[flamejobgrrl]

This is hard for me to admit, since I know weight battles - but I neeed to know what to do.

My boyfriend weighs 325lbs and has diabetes (type 1 but history of type 2 in family). Right now I am trying to be good and all around me people are enjoying foods I love - but my will power is strong right now. My BF said he was going to do better, but I don't see it yet and I get freaked out that he will die young. This fear makes me want to end things which is stupid because he is so good to me. The fear comes from the fact that my dad died at 51 of heart attack and my BF has same body shape, gets out of breath going up stairs and doing other activities. My dad wasn't around for several major moments in my life and that has been a source of saddness for 9 years - I hate thinking I could lose him early.

We were at the movies and had popcorn. I did convince him to get only a small bag, no butter. Instead of eating one kernal at a time, he shovels handfuls in (comes from growing up in a family full of big people that sort of race through dinner to get the most into them). When I hear him shovelling it in I shut down, get so upset and go quiet. I have told him a few times why I do that, but it still hasn't made a difference. I hate that I pull away from him - but don't know what to do?

Is it fair to have a weight issue yourself and be upset/disguisted with someone you loves habits??

[Tippy]

In one word--NO! basically, your BF's eating habits are none of your business.

It sounds to me that it is a control issue. Your fears are driving you to try to control his eating habits AND your control issues are driving him to eat! "Getting quiet" is passive-aggressive behavior IMHO on your part.

Change your eating hebits. Go on with making you the best you can be and let the man alone. Love him as the person he is. If your fears don't allow that- break it off with him and allow him to find the woman that will love him like that.

[Tippy]

Originally Posted by Tippy

In one word--NO! Basically, your BF's eating habits are none of your business.

It sounds to me that it is a control issue. Your fears are driving you to try to control his eating habits AND your control issues are driving him to eat! "Getting quiet" is passive-aggressive behavior IMHO on your part.

Change your eating habits. Go on with making you the best you can be and let the man alone. Love him as the person he is. If your fears don't allow that- break it off with him and allow him to find the woman that will love him like that.

(Edited for spelling. The Edit button didn't work.)

[Leenie]

I have to agree with Tippy.... You need to show him by example. One thing you will do if you keep nagging him is you'll drive him away. No one can make me change my eating habbits and if my DH rode my behind I'd get quite mad.

I understand your frustration, I really do believe your doing it out of love but be careful, it might backfire.

Hugs !!!

[lorenzo05]

I am heavy but my husband is thin....like 120lbs soaking wet thin at 5'5. He has said some things over the years that have stuck with me about me not eating right and it really hurts. I know I am heavy and I will change it NOT him.

You will do nothing but hurt your BF if you get on him about this. My husband tries to say things to me about my weight and health because we have kids and I should do it for my kids but even when my kids are thrown in my face I still can't find the will power to change things.

Good Luck!

[flamejobgrrl]

Ok - so despite these messages I am trying not to feel like a horrible waste of human life.

For now, I comment on good choices when I see them and have gotten a membership at his gym so we can work out together. I try to keep motivating in positive ways and hope he makes the right choices without nagging from me.

I was obese, have had some success, but am still heavy. I know that nagging just makes things worse and I don't do it. I have been scarred by the words of others - but this is a health issue. I know you can't lose it if you aren't ready or don't want to - I just wish it was different because I want him to be healthy/happy.

[Leenie]

You are not a waste of human life, but you can't make some one do what they aren't ready to do. His health is an issue and no, we're not saying he should get heavier, by no means. I'm sure he knows he has to lose weight so maybe by him seeing how much effort and success you have, he might follow. What does his doctor say, maybe if he hears it from a professional he might try. some times that scares people more than just hearing it from loved ones.

Its just like dealing with children who have weight issues. You can't yank a cup cake away from them while they are at a birthday party and expect them to understand why others can and they can't. I know he's an adult but its the same believe me. When I shop for my family I buy low fat popcorn instead of the full fat and they never know, and I never tell. Suddle changes are the best.

My sister's heavies was 425 lbs... I used to talk with her about her weight but I never said you shouldn't eat this or that, and I'd only talk about it when SHE brought the subject up. I'd pray and pray and pray that she would lose weight. She used to call me salad woman b/c every time we went out thats all I'd eat while she ate greasy burgers. Something in her head finally clicked...dunno what? but she's now about 280 lbs.... eats tons of salads now and asks for advice

I think its wonderful that you are going "behind the scenes" to help him. Working out together is fun and if you cook for him, cook healthy.

Good luck hon !!!

Psssssst.... maybe his family can nag him instead