose, but I do, or I will wander aimlessly and never acknowledge that I have a weight problem, along with an eating disorder. It basically sucks all the way around!

I do eat enough, I get around 1600 calories from whole grains,fruits&veggies, and lean meats. I also get in a minimum of 100oz of water a day.
Before I was allowed to start medication I had a full blood workup to rule out any other health issues. I had a complete thyroid panel done, hormone levels, etc. Everything came back clean. this is why I'm convinced it's the meds I'm on and hopefully relief is on the way come Monday when i meet with my p-doc. Thanks so much for all the suggestions!

Marie, thank you for your well wishes. I wish I didn't have to take meds. I fought it for over a year w/ therapy and came to the conclusion that I needed them in order to find some peace. I only pray that I will find something that will allow me that but give me a chance to drop this weight once & for all. Big congrat's on meeting your Feb. walking goal, that is so inspirational!

Lessthan, how'd the movies go last night? I hope you had a good time. I am so thankful that I have a dr who listens to me. She's been very encouraging and insightful even when I've fought not to be. She understands completely how much I want to get the weight off but she's careful about my med-therapy to make sure we aren't overlooking anything, side-affects, etc..
finally this Monday will finally be the day that we take care of this and I'll be on my way. Out of curiosity, what is your "med cocktail"? I know everyone's different, but I like to see what others are taking and how it affects them.
I hope you're having a great day!

findingmywaist(love that name!), welcome, welcome! this is the best bunch of women, you will love them.

Everyone else out there, sending a great big hug and hoping you're all doing great!

hey all and especially to my "twin"
yup twins - pizza, napping, doggies...

danielle - it's possible you may be drinking too much water. i used to drink 100oz per day and the doc made me cut back. she said it put too much stress on my liver. she told me 64oz was plenty and i have to admit i do feel better drinking less. weird huh

another bad night's sleep and a late start to the day. and then my puppy leaped all over me. i let the dogs out at 7am and she was calm. but later when i let them back in she always goes beserk. she leaped all over me with dirty muddy paws and would not stop. i grab her collar and hold her in a sitted position but she leaps up again like a jack int he box so i was growling and saying no. and then i look over and my other dog is lying on the ground cowering. oh it is so heartbreaking. you tell jazz off and it makes no impact at all but poor saffie is quivering in fear thinking she has done something wrong. i wish i could fix this. it really is too much. i am scared i am going to lose my temper and whack the sh*t out of the puppy. i have tried smacking her bottom but it makes no difference. lately she has started biting my hand in her enthusiasm. that's what she did this morning when i was growling her.

people have told me to ignore her. it DOES NOT WORK. i got rake marks down my back from her claws. i tried it for nearly 2 weeks and i had so many bruises and scars from her claws that i gave up. i;'ve tried making her sit. honestly it is hopeless. and really hard when the other dog is scared that she is being told off. wish saffie wasn't such a sensitive baby.

It went quite well! We went to my friend's house and watched "Memento", which was an excellent movie. Mind blowing, but excellent. I'm taking Zoloft, which I'm gradually upping the dose on, and a ridalin-ish agent that helps with my concentration and energy. To sleep at night or when I have anxiety attacks, I take Seroquel. Things have been good although today wasn't so great. I couldn't get out to exercise and when I was supposed to be doing homework I fell asleep for about four hours! Not cool. I'll have to work on that tomorrow.

Talk to you all later

it's really windy here. i was thinking of going out tonight but i might stay in and have a hot bath

lessthan glad you enjoyed your movies

Good Morning,

Again, I can't stay and play... work ICK !!!
MIL is doing better, she is getting stronger by the day...thanks Marie

I'll read up on you all and post more tomorrow.

Love ya !!

Findingmywaist