December 2018 Ups and Down Depression Support

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  •   #16  
    lisaloveshearts's Avatarlisaloveshearts , 12-13-2018 06:55 PM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by flower123
    Went to 2 stores trying to find a combination of something I could afford, tastes good and is not too fattening. There were zero options for me. I spent 2.30 n vegan puffs. Someone sent me a check for Christmas. 100 dollars. So that pays for the 48.00 postage to send the gifts and some of the printing and supplies cost to make the gifts. Whewwww. What a relief!
    I think I am going to buy an apple and seltzer water. Drink wine spritzer. A week before the election I started drinking alcohol. Had 2 bottles of it in a month. At a party someone gave me the leftover half bottle of wine. So in 6 weeks I have had 2 1/2 bottles of wine. I guess that won't hurt me. I am very cautious about alcohol. I had the 2 bottles in my home for probably decades. I do have one bottle left. I may drink it for Christmas and New Year's Eve.
    I am struggling to get Jennifer's gifts to her. I'm going to attempt to send 1 now and 1 next week. I hardly have any money.

    You're drinking? I sense it bothers you. Alcohol isn't great for you if on medicine. I splurge once in a while.

    You are in my thoughts, Flower.
    Reply
  •   #17  
    flower123's Avatarflower123 , 12-13-2018 07:40 PM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lisaloveshearts
    I am struggling to get Jennifer's gifts to her. I'm going to attempt to send 1 now and 1 next week. I hardly have any money.

    You're drinking? I sense it bothers you. Alcohol isn't great for you if on medicine. I splurge once in a while.

    You are in my thoughts, Flower.
    Lisa I wish I could help you with the money to send Jennifer's gifts. I would send you money in a second, if I could. Even though you might not want to accept it.

    re what I wrote, oops and holy moly! I meant to post that on my thread I have in the depression section. I am going to remove it now from here and put it where I intended. Re drinking bothering me, Because my mother is an alcoholic, I generally stay away from drinking. But I have alcohol in the apt. I usually am not interested.

    I am on no medication that interferes. OMG my post must have been so weird to read here, I am now going to remove the post and put it where it rightfully belongs, lol. Thanks for the response of caring.

    How are you physically doing after the fall?
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  •   #18  
    flower123's Avatarflower123 , 12-15-2018 12:47 AM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by VermontMom
    Pat that is so wrong for the chiropractor to promise you what you needed to hear and then to just vacate!! I am so sorry you have to deal with that, plus other financial burdens. Life is SO much easier and joyous when you don't have that constant worry of 'how am I going to afford what we need' or 'is that check gonna bounce' Life should not be like that!! espcially around the holidays when the forced Christmas cheer and merriment and excess is everywhere. I hope so much some kind of miracle occurs for you, in finding another chiropractor's care and sending light and love towards dealing with the other blow.
    and we are HERE for each other even when we have crummy news or are feeling crummy. because we ARE the Ups and Downs. I would feel selfish and rude sometimes when I would post when I felt awesome, knowing that others weren't! ..but I would equally post when I was sad and it is always accepted.
    Holly thank you. Your words are so insightful and caring. I feel so much wisdom and heart in the words you wrote. I feel grateful to be heard by you. I can understand the feeling of "selfish or rude" when posting about feeling awesome. But on the other hand, I think those kinds of posts can lift everyone up. So I think the "feeling awesome" posts are as important as the posts about challenges. Similar to posts about successes with eating vs challenges. Both are of equal importance. And they create a balance.

    How are things going with your job? Your son? I love how warm the weather was on Friday. It felt so good.
    Reply
  •   #19  
    VermontMom's AvatarVermontMom , 12-16-2018 02:04 PM
    Lisa - I'm so glad to hear Elvira's incision is healing and that you can splurge a little on soft dog food for her medicine to go down easier you are so loving to her! I hope YOUR injury heals soon so you are not in pain!!! I am also hoping for maybe some unexpected windfall ($) to allow for mailing the gifts to Jennifer!

    Pat - I admit I was also slightly worried hearing about the alcohol but then I read more closely and read that you had the 2 bottles in your house for decades before touching them sounds like you are in complete control It was wonderful that you received unexpected funds to let you mail your lovely cards to the recipients. Yes wasn't it nice to have some slightly mild weather!! (everything is relative...to us, 'mild weather' means above 32 degrees and not snowing

    Yes, I *think* I am finally settling into the new job!! because now when I drive to work, my stomach doesn't get clenchy and tied-up feeling. I am really REALLY trying to embrace the 'just go with the flow' theory. I can actually go online and check what my schedule each day will be, employees can do that, but then I know I would just get all uptight worrying if I saw I was being put on a new station. There's nothing I can do about it, so I might as well not know about it til the last second. Oh! and after me having such a hard couple times on my newest station, now I like it and I just needed to give it time. BUt that is so hard for me to accept at the time. Now I am so quick at it, and enjoy it, I have actually gone over the 'recommended shop average' ! Yet before I get too cocky about it, I DID make 2 boneheaded errors twice on Friday at least now, I can look at it, think "that is scewy and not right, what the heck did I do" and take it apart and do it right before putting it in the 'ready to use' bin.

    We (husband and I) are still struggling with trying to get information from our younger son, he just DOESN'T talk about what is going on with his marriage, and on top of that, is being very uncommunicative about Christmas plans. It's so hard not to be nagging about it!!! I know no one wants to be nagged by their mom or dad but we need info to make schedules and plans. Again...maybe i need to just 'go with the flow'

    Yesterday we drove over 2 hours one way, to attend the service for a man who was our State Motorcycle Riders Foundation representative, and a CHAMPION for Veteran's rights and fundraiser for homeless veterans. His name was Monty Springer and he was in a horrific car accident (not motorcycle related) in October and had just too many injuries and burns to survive. He clung to life for as long as he could but passed a couple weeks ago. He did so much for his fellow veterans and for motorcyclists. And loved his family, he leaves a teenage son. Well there wasn't a dry eye anywhere after people got up to speak about him. I *thought* I was prepared because I have gotten used to public speaking, when at the Toy Run (with a crowd of 500) or at the Harley Raffle; but this was so different. My heart was pounding and I was trying very hard to pace my breathing and speaking so I wouldn't be speaking too fast. I guess I did alright, afterwards a big burly biker came up to me and said he didn't have the b@lls to get in front of everyone and speak, and that I "did right by Monty" . It did make for a long day, the 4+ hours of driving, but we were very glad we did.

    Love you all! and so glad we are here for each other
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  •   #20  
    flower123's Avatarflower123 , 12-17-2018 05:34 AM
    Lisa I dont know how, but I missed the post you wrote about Elvira's wound healing, and your knee. . So glad to read that her incision is healing. How is your knee doing? I hope its in less pain now.

    Holly, lol, I am not a very dedicated drinker. The half bottle the neighbor gave me is still in the refrigerator. I bought some soda water to go with it. Drank some of that. But never got around to drinking the wine. My addiction is food. That's bad enough lol. I take a naturopathic supplement for a genetic condition I have that effects the brain. I bought a new bottle of the supplement and did not put it in the right place. Thus completely forgetting to take it for maybe three weeks. I realized it two days ago. Now back on the supplement. So maybe this is why I was doing so poorly over the past weeks. That and the time of year. And the other concern$. But I will be fine. I always am.

    awesome that you are experiencing successes in the work. Woohoo. I think I understand why its been so challenging for you. You were accustomed to being on top of your game working in the food industry. Now its a whole different set of skills. like moving to a foreign country and expecting oneself to be fluent in the language, and to perfectly know their way around way before its possible. So yay for those successes, and that ease, amidst the "errors". They are lucky to have such a good and intelligent employee!

    Sorry your son is being so pulled in these days. As a mom it can be challenging to make space for that. Especially when it involves Christmas plans. I hope he can find ways to let out his feelings.

    Condolences re the State Motorcycle Riders Foundation representative, Monty who finally succumbed to injuries. How very sad. And he was a champion for Veterans. We need more people like him. People who care, and know how to get things done. What courage you had to get up and speak at his memorial service. I know about the tendency to speak fast when public speaking. But you compensated for it. What a gift from your heart to have spoken. I bet Monty's family was grateful. And they will be well supported emotionally by the biker community in the coming months and years.

    I got all my gifts mailed out. Just have two more to go now. But they are local. okay, maybe three. Have to drive to the next town to deliver a gift to my MD. So glad that gift making is done. But now my cousin in Florida wrote to me and asked if she could buy some of my "enchanted trees collection" those are intricate to make. Takes around 45 minutes per card. So I will be still be a busy woman making them . That's okay. Of course I will not charge her much. She's a relative.

    I hope you both/all have a great week. And Lisa, I hope Elvira and your knee are both recovering well.
    Reply
  •   #21  
    lisaloveshearts's Avatarlisaloveshearts , 12-22-2018 10:33 PM
    Hi ladies,

    My knee bothers me a lot when I over do it.

    I put my tree up after having it sit in my living room for 10 days. It is big and I got totally overwhelmed.

    I worked on it today and put 3 strings of lights on it. It's bright. lol

    I'm going to Christmas eve service on Monday night.

    My friends invited me over on christmas day so I won't be alone all day.

    I wasn't able to send Jennifer her gifts.

    I'LL try to post again before Christmas day.

    Much love to all.
    Reply
  •   #22  
    lisaloveshearts's Avatarlisaloveshearts , 12-22-2018 10:40 PM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by flower123
    Lisa I dont know how, but I missed the post you wrote about Elvira's wound healing, and your knee. . So glad to read that her incision is healing. How is your knee doing? I hope its in less pain.

    I got all my gifts mailed out. Just have two more to go now. But they are local. okay, maybe three. Have to drive to the next town to deliver a gift to my MD. So glad that gift making is done. But now my cousin in Florida wrote to me and asked if she could buy some of my "enchanted trees collection" those are intricate to make. Takes around 45 minutes per card. So I will be still be a busy woman making them . That's okay. Of course I will not charge her much. She's a relative.

    I hope you both/all have a great week. And Lisa, I hope Elvira and your knee are both recovering well.
    Flower,

    Elvira is doing good. Her wound is healing and closing up. I still have some of her pills so if it gets bad again, I can put her back on them.

    My knee still bothers me when I over due it.

    I'm glad you got your gifts out. I wasn't able to. I bawled my eyes out the other day. I want to be a good mom and I always feel like I fail. That makes me cry all the time. I just want Jennifer to feel like we have a good relationship.
    Reply
  •   #23  
    lisaloveshearts's Avatarlisaloveshearts , 12-22-2018 10:44 PM
    Holly,

    I hope you are ok.

    I bet you are kicking *** at work. I am so proud of you. Changing to a totally different job and shift just shows how resilient you are.


    Much love to all you ladies!!!
    Reply
  •   #24  
    VermontMom's AvatarVermontMom , 12-23-2018 12:33 PM
    Oh Lisa you ARE a good mother but I'm so sorry you got so upset about that. It shows you are a caring mother!!
    Your tree must be nice!! and I'm so glad you will be with friends on Christmas .
    And I love your praise of me with trying to handle the new job

    Flower - thank you for your wonderful and insightful words! I think you 'nailed it' about me struggling with not being 'on top of my game' currently. I don't know why I get so instantly upset when I don't 'get' something right away. I know they don't expect that and I have not received one negative word regarding that. Just my own hangup lol.
    can you describe what your 'enchanted trees' cards are like??

    I have four days off!! Yesterday, today, and Monday and Tuesday.

    I brought bags of cookies in for co-workers, supervisors, etc. It is strange how some people know how to react properly (by that, I mean saying Thank You) and some people don't even say anything! very impolite. Whatever. I got my pleasure from making them and giving them. There was one guy, his position is called "Small Parts" and he keeps track of all the parts that we use, gets huge carts of them from the warehouse, and stocks them. It is an all day job. He is a little scary in appearance to an older person like me big neck tattoo, says the Eff word alot, just seems kind of rough in nature? Well he walked all around the production floor looking for me, to shake my hand and say "Thank You". Wasn't that nice??? and here I was pre-judging him on his looks and his use of the Eff word and he was the one who gave me the most sincere thanks. That was pretty cool!
    Reply
  •   #25  
    flower123's Avatarflower123 , 12-23-2018 02:45 PM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lisaloveshearts
    Flower,

    I'm glad you got your gifts out. I wasn't able to. I bawled my eyes out the other day. I want to be a good mom and I always feel like I fail. That makes me cry all the time. I just want Jennifer to feel like we have a good relationship.
    dearest Lisa,thanks for being honest about what you are feeling. being a good mom is so separate from being able to afford to send gifts.

    I am so deeply sorry you have been in so much pain about this. There is no way you can control your financial situation. If it were up to you, you would be there with Jennifer. Gifts in hand. This is your greatest heart desire at this time. The financial situation is out if your control. You had to choose medical bills. And I am fully convinced that there was no other wise choice other than physical wellness of your fur babies over a plane ticket. Although this put you in a very difficult and painful place. Not being able to be with your Jennifer for Christmas. This does not diminish the fact that you are a good mom. You do not have enough money. This doesn't diminish that you are a good mom. <3.

    Yes, yes, yes you are a good mom. But a very sad mom because you cannot be with your dear daughter. And you cannot get her gift to her on time. I wish ease for your hurting heart. And compassion for the part of you who thinks you are anything less than a good mom <3. Please keep writing about how you feel. My words are not to diminish your pain. But to add a voice to truth, you are a good mom <3
    Reply
  •   #26  
    flower123's Avatarflower123 , 12-23-2018 03:43 PM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by VermontMom
    ! I think you 'nailed it' about me struggling with not being 'on top of my game' currently. I don't know why I get so instantly upset when I don't 'get' something right away. I know they don't expect that and I have not received one negative word regarding that. Just my own hangup lol.
    can you describe what your 'enchanted trees' cards are like??

    I have four days off!! Yesterday, today, and Monday and Tuesday.

    I brought bags of cookies in for co-workers, supervisors, etc. It is strange how some people know how to react properly (by that, I mean saying Thank You) and some people don't even say anything! very impolite. Whatever. I got my pleasure from making them and giving them. There was one guy, his position is called "Small Parts" and he keeps track of all the parts that we use, gets huge carts of them from the warehouse, and stocks them. It is an all day job. He is a little scary in appearance to an older person like me big neck tattoo, says the Eff word alot, just seems kind of rough in nature? Well he walked all around the production floor looking for me, to shake my hand and say "Thank You". Wasn't that nice??? and here I was pre-judging him on his looks and his use of the Eff word and he was the one who gave me the most sincere thanks. That was pretty cool!
    Holly, I think many of us have brilliant ways we created where we can be at our best. The challenge of not meeting that criteria set for the self can be unsettling, to put it mildly. Although it can be opportunity for greatest growth. A time of introspection, expanded cognition and learning. I see that you are meeting this challenge with all due diligence. Being willing to enter an arena where you are not performing at your default place of mastery ( the food industry) is not easy. And you are doing it!! I have so much respect for the process you are in. And how you are meeting this challenge.

    I hear ya re the guy with the appearance that is scary. I suspect sometimes the most sensitive people may choose off-putting appearance. I too would have felt similar to you. So glad you got to see who he is under the armor.

    I had to chuckle when you talked about how some people did not even say thank you. I notice those things as well. My brother and his wife did not even acknowledge receipt of my very gift to them. That's par. They rarely if ever do. They love the cards and always want them. But will not thank me or even tell me they got it. Same with my other brother's widow. She too loves the cards and looks forward to getting them. But there is not even an acknowledgement of receipt. Yes, I know by USPS tracking that the packages were delivered. But never bother to thank me or say they received it. I cannot imagine that kind of rudeness. Its so far from who I am. But it is part of who they are. I am never quite positive if a porch pirate took the gifts. But each year I eventually ask (awkward) and find out that they rec'd the gift. Even a friend did not acknowledge she got the cards. Sigh. It puts me in an awkward position. Because I can contact the PO and collect the default insurance if the pkg was not rec'd. But I would have to ask my friend. Awkward, lol.

    A neighbor I had just met left me a box of homemade beautiful Christmas cookies. They were santa cookies. Flooded. So beautiful!!! Within 24 hours I left a thank you note and a bag of my homemade Christmas candy, for her boyfriend and her. That's how I am. I have to thank people ASAP, if not sooner,

    Re the enchanted tree cards. They do not photograph well. Because of the one of the materials I use on the card. But I am glad to send photos to you (and Lisa if she wants) in pm. I do not have the kind of tablet you described that makes it easy to upload a pic. I have a pc and an ipad. So I am not sure how to post pics here/in pm. Tech support please

    I hope you are having a good 4 days off. And am wishing you much love and joy for Christmas.
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  •   #27  
    lisaloveshearts's Avatarlisaloveshearts , 12-24-2018 03:13 PM
    My daughter got engaged today!!!!
    Reply
  •   #28  
    flower123's Avatarflower123 , 12-24-2018 05:43 PM
    Lisa that is SO awesome! Comgrations to her, him...and you!
    Reply
  •   #29  
    VermontMom's AvatarVermontMom , 12-26-2018 07:46 AM
    Lisa that is so exciting! Congratulations to her, him and you!

    Flower it is sadly unbelievable that the in-laws actually ask for your beautiful, time-consuming hand made gifts, then don't even acknowledge them!! You are the bigger person in spirit for not shutting down that exchange! I can imagine that the creation of the items is where you derive your joy. Their acceptance/acknowledgement bad behavior is on them, not you...it surely is wonderful if people respond in an appropriate, socially-acceptable way (by saying THANK YOU, how hard is that?!)
    Reply
  •   #30  
    flower123's Avatarflower123 , 12-26-2018 08:48 PM
    Thanks Holly. Honestly, it's more that I worry about porch pirates getting the pkg. so when I dont hear from them, I never know if they got the gifts.

    I think the greatest gift of this little thread community is no one rejects the other person because they are feeling depressed or challened. Rejection during those times feels, to me like a slam to the chest. So I am grateful to all the sensitive caring souls here! I never feel rejected.

    Lisa. I hope your .Christmas went okay even though you were far from where your heart needed to be.
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