Hope it's ok to do this. Leenie, if it isn't, I totally understand if you need to remove it.

Quote:

"The following are some of the characteristics, agreed upon
by one Alanon-Acoa group, that result in problems in our lives.

a. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures;

b. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process;

c. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism;

d. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another
compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick
abandonment needs;

e. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by
that weakness in our love and friendship relations;

f. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier
for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables
us not to look too closely at our faults, etc.

g. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of
giving in to others;

h. We became addicted to excitement;

i. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity"
and "rescue";

j. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have
lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts
so much; (DENIAL)

k. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem;

l. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and
will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience
painful abandonment feelings which we received from living
with sick people who were never there emotionally for us;

m. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took
on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up
the drink;

n. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors."



For those who are interested in ACoA, here are two wonderful sites that were shared with me earlier this week:

http://www.recovery.org/acoa/acoa.html

http://adultchildren.org/

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Read my post in the thread about Twists and Turns too.

JudoMom this post is perfectly fine.

I think I answered yes to all but one of the above. This is a great post. Describes me to a T.

So what do you do about it ?

If you want to do some reading about it, there is a TERRIFIC book by Dr. Jan Woititz called Adult Children of Alcoholics . Here is a link to an excerpt from her book. It describes the 13 characteristics of Adult Children:

1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.

2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.

5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.

6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.

7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.

8. Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.

9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.

10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.

11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.

12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

Source: http://www.drjan.com/13char.html

It's a very good book. Not very long, and one you can read and read and read again.

OMG this is strange..........I can see most if not all of them in me. OY!

Thanks again