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My favourite dog is dying and I'm eating my feelings
I doubt anyone here remembers me. I've always been a horrible emotional eater. I thought I had a grip on my depression(bipolar), but in early November my favourite dog was diagnosed with aggressive lymphoma. Yes I'm one of those pathetic people, I can't have kids so my dogs are my babies. This one we've had since he was 7 weeks, he would be 14 on February 20 but we're not expecting him to be with us. It's Christmas and I'm trying my best to at least act happy but it's pretty obvious and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't break down and bawl at least once. I don't know what to do. I'm at my wits end. I just want to eat and drink excessive amounts of booze. Every day this dog comes to me and buts his head against my leg. He's saying I don't feel well, comfort me. I just want to stay home from work every day and comfort him all day. I really think my husband is waiting for the holidays to be over before he pushes the issue of putting him down. I don't know if I can do it. I can't make the decision to end my babies life. I have lots of friends in the dog world who say that there's always one who is the most special to you, they call it your heart dog. This is mine. I know this is only going to get worse when the time comes and it's already killing me. When it gets to that point I don't know what I'll do. It's a scary place that I haven't been in a long long time. I don't know if I'll be able to claw my way out again. My husband is already talking about the next dog we'll adopt and I'm not sure I can ever do this again.
Hey AuntyJam, I'm listening, oh I'm so sorry, how awful. Poor Chase, poor you It's the worst thing about our dogs, having to face in inevitable. All you can do is just keep being the most important thing in is world to him. thinking of you!!
So sorry to hear about your dog! It's heartbreaking when you lose them, they are so integral to your family. Wishing you strength for the next few days.
I think that next to losing parents, losing a pet is second. I have lost Mocha, Oliver and Monster in the last 4 years and it ****ing sucks. Every single time, I swear, I'm not getting anymore fur babies. Well, I'm sure you all know that never happens and I get more.
Besides the pain of losing them, I always ALWAYS, worry whether they understood just how much I needed them and adored them.
The only thing that made me feel better, these loses, was time.
Thanks. I really really don't think I'll ever get another. We'll still have our other boy but I don't think I can do this to myself again. I already volunteer with a dog rescue, I think I'll just love them from afar. For Christmas my sister gave me a little charm with his actual paw print on it and I burst into tears. I cried off and on all night. We got him for free as a pup because his litter was an oops and he was the last one left (at 7 weeks!!!!). He got really really sick a few weeks after we brought him home and almost died. We spent $2000 in vet bills, tests and medications to keep him alive. Right now he's snoring next to me on the bed.
He's gone. He left us on the 2nd, shortly after 1pm, it was quick, very quick. I still question if it was the right time to do it. It seemed to soon to me but I don't think I'd ever be able to say it was time. I'm depressed, so depressed. I cry all the time. He was my heart dog, like the son I'll never be able to have. We nursed him back from near death as a puppy and he and I have been firmly attached ever since. He lived to please me, more than anything in the world. I don't know what to do with myself or how to go on. I cry every day, I don't sleep well and I don't eat well. I wear the charm on a long necklace, I find the bracelet cumbersom. We're picking up his ashes tomorrow and I'm shopping for a urn. I can't believe that anyone would ever do this hurt to themselves willing. I don't think I'll ever do it again. I have to do it one more time because we still have the silly Snoop but I can't do this again. Go ahead and think I'm pathetic because he was a dog. I don't care, he was my soul mutt.
Oh hey, oh no, I"ve been thinking about you and Chase, knowing that you would be telling us the inevitable very soon I am so sorry he is gone. reading what you wrote made me tear up. It sucks so much, that this is inevitable when we have dogs in our life. They make us light up, we make them light up, they ARE our family, yet we have to go through this He left this world knowing how you loved him.
I will say again, next to losing your parents, losing a fur baby is the hardest thing to come to terms with. It's awful. It sucks.
Think about journaling, Aunty Jam. Just pour your heart out on paper. If you are on meds, take them religiously. Vent on here. Try and think about how lucky you are to have had your dog in your life. What if you hadn't? You are so incredibly lucky.
Actually adopting again might help you. I have lost 2 wonderful cats to illness and now I have Lily, along with my older cat, Leo Bug. I never forget about Monster and Oliver, they are both in my heart but Buggy and Lily bring me so much happiness.
I read something once which kinda helped me after our Tasha died. It was, if you have a remaining dog, talk to that dog, out loud, about the other one. That way, you are pouring out your feeling and thoughts about the departed one, and honoring them by keeping their memory, their quirks and funny habits and cuteness in your mind. And when you are talking to your other dog, they just know that you are spending time with them and talking to them So Snoop will be basking in your love and attention while you tell him how great Chase was. And still is!! in your memory.
We got a new dog really soon after Tasha's death, adopted him from the shelter, like less than 2 months, it was NOT my idea, I did not want to get to know another dog so soon...I thought I needed to devote mourning and honoring time to Tasha, and didn't want to dishonor her memory by 'replacing' her with someone else!! I was really resistant to Eddie...but now i tell Eddie every day that he is the best dog in the world and such a good boy. And I know I will have to go through with him, what you are going though with Chase, and that sucks but I can't think about it.
Last edited by VermontMom; 01-15-2017 at 09:22 AM.
My favourite dog is dying and I'm eating my feelings
It's the worst thing about our dogs, having to face in inevitable. All you can do is just keep being the most important thing in is world to him. thinking of you!! 
He left this world knowing how you loved him.
So Snoop will be basking in your love and attention while you tell him how great Chase was. And still is!! in your memory. 