Depression and Weight IssuesHave you been diagnosed with depression, are possibly on depression medication, and find it affects your weight loss efforts? Post here for support!
My son is 8!! My husband says I baby him and smother him. But I honestly feel like I don't. We also have a 5 year old daughter and she is much more babied, but he doesn't say anything about that. Both of my children are very social, have lots of friends, go to school, go to friends houses to play, have friends over, etc. They do both get upset if I won't be home at night to read to them, which I have done since they were babies. My son is going on a Scout campout with his dad soon and cried a little because "you won't be there to read to me." My husband thinks this is crazy and that I have just totally smothered my child for him to feel this way. My husband travels A LOT with work and for pleasure - he hunts and fishes a lot and is gone a good deal from home. I think he is just jealous of me and my child being together - he doesn't want my son to go anywhere with me, ever, unless it is our entire family going. He told me last year that I shouldn't sit on the bed with my son while I read to him (when my child was 7) because it was inappropriate. I don't know what to do. I am truly at my wit's end trying to make my husband understand that our son is a young child. Yes, if he was a teenager, and I was tucking him in and sitting in his bed reading, there might be a reason for concern. But he's a little kid for goodness sake!!!
I'm personally don't think it's a bad thing. Reading to your kids every night is a great thing. I asked my husband what he thought about it he said he also that it was a great idea and didn't see anything wrong with you sitting in bed with your son. he said he could understand if it wasn't your child, but didn't see the harm in it at all...And we both think he is feeling guilty maybe for not spending enough time with him because of the traveling... Hope this helps
God bless
Good for you for still reading to your kids! Not enough parents read w/ their kids. Your son is young. I do not think that there is anything inappropriate about the reading situation. This is something your son obviously treasures and finds special. Why do little boys have to be rough, and tough and without their moms so soon? Pretty soon, he'll be a teenager. Good luck reading to him then! Your son sounds well rounded. I hope my son lets me read w/ him at eight. I believe that a balance is needed. In my house growing up, my brother was taught that is was "sissy" if he cried. My brother now has issues w/ anger. I am NOT saying that this happens to all boys. I mention it because I swore my kids (boy and girl) would be able to express whatever feelings they have without teasing, or labeling. I'm sorry - I didn't mean to rant. I hope all works out.
From what you've said, it sounds like there is something bigger that your husband has going on. But, it does sound a little odd to have an 8-year-old boy cry that his Mom can't read to him on a scouting trip. That sounds late for that behavior to me. My "boys" are 22 and 20.
Reading to your kids is awesome. I agree with what everyone else said about that.
If you think you might be doing it too much, just ask him to read to you. You can switch on and off like that, which is what my parents did.
Reading to your kids can't go wrong-- I had it a lot, and in the 6th grade I was already at a college reading level!!
Whatever you do, don't quit. Having a great relationship with your children is something that you'll be glad you were able to look back on when they go crazy as teenagers. :P
My routine has been that I sit in between both of my children and read about 10-15 minutes to one, and then the 10-15 minutes to the other. They are 3 years apart so they like different things, so each one picks a book, or sometimes it's a chapter book and we read one chapter. Our son also reads 20 minutes earlier in the evening, by himself. Both children are very intelligent and do well in school.
My son has more issues with staying away from home than my 5 year old daughter does. Even if I will be travelling with him, he wants to stay home, sleep in his own bed, and stick to his normal routine. I think he just likes the security of things being the same. With my husband here only part of the time and gone so much I think my son can't look to him for consistency. He likes being able to count on my routine with them. He is very mature for his age in most things.
Sorry about this rough time you are going through!
I was going to say that your son probably has some anxiety about the trip and just doesn't know quite how to articulate it.....
I personally think you should hug and kiss and read to your kids for as long as you can.....and they usually aren't ready for it to ever stop.....my 13 year old would love if I took the time to lay with her and read and cuddle and chat....I don't always take the time like I did when she was younger and I know she misses it.
I would be livid if my husband ever insinuated that I should not sit or lay with my child.....boy or girl.........he has some sort of issue that is way bigger than what he is admitting to....how sad.
Good luck working through this.......hugs to your little boy.
I really think he has always been jealous of my relationship with my son, ever since he was born. It was like our child was his competition. He competes for our son's affection from me and for my affection from my son. I am afraid it is already becoming detrimental to our son's emotional life. He loves his dad and doesn't want him to think he's doing anything wrong, but his dad makes him feel guilty if he wants to spend time with his mom (me). Both me and my son have gained weight over the last couple of years and I think it has to do with emotional issues that are brought upon us by his father. My husband is very judgemental and opinionated. He finds every fault and points it out, as if he was perfect.
My son is just 2.5 and I can only HOPE he still wants me to read to him. it is a wonderful time to bond, communicate, and settle down before going to bed. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! He will have [already has] good memories about reading, and hopefully this is a habit he will continue ! Books are so much better than TV. Life is SO SHORT.....enjoy every minute you can with your son!
I agree with other posters...sounds like Dad has some "issues". If Dad is playing games with your son's emotions by exuding guilt than may I suggest family counseling? if dh just isn't interest than you & your son shd consider going. this kind of stuff can leave life-long scars. My father was the same way.
My GS is almost 8 and he'd probably have some separation anxiety.
I think that your whole family would be helped by some counseling. Your DH has issues and both you and your DS have too. And, even if your DH won't go, take yourself and your children. They will need help if your DH continues his jealousy. (I'd be very tempted to tell the "man" to grow up!)
I think the issue lies more with your husband, too. You'd said, "he doesn't want my son to go anywhere with me, ever". That sounds potentially controlling; or maybe he feels he should be closer to his son than you are (you know, the whole male-bonding thing), but maybe he doesn't know the right way of going about it.
I think it's perfectly appropriate to read to both kids, well beyond 8 years old. At that age, I would still read to my son and I'd make him read some out loud, too. As he got a little older, my son became aware of The Guy Code and didn't want me to "tuck him in", so we would read in the living room before bed and he would put himself to bed.
I don't have kids, so I have no idea what I'm talking about, but is it possible your husband is afraid that bedtime stories in bed at age 8 mean you'll turn you son into what Governor Arnie would call a girlieman? Don't get me wrong. I think boys much older than 8 still like to be babied from time to time - as long as their friends don't find out. And I think it's good for them and their parents to continue that bonding. I also believe that sexuality is not a matter of choice - we're all born either straight or gay or somewhere along the continuum between the two. But maybe your DH doesn't agree, and fears that your son will "become" less macho than he is???
Is your son aware of how his father feels? Is this adding to the poor kid's anxiety? Does your husband know that younger children process what they hear differently than adults? Pointing out flaws and dwelling on what he perceives as improper doesn't help matters.
If he wants to spend more time with his son, maybe he can change his lifestyle to travel LESS (for pleasure anyway)
maybe you and your husband should discuss his strong feelings /opinions without the kids around...and get to the heart of the issues that are under the surface.
it's fine that girls can prefer their father's company? but boys can't be close to their mother? Your hubby might just be stereo-typing. Sounds like the Alpha-male is being territorial about the pack.
Last edited by marbleflys; 10-06-2005 at 01:26 PM.
Well... seeing as to how I was 8 a little less than 10 years ago, I must say, that I don't think it's unusual. Especially mature children enjoy routine, as well as special attention from mom/dad.
I could go off on a whole rampage about how ridiculous it is that our society is so gender-role-oriented. But I won't
Call me when he's 15 and cries about wanting you to read to him. Until then... continue being the fabulous mom you are.
Husband said to "Cut the Apron Strings"
