[Lunula]

Hello all, wasn't quite sure where to post this, as I've been out of the 3FC community for awhile - but guess I just needed to "say" this somewhere...

I am literally at the worst point in my life right now - my dear, sweet father fell mysteriously ill last year and was diagnosed on Aug 1 with an extremely rare & extremely aggressive form of lymphoma. He fought like ****, and didn't want to go, but he passed away on Oct 26. During the time he was ill, he was unable to drive, and my mother gets panic attacks while driving, so I spent a lot of time with them (thank, God) - but it also meant a lot of time away from work. My performance suffered dearly, and I ended up taking a 6 week leave of absence. Upon my return, I was SO overwhelmed with work, and my manager was so completely unsympathetic (I'm guessing she's never lost anyone before) - that I feel like I'm having a nervous break-down on a regular basis. In fact, she gave me a scathing review a few weeks after my return, during which I broke down and afterwards tried super-hard to improve my performance, but a couple weeks ago I was told that I should begin looking for a new job. They are going to give me 2-3 months to find something new, so not being fired (yet) but certainly a lot of pressure.

Add on to all of this... my back was hurting really bad for the months during my father's illness, which I chalked up to stress & tension. But, a couple days before Christmas I woke up with the most excrutiating pain I've ever felt down my back & leg - I couldn't even sit down and ended up missing even more work until I had an MRI and was told that I had one of the the "worst" ruptured discs my surgeon had ever seen. Three days later (last Tuesday), I had emergency back surgery and I cannot return to work for another couple of weeks (I'm working from home, as much as I can).

I decided, after watching my father's illness that I HAD to get healthy, once and for all. I went through periods of not eating at all to binging for days. At the beginning of this month, I finally got myself under control and I've lost 16 pounds so far... but, I just feel so out of sorts & unhappy that I'm afraid I'm going to just say, "To heck with this" and go back to my old ways. Honestly, life is tough right now - part of me feels like my weight loss is the only thing *in control* right now - but part of me just wants to order a pizza and crawl into bed, lol.

Thank you for listening.

[desertdreamer]

Lunula,
I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch right now. My deepest sympathies about your father. Work sounds very stressful, and your boss is definitely not supportive in any way. I'm so sorry! Chin up though, things WILL get better!

I know exactly how you feel about weight being the only thing you feel you can control. I have always been that way, and am slowly learning to let that feeling go. Have you ever considered talking to a counselor or a therapist?
It might be good for you to have an outlet to someone who can really help you find ways to cope with the stress you feel.

How is your back feeling? I bet it was scary, but I'm glad that it was something that could be fixed? I hope you get to feeling better soon!

Congrat's on the weight loss so far!! That's awesome!! Keep up that momentum and excitement that you feel with knowing you've accomplished that. I know it feels really daunting at having to "get through" this, but one day at a time, day by day. It's all anyone can do. I always say to myself:
Progress Not Perfection. At the end of the day, if it isn't so perfect, I can honestly say I made an effort to do my best. And I know you will try your best to do this and win! We're all in this together and support is one of the best way to keep yourself motivated and on the road to success. You CAN do this!! That pizza's got nothing on you! You're stronger and deserve better!

Keep up the wonderful progress you made so far, I think you are doing great.
Keep us updated on how you're doing, You are so worth this journey.
Sending you some your way. Have a great day!

Remember, Baby Steps!!!