May depression thread!! 2019
 

Jump right in and join. All are welcome.

It's been quiet lately but don't let that stop you. Vent away.

Hi ladies.

I guess i should take my own advice.

I had blood drawn by 2 days ago. They contacted yesterday to come back in.

My blood results show that I have stage 4 kidney failure.

I don't have much today. I'm in a weird mood.

I'm sorry to hear that, Lisa. I think stage IV kidney failure would put anyone in a "weird mood." Do you remember your ALTs/ASTs? Just curious. My problems are pretty minute in comparison.

Vitamin D has helped me a lot, as well as exercise. Outdoor exercise doubly so.

Things aren't bad in my personal life, but I have a lot on my plate. Sometimes it's daunting when I think about the huge task ahead of getting into really good shape, what it means for a future career, etc. It makes me really frustrated that the path there is long and often really hard. I'm halfway there, but it just gets harder as you go and have to turn up the intensity. I'm looking forward to a point where it's maintenance at an activity level I enjoy. I want to enjoy a healthy diet, minimize exploitation, and do better nutritionally. I want to learn to take joy in physically challenging myself, and that's really hard to appreciate with the chronic conditions I have like Crohn's and AS. And that makes me really disappointed in myself.

I don't know that I'm explaining myself well. I'm a whiny baby. :dunno:

Lisa!
 

Lisa: I just read through ALL of the posts since the end of January, when I last posted. I am SO very shocked and sorry to hear that you have stage 4 kidney failure. :cry: What is the plan for treatment? I will add you to my prayer list immediately and keep you in my daily prayers. Sending you the biggest hugs ever!!! :hug: Love you, Lisa! :val1:

LameGothMom: :welcome: to the group! :) Although you feel like the task ahead of you with weight loss and fitness is so difficult, remember to take one day and one workout at a time. Break it down into smaller goals to make things feel more manageable. And focus on progress and not perfection (which is unattainable anyway)! You can do this!!! And we will be cheering you on all the way to your goal! :cheer2:

Holly!
 

Holly: I was so shocked and sad to read ~ through my tears ~ that Eddie died. :cry: I am so very sorry! That is the ONLY bad part about owning a dog (other than scooping poop)... is having to say good-bye. :cry: The unconditional love and companionship they give us is such a precious and irreplaceable gift. I am so happy, though, that you were able to have that special time with him the morning of his death at the vet and it sounds like he had a peaceful death. You gave him a wonderful life and he knows how much you loved him. Sending you a big hug! :hug:

Flower!
 

Flower: I am SO very sorry about the loss of your mother. :cry: With the complex relationship that you had, I would imagine that you are experiencing quite a wide range of emotions as you grieve. I am especially sorry that you feel so alone and like no one else on earth has your back. Please know that we are all here for you and we care about you and your feelings. And feel free to vent here if it helps you to process your thoughts and emotions. As you mentioned to Holly about her dog, Eddie, I truly believe that your mother's soul remains with you and a part of her is with you wherever you go. I hope you will take some comfort in that. I am sending you a big hug! :hug:

Coop: Sorry to hear that your dad is struggling, which of course is a source of stress for you, too. That therapist you described would drive me crazy... fixating on certain words you say. I agree with the others that you should look for a new therapist. It is always good to hear from you! :)

Update on Me
 

I just read ALL of the posts since the very end of January before I posted tonight. I appreciate the well wishes and greetings I received in my absence. I finally had my total anterior right hip replacement performed on March 22nd. I had A LOT of pain the first week or so, especially during the night. But now, I am 6 and a half weeks out and so relieved and happy I had the surgery!!! :) I was able to take a short walk around the neighborhood with my hubby and pups the other day for the first time in probably 8 months!!! And, although I felt a little bit of soreness from not walking like that in such a long time, I did not have hip pain!!! :D I cannot tell you how thrilling that is for me! I am still easing back into things and doing home physical therapy exercises and "formal" PT once a week at the orthopedic center. But life is getting back to normal... which is crazy busy. :dizzy: I will try to touch base again soon, but I wanted to let you all know that I had the surgery and I am still among the living. ;) I am so sorry to read some very sad news from many of you. :( Please know that I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers in the days ahead. :hug:

Lisa

Originally Posted by lisaloveshearts:
Hi ladies.

I guess i should take my own advice.

I had blood drawn by 2 days ago. They contacted yesterday to come back in.

My blood results show that I have stage 4 kidney failure.

I don't have much today. I'm in a weird mood.

oh Lisa
I am sorry. Do you know what caused the kidney failure? What is the recommendation? Sending you many hugs, if you would like <3

GothMom Great to meet you. Welcome to this little community.

Originally Posted by LameGothMom:
I'm sorry to hear that, Lisa. I think stage IV kidney failure would put anyone in a "weird mood." Do you remember your ALTs/ASTs? Just curious. My problems are pretty minute in comparison.

Vitamin D has helped me a lot, as well as exercise. Outdoor exercise doubly so.

Things aren't bad in my personal life, but I have a lot on my plate. Sometimes it's daunting when I think about the huge task ahead of getting into really good shape, what it means for a future career, etc. It makes me really frustrated that the path there is long and often really hard. I'm halfway there, but it just gets harder as you go and have to turn up the intensity. I'm looking forward to a point where it's maintenance at an activity level I enjoy. I want to enjoy a healthy diet, minimize exploitation, and do better nutritionally. I want to learn to take joy in physically challenging myself, and that's really hard to appreciate with the chronic conditions I have like Crohn's and AS. And that makes me really disappointed in myself.

I don't know that I'm explaining myself well. I'm a whiny baby. :dunno:

I do not think you sound like a "whiny baby". not at all. Sounds like you have significant health challenges with Crohn's. I do not know what AS is. Its difficult to stay positive when there are so many physical challenges. But you mentioned you want to learn to take joy in physically challenging yourself. Thats quite a lofty goal! Cudos.

Originally Posted by IBelieveInMe2:
I just read ALL of the posts since the very end of January before I posted tonight. I appreciate the well wishes and greetings I received in my absence. I finally had my total anterior right hip replacement performed on March 22nd. I had A LOT of pain the first week or so, especially during the night. But now, I am 6 and a half weeks out and so relieved and happy I had the surgery!!! :) I was able to take a short walk around the neighborhood with my hubby and pups the other day for the first time in probably 8 months!!! And, although I felt a little bit of soreness from not walking like that in such a long time, I did not have hip pain!!! :D I cannot tell you how thrilling that is for me! I am still easing back into things and doing home physical therapy exercises and "formal" PT once a week at the orthopedic center. But life is getting back to normal... which is crazy busy. :dizzy: I will try to touch base again soon, but I wanted to let you all know that I had the surgery and I am still among the living. ;) I am so sorry to read some very sad news from many of you. :( Please know that I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers in the days ahead. :hug:

Kathleen I am so glad to read your good news. Surgery has been done and you are on the road to recovery. Finally no hip pain when you walk. This is great news indeed!

Originally Posted by VermontMom:
Welcome back flower!!!! You were gone a long time :( Of course you would deeply grieve for your mother. and the hurt even deeper due to how she treated you. I can expect a huge plunge after the channeled guide experience...but maybe it is necessary. that we have to plunge deepest into grief before we can eventually climb up and out again.

I am sure you will quickly lose any unwanted weight that was unfortunately part of the visit. Size 2, WOW that is tiny!!!

Thank you so much for the expressed emotions about my EddieDog. I am both trying to push down any thoughts of him :( so that I don't cry all the time, and at the same time, trying to celebrate his memories. Ack!!! both make my cry. My husband is PUSHING to adopt another dog. Yes I want another fur baby, and yes we will adopt from a shelter, but he is ready to take ANY dog. I want to select!! We can't have a super active dog because it wouldn't be fair to the dog. And face it, if you're going to adopt, you should pick a dog you really want, not adopt just because they are available.

I have one more week of the factory job :) and yes it was gratifying to be recognized for something :rofl: and yes the summer job is lined up, the Chef called me, I have contacted the front of the house (FOH) lady and am lined up to work in the Dining room for the first 3 nights as i always do...this will be my 19th season there!!! getting excited about it. Just typed out and printed my list of needed goods/items for the kitchen.

Also getting excited about summer and growing things, though the weather has been VERY uncooperative. Cold, wet. Some snowflakes last night!! today the sun is FINALLY coming out and it is a blistering 46.9 degrees, haha!! but I am going to put layers on and go out in the yard and do SOMETHING. At least pick up sticks or crap that has blown around. Possibly rake a bit though the places that look the worst are still soggy.

Husband has been diligent with getting seedlings ready for at least a month, we have zinnieas, Burpees Best Petunias, moss roses, all doing so well under the grow lights. I have been around the yard and the 6 or 7 rhubarb plants have been 'up' for a couple weeks now, and I see the Lemon Balm mint plant, and my tons of regular mint, and some hardy pansies; and the red shoots of the peonies just barely coming through. Old friends!!! :)

Flower, I have noticed before but i love the "kindness" phrase in your signature. So true. I try to be kind to people..someone one said almost sarcastically to me, 'you're always so nice Holly'. That was kind of sucky because it sounded like they thought it was a bad thing. I bought a box of soft Puffs for a co-worker because she was using the horrid sandpaper tissues at work and i thought maybe she couldn't afford the more pricey tissues. I am trying to learn simple Swahili phrases to greet the men at work who don't speak much English. What is wrong about trying to make someone's day a little nicer?
I miss everyone who has not been able to visit here for a while!!! :hug:

Holly
By now you are in your summer job again.. Whew what a relief to know you are out of the factory. Your attitude through the winter with the factory job was great. You met the challenge and prevailed. Now I am relieved to know you are back in your element. Doing what comes naturally to you. Whewwww. Re "kindness" I am sorry that person slammed you for your good heart. I think its unfortunate how people can define us in ways that have everything to do with their imbalances. Just keep being you. Because that's a great thing to be! Shine on sister.
By now I bet your seedlings are almost ready for transplant. How exciting is that! BTW, the size 2 pants is misleading. IDK why they were size 2. because I am not. Maybe its a combo of the lycra and also the store's sizes run large. I cringe when I write the word lycra. But I could not be choosy the day before mother's funeral. I just had to get the first thing that fit. Even though I did not like it.
i am looking forward to hearing about what its like being back in your element

I am sorry I have not posted in a while. The naturopath muscle tested and diagnosed that I am in shock. I just eat a lot every day. Gaining, gaining. Its been a challenge. The hospice grief counselor agrees that I am in shock. It is thankfully protecting me from handling more than i can at this time. wishing everyone best

My numbers have rebounded so I'm going to be fine. I still have a kidney ultrasound on Monday.

The Dr seems to think the lasix I've been taking dehydrated me making my kidney levels plummet.