Thank you for the warm welcome.

Today I met with my psychiatrist. We don't have the greatest relationship since she's pretty stuck in her ways and I'm a pretty complex case. I suffer from paradoxical reactions so I can't take most psychiatric medications without responding the opposite way. Like antidepressants make me suicidal, sleep medications keep me awake, and anxiety meds make me freak out. It sucks. So after a lot of pushing I was able to get her to look outside the box and come up with different alternatives. So now I'm taking a beta-blocker and an alpha-blocker. They are supposed to keep both my heart rate and blood pressure down to help prevent my body from having panic attacks. Worth a shot.

big :welcome: to Helianthus (though I do remember you from before, I remember your 'sunflower' name :) ) and :welcome: to LovelyLeah. LL, I hope the new meds help you! I hope both you ladies visit often! It does help to vent about whatever here, or just talk about your day, and know that someone is listening :)

Kathleen Hi!! so good to hear from you. Finger continuously crossed for your son :) and for YOU :hug: Yes we did get 14" of snow on, geez, what day was it, well a couple days ago. Regarding my eyeballs, I guess I do trust the new guy, we really are a rural state and don't have the same concentration of possibilities to get second opinions and I am going to put my trust in him/the practice. How are YOU doing, and feeling?? is the tension in your family relieved a bit? i hope so :hug:

Lisa today is your big signing day correct? best wishes and congrats!! and thank you for your always kind and caring words to me :)

Hi Coop!! we are thinking of you, worrying about your sister! Hoping so much she hears good news though it will be weeks.

Hi Monica! Oh I hope you haven't been hit too hard with the crummy white stuff from the sky :devil:

So we did get a big amount of snow the other day, Sunday into Monday. Husband ran the little electric snowthrower and I shoveled my butt off :rofl: we got it done in 2 hours! that is good, believe it or not. It wasn't heavy wet snow which was a blessing. But still alot of it. Then yesterday, before work in the morning, I took a metal pointed shovel and a snow shovel, and climbed up the 5 foot snowbanks and hacked and chopped them back..because our driveway was looking like a canyon.

Now we have MORE snow predicted, not a ton, but 3 or 4 inches today, more tomorrow, etc. So I also got to get the long snow rake and get the snow off the garage roof. At least I have the next 2 days off, and I CAN physically do this, and it counts towards my exercise! Yes. we could hire someone to plow, but we are ruggedly independent and cheap :rofl: and I am blessed that I am NOT sore afterwards and I can do it.

I have to TRY and make myself not get so frustrated at work, the Rat B@stard Boss is SO infuriating because he arbitrarily changes his procedures of operating, which throws us workers in a spin, because he contradicts what he has told us, and we are trying to follow procedure, then he comes along and does the contradictory thing in front of a customer, which makes us look like fools. Usually it's because he doesn't want the customer to have negative feelings towards him. Even to the point of, we have seen customers take multiple servings of soup or chili, eat it, then approach the counter and state they only had one serving...afterwards the RB will say "you charged him for all the extra didn't you?" and we will say NO, because we're not going to fight with a customer..and he then rants about all the money he's losing. I have told him, 'you cannot expect us to do something that YOU don't have the spine to do yourself!' :devil:

sorry for the above rant but it does help to vent doesn't it :D

Well I am going to do a dvd exercise video which I haven't done in about a week, before the snow shoveling has taken over my time, that is exercise too but I need the discipline of a dvd workout. Have a good day!!

p.s. Now when I have a long post like this, I do copy and paste it in another tab so I don't get the 'lost post' syndrome!

Is everyone else dealing with the white crap from the sky as I am? :devil: My formal exercises (dvd's, youtube) have been rudely replaced with daily shoveling, either getting rid of fresh stuff or tackling the snowbanks. I am grateful I can do it and am not sore afterwards. Hello to everyone and say Hi! :)

I hope it works out for you, Leah. Keep posting here and vent. You'll feel better.

I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have a wonderful cocktail of medicines that help me live a somewhat normal life. I HAVE to take my meds though. I cannot function with them.

So glad you are posting here with us. :)

Holly, copy and paste is absolutely the right thing to do when posting here. It has saved my butt several times.


The closing isn't until next Tuesday, Holly. I did have to stop off and sign a paper but the actual closing isn't until next week. I am excited.

I had to go to the ER this morning. I don't want to gross anyone out but I had an absess that needed emptied. It was in a very private place on my body. I was embarrassed but it needed done so I sucked it up, buttercup and went. Now I have it all bandaged up and I feel so much better.

Not much else going on here. I may go to the house on Sunday and empty more boxes.

Kathleen, I think I still need to respond to your post. I'll do it tonight.


Sorry I am not in a better mood. I am sleepy. Time for a nap.

Hi all, I haven't posted here for awhile. Anyway, I decided to give Weight Watchers another try. So far, it's going ok. I'm down 4.4lbs so far. That was over the course of 2 weeks. I am NOT happy about it whatsoever. For my size I feel like I should have lost way more. :(

Anyway, my mood has been low. I am not 100% sure why. I guess I just wish I could lose weight faster. I just have this vision of how I want to look, and the type of clothes I want to wear, and I just want it NOW. I just feel like a worthless girlfriend and mother. I just feel like I could be so much better if I was thin/skinny.

When I first did Weight Watchers for the first time 10 years ago, my heart was totally into it. I was excited, it was new, I became obsessed and passionate about it... and now it's just like "meh" to me. I hate that it's that way to me. I want it to be exciting to me. I want it to be an adventure. Maybe part of it is because we are struggling a bit financially (thank God I can even afford Weight Watchers, I was going to try on my own, I mean I did, but I NEED the actual meeting in order to be accountable). If we had more money then I could actually prep more meals and maybe have more fun with it. I don't know. :( I've just been crying almost every day. I want to be happy that I am losing weight and I can't even be happy about that... has anyone else ever felt this way?

Hi ladies, for some unknown reason I am struggling today. I am so down. I've been taking my meds so that isn't it, unless I'm going to need a change.

Jennifer left for a week, this morning. That might be part of it. I feel stuck here. If this keeps up, this upcoming week is going to drag. I wasn't going to leave the house much this week (becasue of Jennifer's new doggie) but I think after the day I've had today, I'm going to have to.

The house closing is on Tuesday afternoon so that is good but I'm wondering....Maybe, after striving so hard to get my life in order, I am going through a let down. You all know how much I have worked to move on to the next phase of my life.

Anyway, whatever is bothering me, I've not had a good day. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

Hello everyone :hug:

I've missed you all. I've been having a rough time. Fell off the weight loss wagon for a month, gained 14 whopping pounds. I've been having a hard time with the passing of my mother. Today marks 1 month since she died :(

I'm slowly doing a little better I suppose, but it's a lot of up and down. Grief is no joke :( :dizzy:

I'm back on the weight loss wagon now, have been for a few days. Trying to get myself on a bit more steady ground. I've been seeing my therapist weekly, which has been helping too.

I just wanted to check in. I hope everyone is doing well!

I'll be back soon to read up on how everyone has been doing. Much Love to you all.

Hi. My wife and I are doing weight watchers. I just wanted to say hi!

You get right back on that wagon, Jesika and go on with your journey. Do it for yourself.

Take care of yourself and continue to vent here.

Welcome to the thread. :)

:cheer::balloons::welcome::welcome3:

Hi ladies, I am feeling a little better today, not great but better.

I went to Wal-Mart and bought a cool pair of jeans, new tennis shoes and pretty blue tee shirt. I wanted to have a new outfit to wear to the closing tomorrow.

That's about it for now. Have a great Monday.

I am madder than a hornet. My sister had a month to get her stuff out of the garage of my old house. Closing is tomorrow and the buyer wants her stuff out tomorrow.

The damn garage is still full. I am so pissed. She knew this was coming and now, she's crying to me on the phone saying I'm having a panic attack.


So now, here I am calling the movers, who moved my stuff, to see if they can get her in tomorrow. Jesus Christ. I'm not sure I have ever been this pissed. I took a clonazepam to help calm me.

Lisa!! OH that sucks so much about your sister :mad: I hope so much the movers were able to get her stuff out before your closing today.

Thinking of you!! wearing your new jeans and pretty blue shirt :) and ALL best wishes and congratulations on the closing today!! :flow1:

JesikaBeth we are thinking of you too, struggling with your grief.

and Hi to everyone else.

I am fighting almost every minute trying to stay positive when all I want to do is go to bed and pull the covers up. But I have to go to work, I have to shovel, I have to spread sand so I can get out of the driveway to go to work and do a brainless job...I am sick of stuffing myself into too-small clothes because I have gained and don't want to admit it...I am having a bad case of the "I don't care if tomorrow comes or not" and I am definitely in a poopy place :rolleyes:

Hello Friends,

Holly, it is almost March, the month that perks me, and probably you, out of our winter slump. If we get snow in March, I figure, this must be the end of it, April is coming. Your job is not worthless (although your boss seems to be) you are providing a service, and I am sure you are great at what you do. I know about the too-tight clothes AHHHH! BUT, I have learned from experience, the worst thing you can do is buy bigger clothes (because it will continue, bigger and bigger - been there, done that) or possibly worse, start wearing sweats. The year I retired I donated many of my work clothes - mainly suits, some slacks and jackets, and LIVED in sweatsuits for a year - BIG (in more ways than one) MISTAKE!!!

In my opinion, you need to start treating yourself as kindly as you treat the rest of us. Come on, perk up! Spring is coming! You will be on your motorcycle and back at your other job before you know it.

Lisa, I am so sorry your sister did not empty your garage. I hope it all worked out for you.

As far as your funk, Ithink I know how you feel. Sometimes when we reach a goal there is a bit of a let down because you have been so involved in reaching that goal, that now it seems like you have nothing to do. I was living in a condo in Boston after my major break-up and needed something. I bought a lot in this new development down the Cape, and spent my time choosing styles, colors, number of rooms, etc. I was down here every weekend checking progress, working with the developer, choosing appliances, etc. and thinking about it constantly.
When the house was finished, I had that let down feeling. I used this for weekends until I took early retirement, then sold my condo and moved here year round. The first year, after I realized half the people were snow birds and went to warmer climates, or these homes were there summer homes, I had a tough time - that was the year of the sweatsuit, eating, and I must admit drinking, way too much. I had to snap myself out of it -

Kathleen, I hope everything continues going smoothly for you.

Hello to everyone else.

Hi Kathleen, it is sooooo wonderful to see you post. I miss you so much. The board isn't the same when you are busy in real life.

I am still in therapy, I go back on the 27th at 9 am. Even though I am doing pretty well handling life stuff, it's still really good for me to bounce ideas off her. She is really good for me.

You are right, I have had an incredibly busy year. Mom will be gone a year next month.

Much love to you, Kathleen.

Holly, I did the best thing tonight. After a hellish day here, I took a short nap and then went clothes shopping.
Now albeit, I just hit Wal-Mart but got 3 pair of jeans and several shirts. I also got 2 pair of tennis shoes. The ones I bought yesterday were a smidge big so I went down a half size. The jeans I bought yesterday are too small too. I've decided instead of taking them back, I'm going to keep them in the trunk of my car for emergencies.


I started having trouble with my lap top just now. I think, think, I fixed it. The cursor was jumping around all over the screen. It was awful. I took the battery out for a minute and it restarted. Man, I hope it stays ok. I was scared to death my lap top was broken.

Holly, please don't feel bad that your clothes are tight. I went up a size, I had to buy bigger jeans and shirts. When you have fat rolls, you need shirts that flow, not tight ones. I am still going to try to get my weight down again but at least, for now, I am comfortable in my new clothes.

Just remember, you are never alone. The things you feel, we do too.

Hi Monica, I made it through today. I had to spend most of it with my sister and it is so hard for me. I was drained when I came home. I still am a little bit. I find myself yelling at the pets, they are being, pardon my french, little pains in the ***, especially Lily. My fuse is short today.

You are exactly right about why I am down. I focused so much the past few months on getting my life back.
Now, I am beyond blessed. After this week, I'll be able to move into my new place. Jennifer will be home on Sunday. I'll move in on Monday morning.

That is so sad that after you moved in, you realized the people situation was not so good. How are you now? Are you able to socialize?
The little area that I am moving too, and it is small, has 20 little bars. Some you can actually get to by boat. I am excited to get out and meet people.

I know we are not in real life, but we are always, always here for you.

Hi!!! :)

Hi hiimawkard!! Again, welcome to the thread. Vent and share your thoughts here with us. We are always here to listen.



I am so emotional today, plus once again, I have a really short fuse. The neighbors must really think I'm a terrible person. Lily has been climbing above the tv, then jumping down and almost knocking the tv down. She's done it several times. She has been so bad.

I broke down and cried this morning. I called my therapist and left a message. I don't really know why I am struggling? I know I've been through a lot in the past year. This is the first time that I can remember that I don't really know what is going on with me.

I may take off, head south to Piqua, go to Claires and get my one of my ears pierced. It's closed up. I'm going to start wearing earrings again. They have to be 10 or 14 k. I can't wear cheap earrings.

I think the next few days, despite having to keep a close eye on Hank, get out of the house some. Now that I am not totally broke, I can actually afford to put some gas in my car and get out of the house.

I am new to this thread :) A little about me:

I am in my mid-thirties, newly married, no kids. Although I am maintaining an over 100 pound weight loss for about 3 years now, I am dealing with OCD (I have been diagnosed for several years), depression, and anxiety.

During and right after my weight loss my anxiety and depression was kept in check by all the new things in my life (new friends, clothes, etc.) About six months after my first year of maintenance I fell into a deep depression (which I am still in). I think the depression and anxiety comes from my current work situation and extremely low self esteem. Most of the day I feel rather hopeless, but I have been really trying and at least part of the day I can now feel a little hopeful. I am so grateful for that.

I don't have any friends except my husband. That's ok for now I think...while I am working my way through this. I dont have anyone in my life who understands what I am going through. I am hoping that I can join your community.

I am not sure if this helpful, but I forgot to mention that I have lost about 120 pounds but have regained 17 pounds last year. I have since lost three pounds. It's been a bit of a struggle. I have been going from bingeing to eating well for several weeks etc. But I am on week three of being back on track so I am happy for that.

Hi and :welcome: to Cinnamonhearts! of course you can join our little community :) wow big congrats on achieving and maintaining a 100 lb. loss!! :carrot:

Lisa, I hope you were able to get out a bit :) Is Hank Jennifer's new doggie? and I bet Lily is testing your patience :tantrum: because she's in a different place? or just being a little pain in the butt :devil: Is Elvira being a good doggie? :) Yay for your new clothes too, and you're right, that if I am wearing something that is not slightly loose, it WILL feel awful and probably look that way, lol. Hey getting to bars in a boat sounds so cool! Your new place is gonna be great. Yeah you had a VERY eventful year full of emotions and stressfull things (Mom's passing, the fire!) and hard work, I hope you get to enjoy your new life SOON

Monica
You do always have sage, calm advice for us :) Yes, Spring IS coming, even though I know we will get more snow, right now the entire driveway is clear of ice and snow :carrot: and I pat myself on the back for my efforts because I have been diligent about going out there and knocking back snowbanks which makes them melt quicker when it's mild. I don't allow myself to think of the summer job yet because then it seems so far away but yes it is coming!! my beautiful kitchen in the secluded woods and no customer handing me their apple core to get rid of :devil: and my motorcycle :D Thank you for reminding me to be as kind to myself as I try to be to others.

Hello Coop from across the pond :) I know you've been having to deal with new dietary rules, how is the g/f going? And I haven't asked about your rabbits lately, hope all is well :)

Kathleen we miss you and understand the 'all or nothing' always know that we look forward to hearing how you and your family are doing!

and Hi to everyone else :)

Hi guys! I'm just popping by to say hi to you all - I know I've been missing for a while!

Jessica - I'm still keeping you in my thoughts, I hope you are managing to get back into a routine now, and can et your weight gain under control. It's a really tough time, I know.

Lisa - what a nightmare about your sister! I can understand how p*d you must have been! I hope it's all sorted now, and you're able to get into your new place alright.

Holly are you seeing the signs of the end of winter yet? Still a long way to go here, but I love how much longer our days have gotten - our shortest day has about 6 hours of daylight, but we are up to about 9 now. It makes such a difference! We're not totally gluten free yet, OH has to keep eating gluten until he has a biopsy - it's just one final check to make sure he didn't have a false positive blood test. My diet is going awful now though - we've got a 6 month period where he can eat foods he'll never be able to eat again (and all bad things like Krispy Kremes), so you can imagine we've been a little nuts. I can't sit and watch him eat these things without having one myself!

Monica, thanks for your story about your friend's father and neighbour. Wow, I would be p*d if my dad had moved on after a week!

I hope I haven't given the wrong impression to you all that I want my Dad to be lonely. I guess the thing that stings is just that my dad was never very present in our lives - he lived with us, but never spent much time with us. My mum often felt very lonely, because he would spend about 10 minutes a day talking to her and they'd maybe go our for a coffee at the weekend. It stings to see him spending a whole weekend quite happily with someone else, we can't help feeling he's probably spent more time with her in the last year than he did with mum in her last 5... I actually looked back through my phone to see the last time he texted me to see how I was getting on - it was last August! But he was texting her the whole weekend I was there. The last time he called for a chat was September (when my sister reminded him he'd forgotten my birthday). Equally, I moved South for 3 years, and he was never able to visit me, even when he was passing within 50 miles, but he was able to go visit this lady's son when he was around 50 miles away for a convention. It doesn't feel fair...

I hope I don't give the impression I wish he was single and lonely - I just always thought he was alone by choice... But I thought I'd better explain why I was so hurt/angry about it all!

Not much else to report here. No news yet on my sister.

Holly, hi sweetie, it's soooo good to see you. Yes, Hank is Jennifer's 12 year old blind Beagle. He's a treat, very sweet. He's pretty independent, snoops though the house a lot. He loves to simply walk around sniffing the floor.
Not sure why Lily is being a little ****? We are still living at Jennifer's so it's nothing to do with the place being new. My spray water bottle is almost empty, I've been spraying the **** out of her.
Elvira is fine. Hank keeps smellling her butt and that makes her mad. Sometimes, he'll sniff around the room trying to find her. It's kinda funny.

My mood is a little better today. Not great but ok.

Me too, Holly, I hope I get to enjoy my life soon.

How are you feeling? Are you overdoing your exercise? Exercise is wonderful, just know you are a fantastic person no matter if your clothes are tight or not. We love you to pieces.

I have never, in my entire life, been so upset, Coop. Thanks to me, everything is ok now but I actually had to spend time with my sister. She is a huge trigger for me. She cries, she's upset, she blames other people, usually me, for crap that happens in real life. I actually hate being in her presence. I was a mess when I got home that night and the next day tool. I don't take **** from her anymore, I just don't care.

Wow, no wonder you are upset about your dad dating. If he was not a consistent presence in your life, that explains everything. I'd be upset too. He sounds selfish. Please vent whenver you need to, Coop. We will always be here for you.

Congrats on getting back on track. That says a lot about your, your strength. I have not been eating good lately, at all. I need to go grocery shopping and get myself back on track.

Welcome to the thread. :)

So, I really, really need to come here every day. I've been doing so poorly this past week. I haven't exercised at all, I've been binging left and right (I feel so awful from the amount of salt I've eaten), and I've been bouncing between depressed, crying on the floor/in bed, to squealing out of joy and bouncing off the walls. I think it has a lot to do with the freedom I feel when I'm home alone- knowing there is absolutely no one around can melt my anxiety away (or it sometimes makes me lonely), and partly has to do with how poorly I've been eating (lots of refined foods and sugars). I've also been so unproductive. It's difficult for me to paint here since I don't have a good place to work, but I still can read or draw. Yet, I've done none of that. I really need to start mediating and find some peace of mind.

Some good news - I have a job interview next Wednesday, so fingers crossed! It's just a Summer position, but it will be perfect if get into graduate school. I really need to move out of parents' before I lose my mind!

Yesterday and last night were really tough for me. I think a lot of it comes from having a cold which makes me more vulnerable. Last night my husband took it really personally that I could hardly look at him. I was having extreme sensory overload and my mind was just zoning out. The lights felt too bright, the dishwasher was running, the TV show was too loud, plus it was a sitcom which the laugh track adds another layer of noise and the flashing lights as scenes quickly change. Our apartment is tiny so it's hard to escape those sort of things but it wouldn't even matter if I could. My mind just shuts down and I don't even know how to handle things. The remote was right next to me. I could have muted the TV except brain couldn't even register that as a possibility. So when my husband came home from work he was upset because I couldn't really look away from my computer (the only static thing in front of me) or follow what he was saying. I feel really bad about it. We were able to discuss it more when we went to bed because in the dark I was able to recover more. But it still is a big issue. He recently quit his second job which was overnights. He's not used to me having bad nights because when he got home I had finally fallen to sleep or calmed down. I told him he would be seeing more pf them now that he's home. He tries but he has a hard time understanding why I'm not able to work anymore. If I get overwhelmed and panicky in my own home there's no way I would be able to handle going back to work.

Arrrrrgh!!!
 

Yay!!!
 

Guess what?!? When I went to "x" out of all of the windows I had open, there was my post on WordPad in the very last window... still there... waiting for me to find it!!! :D So I finished it, pasted it to 3 Fat Chicks, added my emojis, and here it is! :)

Hello everyone! Lots of activity here lately, which is great to see! :) I am trying Lisa's (and some others) idea of typing my post out on my WordPad and then pasting it into the 3 Fat Chicks site. Let's see if this works. I guess I will have to go back in and add emojis once I paste it to the site. You know how I LOVE my emojis!!! ;) I just hope I don't lose my post while I am adding my emojis... lol! :o That would be my luck! I've had that happen before. Anyway, it sounds like many of you are going through some challenges lately. I am encouraging you all to keep your chins up and try to think positive about yourselves and your ability to get through whatever lies ahead! I often think of all of the STRONG women in this group and keep us ALL in my prayers. I hope you can feel the strength I am sending your way! :hug:

Lisa: The nerve of your sister to leave her crap in your garage after she had a month to get it out of there! :mad: I can't blame you for being so angry! Good for you for handling the situation, although it should have been HER problem to solve. But you survived like you always do! I'm glad to hear that you have a therapy appointment coming up. Hopefully, you will get a chance to discuss some of your recent feelings of letdown and sadness with your therapist and get a professional opinion and advice. Please be patient with sweet Lily! :^: There must be a reason she is acting out. Maybe just because her Mama (Jennifer) is gone? You won't have to deal with her much longer. All of your furry friends sound so cute! I can't wait for you to get settled in your new home! So did I read that correctly that you move in this coming Monday?!? That is AWESOME!!!!! You are gonna LOVE your place at the lake... on the water!!! :D

Holly: Sorry you were feeling so down when you last posted. :( That seems pretty rare for you. I always picture you being so spunky! ;) It is okay to have a down day (or two... or three) every now and then. Just be patient with yourself and allow them. You always seem to bounce back strong! Just hearing about all of your snow shoveling wears me out! :dizzy: And you work your butt off at your job! No wonder you are exhausted sometimes and just need a break. You probably just need some "Holly time." And you deserve it! Are you still selling your mushrooms? You haven't mentioned them. And how is the monstrosity next door? :devil: You haven't mentioned it lately either. Hang in there, Holly! Warmer weather and sunny days are just around the corner!!! :sunny: Picture yourself out on your motorcycle with a big grin on your face. :scooter: :bike: It will be here before you know it! :)

Coop: Thank you for sharing more about your relationship with your dad. You certainly did not come across as out of line to me or seeming as though you wanted him to be alone or lonely. Especially given the extra information you shared, your feelings make perfect sense! I would feel extremely hurt about the whole thing, too. It is almost as if his happiness has come at your expense. :( Have you considered sharing some of your feelings about it with him... or do you not have that kind of relationship? Do you have a therapist or anyone you could talk to about the situation to get some professional advice? Of course, please feel free to vent and share here as much as you want if it helps. We care about you and your feelings. It really sounds like an unfair and unfortunate situation for you. I'm really sorry you have to go through it. :(

Cinnamonhearts: :welcome3: to the group! Of course you can join our community! :) And, yes, most or all of us can understand dealing with depression and anxiety. I also have OCD tendencies. Congratulations on your 100+ pound weight loss!!! :bravo: That is awesome! :carrot: Your regain is minor compared to what you lost. And it sounds like you are getting yourself back on track, which is terrific! We will be here cheering you on as you continue moving forward in your quest for good health and happiness! :cheer3: :cheer2:

Monica: Hello! It's always so good to hear from you! :) You have a wealth of information and experiences! Thank you for being here and sharing your wisdom with us! And I always appreciate your good wishes and prayers for me and my family. :hug:

JesikaBeth: I just wanted to say hello and let you know I am thinking about you. I hope you are coping okay with everything after losing your mom. Treat yourself kindly and be patient with yourself. Sending you big hugs and my prayers! :hug:

hiimawkward: I hope you are having some success with Weight Watchers. I tend to be the same as you described. I want immediate results. But, as you know, sustained weight loss just doesn't work that way. Try your best to be patient with the process. Your comment that you "feel like a worthless girlfriend and mother" made me sad. :( You are NOT worthless... and being thin will not automatically give you feelings of worth. I suggest trying to address that feeling of worthlessness, because that very feeling might be what is preventing you from losing the weight. You need to know that you are worthy ~ NOW ~ right where you are ~ of being healthy (thin... if that's what healthy is to you). Do you know what I am saying? Just "food" for thought. Please post when you can and give us an update.

Helianthus: So sorry you had a rough week. :( Please do come here as often as necessary to help you stay balanced. Best of luck with your job interview next Wednesday! What type of job is it? Please let us know how the interview goes!

LovelyLeah: Sorry to hear that you had a tough day and night yesterday. :( I get sensory overload sometimes, too, so I can relate to some extent. I hope you and your husband will be able to discuss everything some more and come to an understanding about things. It is so difficult and frustrating and depressing when our significant others don't understand how much we struggle with basic things just because they don't struggle like we do. Try your best to remain calm and focused and present your "case" as simply and clearly as you can. That's really all you can do. Please know that you are not alone in your overwhelm and anxiety. Many of us here deal with it daily as well. Feel free to come and vent whenever you need to. Sometimes it helps to know that someone else does understand. And we do! :hug:

IBelieveInMe2 Thanks. Last night didn't go much better when we spoke. There are a lot of other things going on in his life that have really decreased his patience. He's worn out and I'm just one more thing. I don't think he knows or means that but I can tell by what he says and how says it. This has been a really hard year for both of us. I was hospitalized four times for mental health and once for alcohol poisoning. He's seen me nearly die twice and on top of all that this is only our first year of marriage. I can't hide the "crazy" from him anymore! ;) But all of that has made him very anxious about my bad days. I completely understand that and I wish there was a way I could fix it but I can't. And even though I'm at a place where I can handle my bad days really well I also can't make any promises about the future. I've learned in the past that I'm not in control of my illness and when it decides to flip on me my brain makes decisions that the "normal" or happier me doesn't want. It's even harder for us because I've had to stop working. I'm in the process of filing for disability but that can take months or even years. Oftentimes he's very understanding and supportive. It's just times like now when he's super stressed an money is tight that it's harder for him to give me the support I need. I feel weak and needy which goes against who I used to be. I used to be a very independent, strong woman who was a hard worker and could support herself. Now I'm more often than not too afraid to leave the apartment. I can barely get groceries without having a panic attack. Meds haven't helped much and I'm in therapy twice a week. Therapy is helping, slowly. But I'm hopeful with time things will get better.

Sorry to completely unload on you.

Hi everyone - :)

YAY Kathleen that your wonderful long post was recovered!! :D :carrot:You always write such nice supportive things to all of us and that is a treasure ! Yes I have 'bounced back' from my super -blah post from the other day, I have to remember that I always eventually do feel better. I stopped selling the mushrooms after the holidays, because I was marketing them as "a holiday treat'. I have been thinking of how I can continue to sell them..I do see alot of brides now have a Woodland theme for weddings (like the pretty birchbark fondant cakes) and my mushrooms would work nicely there. I would need to re-do my packaging and text on my web page but its do-able. The darn things last FOREVER :devil: i have a big container of about 100 of them leftover and THEY STILL TASTE AND LOOK GREAT lol darn things :devil: Yes it will be motorcycle time in a matter of weeks (well maybe 6 weeks) AND the end of the winter job :carrot: Oh yes the monstrosity next door :devil:it is still monstrous, and so very close to us :(that's what people who are driving by don't actually see, I've had people come up now and say "Oh that house doesn't look so bad now, because the porch is on and it's looking nice with the siding" and I try so hard not to sound like a B :devil: when I say, "yeah..sure. Why don't you stand in our bedroom window and look out, and say that " :devil: I am still rubbing my hands together like a Super Villain when I am concocting ways of making them REGRET SO BADLY that they built so closely next to us, lied about the permits, etc. :devil:

Lisa i hope you were able to put some gas in your car and get out for a bit! Your description of Hank was so cute :D You are surely one of the big time animal lovers! We are all picturing you in your new home SOON and loving it .

Coop wow any of us would be so very upset at the behaviour of your father!! Why can't he see how unfair his actions are?? yes it seems SO disrespectful to the memory of your Mum :( He doesn't deserve to have a daughter if he can't treat her well! Sorry that sounds harsh but you know. Very difficult to say 'don't let it bother you' , all you can do is try to live your life happily without much attention from him :( The number one duty of a parent is to love and protect their child, it is a g-d shame when that is not done.

Helianthus oh yes you should definitely come here OFTEN if it helps you! You do sound as if you need to vent or have some creative outlet to help your sould, at least let us help by being your listeners :)

LovelyLeah wow what a very tough situation for you! and so much for you and your husband to go through in your first year of marriage. I hope you and your husband can get though ok. He sounds like he is doing his best and you are to, trying to cope. Best wishes!

and HI to everyone else :) :hug: I have to get ready for work now, I hope so much the skiers gave up because it was 63 yesterday!! and rained during the night. It is cold again with flurries but alot of snow is GONE and I hope I have an easy day at work!! and that maybe I can close early and get to drive home before it is totally dark, with the cataracts is is scary how hard it is to see :(

much love and hope to all!! :hug:

p.s. I hope no one is every feeling neglected, that when i do a post here, I tend to scroll back and check who has posted just recently, and address them..I hope no one ever feels ignored because i didn't list them, I just usually look to see who has written in teh most previous posts - :cool:

Vermont Mom, Lisa, and Ibelieveinme2 - thank you SO much for the warm welcome and congratulations. I am feeling excited to have joined your group.

Lisa - did you end up going out and getting your ear pierced?

Lovelyleah - I am sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed etc. I can totally relate to feeling overwhelmed at home. I have been taking baths to calm down (I find it really tires me out) and also planning small activities or outings for myself...It has helped me cope a bit.

This week was a sort of mixed bag for me. I went to the gym during the hardest part of the week (Monday to Wednesday). I ended up skipping my other gym day. I just felt so awful and hopeless Thursday/Friday. Unfortunately I tend to push my husband away when I get in this sort of state. I ended up not speaking with him for a whole day and night. I know I am just punishing myself when I act that way...he is such a happy person and has a lot of resilience. I think I take things out on him because I am frustrated that I am not as resilient. He is so forgiving however. He truly is the love of my life.

I have an appointment in a couple of weeks to talk to my employment counsellor again. It's a weird catch 22. I absolutely cannot stay at my current place of employment, but at the same time I don't have the self esteem to put myself out there and find something else. I have put off doing the activities the employment counsellor asked me to complete a few months ago. However, I am now almost done and for sure I will be done in time for the appointment. I get so afraid that I will be stuck in this job forever. I am grateful for it on a lot of ways, but it is chipping away at me every day.

I am also hoping to get a prescription for Vyvanse this week. I have been doing well following my food plan for three weeks. However, I can see myself easily going back to binge eating. Basically, I will eat well for a few weeks and then binge very badly and skip the gym for a couple weeks at a time. I have been a secret eater since I was 10 and its the most comforting thing to me when things aren't going well. I am especially "at risk" when my husband is not home because I would never want him to know how sick I am.

Work has been especially horrible...I feel like I am treated like a robot who shouldn't have opinions or thoughts. I am hoping that the prescription might help curb my desire to binge until I find a new job. I am worried about gaining even more weight over the next few months. I think a prescription would take a huge weight off my shoulders.

Normally I use my "play" money to find my binge foods...I was thinking of stopping myself at the pass by taking my money and buying some new interview clothes. And maybe a new haircut. Just like spending every last dollar so I can't go and buy snacks.

I guess overall things aren't great but there are some good things. I am proud of myself for going to the gym three times last week and for upping my cardio. I also did a lot of housework this weekend. I also found stuff for myself to do at home while my husband had to work extra this weekend.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend.

Hi ladies,

cinnamonhearts, yes, I did get both my ears pieced. They are still sore but healing. I am so sorry you are struggling. Going to the gym 3 days a week is fantastic. Exercising is huge.

I am moving today. I'm sad though. I am going to miss Ruby and Felix. I am loading my car, it's going to be really full after I'm done. I'm not taking everything today, just what I need the next couple of days.

I dread getting the cats in their carriers. It's an awful job.

Sorry, I did not do personals. I need to get off here and get going.


I'm going to be offline for a few days. I don't have internet at my new house, yet. Can someone please keep the thread going. I just love this thread so much, I don't want to lose you guys.

Much love to all.

Replying from work (which I never do!) To say Best Wishes on moving day and we will keep the thread going in your absence

Congratulations on your move Lisa!

Also, that is awesome about your ear piercings. I would like to get three (just have one in each) additional but have been putting it off.

Thanks for your encouragement about the gym. I used to go 6-7 times a week and really enjoyed it. I have never really had friends so it was nice to be around people, even if we weren't talking and just working out.

I find it is a struggle to go sometimes because I don't want to be around other people. It's weird. But I know I have to remind myself that any amount of exercise per week should be celebrated, instead of getting down on myself for just doing three days.

Tomorrow my doctor's office is back open and I am going to call to make an appointment for a Vyvanse prescription. I am over my limit stressed and with my husband being in and out over the next week I can see myself bingeing hard to ease my stress. So I am excited and hopeful.

Lisa: Thinking of you on moving day! I hope all is going well. Please post when you can and let us know how you are doing. We will do our best to keep the thread going in your absence. You just worry about taking care of YOU! :hug: I am sorry you will miss Jennifer's pets. You are taking Elvira with you, though, right? And your cat, too (sorry, I forget its name; the one who survived the fire)? I hope so, so that you will have some furry company and lovin' in your new home! :hug: Glad to hear that you did something just for you and got your ears pierced! :)

LovelyLeah: You are not unloading on me at all!!! Please feel free to vent all you want here. Trust me, I have! ;) It helps to get it out. You and your husband have been through SO MUCH in your first year of marriage. I've been hospitalized two separate times for mental health issues and I know how lousy that is. I am so sorry you have had four hospitalizations in one year... and then once for alcohol poisoning on top of that! :( You have sure been through the mill. :hug: That's good that you're in therapy twice a week. I had to do that for awhile several years ago. As you said, it slowly helps. You really have to be as patient as possible and trust the process. You said your meds don't help much. Have you considered asking your doctor to switch meds? Maybe you aren't on the right ones for you. I had to try SO many different meds before I found the right "cocktail" for me. It's just a trial and error process... as you probably know. Don't give up! It made me sad when you said you "can't hide the 'crazy' from him (your husband) anymore" :cry: although I must say there was a time I could really relate to that feeling (and still do at times). It is a very lonely place to be. Actually, our husbands sound similar in that mine can be very supportive much of the time, but then he gets frustrated and unsupportive at other times. When he is not supportive, it is SO incredibly stressful for me, as I'm sure it is for you, too. There IS hope, though, because we have been married for 23 years now!!! We have weathered SO many storms, it's not even funny! :dizzy: Do your best to be your own best advocate and your own best friend. I certainly wish you nothing but the very best! :hug: Keep on posting here! It will help! :)

Holly: So happy to hear that you have bounced back ~ as always ~ and you are feeling better. :) LOL about you rubbing your hands together like a Super Villain about the monstrosity next door! :devil: :rofl: If only you could cast an evil spell on them and make the roof cave in! :devil: I hope you find a use for those darling mushrooms of yours. They sound delicious! :T Please be careful driving! You have me worried now that you said how difficult it is to see (especially driving in the dark) with the cataracts. Can't wait until you get those eyes fixed!

Cinnamonhearts: Good for you for getting to the gym during the hardest part of the week last week! :) Sorry you felt so awful and hopeless later in the week. :( I hope you are feeling better by the time you read this! :hug: What kind of employment do you have now and what do you want to change to? Just curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I hope your employment counselor will be able to help you. What does the Vyvanse prescription do for you? Help curb the binge behavior by curbing your appetite? I feel bad that you feel you have to hide "how sick you are" from your husband. Do you have a therapist you can discuss all of this with? I hope so! I would hate for you to have to carry this all on your own. :( Please keep posting and vent all you want here. We are here to support you! :hug:

Well, the day after I last posted, the sh!t hit the fan again at my house. :( More family turmoil and it's still VERY tense around here. :cry: I absolutely HATE this atmosphere in our home!!!!! :( :mad: :cry: You would think I'd be used to it by now, but I will never get used to family tension. I hate it with a passion!!! I am SO sick and tired of this roller coaster ride we have been on for FAR TOO LONG now!!! I hope and pray things will eventually calm down and all will be fine like it usually is. But I just never know what is going to happen next. And I hate the feeling of uncertainty, too. Sorry to unload here, but I'm about ready to EXPLODE!!! :( :mad: I think I need to take my own advice and write my feelings down in a journal. I will probably do that as soon as I log off here since I have some free time right now. I also need to get some cardio in, and maybe the exercise will help my frame of mind as well. I had to cancel my last appointment with my therapist, but all was going well then and I told her I'd be fine until our March 8th appointment. (I recently backed my appointments off to every 3 weeks.) Hope I don't lose my sanity before then! :dizzy: