[Nicholsfamily1987]

I am not new to 3FatChicks. I've actually been here for awhile now. I lost weight for the first time in November 2010 - May 2011..Losing approximately 80 lbs only to gain it back. Again in 2014-2015 after my dad dying of cardiac arrest and lost roughly 77 lbs. Back in the same predicament that I started in now... minus I have not gained ALL the weight back but I'm back up to 170-180...avoiding the scale because I know it's going to be bad.

However...food is my stress reliever and one of the ONLY things in my life I have control over so when I feel out of control naturally I eat because it makes me feel better.

I really don't know what is going on but I am miserably unhappy! Not with my relationship. No with my kids. Not with my life but just generally unhappy. I get up in the morning dreading going to work (not because my job is awful) but because I'm basically working for nothing. I go throughout my day barely smiling or friendly because I just don't want to be talked too to avoid putting anyone else in a bad mood. I have 0 control over my food intake now so my clothes are snug and I am unhappy with the way I look. I do NOT want to be put on medicine because I've seen the outcome everyone else around me has too it plus addiction runs strong in my family So I thought I'd come on here an vent and hopefully get some helpful advice.

[flower123]

Hey Nichols. Good to see you again. Even though I am sorry to read that you too grapple with depression, and the effects. I hear ya re: everything you have said! I now post only in this area. I try to hide how i feel. But if a bit of it seeps out I usually am told to "be more positive". Which only causes me to go more into isolation either online or irl.

Often the life of someone who feels depressed, is isolation. Either because I,for one think the truth of the depression can be toxic to others. I don't want to be that person. Also I do not want to be told, yet again to be positive, suck it up, etc. That only reinforces my own feelings about it. Isolation can be all too real, even if people have a loving great family and kids. There is a part of themselves people feel they must hide. Thus, isolation.

Food for me is medication. So I get it. The only way I know to self soothe. I don't want to be on antidepressants for a couple of reasons. So I hear that as well. Although I do take suppliments. And am going to start treatment for a genetic (inherited) disorder that causes addition, anxiety, isolation, depression (among many other things I do not suffer with). I am finding it harder to diet these days.

I want to let you know that there is a very kind community here. https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/dep...on-thread.html
Its small but active. Perfect for people who do not have the time or energy to do a lot of personals.

I have long admired how you function as an involved and good mom. I just wanted to let you know that. I am sorry you live with this all-too-common hidden secret. But I am glad you have written about it here. Please know I will always be here to listen and witness your challenges. I know all too well how isolating depression can be.

[VermontMom]

so sorry you are struggling, please do join us at the Ups and Downs thread

[Nicholsfamily1987]

Thanks Ladies! Flower - I will definitely try that thread!

[nestin]

HI, I get it. I am on antidepressants, even though I didn't want at first. It has helped a bit, I guess. My thyroid broke down just before my wedding, so I put on 15kg in 2 months. I managed to lose about 6 and then my doctor prescribed me the pills and I am back at 85 kg. The thing that works for me (except the food) is dancing. There is no time for thinking about anything else, so I self-medical with it for some years now. But jumping with that amount of weight isn't healthy, my ankles are mess.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell, that I get the food issue and wish you good luck on your journey!