May depression thread!! 2019
 

Jump right in and join. All are welcome.

It's been quiet lately but don't let that stop you. Vent away.

Hi ladies.

I guess i should take my own advice.

I had blood drawn by 2 days ago. They contacted yesterday to come back in.

My blood results show that I have stage 4 kidney failure.

I don't have much today. I'm in a weird mood.

I'm sorry to hear that, Lisa. I think stage IV kidney failure would put anyone in a "weird mood." Do you remember your ALTs/ASTs? Just curious. My problems are pretty minute in comparison.

Vitamin D has helped me a lot, as well as exercise. Outdoor exercise doubly so.

Things aren't bad in my personal life, but I have a lot on my plate. Sometimes it's daunting when I think about the huge task ahead of getting into really good shape, what it means for a future career, etc. It makes me really frustrated that the path there is long and often really hard. I'm halfway there, but it just gets harder as you go and have to turn up the intensity. I'm looking forward to a point where it's maintenance at an activity level I enjoy. I want to enjoy a healthy diet, minimize exploitation, and do better nutritionally. I want to learn to take joy in physically challenging myself, and that's really hard to appreciate with the chronic conditions I have like Crohn's and AS. And that makes me really disappointed in myself.

I don't know that I'm explaining myself well. I'm a whiny baby. :dunno:

Lisa!
 

Lisa: I just read through ALL of the posts since the end of January, when I last posted. I am SO very shocked and sorry to hear that you have stage 4 kidney failure. :cry: What is the plan for treatment? I will add you to my prayer list immediately and keep you in my daily prayers. Sending you the biggest hugs ever!!! :hug: Love you, Lisa! :val1:

LameGothMom: :welcome: to the group! :) Although you feel like the task ahead of you with weight loss and fitness is so difficult, remember to take one day and one workout at a time. Break it down into smaller goals to make things feel more manageable. And focus on progress and not perfection (which is unattainable anyway)! You can do this!!! And we will be cheering you on all the way to your goal! :cheer2:

Holly!
 

Holly: I was so shocked and sad to read ~ through my tears ~ that Eddie died. :cry: I am so very sorry! That is the ONLY bad part about owning a dog (other than scooping poop)... is having to say good-bye. :cry: The unconditional love and companionship they give us is such a precious and irreplaceable gift. I am so happy, though, that you were able to have that special time with him the morning of his death at the vet and it sounds like he had a peaceful death. You gave him a wonderful life and he knows how much you loved him. Sending you a big hug! :hug:

Flower!
 

Flower: I am SO very sorry about the loss of your mother. :cry: With the complex relationship that you had, I would imagine that you are experiencing quite a wide range of emotions as you grieve. I am especially sorry that you feel so alone and like no one else on earth has your back. Please know that we are all here for you and we care about you and your feelings. And feel free to vent here if it helps you to process your thoughts and emotions. As you mentioned to Holly about her dog, Eddie, I truly believe that your mother's soul remains with you and a part of her is with you wherever you go. I hope you will take some comfort in that. I am sending you a big hug! :hug:

Coop: Sorry to hear that your dad is struggling, which of course is a source of stress for you, too. That therapist you described would drive me crazy... fixating on certain words you say. I agree with the others that you should look for a new therapist. It is always good to hear from you! :)

Update on Me
 

I just read ALL of the posts since the very end of January before I posted tonight. I appreciate the well wishes and greetings I received in my absence. I finally had my total anterior right hip replacement performed on March 22nd. I had A LOT of pain the first week or so, especially during the night. But now, I am 6 and a half weeks out and so relieved and happy I had the surgery!!! :) I was able to take a short walk around the neighborhood with my hubby and pups the other day for the first time in probably 8 months!!! And, although I felt a little bit of soreness from not walking like that in such a long time, I did not have hip pain!!! :D I cannot tell you how thrilling that is for me! I am still easing back into things and doing home physical therapy exercises and "formal" PT once a week at the orthopedic center. But life is getting back to normal... which is crazy busy. :dizzy: I will try to touch base again soon, but I wanted to let you all know that I had the surgery and I am still among the living. ;) I am so sorry to read some very sad news from many of you. :( Please know that I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers in the days ahead. :hug:

Lisa
oh Lisa
I am sorry. Do you know what caused the kidney failure? What is the recommendation? Sending you many hugs, if you would like <3

GothMom Great to meet you. Welcome to this little community.

I do not think you sound like a "whiny baby". not at all. Sounds like you have significant health challenges with Crohn's. I do not know what AS is. Its difficult to stay positive when there are so many physical challenges. But you mentioned you want to learn to take joy in physically challenging yourself. Thats quite a lofty goal! Cudos.

Kathleen I am so glad to read your good news. Surgery has been done and you are on the road to recovery. Finally no hip pain when you walk. This is great news indeed!

Holly
By now you are in your summer job again.. Whew what a relief to know you are out of the factory. Your attitude through the winter with the factory job was great. You met the challenge and prevailed. Now I am relieved to know you are back in your element. Doing what comes naturally to you. Whewwww. Re "kindness" I am sorry that person slammed you for your good heart. I think its unfortunate how people can define us in ways that have everything to do with their imbalances. Just keep being you. Because that's a great thing to be! Shine on sister.
By now I bet your seedlings are almost ready for transplant. How exciting is that! BTW, the size 2 pants is misleading. IDK why they were size 2. because I am not. Maybe its a combo of the lycra and also the store's sizes run large. I cringe when I write the word lycra. But I could not be choosy the day before mother's funeral. I just had to get the first thing that fit. Even though I did not like it.
i am looking forward to hearing about what its like being back in your element

I am sorry I have not posted in a while. The naturopath muscle tested and diagnosed that I am in shock. I just eat a lot every day. Gaining, gaining. Its been a challenge. The hospice grief counselor agrees that I am in shock. It is thankfully protecting me from handling more than i can at this time. wishing everyone best

My numbers have rebounded so I'm going to be fine. I still have a kidney ultrasound on Monday.

The Dr seems to think the lasix I've been taking dehydrated me making my kidney levels plummet.

So glad that your numbers have rebounded. Wishing you very best with the ultrasound on Monday. Are you off of Lasix now?

Heck yes!!!! Scared the **** out if me.
tomorrows test will probably be fine.

I'm sorry I don't post more. I don't know why I don't have the patience to.

Hi Lisa
how are you feeling today? Was the ultrasound negative? How sad that Lasix can do so much damage and yet its still being prescribed to people

Hi to everyone else. I have not been doing well. The whole loss thing is exaccerbated by my only remaining family member being a controlling brother who lacks compassion gene. And his wife who encourages him to feel anger and outrage. She hated my mother. Still bad mouthing her to me as I cry and grieve. So I am without support other than once a week a grief counselor comes to my hom

I have been stress eating. Especially the day and night I was stuck alone in her condo without a car. And my brother and his wife had just bulldozed over me before they left for their summer home. I ate all day and night. Non stop. Now I am back home but having trouble fitting into my clothing. I cannot be positive enough to post in the place at 3fc where I posted accountability. Nor do I have the energy to do a lot of personals. So I am a bit stuck re what to do for support losing the weight I gained. I think 5 lbs will be fine. But I do need to find a community where I can post the whole food thing. Any good suggestions considering I just cannot do a lot of "personals", and the amount of posts I can read are limited at this time. Needing a small group of dieters.

Just putting it out here in hopes someone may read and come up with an idea where I can get the weight loss support. NO exercise though. I am allergic to it atm

Hoping everyone is doing okay

Oh gosh ladies, I'm so sorry :( I've been such a rubbish forum buddy - you've been through so much, I'm so sorry :(

Pat, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I know you had a complicated relationship, but losing a parent is really hard. I don't have great suggestions on comfort eating - when my mum died, I turned to comfort food, and I just had to be in a good place again before I could reign it in. Talk to people, and talk to us. It helps.

Holly, I'm really sorry you lost Eddie. I remember you saying how poorly he was. Pets are such a huge part of our lives, it must have left a void. I hope you're holding up ok X

Lisa, gosh, I'm so sorry about your kidneys! What an awful scare that must have been! I'm glad your numbers have rebounded again, I really hope they stay in a good place!

Kathleen, I'm really pleased to read that your hip operation has been so successful. I hope you can feel this great forever x

this has been such a busy month for me, I am so sorry I feel like I've neglected my good friends here!!

Lisa - so good that your numbers are better!!! that one post was very scary. You have kept this place together for years, we will just look forward to when you feel like 'talking' here :)

Pat - Oh my gosh, i am so sorry you are struggling so, now. Could you just start your own post/thread somewhere on this forum? with the parameters stated. You know you could absolutely post your thoughts here. Our love and support to you!!!!

Kathleen - BIG smile at reading your recent posts to us!!!! and that is so wonderful that the operation was successful. thank you for your thoughts about Eddie Dog :hug:

Coop - so good to hear from you!

Yes I am back at the summer job that I love. We are very short handed though and I have been working in the dining room at night also. Up to 4 nights a week. I can do it, but it's cutting into my free time. It's also been a very chilly, wet spring and I haven't been on the motorcycle yet. Soon I hope.

we adopted a shelter doggie, her name is Chloe and she is very sweet! I would have waited longer but my husband absolutely missed having a dog around so much. She needs to be adjusted to being alone for short times though. We are working on that.

much love to all!!!!

Hi all, I just re-registered after having been gone for 5 years. I started here in 2011, when I was losing weight. and then quit in 2013 after I had a rough patch (got fired, my dad had a stroke, one of my cats died, a good friend dumped me) and went back to eating.

So now, I'm 60 years old and need a kidney transplant (Lisa, so glad your results were not what they first seemed!). I saw the transplant doctor a few weeks ago and he told me I had to lose 30 pounds (I was at 220) and to consider bariatric surgery. He said he'd see me again in 6 months.

Fortunately, my GP had recently upped my antidepressant dose so, instead of just giving up, I went back to calorie counting and being more active. I've already dropped 10 pounds and I'm confident I can make my goal (I'd actually like to be 10 pounds below that). I know my depression lies to me and tells me I'm not worth the effort but my sister has offered a kidney (she's not a match but there's a paired donation program and she's all in) so I figure I need to honor that generosity by trying my hardest.

Thanks for listening!

Hi ladies

I hope you all had a nice day. It was lovely here. I took Elvira out this evening. It was so peaceful.

I've put other Dr appts off since my scare. I just needed time. I am going to get my teeth worked on next month. I can't wait to be able to smile big.

I thought I had lost my favorite ring but I found it yesterday. I'm so relieved.

I lost my Buggy on Sunday, to renal failure. This is such a loss in my life. We got him in 2006. He was my buddy, my best buddy. He slept on my hip every night. I'm throwing myself into taking care of the others to pay homage to Bug. It's all I know to do.

Lisa I am so sorry to read about the passing of buggy. Losing a fur baby is always difficult. My condolences. Glad Elvira is doing well. Congratulations in advance for getting the dental work you need. That is very exciting.

Steph. Great to meet you. Sorry I just now saw your post. I am sorry you need a kidney transplant. But glad your sister wants to donate. I understand how the depression lies causing thoughts that are inaccurate. Its a tough one. Losing weight while on antidepresants can be difficult. So congratulations on the loss. Please keep posting. I will try my best to read more often.

Coop good to hear from you. Thanks for the kind words. Glad you were finally able to get the grief eating back under control after your mum passed. Someone in my closed fb grief group said that her psychiatrist said that there is something called "grief eating". Guess there is an apt label for everything, lol. I hope you are doing well.

Holly So relieved to read that you are back where you belong... at your food service job. Sorry though that it is cutting in to personal time. Still it must be such a relief to be there. And good news about the adoption of Chloe. Congratulations !!! Re the cold rainy weather, yes. I saw on WCAX tonight that the last time we had 4 consecutive days without precipitation was SEPTEMBER 12. I think it was something like 285 days. I know it was almost 9 months. BUT they are predicting an extended period of sun. Temps in the 70s. Maybe one day 80 in the valley. I like the rain so its been good for me. Plants are growing slowly though.

I have been eating way too much. 8 weeks of emotional eating continues. Yesterday I was so upset that I ate a rotisserie chicken, one pound bag of peaches and a big chunk of carrot cake. It was pure full on gluttony. i ate the chicken as if I was a starving animal. That was the first thing I had all day. It was a rough day. Today as well.

I am trying to take my mother's furniture. Its really nice. But I will have to get rid of my twin beds and all of the plastic sets of drawers. I have put stuff under the beds, under benches, under everything. Plus in the plastic drawers. So it is a major purging project to get rid of stuff. I have massive amounts of fabrics, ribbons, handmade christmas ornaments in my home. Plus hundreds of greeting cards. All crafts I have made over the years. Plus an old desktop, 2 printers, big speakers and receiver.... the list goes on. I am making trips every day to the junk exchange place. Next is purging my garage of most of my christmas stuff. I used to transform my entire first floor into a winder wonderland. Much of that is leaving tomorrow. Then I have to get rid of a lot of big furniture I no longer want to make room for mother's stuff. lots of furniture. No clue how I am going to get rid of it without strangers showing up to buy it. Got to donate it all. But not sure if a place will send a van to pick it up.

Then I will have to figure out how I am going to place the new stuff from Mother's home. All of this is just me alone. No one to help. Tried a senor help place. But that didnt work out. So its augmented how alone I really am. Thus even more emotional eating. I have zero ability to vizualize where thing should go. So I may decide to not take any of Mother's stuff. Just keep my own. My brother and his wife made the decision to send it to me quickly. So I have around 2 weeks to get everything finished and all the furniture cleared out. Being so alone with no help and grieving is challenging.

Thanks for reading this way too long post. Sending love and light to all

Flower oh my gosh how overwhelming!!! I am so sorry you have to do that monumental task, ALONE, and so quickly!! very unfair :( I would have thought possibly an org like Goodwill or ReCycle would be able to send a truck? and you didn't get help from a senior center with an inquiry?? :( I hope so much that some light shines in the way of help. I am thinking of you!!!

Lisa -I am so sorry to hear about Buggy. We all knew his name from your posts and we know how you love your fur babies. Very very sorry :hug:

Steph - very good to meet you! :) :welcome: you have alot to deal with, but wow congrats on not listening to the liar :D and knowing you ARE worth the effort!! congrats on your success so far!!! yes you are honoring the gesture of the donation by trying! hope you stay around here :)

Hi to Kathleen and to Coop!!

well ladies..I am such a dope. I was cutting the grass Monday (push gas mower) and reached down to lift the side chute to let out some grass? Like I have done dozens of times before? well something happened and the blade cut my middle finger. maybe a 1/4 " is gone :eek: went to the ER and because there is no flap of skin, no stitches. Went to the orthopedic surgeon yesterday and he said good news (besides having a finger!) is no operation, just let it heal on its own. I am off from work until i feel I can at least attempt some things there. Lessons learned!!!! don't ever stick your hand near the mower like that, and be appreciative every day of simple tasks you can do with 2 hands!! and yes its my right hand . the pain is minimal, don't know why but grateful for that.

OMG Holly thats horrible. I am so sorry to hear it. :( May your finger heal quickly. Did the orthopedic surgeon give you any indication of how long you will be off work? I hope you get miracle healing for that finger. AND I hope you are able to ride the bike now that its sunny and warm <3

Hope everyone is doing okay ♥

Flower - belated Happy Birthday!! I see it was on the 8th. and you had the emptiness that it was the first without your mother. and you have the monumental condo-cleaning out task. Such huge upheavals in your life!! and I have seen your thread about food struggles :hug: what kind of cocoa powder were you looking for?

My finger is coming along, I went to work yesterday and today. Haven't been on the bike yet and this will put me behind for at least a couple weeks.

Hello to everyone else!!! :hug:

Holly Glad you are back to work.

wishing very best to anyone who is suffering with depression and food issues. Blessings

My apologies to my friends here!! I am good but ashamed to say I just forgot about posting here. I will try to remember to do an official July thread when that day comes!!

Flower, Hi :wave: I see you have been active with your grieving, accountability thread. and always love what you write in your signature line :)

My finger is healing nicely! have been able to keep it unwrapped for a week now and that helps so much with healing. Also back on the motorcycle finally! :moped: and being especially cautious and vigilant, in light of the horrific collision in NH recently.

thinking of you all here! :hug:

You will pass dont worry :)